So much of this is about internal game and I find it helpful to see/hear what others are doing in the real world (rather than reading books about what you "should" do) so figured I'd share mine.

Before I go any further, I want to highlight that I don't say or share any of this to brag. I couldn't care less about internet points on an alt account, I just know that when I started out I had this mental image of successful guys as being very good looking, early 20s and in amazing shape.

As the title suggests, I'm 30 y.o. would maybe label myself as a 6 in my current shape. I lift and do a bit of cardio but I also go out quite a lot so I have muscles but I also have love handles and a bit of a gut - I could probably lost 10-20lbs quite comfortably tbh.

In the last 4 days I've F-closed 4 different women including a couple of first dates and a second and have a blatant offer to make it 5 from 5 tonight but I just can't be bothered, I need some damn sleep. I'll generally average about 5 tinder dates per week.

The three compliments I receive over and over again are confident, fun and funny. Exactly what I'm aiming for. It's tough if you aren't actually confident but all I did was fake it till I made it. It takes some practice to hit that balance too because too much confidence is essentially arrogance.

Matches

I'm always careful with these. While most of my friends right-swipe practically everything to play the numbers game, I'm only swiping right on people I'd be excited to match with. Yes, it reduces my match volume but if they're of no interest to me, why bother?

Intro

I'll typically do my swiping all in one batch, collect and look at my matches then leave the messages until later. No silly rules around how long to wait, I'll just get to them when I'm in the right head space.

I've experimented with a lot of different openers and weirdly enough, opening with a silly joke and immediately following with a related gif works extremely well. Easily 90%+.

It's a silly dad joke and the gif is topical, funny and kind of cute so its very easy for them to respond to either the joke or gif with minimal effort (which is important. Opening with "so what are your life's aspirations" won't get a response because that's waaay too much effort for a first message).

Conversation

I always keep it light and fun. As I've seen mentioned around this /r/, I want her to associate me with fun things. Bitching about her horrible day at work? Acknowledge it briefly like "ugh, that sucks" then move immediately on to a fun/funny topic. It's ok to have a little sympathy/empathy; we're both still humans but don't get bogged down in a long conversation about how bad her day is going - be a source of relief instead.

Along the same lines, keeping it light and fun gives you an easy in to be cheeky and test the waters on the sexual route. I don't mean "want to see a dick pic? LOL" but more like clever double entendres to gauge the response and see if she's willing to play that game early.

As with any conversation, keeping most of the focus on them makes things easy and naturally I'll get to showcase my own value along the way. I try to avoid being predictable at any stage of the process. I have a mature, driven side with a positive attitude and sometimes I'll let the conversation go down that route but then other times I'll switch it up and turn the conversation away from those safe topics and push it more sexual. I'll build trust along the way but the last thing I want to feel to her is "safe". Safe is boring.

Escalation

No hard and fast rules but generally I'll escalate within the first 10-15 messages. If she doesn't seem interesting enough to me I'll just let it fade. If she does though, I'll tell her and escalate to the phone number as some mild commitment from her side. Something like "You seem fun enough and I don't pay all that much attention to Tinder most days - why don't you txt me on **". More often than not I'll get a txt soon after saying "I seem FUN ENOUGH? :o".

Sometimes building enough trust takes time and a bit more patience, sometimes it's been a couple of days of texting on and off, other times it's less than 30 mins from match to successful escalation.

From the phone number, I already know my chances are at least 50/50 so within the first few text messages I'll then look to set up a date if it feels right. I'm always quite forward and proactive at this step. No "so would you like to set up a date some time?" but more like "I haven't been to xyz yet but it's meant to be great. Why don't we go there for abc next Wednesday night?"

Much like the initial opener where it was very easy for her to respond, I'm doing the same thing with the date invite. If she's interested, all she has to do is check if she's free and say "sure".

Date Venue

I'll match it to the personality to a certain extent but I'm generally looking for somewhere with an energetic, happy vibe that doesn't require a lot of commitment. For example, last night's was a Spanish tapas restaurant known for their range of Sangria. Lively Spanish music, happy and fun staff and with such a huge menu, also great opportunity to get the wait staff involved because they're quick to offer suggestions and they really get into it. Given the energy in the place and the fact the staff are so fun, it reflects very well on me that within minutes of sitting down, we're already having a great time and I've involved the waiter/waitress in our shenanigans and they're bringing us their recommendations from the menu. This is 90% the staff and I appreciate the hell out of them for that but it reflects well on me nonetheless.

Places I avoid on a first date are anywhere dark and/or secluded and cinemas. Going for a walk through a dark park at night with someone she's never met isn't going to be too appealing and cinemas mean you can't talk or do anything fun for at least 90mins.

The Date

Mindset is a big thing for me from here especially. I go in with the attitude that I'm going to have fun with a fellow human first and foremost. This keeps me more relaxed and sociable rather than overthinking things or "trying to be a pickup artist".

EDIT: I forgot to include here my own personal grooming and the appreciation that receives. I get a hair cut every 2 - 3 weeks so I never have that unkempt look and always shower and wash my hair before every date so I'm looking and smelling clean if nothing else. I choose to shave my chest so this is included in the pre-date routine; no awkward spiky regrowth. Clothes are always well fitted, flattering to my body shape, clean and ironed so my overall appearance is clean and crisp. Antiperspirant deodorant and a small amount of cologne so even if we're out all night, I still smell good.

Much like the text game, I'm looking to keep things light and fun. I'm looking for excitement and laughter rather than deep and meaningful. Also similar to the text game, I'll also switch up the tone of our conversations every now and then to keep it interesting and stay the hell away from that "safe" friendzone feel.

If things seem to be going well after 45mins or so I'll usually offer some kind of subtle out for an honest gauge of how she's feeling about it to make sure I'm reading it right. Last night we were done with our food and the first jug of Sangria. I know she usually sleeps earlier than me so I tilted the empty jug and said "it must be well and truly past your bed time by now!". She laughed and said "seems like it's worth a late night... want to order another jug?". Confirmation - she's as keen as I am, now just don't fuck it up.

K Close

This is a staple for me. Some time between that confirmation and the end of the night I'll be creating a situation that lends itself well to this and whether it's positive or negative, it's a result. I hate that grey area where nobody knows what's happening!

In our city, most good first date options are a short walk from the river which is quite relaxing and scenic and a good opportunity to chat. I'll do that, feel out how things are going and when we're somewhere isolated enough, I'll turn her gently, I'll lean in and go for it.

I'm yet to be turned down though this step right here is my weak point right now. I take far too long to do it. I feel like they know my confidence and intentions by this stage so they're expecting it and I just let it drag too long. Maybe I'm scared to fail, who knows.

Beyond the K Close

No magic here, I'm afraid. There are just too many variables at play to have a routine for this part. I'll test the waters a little, maybe get a bit handsy with the making out if she seems like the type and gauge the response but others just aren't down for sex on the first date so I'm ok with setting up a second date instead. Yes, I'm aware I could push through this in many cases but I choose not to. I'm not starved for sex and I'm ok with waiting until the 2nd or even 3rd date if they have me interested enough.

The Follow Up

I'll usually look to tentatively set up the next date that night and text them within the next 2 days to see how things are travelling. More often than not it's them texting me the next day which is obviously a good sign.

So feel free to critique or whatever. Maybe I'm missing some things here or overlooked stuff. This post is already way too long so I have skipped some things, hopefully you find it helpful.