How do I stop coming off as the boyfriend type?

Kingtorythegreat · 2018-07-12T17:06:50+00:00

Don't see them more than once a week.

Don't talk about your hopes and dreams.

Let them know you're not interested in a LTR

Say you have problems with commitment/ In love with a girl already....

nastyamerican · 2018-07-12T20:22:58+00:00

I used to have this problem.

Game as usual. Before you have sex for the first time. STOP. Tell them you’re not interested in an LTR. Yup, while their wet and your dick is hard. 99% of time they’ll say they aren’t either.

Also don’t hang out with them more than once a week. Ideally once every two weeks.

There’s also tons of stuff you can say or do, and shouldn’t be doing beforehand, but that would make my post too long.

One thing you shouldn’t be doing is going on long dates and paying for stuff.

Jacob_961 · 2018-07-12T18:49:30+00:00

What you are doing is fine. You either have your shit together or are generically handsome. Take it as a sign of a compliment.

Limit the amount of time you see each girl to 2 times a week at most. The rest of the time you are in meetings, working late on a project or on business travel.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-07-12T19:58:12+00:00

In addition to what others have said, James Marshall has a great talk on this subject where he goes over precisely these issues of making sure one doesn't send mixed signals or confuse things.

It's long, but good: seriously, just put it on while you do chores or something.

And if you're really pressed for time, catch this snippet where he lays out how to have The Talk with a girl to lay out that you're not available for casual.

Or just listen to the whole damn thing. :)

unclesteve_12 · 2018-07-12T22:33:24+00:00

Bro. What are you doing? Cause I have the exact opposite problem haha

Let’s compare notes.

letsgetrandy · 2018-07-12T21:15:39+00:00

It's all in how you talk and how you act.

First, if your behavior is sucking up to her in any way, stop. For reference, behave like Sean Connery's portrayal of James Bond -- always smooth, but never needy. Don't do anything that seeks approval.

And second, don't talk about things that imply any sort of qualifying. You don't care how many siblings she has. You don't care where she grew up. You are there to have fun, and fuck.... and to that end, you should just be chatting about unimportant things, maintaining humor and grace, and discussing NOTHING of any relevance to the past or the future.

Think of it like this: if you behave with her any differently than you would behave with the bartender or waitress, you're missing the point. Your job is to be fun for everyone, with no investment. Her reason for being with you is only that she gets the privilege of being the one who has most of your attention at the moment.

bobyd · 2018-07-12T20:24:17+00:00

sorry if this doesnt answer your question, isntead I want to ask you one haha

what has helped you the most at being succesful at daygame? like any recomendations on what to do or watch or read?

bolxrex · 2018-07-12T19:03:17+00:00

Manage expectations prior to sex. Be clear about your intentions about not looking for anything serious. Really this is all it is about. You might lose out on some opportunities but then again those opportunities would have come back to this same point of the girl expecting more and developing feelings.

NeverLace · 2018-07-12T22:57:47+00:00

2 times a week is most. Also, ask her to leave/ leave yourself after sex. Post-sex cuddles = boyfriend vibe.

But then again women are hypergamous and if they think you're the best they can get at the moment they probably want a relationship with you.

Scherzkeks · 2018-07-13T02:43:29+00:00

I used to have the same problem. I just eventually gave up and got married. Worked out great.

fourthwallmotionless · 2018-07-13T04:57:18+00:00

Maybe if you stop paying for everything and not returning calls/text. Stop agreeing with her all the time and never complement her.EVER. Try doing that in any order and see the results

Greek-God-Brody · 2018-07-13T05:30:17+00:00

Just run asshole game, bro.

eyesopen1111 · 2018-07-13T07:35:06+00:00

Basically, say something like this: "When it comes to relationships, right now I’m super focused on work/school/building my future. Don’t get me wrong, I still am going to hang out with interesting people, go places, and maybe have some sex, but serious relationships are not where I am right now."

I also would say no more than one or two nights a week with the same girl. One is safer for beginners.

SuperSilver89 · 2018-07-12T18:03:30+00:00

Remain playfully cocky the entire time you're with her. Be very confident. Lots of physical contact, even non sexual. Make sure she is laughing the entire time, not listening and smiling. Listening and smiling is what makes them like you as a boyfriend. Laughing and playfully punching you is them wanting you to fuck. Pass all her shit tests on your masculinity, and make sure you give her a hard time as well. I like to portray this image that I am gods gift to women. Make sure she is aware of your extensive sexual experience. Let her know you will be in control during sex. Always steer the convo toward sex. Be dominant and remain in control. Make her believe you are more than willing to walk away, and have plenty of options on the table. If she asks if you're seeing anyone else, don't flat out say Yes or No. Be vague. Tell her "A wise man once told me - don't ask questions you don't want the answer to" and laugh it off. Keep her guessing.

Eventually this game will run its course on its own, as they eventually don't feel any love or affection from you. If you just want a few shags, that's fine. If you want a proper fuck buddy, you will need to employ some further strategy. Learn when to realise just before they begin showing signs of disinterest (this takes experience I'm afraid). Drip feed them attention. Chase them a little. You can be a little more emotive with your conversations, a bit more kissy and cuddly during and after sex. Watch the signs - when she starts blowing up your phone again - repeat this process from the beginning.

It also helps to be a fucking animal in bed. If you can't give her orgasms - even this advice won't help you. Great sex is a requirement for Casual Relationships I'm afraid.

Edit = don't text or meet often. Once a week max. I regularly spend nights - others advise against it but it works for me and they respond positively. (it is pure sex though, not much sleeping lol). When you do text, it is either to meet up or you're teasing her. No convos about your days at work.

PotLimitOmaha · 2018-07-12T18:39:14+00:00

What type of dates are you taking them on? Would you say the dates have a "relationship"/intimate vibe or a fun casual vibe? You could also invite a girl you're talking to to come out with her girlfriends to a bar to meet up with you and your guy friends. That way it's not really a date but you can still try and close. There's that underlying premise of casualty.

19throw_away94 · 2018-07-12T23:52:16+00:00

I kinda wish I had this problem? Hahaha

txroller · 2018-07-12T23:58:14+00:00

be upfront that you are Not monogamous and you would aprreciated it i they respected you for who you are Say your poly (even look it up)

natedogg96 · 2018-07-13T00:23:46+00:00

i wish i had the same problem as guy, haha usually the opposite happens to me i.e they dont want anything serious

evan1932 · 2018-07-13T02:15:23+00:00

It's possible that they may be confused about your intentions/desires of wanting something casual when they're looking for an actual relationship. If that's the case, try to be more direct about what you want. In other words, avoid going boyfriend-mode when you're with them. The earlier you can establish these terms, the less you will have to worry about situations like these.

heathcliff93 · 2018-07-13T02:30:53+00:00

Sigh, I have the opposite problem of yours.

noprideinsomniac95 · 2018-07-13T15:43:27+00:00

I'm kind of struggling with this as well, though with admittedly less success than you are. My problem is, and I think it might be yours too, is that I wasn't showing them that I want nothing more. When I meet girls, primarily online, id quickly decide if they were in the "possible girlfriend" pile or the "hookup" piles, yet I approached them the same way- ask for coffee, not really escalate too soon, talk about my personal life, deep shit, stuff like that.

I think I'm going to get around it two ways- first I'm going to ask them explicitly what they're looking for, and if I'm not interested in anything more than rubbing meat with them I'll avoid wasting our time if they want anything more. Being that I'm a bumbling social fool, I think in my case, the explicitness is necessary, though it sounds like you've got some finesse and you might not need to. Secondly, I'm going to work up on the escalation. I've always been horrible with that.

Buullred · 2018-07-13T12:40:48+00:00

It's honestly not a big problem for you that the girl misunderstand you after you've had sex. They might only go for you because they expect more so it can honestly be a great thing. That said if you're seen as edgy then they will more likely put you in the player category rather than bf and not expect much from you.

xonradical · 2018-07-12T17:37:32+00:00

As bob Marley said “there is no greater coward than one who awakens a woman’s love with no intention of returning it”

Ysmir_ · 2018-07-12T20:55:51+00:00

Veganpuncher · 2018-07-12T19:47:21+00:00

Don't pick up girls in whom you are not interested. Being a BF can be loads of fun. Have a BF 'list' of things you want to do: go surfing at Maui, do a winery tour of South Australia, skate down a local hill at night, break into an ice cream shop and steal a tub of your favourite mix.

Life is different with a GF. You never know, you might like her. If you have to break it off, make sure she sees it coming and you are straightforward and honest.

Viddywellmyfriend · 2018-07-13T03:37:30+00:00

Dude sorry but you're only being a narcissistic asshole here

doggtagzz · 2018-07-12T22:33:38+00:00

Hey OP, I need some good conversation topics especially when you start talking to a woman. Nothing crazy but good.

Title	How do I stop coming off as the boyfriend type?
Author	zuixihuan
Upvotes	147
Comments	77
Date	July 12, 2018 4:50 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8ybgt6/how_do_i_stop_coming_off_as_the_boyfriend_type/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-stop-coming-off-as-the-boyfriend-type.1449801 https://theredarchive.com/post/1449801

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