How do I stop getting attracted to every girl I see or meet?

Brawhalla_ · 2020-08-06T14:23:36+00:00

Usually a tendency to fall for every girl you meet or develop any bit of a relationship with stems from a lack of self confidence, and a desperation (strong word there, but you get what I mean) for a relationship.

Like most struggles with self confidence and desires for relationship, the solution to this is making the difficult realization that a relationship won't build your confidence or solve all your problems like it may seem. It adds additional problems, and can sometimes even make people less confident due to not feeling worthy.

Place your focus and effort on yourself, bettering yourself to try and become confident and happy with who you are as a person. When you shift the focus away from getting a relationship, that's when the relationships and connections with girls become so much easier.

It's also possible, if you watch porn or romanticize the idea of sex/relationships, that you're just carrying some underlying ideas regarding relationships that can be unhealthy. If you find the aforementioned strategy not working, a break from porn/masturbation may give you the level headed clarity you need to stop feeling so drawn to relationships or attraction.

therussianorphan · 2020-08-06T16:20:20+00:00

Its okay to feel attracted to someone that you see. That’s inherently a human quality. That happens.

What you have to do is stop yourself and just relax. You don’t NEED to talk to this girl. With girls you don’t NEED anything unless you are seriously involved with one another and are in a committed relationship.

When you see a girl that you are attracted to and feel this need, take about 20 seconds to stop, understand why you feel this way, and snap yourself out of it.

You have no idea what kind of person she is or what she stands for, values, etc. Don’t get too ahead of yourself. What she shows superficially might not be the person she is on the inside.

To continue with this, I always like to slow down and assess whether this girl actually shows some potential in what I want for a mate.

Some of my values and tastes are: open-mindedness, love of art, literature, music, film, etc, vegetarianism, math and science, intellectual pursuits in general, and exploring the world and cultures by traveling and learning, and A keen fashion sense.

Sometimes you can tell (this is only sometimes) some of a girl’s tastes and values superficially and you can decide whether this person is interesting enough to talk to and worth your time. This should be done in person if you have never met her before. If you have met her before and have some rapport, you can message her online.

When talking to a girl, remember that she is a human being. She has smelly shits and has B.O. sometimes, and she has some faults in her personality. Don’t put her on a pedestal. Whenever you feel needy or need to put her on a pedestal, slow down yourself and relax. In general, take it easy. Get to know her and gauge the situation. If she seems interested, keep going and if its starting to dry up or she isn’t interested, leave her alone and move on.

I hope this helps fam.

paulk1 · 2020-08-06T16:49:08+00:00

it comes from having this 'general' image of girls. If you get to know more girls at a deeper level (say, by having more female friends), you might start to notice all the bad things about them. That way, you won't put them on a pedestal.

For example, I would think any girl that posts bikini pictures on social media was out of my league and the ideal gf. Then i realized that if I was going to be with her, I'd probably have to take all those photos and never just enjoy the sunshine. I'd probably have to take multiple and have to help her decide what the best was. Probably have to hear about which of her friends didn't like the photo and how bitchy they are ... all of a sudden, I'm not THAT attracted to her anymore.

FrankenBeanTheGreat · 2020-08-06T14:16:45+00:00

This sort of thing kind of suggests a desperate lack of intimacy in your life, like you lack deep and meaningful relationships in your life and so you have come to rely entirely on base level physical attraction to get a release of endorphins. Basically, focus on deepening and expanding your existing friend circle, maybe talk to a therapist as well just to make sure your feelings aren't accidentally being expressed noticeably in a way that might ruin your chances of developing relationships. Maybe if it feels right to you, try a FWB site so that you can relieve some pent up sexual tension with people who are legit also interested in just that and use that as a platform to develop skills of toning down your approach

undextrois · 2020-08-06T16:15:37+00:00

get laid many times until you are drained

Karmacosmik · 2020-08-06T17:30:27+00:00

Start doing something you have never done before. Go to a martial arts school or learn some new skills. Anything that will make you a better person and will switch your attention from looking for a relationship.

enrobriaffej · 2020-08-06T17:13:21+00:00

The few older guys (60+) I’ve asked said it never really goes away

...so there’s no hope :)

nbayoungboylover · 2020-08-06T14:17:04+00:00

Beat ya meat. After post nut clarity hits, you’ll hate em all anyway lol.

dambachern · 2020-08-06T16:35:15+00:00

Start talking to people, asking people out, flirting. Make this kind of thing a normal, regular practice and you will feel less needy.

2020-08-06T17:04:11+00:00

Get on your shit bruv🔥💯

RB210 · 2020-08-06T17:32:28+00:00

Read (or listen to) Models by Mark Manson ASAP!!

I’m not kidding. He is the Brené Brown for men. You will learn a shit load about yourself, your motivations and intentions. It will make you a better version of you.

SpaxsonEpicNoob · 2020-08-06T16:27:15+00:00

Watch any of Darius M's videos on YT. I've been binging his videos non stop for the past week or two, and mentally I've now removed women from the pedestal I spent the last 21 years putting them on.

Jordan-Wolf · 2020-08-06T22:48:22+00:00

Forget all these beta comments, your a man that is attracted to woman. Biologically men are wired to want to fuck and procreate anything in sight. We are however not monkeys anymore, so you need to chill out and distinguish between sexual desire and actual love and manage your emotions

Max-hex · 2020-08-06T14:21:14+00:00

Spin plates.

2020-08-06T17:40:39+00:00

talk to them, usually works for me

BohemianSexHippie · 2020-08-06T17:15:48+00:00

When you figure it out, let me know!

jpjohnny · 2020-08-06T17:22:37+00:00

Natural attraction to the feminine. Suggest you read The Way of the Superior Man

leilacarpenter10 · 2020-08-06T17:40:34+00:00

i agree if you keep busy with things that interest you this won't likely happen so much if at all. If though you find it hard to focus on relationships with people i.e. you get caught up in the stuff you do to such a degree you can't focus on people or, you just can't do both easily, then you may find you start to over focus on people because you're not doing your thing and then you can start getting needy because you're not focusing on your stuff. :) That's what happens with me anyway.

hangrycheeto · 2020-08-06T18:09:49+00:00

Every girl you’ve ever meet also takes nasty shits. You, the girl next door, the hottest woman you think exists takes nasty shits. Take em off the pedestal.

MyAssHasTeeth · 2020-08-06T18:27:26+00:00

Read or hear through Audible the book Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson. That will help you overcome your neediness and in return you might see those same girls paying attention to you.

jawnzoo · 2020-08-06T20:30:07+00:00

abundance mentality

2020-08-06T20:49:44+00:00

Imagine her getting a facial from your highschool bully. She's nothing special

eightbic · 2020-08-06T23:10:44+00:00

You’re looking for validation. You have to have the inner strength to know you’re a good dude. If you’re not a good dude, prove it to yourself you’re a good dude by doing good dude things, my good dude.

SomeoneJustLied · 2020-08-06T23:13:23+00:00

It’s pretty easy once you learn 90% of them are awful people.

iamozone206 · 2020-08-06T23:29:55+00:00

Imagine her having major diarrhea and vomiting at the same time.

justmuro · 2020-08-07T00:24:47+00:00

I’m sure everyone’s addressed this already. It comes from the lack of abundance. The idea of a female spending time with you is what you love. Your insecurities are distracted when a girl smiles at you.

Deal with your shit and grow as a man. Talk to lots of girls then you’ll realize how few of them you actually vibe with rather than your penis thinking and wanting to bone everyone. I used to be like you until I talked to enough girls to realize “shit what’s this girl have to offer as a human being and deserve my attention/respect”. It all comes from a lack of abundance.

DotishGuy · 2020-08-07T01:45:51+00:00

She's just another human who poops. Talk to her as you would any random dude you're trying to pull small talk with. Only you're trying to fuck the dude.

Hope this helps somehow.

Handle-me-timber · 2020-08-07T02:16:54+00:00

It’s okay to be attracted to a lot of girls. You just have to disassociate attachment and attraction. If you become attached to every girl you have some work to do.

yurifca · 2020-08-06T15:42:42+00:00

This is a form of neediness. You need a gf

Ghosty_Guy3 · 2020-08-06T19:55:06+00:00

You stop following these college sluts and stop liking the pics

DoctaNofuchsgiveth · 2020-08-06T14:09:07+00:00

Assume that 9/10 times they likely got a bf who’s tall enough to play for the NBA but ripped enough to be a bodybuilder and crazy enough to fight you and throw you into an active volcano

jotitaaaaa · 2020-08-06T19:48:49+00:00

Set a standard for yourself man. In other words, pick your dream girl and tell urself that looks wise you will only marry one like her, every other girl is just practice. Worked for me, im married and my wife is exactly what i set my standard as

c0alminer · 2020-08-06T16:12:10+00:00

read this guide on reddit r/seduction

manohar561 · 2020-08-06T16:53:30+00:00

Change your perception about your belief that every girl is ready to have relationship with its okay to feel attracted because we are biological but I would recommend to see everyone like humans not with male or female build attractiveness and love yourself

thebochman · 2020-08-06T17:42:35+00:00

eventually you'll get more experience and become more jaded and not care as much, sad but true

Joshd_47 · 2020-08-06T17:58:33+00:00

Heal the inner child!

goron24 · 2020-08-06T18:03:19+00:00

Have standards.

dumpsterjuice69 · 2020-08-06T18:47:15+00:00

Just jerk off real quick. Boom.

ladyjane711 · 2020-08-06T18:55:07+00:00

The answer probably lies in some key words you wrote: “needy” and “desperate”. I can’t be sure, but maybe more ideal feelings would be towards the middle on a spectrum. Some (rhetorical) questions might surround what’s missing in your current life w/o a partner or what you feel deep down that they can give you. You want to be centered enough to give yourself that without depending on someone else for it (that doesn’t mean going to the extreme of not needing/wanting others at all). If you think it’s tied to something big that would be hard to work on alone, counseling is one option, as are self-help books. But maybe it’s not that deep. Only you know.

2020-08-06T19:17:12+00:00

When you stop putting them on a pedestal.

John1967miller · 2020-08-06T19:18:01+00:00

It sounds to me like you crave attention. After you find that a person returns your interest, you feel an ego boost? Do you become bored quickly with that person, and begin seeking the next person? If so maybe you need to do some soul searching and find out what you are unhappy with concerning yourself. You may find when you become more content with who you are you won't be attracted to every girl and start looking for the right girl.

miyagikai91 · 2020-08-06T19:19:08+00:00

You’re not into them, but the idea that they can fill a void in your heart/soul.

You need to take care of your own needs. It’s okay to pursue chicks, but they’ll never be responsible for making you a better person. That’s always on you.

Transcendent04 · 2020-08-06T21:26:53+00:00

Surprised no one here mentioned Sexual Addiction, watch a video by Dr Patrick Carnes or read one of his books it could explain a lot to you or it might not.

lelucif · 2020-08-06T22:19:55+00:00

How’s your relationship with your mother?

BigboyGutz · 2020-08-06T22:20:25+00:00

U horny

AwesomeReptil · 2020-08-06T22:58:22+00:00

Chop off your cock

2020-08-06T23:08:27+00:00

Cut off of your dick.

-TreeBeard · 2020-08-06T23:32:24+00:00

Mental fortitude, go learn about and read 75hard. Just finished reading it, starting to read it again. Day 1 starts now.

pinkypie24 · 2020-08-07T00:42:49+00:00

Your self awareness is really going to help you in your journal. I know a lot of my growth came from true investment in myself. therapy, group therapy, getting reiki/feeding my spiritual needs, picking up new hobbies, spending time outside. I know this is cliche AF but it’s cliche because it truly makes a difference.

sigma_1234 · 2020-08-07T01:20:23+00:00

Talk to more girls

2020-08-07T04:55:01+00:00

This can be real hard work, however only you allow yourself to fall in to this trap, so really its you way of thinking, however stamping it out is a dangerous road to travel. Once i hit my late 30's i really believed why i am in the situation i am now, which is women have no interest, once i realized that then my mind and body followed, to mean i did find myself "wanting" them as they didnt want me.

The issue with this is it means you have LOADS of time in your life with no goal, you need to find a new goal (which takes more mind control) and believe you can achieve it.

ld20r · 2020-08-07T12:21:44+00:00

First off, don’t deny your feelings. Human beings are born to want compassion and intimacy. What’s not normal is when that desire consumes you’re entire life so much that you become overwhelmed and helpless to any form of critical thinking or evaluation and ultimately get swept away in a tsunami of emotion leaving any kind of life productivity dead in its wake.

Live life with the intention of making it the best it possibly can for you and and when others see you thriving in what you love, they will naturally want to be around you. Not everyone, but the right ones will. Humans are attracted to positivity and the more of a happy environment you create for yourself, the more opportunity that will lead for others wanting to be apart of.

Figure out exactly what you want out of life and you’ll figure out exactly what you want out of people. Build it and they will come.

Bluejay-Delicious · 2020-08-07T12:43:09+00:00

attractiveness especially for men comes first and foremost from the girls appearance. There are plenty of cute looking chicks out there, especially with the evolution of fashion and make-up stuff it is easy to be attracted to plenty of chicks even in a single day-walk. If u are about social media is even easier since they use many filters and stuff even photoshop thus what u see as nicely fake(sometimes). Biologically you are made to feel like that and ofc have more than that with women so going talking to them is more than welcoming as it will increase ur confidence - ur social interactions and you will learn to accept diversity via the form of rejection. Ofc the more u do that the more dates u will stack and live some nice experiences with some of those chicks. BUT that is only words for if u do nothing about ur eagerness to talk to these chicks u will end up woth minimal confidence and social interactions - scrolling through fb,insta, tinder,etc. trying to go out with imaginary friends and fap here and there dueing the process... (thats what i believe at least).

2020-08-07T17:07:51+00:00

Chemical castration maybe. Seriously though the only thing that has ever worked for me in high school and college was when I was in a relationship with a girl and it was going well. Aside from that high school and college sucked because I could never pay attention. Not when the perfect 10 in shorts that were so short that I could practically see her panties was sitting in the next row over. Big reason that I think that boys and girls should not go to the same school.

Probably would have been much more tolerable if I had known game back then but at that time in my life I was hopeless when it came to talking to girls. I

It sounds like you are suffering from a lack of abundance. Since you are not having success with women it makes you think about it all the time. The only solution to this problem is to master game and put yourself in a situation where you have abundance instead of scarcity.

You need to put real focused effort into it. Read everything you can get on pickup. Start going to the gym religiously. Join MMA. If you are awkward at talking to girls you like then you need to get comfortable with that by putting yourself in social situations. Take an improve class or join a mixed sports team. Something where you will be put in situations where you will have to talk to women you don't know.

I wouldn't try picking any woman up in these places, not unless they make it obvious they are interested, but just focus on being able to have a regular conversation. The goal is to reduce your fear of striking up conversations with random women.

thedessertplanet · 2020-08-07T23:38:25+00:00

Might be an age thing?

manonpoint_com · 2020-08-08T00:24:10+00:00

By getting women. Once you start actually getting women, this feeling greatly diminishes.

Notarobotss · 2020-08-08T06:34:45+00:00

flasher alert !

throwawayjp2025 · 2020-08-06T14:27:48+00:00

Stop the car. Your post just described me with my last crush.

aiden2kluvyou · 2020-08-07T01:06:46+00:00

At least you know ur not gay

Title	How do I stop getting attracted to every girl I see or meet?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	577
Comments	131
Date	August 6, 2020 2:06 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/i4sep4/how_do_i_stop_getting_attracted_to_every_girl_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-stop-getting-attracted-to-every-girl-i.1499939 https://theredarchive.com/post/1499939

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