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[–][deleted] 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
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[–]TheDevilPutD 74 points75 points76 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
That's part of the problem of attaching your self worth to external factors. Many think if I only get a hot chick my life will turn around and I will be happy and confident. And when you do and you get a temporary high but eventually still feel like shit. It's like an addiction cycle.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Schroef 48 points49 points50 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
"vulnerable"
And that’s because, if you haven’t tackled the underlying issues, you’re not being “vulnerable”, you’re being “insecure”.
You can be vulnerable, and still be confident and decisive. You can CRY and still exude strength and confidence.
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Exactly this. It's the guys who are not strong enough to be vulnerable that will stay insecure. Vulnerability takes strength.
Nothing makes you more vulnerable than taking a good honest look at the baggage you've been carrying all these years and the stuff that you pushed down because it was too hard to deal with. And the blockages you now have as a result. And how they control you.
That's where the true courage and strength lies, and if that involves bawling your eyes out you're still ten times the man who will die having never summoned the strength to go down that path.
[+]Itsametoad -8 points-7 points-6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I feel like I'd rather die having never summoned the strength to go down that path, seems like a waste of time to me
[–]Schroef 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why does it seem like a waste?
[–]Sunlitstream264 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great point
[–]Itsametoad 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I mean isnt that how life works though? We're all doing things to feel better for a minute, but I doubt that there are people out there that live completely happy lives
[–]TheDevilPutD 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No, no one is happy all the time. This isn't about happiness per se. it's about not tying your inner self worth to outside factors. If you do so, you are always at the mercy of others and that is weakness.
[–]benerdelyi 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well said!
One thing I have found is that if you cannot afford therapy at the moment...
A great way around it is having a confidant.
This can be your best friend or anyone close to you.
And you can have chats regularly with this person where you're not trying to solve any problems, you just talk about shit that makes you guys stressed.
And you just listen.
And try to understand each other.
You'll be amazed at how powerful this is.
[–]Ganjavala 50 points51 points52 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
OP, solid post, one of the best things I've read all year right in this post n it's the truth. "Tend your garden and the butterflies will come" don't know if that's the actual saying lol. But that's basically it, better yourself and feel good about yourself for YOURSELF, everything else will fall into place. And that doesn't only mean women, but success in your overall life.
Stay keeping it real
[–]TheDevilPutD 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You got it.
[–]earsurgery9 53 points54 points55 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
you're right about how it's silly for guys to be thinking it was that they didn't say good enough stuff, or that their opener was bad or their body langauge wasn't perfect etc, and that's why she ignored him/told him she wasn't interested
We don't care if some hot girl isn't saying brilliant stuff or has less than perfect body langauge.
Neither do girls.
What i'm saying is that this is all super simple: If she likes how you look, you just need to not completely weird her out, and be able to lead the interaction towards sex (that's where 'game' comes in - in helping you to bang teh girls who are into you....not in somehow making them into you lol. That's about as possible as some ugly girl using pushpull etc on you and making you want to bang her)
It's a numbers game at every 'skill level' - embrace that
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]thebadsleepwell00 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Nah, good looks help with getting your foot through the door but doesn't mean much in the long term. I've met handsome men who have no game.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]thebadsleepwell00 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Idk I see unattractive people with terrible personalities who have ton of hookups or one relationship after another. Ultimately it's about what you want, your standards, your values, your humor, etc. I'm a decently attractive woman yet I'm perpetually single (my standards are admittedly a bit high).
I know BEAUTIFUL women dating or married to men who would be considered leagues below them by others.
Not saying looks don't matter or that "good-looking privilege" doesn't exist, but it's overemphasized.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DrissDeu 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gotta agree with that. Our society has morphed the internet into this hypernormalisation where looks and fake reality (where everything is perfect) are all that matter. Yeah you could argue that it's a numbers game and you will eventually find someone who wants to spend time with you, but based on my experience, if you have standards, most of the time you won't pursue that opportunity.
So instead of blaming how our society and reality works (even though it's important) we just have to accept and embrace this universal unfairness. Since I don't give a fuck and work out (I already wore nice clothes) girls look at me more. Life's unfair and so we are. We also reject (most of the time) ugly girls 'cause we're not attracted to them, and that's fine.
Game is nice if you want to guarantee the date, while looks are your absolute key.
[–]thebeastkritik 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
that's so me!
[–]Willing-Chair 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
"The truth is very different. Women like to chase. Women consider men the prize. Go to any mall or downtown shopping area. I bet you the stores with women's clothes, shoes, lingerie, asshole bleaching, pussy waxing, hair extensions, butt lifts, fake tits, lip injections etc outnumber the stores that cater to guys like 20 to 1. If women have all the fucking power, why would they subject themselves to all this torture of high heels, make up, liposuction, fake body parts and so on and so forth? If they had all the power, they could get laid with one tenth of the work they put into themselves."
Have to disagree with you here. The reason there are more stores catering to women is because for a woman, her looks are her most powerful weapon, so why wouldn't she put the effort into sharpening her number one sword?
For a man, having status in society is more important than being beautiful, so of course there are not going to be the same number of stores selling makeup and hair products to men but men are going to outnumber women when it comes to CEOs and wealthy businessmen.
And women are the prize. Why? Supply and demand. Young, fertile women are always in short supply compared to the much larger amount of men that would like to have them. Whether women like to chase men is irrelevant because there are always going to be more men chasing women.
[–]TheDevilPutD 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You do you, but if you want to be petty about it there are more vaginas in existence out there than penises and that is a fact.
[–]Vagabond_Girl 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
There’s different sites that say otherwise. They state that there are more men than women. But that doesn’t matter too much right now because there’s a roughly balanced ratio. Also, thinking of yourself as the prize is a pompous trait, whether you’re a man or woman. You can have a healthy amount of self esteem and know what you want, but it doesn’t mean you’re thinking of yourself as a prize. People are different tho, if you want to think of dating as a competition, then go for it, but it doesn’t have to be that way either.
[+]TheDevilPutD -10 points-9 points-8 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Well it's a good thing that a woman can take on two guys at a time, so all the ratio problems are solved. You just need more MFM threesomes.
Dating is a competition. We all compete on the sexual marketplace like it or not.
[–]Vagabond_Girl 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well that was just plain sexist and rude lol...from a woman, I hope that guys don’t take all of your advice at face value here.
[–]Capital-Ad-6259 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree with you 100%
[–]kennykoe 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Speaking logically. there would be more men seeking women than women seeking men, because women are only fertile for a while, while men are always fertile and desire younger women. Women pass the age of fertility are also assumed taken.
You quickly run into a situation where a 20, 25, 30 and 50yr old guys are all competing for one 21yr old woman. The opposite exists but in my experience much rarer.
[–]TheDevilPutD 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol hope that big brain of yours is helping you get laid.
[–]Gaydame 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
This is a great post with a lot of wisdom. Listen to it, youngsters.
On the other hand, I think there's a lot to be said for just fucking a lot of women when you're young (even if it's for bad reasons), because once you've done every kind of girl every which way, you end up just wanting someone nice, you can get along with, respect and share affection with. All these "hot" girls become uninteresting if they can't offer you the other qualities!
So the guys may have it all wrong, but it's all part of the process, and I think this whole seduction thing is its own rite of passage
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No "nice girl" wants a used up slut though.
[–]TheDevilPutD 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Lol you are so wrong
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
carry on then
Actually a steady paycheck and a good credit score become super important as well.
[–]not_so_high 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
In short, don't be a simp.
[–]kennykoe 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In short, don't be a cuck
[–]erect_sean 18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Loving the clickbait title lol.
This isn’t new advice posted here but bears repeating especially the part about beliefs. Many guys have low self worth and don’t really know what to do about it. Therapy is one way, books are another.
[–]kaz784 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Super interesting post, thanks
[–]bugxter 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm not saying you're wrong but there's nothing in your post that isn't posted every week on this sub, so I don't get where the "you guys got it all wrong" comes from.
[–]TheDevilPutD 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I've been at this for a long time. I can spot the self defeating attitudes from miles when I read most posts here. Again, 99% of everything written is from the perspective of "guys have to impress women in order to have a chance with them". It's totally the wrong way to look at the world.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
You said women want a man that has survival skills but a lot of fuckboys are skinny at least the ones that I know of.
[–]TheDevilPutD 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link
Well not survival in the sense that you can go into the woods with a knife and the clothes on your back and survive for a week by eating squirrels. It's about power really and power comes in many flavors, including wealth, celebrity, formal authority (they say a uniform is very attractive), etc. thankfully for us regular guys, there aren't that many famous and rich men out there, so most of us rely on our personal power. I'm guessing the fuckboys are the best these girls can do. What is their choice? A guy like you who hides in the shadows and is jealous of other guys and wacks off to hentai?
[–]Aeon199 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What is "personal power" if it's not status and money, then?
You try to give a good message and then just revert back to saying--without actually saying--"move up the ladder in life, keep up with Jones, and so on."
Why say anything at all if you're just going to depress so many of us autistic guys, who don't have no personal power.
Do you know any losers (who don't compensate with looks/height) who do well with women? Maybe give us some examples.
[–]TheDevilPutD 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You are not reading it well. There is actually nothing wrong with money and status. It's all good and I am not vilifying these things. I am trying to show you that you shouldn't use them as crutches to feel worthy and self confident. If you do, then it is very easy to lose your self confidence once you decide that your current success is not enough and that's all it takes to plunge you into depression and anxiety.
Personal power is about feeling good about yourself, respecting yourself, being proud of yourself. But it's hard to feel this way unless you decouple your self esteem from outside factors.
Do the exercise above man, I am sure it will help.
[–]Aeon199 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
vilifying
I never said you were vilifying them, I said you were implying a guy needs to have some modicum of money/status to have a chance to get decent women. Your words are indirect, but anyone reading between your lines can find it.
And I was going to say I can't have either one because I'm autistic and lost my chances because of avoidance/inaction.
Liking myself regardless, would be helpful overall, but if you assert that to like yourself "even if you cannot have conventional value" is the kind of strong vulnerability that would allow one to attract women anyway, you're just wrong about that.
I can tell you right now, if my insecurity changed to acceptance, whatever it is you suggest, nothing would happen so long as I still don't have a social circle, status, or money. And I still wouldn't be able to have those things, whether I accepted myself, or not.
[–]TheDevilPutD 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You are working so hard to convince me of what you cannot do or accomplish. Instead, think about channeling this energy to stop avoiding the hard work that you need to do.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
What hard work do I need to do, then?
Accepting my limitations, as opposed to self-loathing, would seem to be possible for me--and that IS hard work. I'm not sure if I could be "attractive to women" even with self-acceptance, though (you might offer your thoughts on that.) In this scenario, I'd be the low-status guy who can't contribute to society in meaningful ways, but I'd stop judging myself for it, stop caring if anyone "puts me down" for it, I'd socialize a bit more and be a little more confident. I'd be more passionate, have more pride in my appearance, and less judgmental. But I still would not have the normal life, though.
The deal is, the career and social circle thing, what we call a "normal life"... that's the hard work that is not possible for me. At this stage of my life (I'm not young) I don't waste my time anymore looking for pity, I state things as they are.
If I can't achieve a normal life, my question is whether self-acceptance and less of an "ego problem", would that possibly be good enough for some cool women?
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
“ A guy like you who hides in the shadows and is jealous of other guys and walks off to hentai?” Definitely not me😂 I’m just saying that the bad boys aren’t really guys that will protect women at all, the fuckboys I know are usually just guys that party a lot and are confident that’s it they know how to talk to girls, and good looks matter more than survival skills in my opinion. Tons of players have no idea how to fight, and if they learned how to fight it was usually after stealing somebody’s girlfriend or getting incredibly drunk and aggressive. Let’s say most fuckboys would be similar to Jack Sparrow. Is jack sparrow and “alpha stoic brave hero” nope😂 his just a drunk, witty charming asshole. Not the strongest or the smartest just fun charming guy, that’s most fuckboys.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude I don’t believe you and maybe those guys have pretty faces. At the end of the day good looks matter more.
[–]Methuselaah 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Lol so complicated just move to another country where its much easier and simpler.
[–]TheDevilPutD 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wherever you go there you are.
[–]twolfhound 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think this is a valid point that I feel bears elaborating on. If you're miserable where you are, and you move, then you'll just be miserable somewhere else.
Sometimes, yes, our environment can create our misery, and going to a new location may help you feel better. But if your issues are deeper, if you just have low self worth (assuming you're not, in fact, just surrounded by a pack of assholes that constantly berate you), moving won't change who you are and it won't change your opinion of yourself.
That said, I'm very much looking forward to moving overseas, myself. But, I'm able to acknowledge that if I can't get myself out of the funk I'm in where I'm at, moving to another country isn't going to fix it.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Exactly when my time in the military is done, I’m becoming an expat and moving to another country
[–]Methuselaah 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good choice
[–]FKTheWriter 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If there’s any post that deserves an upvote and gold it’s this. Take my poor mans gold 🥇
[–]Solochrinihilistian 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Jesus Christ if you want a simpler way than dissecting your mental psychology for the same results just don’t give a fuck if it works out or not. Simple.
[–]Prankishspace4 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i think i might need therapy man. I dont know i think I have these underlying reasons that need to be addressed before I can actually live my life
[–]EatSleepPubRepeat 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great read whilst eating my breakfast. I quit my job a while ago. I was working as an accountant and pretty much hated myself. I became a secondary school teacher and got myself a wonderful girlfriend within weeks. I’m 100% sure that it came from a genuine place of happiness inside myself. I broke my two year single streak. Happiness comes from within. Girls won’t make you whole, you will.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"The ones that don't care about what others think and don't ask for permission to do what they want... Once you build your self-worth, start lowering your tolerance to disrespect and BS."
You are creating a vicious cycle here my friend. The first sentence is an action to cause men to cause disrespect. And in the second sentence, you are saying not to tolerate it. I am very much in agreement with not tolerating disrespect. But you sir are disrespecting men and women alike by allowing people the permission to do what they want (which is at a cost of disrespecting people).
[–]TheDevilPutD 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
See, that's the fallacy in your thinking. Your belief is: "I need to be nice and polite to people otherwise they may get angry with me" or something to that effect. Your thinking is also black and white, either I please everyone or if I don't give a fuck it means that I am disrespectful and an asshole.
Here is an example. When I go to Starbucks to order a coffee, do I care what the barista thinks of me or of my order? Do you? Probably not. Probably doesn't even cross your mind what the are thinking. Did you or I in any way shape or form disrespect the barista by not caring about what she/he thinks? Not at all.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn't assume you were taking it to the extreme (black/white). I am stating what you wrote in your post. If your intent is different than what you wrote then write your intent.
For example: Men that don't care what others think personally about them, and men don't ask for permission from those that show them disrespect to do what they want. Women like to be lead and taken charge of so do that to show dominance.
Use your words diligently because otherwise they are taken as spoken. Especially when having this many likes on your post. As someone who studied communications that is how people will interpret it.
[–]anon3451 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's absolutely true that women love and crave chasing a "high value" man and it's all in a man's mindset
[–]skld2assassin 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I haven’t finished reading and you have a fucking point. I’m understanding everything better now.
[–]RookieRoyal 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice man. Definitely some great advice in here.
[–]DNAngel23 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great post!
[–]rtrex12 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You have my approval...
[–]TheDevilPutD 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel worthy now.
[–]dustin4you 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice, post this really speaks to me! I've been told this many times. People telling me to stop getting jealous of what I don't have and being co- dependent on external circumstances. They said learn to heal from the past BS and change my believes and become who I really am because that's who the world deserves to see
[–]charliey1213 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Worth the read👌🏽
[–]DirtySanchez44 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You've got it all wrong You can't get it right Why don't you come down From off my back And won't you get yourself a job Somewhere away from me
[–]mgenuine 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Took me many years to rid insecurities and stop approval seeking. Very insidious and difficult to change limiting beliefs. That's why there are so few true alphas.
[–]Chrisanova_NY 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Is this someone from the Chicago Deep Seduction ?
Some of your wording sounds very familiar.
[–]TheDevilPutD 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No, don't know who these guys are, but I've picked up a lot of things from others over the years.
[–]Chrisanova_NY 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great post nonetheless.
There's a lot of dogshit here on this "seduction" (yawn) forum, that usually drowns out the +/- 50 people who really know their stuff.
[–]Aeon199 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I need to be successful in order to feel good about myself/have worth as a human being.
But it could be implied from some of your words that social status and conventional value--things that society values, such as good education, career, prospects--are necessary components of a "strong, attractive guy."
So you have a mixed message going on, there.
[–]TheDevilPutD 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not sure where you are reading this exactly. The value is in who you are, not your status or money. These things are external to you thus not who you are. In simple terms, women are drawn to the strong, capable males. But if they smell weakness like let's say you allow others or women especially to treat you badly, then they lose interest. Your strength is in the ability to respect yourself and not let others disrespect you. That's how you get what you want in life.
[–]Zemtex 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good post.
[–]kronos55 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks, I needed this.
[–]Mistermistery101 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
One thing I really felt was the part about most of the myths and misinformation being perpetuated by guys who haven't really gotten laid.
It really are the dudes with the least amount of experience that tend spew the most righteously inaccurate information. Things like "if your ugly, no one will like you" and "there is no such thing as game".
It makes me sad because younger people, or those starting out with this kind of thing sees a post like that and don't know what to believe. They get lost in what's accurate and what's not.
A rule of thumb is to not really take advice from a cynical dude who has little to know actual experience with dealing with women (i.e virgins, less than 5 women).
This is a very powerful post
I'm actually really surprised to see a post like this on here. Even more surprised by how well received it is. This is a really good sign of growth in this community 😊
[–]millennialJlocke 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can we make this man our president?
[–]glowkid 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a guy who used to be socially awkward, was severely heartbroken and totally changed, this is true
[–]PachymuNyet 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Okay, this is Inner Game. All good stuff. Really valuable information here.
But Outer Game matters too. Unless you are content to live your life alone.
That's easy. Go out, look at a woman, give her a compliment and tell her what you want to do. Don't tell her you want to have sex with her right then and there because a self respecting guy won't stick his sick in someone he doesn't know. Value yourself and your dick man.
Tell her she is beautiful, sexy, cute, whatever and that you want to get to know her. If you decide you want to see her again, tell her exactly what you will do. "Here, write your number, I will call you tomorrow to set up a time and go on a proper date and we can continue this."
It's not rocket science.
[–]PachymuNyet 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sure, it's not rocket science. Also,
Okay, but obviously there's a lot more to it, judging by the short story you wrote.
[–]LastP1ck 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I killed a bear with an arrow without a bow when i was 18, that should count as a rite of passage, but still now woman found me attractive after that.
Do you feel proud of it? Do you feel self respect for doing something like this? Look at the guys around you. Do you think any of them have even half the balls it took you to kill a bear armed only with an arrow?
The key piece you may be missing is that you are discounting your experience and background and ignoring how you've met impressive challenges.
Also, someone needs to teach you how to be a man.
[–]bobloco76 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wise words amigo.
Upvoted, good job man!
[–]07paradigm 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Preach my brother!
[–]DeezNameless 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gave you my free award because everyone needs to read this. Elaborately written and straight to the point.
I miss the old cultures, maybe we should get this back into the norm? Might end up with less shitty people out there.
[–]Alzanin 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks for that post. I really mean it. I totally recognized myself with the first faulty belief :
"I need to be successful in order to feel good/have worth as a human being."
That's my biggest "problem" in my life. I feel like all of my life is driven by this belief. Why don't I need to be successful in order to feel good with myself or have worth ? I can't answer. Please help
I can't imagine a good life where you aren't successful. I'm already challenging this thought but it's so hard to change a belief your mind has. And the thing is, I really feel like it prevents me from living in an inner peace. Because my mind believes that I need to be perfect in ALL the things daily. If i make a mistake, even if little, it makes me loose confidence. And I can't be happy like that
Dating is soooo not important for me right now, and i don't care about it I think that being able to be good in your mind is the ultimate goal a human should look for.
So understand that your brain is resisting a change to this belief for a reason. The reason is that there are actual advantages to believing this belief. Crazy, right? How can you think this belief is holding you back and think that it is beneficial at the same time?
Let me give you an example. I used to be a smoker for 16 years. Never went for longer than 24 hours without a cigarette since I started up. I came across a book called the Easyway to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. He had a simple idea. On one hand we realize that smoking is killing us, it smells bad, it's costing us a fortune, etc, and we really want to quit. But on the other hand, all smokers have similar reasons FOR smoking. Stuff like "it relaxes me", "it makes me feel more confident", "it is my little pleasure in life", etc, etc.
When this happens it causes a tug of war on your mind. On one hand you have the reasons why you want to quit. On the other, the reasons why want to keep doing it. Well, to change the habit you need to remove the reasons for why you smoke. So you have to debunk them one by one.
A very similar dynamic happens with your belief.
Let's give it a try and list some positives:
-When I obtain some success, it makes me feel great
-It motivates me to work harder to reach my goals because I know it will make me feel great.
Now you give it a try. Write down your own reasons for having this belief. What is positive about it?
[–]javaperson12 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is common sense. Simps take notes.
[–]samahndal 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This man has got it damn straight. Think about it, all these girls are falling over a man who is effective. EFFECTIVE. Money is a measure of effect. Other accomplishments are as well. They want to know that they can rely on you, that you're a man. And yes they are running the fuck after you, and once you realize that all these girls have gone through all these lengths just to pretty themselves up to be hoping that they get picked by you, you'll see the true perspective.
True perspective is you be you, do what you have to do, accomplish what you need to accomplish.
All men have a drive to succeed in this world, all you need to do is grab up your ballsack, make sure its firmly attached, and be a man. Cowardice gets you nowhere, with women and with life. Have the balls to do the things that scare you, the stamina and drive to do the things you know you can do and want to do, and be your damn self and every fucking woman in the mall or street or wherever will be watching your every damn move.
[–]No_Mina_No_Life 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So what do I do if a woman disrespects me? Not talk to her again?
Well, depends on the type of disrespect and your relationship. If you just met her in a bar and she is being a bitch, then turn around and don't talk to her again.
If it is someone you are dating or in a relationship with and they nag you, or curse at you when arguing, then let them know firmly that you will not allow anyone to talk to you like this and to watch their language. If it happens again, dump her. Same goes if she didn't show up for a date or was late. You decide how much you will tolerate, but the more you tolerate the worse off you will be. The worst is to make threats and never follow up on them.
Nice post and a shit ton of words for something that is basic human psychology. It boggles my mind this needs to be explained. Just watch, listen, and observe and you'll figure out most of life's questions. I've pounded girls from 18-75 and it's all the same basic psychology.
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