I’m reaching out because I’m feeling overwhelmed and could really use some advice. I finalized my divorce two years ago, and custody has been set at 50/50. I love my kids to death and want to be the best dad I can be, but it’s been tough. I’m juggling a full-time job, picking up the kids, getting them to their activities and sports, helping with homework and it’s exhausting doing it on my own.

The added challenge is that my job requires frequent travel, and I’m supposed to notify my ex any time I’m away for more than 24 hours, giving her the first right of refusal for custody during that time. It feels like she’s using this to keep tabs on me, and I’m worried we’ll end up back in court over how often I’m away. There’s also constant back-and-forth about reimbursing each other for expenses. Recently, I was held in contempt of court for being two days late on a $20 payment a situation that ended up costing me $15k in legal fees. My lawyer believes the judge doesn't like, and honestly, I’m at a loss for how to handle this. The judge said "she want to nip it in the butt so it won't happen again". I don't know but I feel like that judge is a feminist and she hates men for real.

Between the financial strain, the lack of support, and the constant stress of dealing with my ex, I’m feeling like I can’t keep up. I’ve even started to consider giving her full custody just to get some peace. She may have been a bad wife, but she’s not a bad mother. If I could have a fair arrangement to see my kids regularly, I think I could live with that. My only fear is that child support would ruin me financially, and I’m not sure how to negotiate something reasonable without it backfiring in court. I know CS is not negotiable but is there something I can do to have her agree to something that won't ruin me?

The kids are almost 10, and I’ve built a great connection with them. they love me, and I love them. But I feel like I need the next few years to get back on my feet and fix the mess left by the divorce. I want to be there for my kids, but I also need to take care of myself so I can be the dad they deserve.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice on how to navigate this? How can I work out a custody arrangement that allows me some breathing room without it becoming a weapon used against me later? I’d really appreciate any insights or experiences you can share.

Idk, if I can go back to court and change the first right of refusal when I am 24 hours away to include me and my gf since she's assuming a role of a parent. and a live in nanny, this way I am not so stressed over it.

Thanks for reading.