WTF!? I just received (expected) paperwork

Leather-Wolf3974 · 2024-12-15T03:09:14+00:00

You always csn improve your situation by yourself and go back to court. She is likely incapable of doing that by herself, so make friends with her new sucker, save his bacon, and have a lawyer demonstrate its better for kids to spend time with you. Idk. Where I'm at we have the state dgaf about the parents, they look at what's best for the kids, and there are specific people who aren't on either of the parents side who make that determination. My stbx is gonna be hard pressed to show that she csn support herself let along two kids. Me on the other hand...I actuslly have friends, family, career, and a history to show that. She does not. Just figure out a way to make sure the court sees you better than she can manipulate.

Cheap_House8696 · 2024-12-15T01:09:20+00:00

CA is very 50/50 now, tell her you'll see her in court

Classic_Dill · 2024-12-13T22:42:55+00:00

I guess I’ll have to ask you what country you live in or what state? If she makes more money than you, you don’t have to pay child support and she probably owes you alimony as well. If she makes a lot more than you, this seems like nonsense information to be honest with you? Maybe check your state or countries laws because here in Michigan, that would never happen.

I hope my ex-wife get through nursing school and my gift was her walking out the door, which I’m a lot happier! Thank you, my ex-wife, lol, but she made more than me at that point, so she owed me child support! We more than $45,000 of each other’s income at that point, so she didn’t owe me alimony.

SnooJokes6414 · 2024-12-13T00:23:44+00:00

What state are you in? It makes a difference.

Sad-Present-1077 · 2024-12-12T19:55:44+00:00

She won’t get that if you want 50/50 custody. And you’ll get that if you want it. Is there some reason she’s proposing 6 days a month?

Rkknight7 · 2024-12-12T19:55:10+00:00

Hire an attorney if you can. Expect to pay tons in fees and temporary child support. Cost me about $35k to get 50/50 and still have to pay CS cause of the salary difference we each make. Unfortunate but it’s the way it is…happy to answer any questions about the process

Unusual_University14 · 2024-12-12T15:08:30+00:00

Lawsuits (which divorce is one) is RARELY about the law. Almost EVERYTHING settles out of court, so in cases where emotions are high (like divorce), emotional attrition is a tool to grind the other side down. This is a negotiation, a business transaction. You let her make you miserable, you give her a tool to get something that she can't get in court.

You don't say where you live or how many kids. That said, this is a state by state guide of the average outcome for fathers by state: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/research/dads-custody-time-by-state.php

A couple of those states might default to 6 nights a month, but most everywhere does not (and some are 50/50 by default).

Child support and alimony are most likely calculators, and while she lives with her mom now, odds are she'll want to get her own place eventually... even if you get the court to agree to "mom pays rent", she can come back when she moves later. You have no control over the calculators. Find ones for your state and get an idea of whether that dollar amount is reasonable.

But if you want to follow up, you can say in X state, the percentage of overnights fathers typically get is Y which equates to Z nights a month. I will accept nothing less.

But you'll want to consult with a family law attorney to get an idea of precisely what "the deal" is in your county with your specific family law judges.

RespectInevitable479 · 2024-12-12T13:39:03+00:00

Sell marital home get 50% use that money to pay 369 a month for 18 years.

Exactly65536 · 2024-12-12T12:42:49+00:00

The fact that she proposes something doesn't mean she will get it.

Stop considering what she deserves, that's largely irrelevant and distracts you. She will take anything she can, and you task is not to let her.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-12-12T08:32:34+00:00

It's a lowball offer. If you needed any other evidence that things are transactional now, you have it. Take it personally if you want but she's just trying to get as much as she can and anchoring you with a lowball offer. Divorce is a zero sum game - every minute she gets with the kids is a minute you don't. Every dollar she gets is a dollar you don't. Every fork from the silverware drawer she gets is one that you don't. The rational move is for each party to maximize their result. This makes the negotiating positional. So you either respond to her lowball with a high offer in favor of yourself, or you reject the offer and say that you won't entertain any offer that doesn't have 50/50 custody as the basis. Then start banging on her with litigation.

Don't be angry or at least don't let your anger take your focus away from the game you're now playing. Nothing personal, only business. As the Corleones would say. If you act in a way that demonstrates you're willing to bang heads and burn it all down, she will get hammered into reasonability. Once she starts being reasonable, then you will get somewhere.

Also be wary of restraining orders, etc.

Hammerhead87 · 2024-12-12T06:28:58+00:00

My divorce was finalized a couple weeks ago. My ex asked for $5000 a month in alimony, full custody of our 3 children which would have meant about $3600 in child support, and to move to New Hampshire with her sugar daddy (he's 20 years older than her). Halfway through she offered to drop it to $3000 in alimony and I got the weekends. In the end I got full custody, no relocation, she gets $1000 in alimony for 6 months, I get $500 in child support, and she only gets 6 days a month.

Keep fighting for what you want and your children. It's extremely tough and expensive but so worth it.

jimsmythee · 2024-12-12T04:26:52+00:00

It's time to get your own lawyer. You want this;

50-50 custody. Most states have 50/50 custody as the baseline now.

$0 alimony. Use your last 3 years of tax returns to base yours and her salaries on.

Descarted1 · 2024-12-12T04:13:40+00:00

Remember that this is just the first volley in a back and forth negotiation. She can ask for the world. It doesn't mean she will get it.

textredditor · 2024-12-12T04:05:40+00:00

I no longer trust marriage as a legal technology. We opt-in to getting married with what feels like an instant fleeting moment & signature. Getting divorced is the direct opposite. This imbalance is why I doubt marriage as a legal institution.

No-Walk-1633 · 2024-12-12T03:59:03+00:00

Bullshit. I'm surprised murder suicide isn't more popular with judgments like this.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-12-12T03:58:07+00:00

Do you have a lawyer? Doesn't sound like the amicable plan is on the table. Get some representation and fight

Title	WTF!? I just received (expected) paperwork
Author	munchzbox
Upvotes	21
Comments	46
Date	December 12, 2024 3:54 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hcciyj/wtf_i_just_received_expected_paperwork/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wtf-i-just-received-expected-paperwork.1538285 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538285

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