Wife holds all the cards

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-04-12T21:49:06+00:00

You are thinking about this all wrong. 1st based on what you say she is goating you to do stupid things. 2nd she has long checked out so your statement about giving her something to think about makes zero sense. This is a business transaction at this point and she has made no mistake about the business part but you don’t get it. She will win unless you correct course fast.

hazalo9 · 2025-04-07T17:47:50+00:00

You got a similar response from many that have been through the same situation. Listen to them. I'll just say, start looking into your finances. Take as much as you can now cause the $ will rack up. Don't be a nice guy anymore and try to have an out of court mediator do the paperwork. Attorneys will only want to suck up both of your cash. Good luck bro!

CaptJaxParo · 2025-04-07T14:52:05+00:00

You are still in the pain chapter of this. Do not do say or text anything that people here wouldn't do. In 10 years you were going to look back and say I should not have done this and I should not have done that and instead I should have done these things or those things. Right now you are too confused to make a good decision so don't make decisions. Don't say things out of anger jealousy or hurt or bitterness. Follow only wise advice. For now be a good person and focus on yourself who knows what menopause she is going through or what crisis in the marriage there is. Who knows it could work out in time so do not say anything you will regret.

But for now quietly protect yourself that means getting your documents out of the house your passport your hard drives your vaccine card. Valuable photos. You get the picture all too often women use the Silver Bullet to pretend they are your friend and then one day the police are there with a false accusation and you can't get your stuff that you desperately need. So quietly start protecting yourself to not alert her or trigger her to get out the hammer. This also means talking to a couple of lawyers and Friends that you can trust.

And as many of us has found out some of those friends were the ones you could trust

Pmoneywhazzup · 2025-04-07T14:28:46+00:00

Go talk to a lawyer about what divorce might look like for you. Your marriage is over. She does not want to be married to you, and counseling will not change that.

IBlockAllWomen · 2025-04-07T14:26:04+00:00

You can't feel her uneasy as's she over you and has been for some time, has no love or respect for you and frankly doesn't care what happens to you, maybe if you'll live or die. Source: we've all been there.

Focus on yourself.

Pro-IDGAF · 2025-04-07T13:54:54+00:00

nope, let it go and start working on yourself and healing. she’s done.

as for counseling, she’s right. it did nothing for my marriage because the ex was never wrong and refused to listen to any therapist

Commercial_Music_931 · 2025-04-07T10:44:34+00:00

Much easier playing the offensive instead of defensive. File first. Your still probably going to get absolutely Johnny sins styled railed in court but he might use lube.

She is no longer the woman you married. She is no longer the woman you shared all those sweet private moments with. She doesn't love you and would spit on those memories and laugh about it.

Protect yourself. Document. Check your laws and see if you can record yalls convos

i_speak_gud_engrish · 2025-04-07T09:18:03+00:00

No ..it's tough time... Just stay out ..do nothing...focus on ur daily life ..

Trust me.. Your LIFE STAYING NORMAL AS USUAL will disturb her more than anything for your own good..!!!

Curiosity & Suspense are the best weapon for women to go Crazy..!!

So doing nothing & focusing on daily things is the key .!!

HistoricalRich280 · 2025-04-07T03:42:55+00:00

Any effort you put into mind games with her is a total waste of your energy and time. And will do nothing but cause more mental confusion and trauma for you both. The fact that is your response to a divorce request tells me this relationship is already unhealthy past the point of redemption. Focus on yourself future and put your energy there.

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2025-04-07T03:24:21+00:00

No respect = kick her out of your life. Once respect is broken, that’s it.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-04-07T02:46:19+00:00

You want to give her something to think about? Call her bluff and have her served with divorce papers.

The only power she has over you is the power you give her.

qmriis · 2025-04-07T02:32:53+00:00

Playing games is stupid.

Take your lessons, move on with your life.

This idiocy scheming is time you could be in the gym.

dfb54749014 · 2025-04-07T02:13:23+00:00

If I'm reading this right, you want her to think you have someone else waiting in the wings for you?

Please don't play that game.

Just ask me, or any of the guys on here, how mentally desructive and soul crushing it was to find out our ex-wives were having an affair. It's devastating.

And you want to pretend you met someone else and put that thought in her head to do what? Get her to love you more? Realize how important you are to her? Teach her a lesson?

Nobody deserves that. Not you, not me, not anyone on this site. Not your wife. It will only backfire on you.

What's going to happen is you will destroy any remaining shred of respect she has for you. You're going to screw her up mentally, and she will push through for the divorce with a new fury. Any hopes of it being amicable will be out the window. She will do everything in her power to crush you in the divorce fueled by the pain and anger you fed her with.

So yeah, be smart. Don't play that game and just pull the plug.

Better-Pizza-6119 · 2025-04-07T02:00:26+00:00

The day I got the email. I immediately notified all key members. And 3 friends all across the world. They came fully to my support. Even some rocky family relationship stiffened up. Used DeepSeek and Reddit. Walked like hell.

Better-Pizza-6119 · 2025-04-07T01:37:26+00:00

I am in the same boat. She was asking for divorce 2 3 times over 5 years. I refused. She asked for therapy i refused . Now I'm 40 days plus into divorce. I felt the power play, she was a bitch the first ten days. I then went into silence when i saw she was not going to change her mind. So now I don't make attempt to greet her. talk to her. The only thing i do I cook my own meals when she comes back from work. Just to make a statement that I will survive. We are still in the same house, no talking, no greeting, she hasn't cooked from Dday. She wants half the house and nothing else of what i own. Its sounds a good deal. I've done 3 valuations given it to a lawyer. Lets hope she accepts even if she wants a bit more. In the meantime ive used AI bots tremendously wad a huge help and also this forum has helped tremendously. But end of the day you have to go into yourself and reboot yourself. The first few days were hard as to why, when, how. But like usual i don't listen. I'm much calmer now. But obviously the head start she had is freaking me out. But deep down somewhere I was already making contact with people, friends , family whom she wanted me to break away from. She was trying to make me vulnerable like i had no one to turn to. She even made a statement to say , i want to see who will take you in . Ive decided to take the high road and maintain my dignity by still engaging with her family and developing newer larger circles. This will help diluting the power she has over me. One thing she never expected me to buy her out she thought i had no money. That's why she was so bitchy. We are in a draft settlement stage. And I'm just rather sit here and vent. She trys to provoke me last. I reacted. She got the response she wanted. I have to be careful. She has gone away somewhere for 5 days. Don't know what mood she is going to come back in . But good or bad , I'm going to be indifferent.

Crowiswatching · 2025-04-07T01:36:12+00:00

You are going to lose that battle. She already has someone else lined up. Playing games is not the solution. You need to prepare for your divorce.

mysteriouslypuzzled · 2025-04-07T00:38:38+00:00

You say she has power over you. You're right. She has your freedom. No price is too steep for freedom. So fucking pay it and be free. Give it up. Give it all up. And be free. That's the point I was at. I told the judge. Said it to his face. Spare me the bullshit. Make it reasonable. And let's get this over with. And I guess i got lucky. Because that's exactly what happened. You want out? Make an exit plan and stick to it. The longer they extend it. The more you lose. In more ways than one

jimsmythee · 2025-04-07T00:26:40+00:00

Stop the games. Just file for divorce and get the best outcome you can.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-04-07T00:07:03+00:00

There is no relationship with you. She is done. It is over.

She has clearly told she wants out, yet you are dragging her to counseling. The reason she lost all attraction for you was because she did not feel seen and heard, and you continue not to hear what she needs.

Grant her the divorce and set her free.

Gattsama · 2025-04-06T23:58:33+00:00

Unfortunately, the marriage is already dead. Women don't bring up divorce until they have spent time processing, planning, and having a backup plan I'm place. She has been planning this for months if not years. It's new and raw to you, but for her, she's already moved on.

IF you want to try to encourage her to change her mind, you do not do that by being nice, doing chores, planning trips etc. Instead go grey rock (Google it). Act with complete indifference. Start planning and living your best life. Work out, eat well, make plans for your work, etc.

Her precieved value of you is based on how you make her feel, not any actual value you might or might not bring / possess. You want to live your best life for YOU, she might see that, see your indifference, and then might choose to reevaluate your value.

But honestly, it's not worth it. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you. And ultimately she will just do this again.

You need to focus on being fit: physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit. You need to prepare for the divorce and YOU should file first. It doesn't matter you files, but mentally it's a big step for you. And again, IF you want her to reevaluate you, it demonstrates you might be more than she thought.

You just got an emotional shot gun blast to your chest. Remember who pointed the gun and pulled the trigger.

redragtop99 · 2025-04-06T23:40:05+00:00

No no no… this will backfire spectacularly, w her discovering you’re pretending and all that comes w that (I personally wouldn’t blame her for thinking you’re pathetic and neither will her new BF). I’ve been right where you’re at, and I tried to make it work while she gaslit me for almost 2 years. It’s a waste of time my guy. You need to get back to looking out for number one and that’s yourself. Focus on you and your life.

You’re not going to believe me, but your marriage is already over. The sooner you can move on, the better.

Whatever you do, never give up your dignity. You’ll just give her more material to bond with her new man over.

Grafixx5 · 2025-04-06T23:37:23+00:00

Yeah man, just file. Don’t play the games. It’s not worth it. Mine is doing the games shyte and it’s rough. I could get into so much but I can’t type that long and the people I am friends with, well, I’ve talked their ear off so I’m like alienating myself from them. Let’s just say I’ve gone from 265lbs down to 220 in under 2 months…

What actually kind of got to me is that I am in therapy and have been because of this and my marriage. They say they’d diagnose her with some sort of personality disorder but she won’t go or talk to anyone. So they say that I may have C-PTSD… an my lawyer is all like “You have to be happy. You have to be like the happiest person on the planet!”

I said, “I was, when we were first dating and married. Now I know she has someone else already, and I’ve loved her with everything. So tell me how can I make myself happy

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-04-06T23:12:27+00:00

Brother I'd just ignore her and start the focus on your future.

Trust me I understand that you want to strike back.

Go pay for a consultation with a family law attorney so you know your rights. Each state is different and while this reddit is great, we don't know the unique situation you're in.

The lawyer will school you up and make sure you don't step on your crank.

Let her be a 304. Focus on you now.

bwiese3908 · 2025-04-06T23:11:57+00:00

No games just divorce.

Title	Wife holds all the cards
Author	RandomDude007_
Upvotes	26
Comments	38
Date	April 6, 2025 10:58 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jt6wef/wife_holds_all_the_cards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-holds-all-the-cards.1548827 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548827

Comments