Starting over at 56

PedalSteelBill2 · 2025-06-03T17:27:06+00:00

Divorced at 55. Remarried at 60. Just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary

QT2020 · 2025-05-11T11:58:52+00:00

I’m 69 got divorced at 67. I’m happy and at peace. I’m still growing. Just learning how to take good care of me. Married 10 years the first time, 27 years this last time. I’m done with marriage. The last few years have been good.

Romonster1985 · 2025-05-10T17:52:13+00:00

I'm 64. Contemplating divorce. Married 40. Wife has turned into her mom and I don't want to be the invisible, annoying man the last 10 years of my life. Any advice? She won't get counseling

workout-man · 2025-05-09T20:41:05+00:00

[permanently deleted]

NC_Geezus · 2025-05-08T11:59:54+00:00

54 here, and 6 months into a separation because my wife of 25 years just couldn’t quit with her old college boyfriends (yes, plural).

t_odd_ · 2025-05-08T00:19:12+00:00

My start over began 8 months ago at age 53 when wife (also 53) of 30 years and five kids suddenly left. Up to the day she left I was always claiming happily married status... At first she called for a three month separation then it turned to open ended then it turned to divorce and we are still in process.

The twilight zone experience has not ended as we start month eight and don't imagine it will because I feel like I don't know the woman anymore that I thought I knew best for 30 years and who knew me best and would or could never do this, especially without even trying to fix it.

She just revealed a couple weeks ago that part of why she left was because she wants to be with an unavailable guy she liked in college but rejected her and has no clue she likes him now and is happily married with kids. I knew about the college stuff but never suspected any thing after that. I don't get it, but it hurts and has lit a greater fire inside to move on because she hasn't once indicated since she left that she might want to try to work things out with me and now there is another level of trust that I've lost in her when she made it seem for seven months that it was all about me when it was actually mostly about her and stuff she wasn't telling me.

So yeah, all that to say getting through it as you asked about has it's ups and downs all the time and can only ride out the rough patches knowing it will eventually get better. I live in a pretty remote suburb so weekends are always hardest for me with the rough patches when I get less busy and don't have as much to do... I've turned on the dating app since her big reveal, but don't cull any interest/matches which makes me think real world connections are going to be the less undesirable path for connections, but they are also daunting... Trying to not think about it too much because I'm not legally divorced yet and this is still all so relatively new after 30 years married... Have been trying to find outlets to just simply socialize more as a next step, especially to help with the hard weekends. Just discovered meetup.com this week and that has led to some semi-local options that are doable, so that's a win.

computergeek89 · 2025-05-07T21:35:35+00:00

I will be 56 in a couple of months. My wife of 35 years one day told me she does not love me anymore, is not happy and wants out. This was about two and a half years ago. I am better but I still have periods where if I am not carful I can spiral out of control and get caught up in the why's, how's and where did this go wrong. I have to remind myself that even if I did have the answers to these questions it would not matter.

The one thing that I latch on to as far as getting through this is reminding myself that I go home to a peaceful house at the end of the day. No drama, no what did I do wrong to make her mad, etc. Even though I do still love my ex I also realize that things could never be the same because she left me at one of my lowest times and has been deceitful during this entire situation. It's Like I don't even know who she is anymore so I guess I love who she used to be.

As far as dating I don't see myself ever doing that. I have no desire to put in the effort and to give myself to someone like I did my ex only to have them tell me sorry this isn't working out, I'm done. I am getting used to being on my own and have come to the conclusion I am ok dying alone.

I don't know what your story is or if it is even comparable, but this is mine.

LonelyNC123 · 2025-05-07T08:56:21+00:00

I am 60. I left my marriage last month after 29 bitterly lonely (and largely sexless) years. At least I got to watch my baby grow up.

I am relieved! Happier already!

You will get thru this.

unK4G3D · 2025-05-07T06:37:49+00:00

I am 60 and been separated 6 months. Married 40 years and we raised 5 great kids, 2 of which are in college still living at home with me. My wife left me because she didn’t love me anymore and wants to live alone the rest of her life. She will probably divorce me, but the weird thing is, she still wants to remain friends and do things with me and our kids and grandkids. She doesn’t want to deal with the baggage of finding another man (at least that is what she tells me). We are being amicable so far, but I don’t see us remaining friends if she eventually finds someone else. I still love her, but I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life after my 2 boys move out and I can’t imagine dating at my age. This has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to face. I am very sad and depressed most days. Our future together was pretty secure before she left me, but if she divorces me, she will get the bulk of my retirement savings because I am keeping the house. The happy memories we have created together in this house haunt me every day, so I try to remain buried in my work yo avoid being home alone. It helps to have my 2 boys there, but they are gone a lot too. I don’t understand how she could just leave me because we had a great 2024 going on 2 fun cruises, weekend getaways, and several camping trips. I don’t understand women and will probably never get married again.

gorillafeet43 · 2025-05-07T04:45:36+00:00

52, good chance the divorce decree will be issued this week. 26 years together, 19 married. Working on getting myself healthy (physical, mental, emotional). I get sad once in a while but mostly focus on building version 2.0 of myself. Closing this chapter opening the next. Any kind of relationship is the last thing on my mind, at least for now.

6StringFiend · 2025-05-07T04:36:53+00:00

I turn 50 this year (25years married) and with be separated soon. High school sweethearts. Two of my biggest fears is not being able to afford living some what comfortable (wife was breadwinner) and being alone. I used to be fine with long periods by my self but now, I hate it. I love to hear the stories of a good way of life after, it gives me hope. I’ve been working out but put more time into it, reconnected with a few good friends to talk to and working on my mental health.

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2025-05-07T02:33:05+00:00

I am 56 and looks like my divorce will be over in November at the latest (trial date set). Trying to settle. Already spent 60k on attorneys fees.

In 2019 I had 3 million (I got married at 40 and already had saved up quite a bit). I started my own business in 2019 and got wiped out because of Covid. Had to sell stuff when it was down just to have money to live. Ran out of money and started running up cards (wife wasn’t working, youngest was 3 and not in school).

In 2021 my STBXW visited a girlfriend out of state. They had sex on the last night. She also told me she met a guy, danced with him and that he turned her on. She told me “I want an open marriage. Wedding vows mean nothing. I will sleep with whoever I want whenever I want.” I didn’t agree, she ended up sleeping with a few guys. Also found out she cheated on me while dating/engaged with at least 4 guys. She was also sexting/sending nudes to a guy in prison for sex trafficking. Called the cops on her once. That’s just the highlights, there was a lot more. Basically she put me thru narcissistic abuse; cheating, lying, gaslighting, and manipulation. She went for 100% custody, I went for/got 50/50 custody.

My net worth right now is -260k. 😂

Been working at my main job and DoorDashing as a side hustle. Working 60 to 80 hours a week. Grinding.

Last few years have been fun.

Anyway, my main self employed job I was making 120k per year. This year my business took off. I more than doubled my income. Karma is a bitch.

Got my first date tomorrow, having lunch. First true date since seperation. See how it goes.

Been working out a lot, 4/5 times a week. One day a week I work out with a trainer. I have gotten bigger. I am benching 185 lbs and curling 100 lbs. Take KravMaga 2/3 times a week. Best shape of my life. Enjoying hobbies and hanging with friends. Never going to remarry that’s for sure. Long term relationship might be ok.

caseyjshu · 2025-05-07T02:23:55+00:00

I was 55. Been some the most prosperous years (10) of my life.

notconvinced780 · 2025-05-07T01:05:29+00:00

I’m 56 and 2.5 years post separation and 1.5 years post divorce. I’m dating an amazing girl. She and I have been dating for 2 years. I started dating about three months after my Ex said she wanted a divorce. Online dating was brand new to me. I was really scared. You’re going to have a lot of fun if you put the work in.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2025-05-07T00:18:33+00:00

50….starting over can be amazing if you’re willing to work on yourself. Mostly your empathy and emotional regulation. You get those two, you become irresistible and you become the pick of the litter.

Most single men over 50 are single for a being man-children

I love my life. Met an incredible partner, and when shit gets hard, we work on it together

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-05-06T23:38:19+00:00

It was pretty brutal the first year as I still loved my ex. After I let go things got much better.

Dating a 32 yo now. She's a lot of fun. She is someone I could see myself with long term.

Plenty of amazing women out there and my experience has been dating is super easy. The key is blow off the ones who don't put in effort...life is so easy with a woman who will bend over backwards for you.

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-05-06T23:20:16+00:00

Find yourself first.

If you don’t figure out the mistakes you made with the one you chose this time, then you’re just going to choose the wrong one again.

Throw all societal norms out the window and know that you don’t actually “need” anyone.

brianinmaine · 2025-05-06T22:28:09+00:00

I've been divorced 4.5 years now. I'm 59. Amicable divorce after 34 years and 6 kids. Neither of us wanted to be married anymore. Married way to young. I live in a 2br night near the beach. I go out probably 4-5 nights a week with different groups of friends. I learned to cook, I bake bread even. I ride my bicycle. I do some hobbies when I have time. I'm currently dating, I've dated a number of women on and off for the last 4 years. Some were a bit more serious than others but I'll never marry again for sure. I'm living my best life, trying to enjoy every day. Be nice to people. Be friendly. People want to make connections. Make friends (you have to work at it).

No-Boysenberry3045 · 2025-05-06T21:40:30+00:00

I'm 62, and it's been a year since the divorce. My forever home has been sold . She has moved away and I have not seen her since last Feb. I was retired at the time. I have gone back to work. Full time and picked up a part-time job a few nights a week and weekends.

I kept my old hobbies, and I'm trying the guitar. I spend time with friends. Camp surf or ride my motorcycles whenever I can fit them in.

I dont sit a lot. I keep moving. Spend a lot of time alone. If I'm not at work, I'm doing something. I stay out of what was or what used to be. It brings me no joy

I worked both those jobs last year. 13 to 15 hours a day. I sleep like a dead man. I don't think about her.

It's my life now it's different it's been difficult at times. But I am not done living. And I will never marry again. I got lucky she was fair in the divorce. 50 50 split and go away. I doubt I will be that lucky again. My heart goes out to you.

I would not wish the whole divorce process on anyone. And no one will ever put me thru that again. It's not worth it to me.

paroducks · 2025-05-06T21:37:16+00:00

I am 53 and have been separated for 3 years, after 20+ years of marriage. Divorce proceedings moving slowly but should be done in next 6 months. I dated casually for first year or so of separation, and then continued dating being open to a relationship. I found a wonderful woman who I have been in exclusive relationship for last 18 months. I couldn’t be happier, despite all the divorce stuff.

Emotional-Change-722 · 2025-05-06T21:32:01+00:00

My ex-husband and i divorced three years ago in 2022. He was 51. He was married to the love of his life at 51. You’ll be fine. I think.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-05-06T21:21:52+00:00

I'm 57. I filed last August after 20+ years and three kids. All three kids live with me.

Marriage had been on life support for years. I jumped back in the dating scene in late October.

Dated seven women and now I'm in an exclusive arrangement with an amazing lady. There's real potential.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Just take care of yourself, work on being the best version of you and hopefully things'll work out.

69manu · 2025-05-06T21:12:55+00:00

Same as jabbo142. 55 coming on 2 years divorce and 3 separation. Initial year was tough after that been focused on myself - physical and mental. Mental is a work in progress. Spent a lot of time back home in the UK with friends and family (folks I grew up with) - that was a major help. Still have to work in the US as well as having kids here. Now enjoying the freedom I have. Sometimes it’s hard to get motivated - easy to get in the work/gym/sports/tv loop but overall it’s good. Tried online dating but find it more of a pain in the ass than anything. Anytime I’ve met someone I’ve just not felt the need to continue … seems like the motivation is gone for now - maybe I’ll try again soon, for now peace and freedom is good. Staying busy trying to make the marital home my own. That’s pretty much the only thing I had left after the divorce (I ended up paying the ex out). In a nutshell - friends and family were invaluable - people who help you find the old (real you). Good luck.

redragtop99 · 2025-05-06T21:10:44+00:00

Im 44.. it sucks but you have no choice. I always wanted a kid and a family and that was stolen from me. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m more or less happy I have no kids. It’s a lonely life at times, but it’s better than being totally abused. I would never consider getting remarried. It would be nice to date but I’ve pretty much given up on that too.

I’m extremely successful financially but that only gets you so far. I get upset and frustrated no one cares a lot, but then you realize no one cares, and move on.

jabbo142 · 2025-05-06T21:01:39+00:00

I'm 51. I'm hitting the 1 yr mark on everything. When she told me, her move out, etc. This summer will be 1 year from divorce. I haven't dated much, by choice. My home is peaceful. My life isn't chaotic anymore. I've been working on myself, finding my happiness. Life has been good. It was an adjustment, of course. But it happens pretty quickly. I went from all busted up to living a good life in a matter of months. My biggest advice to you-deal with the anger and hurt that is there. If you don't, it will poison you. That was my biggest thing.

Title	Starting over at 56
Author	workout-man
Upvotes	43
Comments	47
Date	May 6, 2025 8:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kgfg0q/starting_over_at_56/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/starting-over-at-56.1551636 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551636

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