I just don’t get it.

TeachMePersuasion · 2025-06-17T15:22:37+00:00

Have goals but focus more on the process than the outcome.

In sales, I might say "I'd like to get on the phone and make some appointments". I focus on making 300 calls. I count calls, not appointments, as the goal.

Effort, not outcome. Work to get a good outcome, but don't become attached to it.

UnkemptGoose339 · 2025-06-17T15:34:30+00:00

Just approaching a girl and saying "hello." She knows what your intentions are brother, it's not difficult to figure out, pretty intuitive actually. During this process you should be at ease, confident, and having fun with it.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-06-17T15:50:48+00:00

It means don't have a result you want in mind (expectation of others), but focus on developing your skills (intention for yourself).

Either_Sundae6099 · 2025-06-17T16:21:54+00:00

The minute you have expectations for your approach, your possibly going to start beating yourself up, and start taking it too seriously.

You can still be direct and tell women what you enjoy and what you are looking for, whilst not giving a fuck if it goes anywhere or not.

Osiris_Raphious · 2025-06-17T16:28:27+00:00

Have fun, dont expect her to agree and sleep with you. But also dont just be having fun like a clown, you are there to have a good time, and if you are having a good time, she is having a good time, she might just agree to you IOIs and escalation because she is enjoying herself.

Your intentions are clear, you are escalating, and flirting, not just being friendly and joking around. Additionally, your intentions are clear, you are looking for friends, for dates, for a quick fun, to have fun, to be serious with dating. Pick one, act accordingly, dont take any of the approaches so seriously that you over think yourself into a knot, but that doesnt mean you aren't being intentional or direct.

StrikingImportance39 · 2025-06-17T15:33:02+00:00

It’s subconscious communication. Often referred as flirting.

Basically u are talking about boring logical topics, but subconsciously thinking you want to have sex with her.

Those feelings get expressed through your micro facial expressions, your body language, the pauses u make between words, the tone of your voice and thousands of other things.

Women can “feel” you are flirting with her. And then she responds the same way. It’s subconscious and automatic. Yet is very direct. Your intentions are clear to her. You like her. Even u didn’t actually say it.

And this is what people mean when they say be direct.

I don’t know how much more autistic way I can explain this.

Newtabs9 · 2025-06-17T16:12:54+00:00

there are unlimited huge contradiction in 'game' because it's not really a thing. I mean, it is, but it's literally just the icing on the cake. It's mostly irrelevant (unless someone is super super weird for example). EVERYTHING works and NOTHING works. This is why every guru disagrees with the next one etc, and both can still get results.

All that matters is, is she attracted to you! You'll know within about 3 seconds of saying 'hi', usually.

Get as good looking as possible adn then hit on as many girls as you can doing whatever the hell you want. It doesn't matter if you are direct, indirect, hide your intent, show intent, are serious, are playful etc. Doesn't matter. There are no rules to this stuff!! (again. Past not being a complete oddball who needs to be 'taught' to not stare at his shoes the whole time he's talking too a girl etc)

YungE_Coli · 2025-06-17T15:53:21+00:00

You might approach the other person for a number of reasons, but don't go in expecting the reasons to be reciprocated.

Jake0024 · 2025-06-17T15:54:21+00:00

Intentions and expectations aren't the same thing. You might intend to start a new workout plan and get a 6 pack by summer (every summer for the next 25 years), but that doesn't mean you actually expect to do it every year.

Like another comment says, focus on the process (your intentions), not the outcome (your expectations).

Disappointment doesn't come from not having something, it comes from wanting something.

Rhino3750ss · 2025-06-17T17:05:12+00:00

You don't verbally state your intent, you let masculine vibe and demeanor do that for you.

When you directly say your intentions out loud without her asking u directly, female emotions compute the statement as confirmation that you aren't preselected, which means she will feel unsafe unless you are the one specific type she daydreams about.

norwegiandoggo · 2025-06-17T18:04:55+00:00

Expectations are not the same as intentions.

You go in with intentions. You are not expecting success or failure - that doesn't matter. You only have an intention. You focus on what you can control. That's it.

It's like saying "I'm going to go surfing" that is your intention. Whether you catch a wave or not is an expectation. You should not have any expectations. Just lead with intention.

You can also have two intentions at once. This is how you should think:

"I'm going to hit on this woman - and I'm going to have fun while doing it - and I don't care whether I succeed or fail".

Playful_Dot_537 · 2025-06-17T15:38:59+00:00

Intentions are external. You should make sure women know this is not a platonic or “merely friendly” encounter. Luckily that is not hard to do as many women are pretty savvy and pick up signals you don’t even know you are giving them.

Expectations are internal. “I want to get her number. I want to ask her out. I want to bang her.” Let go of the expectations in the moment and go with the flow. Act and see how she reacts. And then adjust based on that. Progress down the path of intimacy if that is something you are interested in with her.

If you feel like you need to have an expectation, make it something like “I want to see if this is the kind of person I’d like to have a coffee/drink/date with.“

Anonymous-Man-2024 · 2025-06-17T16:41:31+00:00

No expectations means no expectations of outcome. I approach a girl and ask her out she says no. I'm not bothered because I now have more experience.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-06-17T17:12:52+00:00

If you're seeking casual, then definitely be clear. Don't waste anyone's time for self-serving interests. Make sure you are both on the same page. Don't have sex and then randomly drop "let's be FWB." You can still be both a man who leads and be respectful at the same time.

BurnItDownSR · 2025-06-17T17:53:40+00:00

One thing you need to understand is this sub and the ideas from members aren't necessarily unified or in agreement with each other.

Yes, some members might have learned from the same resources but it's not like those resources are required reading for this subreddit and it's not like everyone even agrees and disagrees with all the same resources.

Think of this place more like the Dating Advice subreddit, just more thought through. At the end of the day, its still just a bunch of individuals with conflicting opinions.

You gotta be like Bruce Lee here and "Absorb what is useful, discard what is useless and add what is uniquely your own."

Conjoined_Triangles · 2025-06-17T18:18:35+00:00

It's because two common failure points are those who make it their mission to approach every single girl in a 1 mile radius, and those that try to hype themselves up, and actually do everything except for closing the deal and wasting all that effort.

Only a very few number of people can do the first without expressing desperate behavior, and the second is done by people who make it such a big deal to build up enough energy through drinking, constant self amusement or talking to people that won't move the needle in your night.

The calibrated approach is to be prepared to approach because these moments will happen when you least want to do it, but enjoy the process of approaching regardless of the outcome.

Just-Shop-3386 · 2025-06-17T21:49:49+00:00

there is a fine line,go approach more,you'll learn eventually

RaydenPearce · 2025-06-17T22:34:57+00:00

I struggled with this until recently, and I'm still working on it but the way I see it now is that attraction is the goal, not sex. Every interaction I have with a girl Im keen on is meant to make her fall for me, even if just a little bit more.

That in itself already makes my intention relatively clear (though sometimes it leaves room for mystery), but my short term goal is simply attraction and then we'll see

CrvCrx27 · 2025-06-18T00:28:42+00:00

It’s more general vs specific. Your general intentions are to get laid. But you don’t have your heart set on one person or target.

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2025-06-17T15:32:26+00:00

It's a fine line. We all want results but the problem is when you make the results your focus, it becomes clear how desperate you are and it throws you off your game. Many guys go in and think "i need to get laid tonight" and make that their goal. They individualize every night and every night they think that. THey dont focus on having a good time they just focus on getting girls. Girls already have their walls up and the way to get it down is to make it clear you arent here to get with them you are hereto have a good time regardless of whether it's with them or dancing like an idiot with the bros. Girls are out to have a fun night with the girls, so when they see a guy who is dancing like nobody cares, hyping everybody up, they go gravitiate towards that. It's about being ok spending a night dancing with someone even if you dont go home with them.

Obviously we all want to get laid but when they say make intentions clear, it basically means when you meet girls dont be the friendly nice guy, be the guy that they can see as a potential match. WHen you've been having a good time with a girl for a bit, make it clear by dancing with them, getting cozy with them, etc. If you are just a friendly goofball they see as a brother, you didnt make intentions clear.. They dont want to dance with their brother they want to dance with the fun, confident guy.

KoleSekor · 2025-06-17T17:39:17+00:00

Just have fun while generating, engaging, welcoming sexual tension.

Substantial-Bad-4508 · 2025-06-17T21:26:12+00:00

Expectations would just increase the amount stress and may cause you not to be in the moment but rather to be in your head "over thinking."

Title	I just don’t get it.
Author	DreamShort3109
Upvotes	52
Comments	41
Date	June 17, 2025 3:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ldptrm/i_just_dont_get_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-just-dont-get-it.1554966 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554966

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