The whole concept of fighting over someone is dumb

AngeAware · 2026-01-25T03:02:04+00:00

I'm convinced that certain people are pretty much only capable of feeling strong emotion in the context of competition.

Think of someone who runs for student council because they are genuinely passionate about it vs. the kind of person who runs simply because they enjoy the thrill of competition. Option B will talk up a big game and seem like a great candidate until they actually win and do fuck all because the victory high they were chasing after has been expended.

This type of personality also exists in the dating context. The fighting isn't some necessary evil to them, it's the whole point.

ladybird_00 · 2026-01-25T01:36:25+00:00

I’m not into like a hot head that’ll fight someone or bring me drama, but if he doesn’t get a little jealous or have an instinct to mate guard, I would think he didn’t really love me.

MarioWilson122 · 2026-01-25T06:08:12+00:00

Well in certain situations it isn’t, like if they have been together for a while and want to work out issues, that might have been caused. Since leaving after 15-20 years, over a couple cross boundaries might be a little much for some folks. Of course, if it’s in the beginning stages then that is different, especially if they crossed some serious boundaries. Some folks will be less forgiving, especially if they weren’t feeling them as much over time to begin with.

Substantial_Video560 · 2026-01-25T09:38:27+00:00

I feel the same. It's incredibly dumb. If they want to go off with another just let them.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2026-01-25T04:35:29+00:00

If my husband really wants to go after another woman, he can make my day in the most Clint Eastwood meaning of the phrase. He'll get out of this marriage, but not until it's done with him. Like yes, I'll let him go, with claw marks.

Trying to articulate why would be expressing how much I care, my possessiveness, my love, the invested time together, and the rage at him and another woman taking a steaming dump on the most special and intimate thing as well as setting my life into a blaze of chaos involving finances, real-estate, planned future, pets, and so much more. Again, he can do this, I'm fully aware and I couldn't stop him and frankly, I would not try, but if he's doing that, I am going to make sure he winces every single time someone mentions his ex because he feels like he got a colonoscopy sans the sedation.

As for setting boundaries early, I'm going to be honest (and I've dated a lot of different kinds of men) they all have to be taught how to be respectful in relationships and they're all bad at boundaries to start out because, I assume, porn and other factors in society make them think it's normal to openly lust after other women, talk about that, ask for threesomes, and when confronted they are going to tell you something about being a red-blooded man. And it's not because they're evil, it's because they are inconsiderate and brainwashed.

If I left men for this, I would never find a man who didn't do this shit somewhat early on. The corrective measure for this is expressing jealousy, but in a very unpleasant way. You remove affection and turn cold. It's not "oh this is so fun, she's riled up and trying to get my attention". It's "don't touch me and don't talk to me until you apologize and can behave appropriately". They learn quick from this not to pull that kind of bad behavior. If they don't, then you dump their ass. But you've got awhile before you know if this is a habit that can be broken.

I don't think you're detached, I think you're a man. You can do these things in part because of female agreeability. If I did it, I'd be alone, and that's just the reality. It's not fighting for attention in my world, it's creating consequences for male disagreeability that they cannot argue with, and then allowing that to keep the boundaries in line against a force which is built to ignore or try to override boundaries.

Same thing for the cheating above. Like, I can't stop a man cheating, but I've always made sure they knew it would open a Pandora's box they'd never be able to shut again because that's how many evils would pour into their world. It's not a competition between me and her, she can have you, but not until I've finished kicking the dead horse I used to love for breaking my heart and screwing my life up.

DMmeClownPics · 2026-01-25T05:37:20+00:00

I’m not possessive over my partner at all, but it also doesn’t bother me in the slightest if he flirts with other people or engages with them sexually to whatever degree he wants to. I’m secure enough in our relationship to know that I’m the one he is in love with. And if that were to ever change then I would rather he be happy with someone else than be feeling stuck with me.

StressedOut_Sloth · 2026-01-25T22:13:22+00:00

Hard agree - I'm not fighting to keep a man.

You want out? Go.

You strayed but want to stay? Hell no.

I don't keep things that have been tainted.

Not to say that I don't feel jealousy. I do. I'm just not motivated enough to fight to keep you, if somebody wants to leave, they're gonna leave.

Cool-Mixture-4123 · 2026-01-25T01:47:29+00:00

Boundaries are healthy, and short-term relationships can be rewarding sometimes and learning/growth experiences. There's nothing particularly radical to debate in this post.

A healthy relationship is always growing and evolving. Not about ownership. A logical ending could be mutual or unilateral. The magic is when both partners use their agency to keep it good

AutoModerator · 2026-01-25T01:28:54+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2026-01-25T01:28:55+00:00

Hi OP,

You've chosen to identify your thread as a Debate. As such you are expected to actively engage in your own thread with a mind open to being changed. PPD has guidelines for what that involves.

OPs author must genuinely hold the position and you must be open to having your view challenged.

An unwillingness to debate in good faith may be inferred from one or several of the following:

Ignoring the main point of a comment, especially to point out some minor inconsistency;

Refusing to make concessions that an alternate view has merit;

Focusing only on the weaker arguments;

Only having discussions with users who agree with your position.

Failure to keep to this higher standard (we only apply to Debate OPs) may result in deletion of the whole thread.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

wtknight · 2026-01-25T19:46:49+00:00

I don't think that it's dumb to compromise if compromise is possible, and this includes jealousy in a relationship. The reason a lot of people are single and lonely at times is because they are unable to compromise. But if it makes some people unhappier to compromise than basically being alone in life, then more power to them.

enterthehawkeye · 2026-01-25T23:19:37+00:00

Abundance mentality. She's not yours, it's just your turn. Actually read TRP

The_WankingBuddha · 2026-01-25T01:36:51+00:00

idk what you're on about. I'd love to see two or more chicks fighting over me lol.

May the craziest one win.

BigZaddyZ3 · 2026-01-25T01:55:19+00:00

You’ve never truly been in love with someone if you weren’t interested in keeping them around as long as possible in my opinion. But with that being said, I can agree that at some point if they wanna leave they will. So there’s no point of going too crazy over it, right? I get that.

But not feeling any stress at the thought of losing themat all? That just means that you don’t actually like them that much in reality. People get upset at the thought of even losing their favorite t-shirt at times… When you truly love something/someone, you want that thing to be in your life as long as possible. That’s my two cents on it.

Title	The whole concept of fighting over someone is dumb
Author	DriverInitial8305
Upvotes	23
Comments	57
Date	January 25, 2026 1:28 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1qm5b7d/the_whole_concept_of_fighting_over_someone_is_dumb/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-whole-concept-of-fighting-over-someone-is-dumb.1571890 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571890

Comments