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Chaadwic · 2022-01-12T18:31:17+00:00

You are so fucked if you divorce. You will pay her alimony and child support. The court system will eat you alive. Get her working ASAP. Hide your assets and save for a lawyer.

goodfriendkyle · 2022-01-12T17:54:56+00:00

Netflix isn't going to watch itself

sicrm · 2022-01-12T19:08:39+00:00

book a consult with a lawyer to see what a divorce would look like.

that doesn’t mean you have to file, but you should know what your options are. also ask what can you do to protect yourself and what evidence you should gather. if a divorce would look shitty today, find out what you can do to mitigate that somewhat in the future.

also read No More Mr. Nice Guy. they’ll probably be a few aha moments and it can help you avoid getting into another relationship like this one in the future.

thefudmaster · 2022-01-12T22:12:27+00:00

Me ex asked me to get a nanny or put the kids in daycare. I told her we could do that as soon as she got a job. I had to divorce her to get her working.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2022-01-12T19:34:14+00:00

Get her to work. Cut expenses until she earns her dime.

crypto_keeper88 · 2022-01-12T22:25:11+00:00

The gravy train is over, time to get her back to work! If she refuses then file and she will have no choice if she wants to keep her current lifestyle.

ABBucsfan · 2022-01-12T18:05:48+00:00

Been there done that.. I was told that playing a bit of taxi and cooking the odd meal (she did do that much but complained and I did the odd time) was way harder physically.. that sitting in front of a computer couldn't possibly leave me tired and that i just sat on my fat butt. She took credit for a the musical chairs she did with household items on Facebook (even though I had to sometimes pickup after work) basically creating work for herself cause she never stopped tinkering (too much time on her hands). Whenever I got home from work it's like oh I'm exhausted here are the kids.

Tbh I never even gave her a hard time about it, I made excuses for her until she decided she had to get out (coincidentally that narrative started not long after she was done having kids). It was actually when she was about to have our second she was calling for help and my parents were reluctant to come. My dad said my mom could go, but he wasn't because he'd see her sitting there with her laptop ordering me around or texting me from the floor above asking me for something. Said he'd say something he'd regret.

Kicked is she's still doing they two years into divorce collectint my support and from her rich family. Don't know if she'll ever work. Doing her best to delay my equal custody. Wants to keep that support payment and keep sending youngest to daycare while oldest goes to school

Ps: I came across a funnt term the other day. Emotional labour. Seems it was legit term for service Jobs putting up with strangers bs. Feminists have no highjacked it for some other bs purpose being a housewife. Don't think they can even agree on the exact definition

azwildcat74 · 2022-01-13T00:12:07+00:00

I don't know how you've not hidden a nanny cam or two to capture all of this extremely difficult work she has been doing on video.

AtomicMGTOW · 2022-01-13T01:44:41+00:00

You checkmated her shit-test. She made a move to gaslight/manipulate you and you called her on it. By offering her a few weeks to do nothing she had to face her bullshit. Nice move. She wanted you to feel bad and put in even more effort or have a huge fight with her to give her an excuse to tell all her friends/family about how evil you are. You disarmed the narcissist by giving an answer she didn't expect and that made her brain flip into hyper-hamster mode.

She's bored. She doesn't have anything to do and idle hands to the devils work... ie: she sits around all day creating strawman arguments and building her resentment for you. You sure she's not fucking someone else? She NEEDS ATTENTION, BAD. Even if it's negative. She needs a "jolt", a thrill and when she's not getting it, "it's your fault." Who knows where she goes with this next. Maybe the whole "He works too much and is never home to spend time with me"... Ugh, dude, this is bad.

Gattsama · 2022-01-12T23:53:38+00:00

I am 47y/o and my STBX is 43y/o. We have no children, but do have 7 cats and 1 dog. We have a 3050sqft house (-175ft bdrm that her brother lives in). 17y together, 12y married, and ~2.5mo separated. She is CONTENTLY telling me how since I left she can not do everything in the house. So going to plan to hire someone to help her out. I have been a simp for so long, that I was happy to hire someone, because I see her as weak and injured. So I say sure, I'll hire someone. Let me know what you need help with so I can put the ad together and figure out the house / pay. She said she needs help with the animals in the morning for ~1hr.

So I ask, wait.. since i moved out you have to do all of my chores and all of your chores? So what are all of the tasks that you do now that you didn't before. Like fucking crickets? She's like I do all the stuff you did, so again I ask exactly what. And I get this BS about: whatever is needed, fixing that, cleaning that, etc...

So basically it's a nothing burger. I told her I wanted to terminate ~3wks into the separation but she wanted to work on things. But with the distance I can see just how much of a non-asset she is to me. And if pushed, like your wife it's all these unseen chores that take up so much time (and we can' hire anyone to do, because they aren't listable like that).

And the logical fallacies and double speak is off the chart when pressed. I'm still f&cked in the head, but listen to everyone here that sounds just eject asap.

jimsmythee · 2022-01-13T16:37:27+00:00

My exwife who was a SAHM at the time, sold me that "A SAHM is worth $110,000 a year."

I told her, "oh, remember when your sister worked as a nanny? I wonder why she quit that job when she was making $110,000 a year?"

ramboton · 2022-01-13T03:07:44+00:00

wow, and I thought I was the only one. Work, cook, do the laundry on weekends, while she sits on her ass. Apparently I am the only one trained in loading the dishwasher. My kids are almost 18, and even they see it. In fact one has started mopping the floors and helping with the laundry just because they know mom won't. I am holding out until they are over 18 so there is no issue of custody or support for the kids.

AdultishRaktajino · 2022-01-13T02:35:38+00:00

If you can, try to cut back your work schedule a bit for months before filing.

Your kids need you too and the extra hours can work against you both custody wise and financially. If you're paid hourly, you'll be expected to maintain that overtime income as the calculations will be based on it. If not, you're working for free.

womenthro · 2022-01-13T20:06:54+00:00

When malicious and manipulative people are cornered they panic and lash out like a feral animal.

She knows you're onto her scam, and she's deathly afraid of losing it. As soon as she stops those "invisible chores" and nothing changes, she's afraid she'll have to actually start being a partner.

ChrimsonChin988 · 2022-01-14T11:24:42+00:00

She absolutely flipped her shit. She went on to commit more logical fallacies in a single minute than in the entirety of the buzz feed catalogue.

This is so fkn common among women tbh. It always goes something like this:

They contradict themselves in some sort of way. You point it out.
First phase: denial. You repeat what they said and point out which part clearly contradict the other part.
Now the angry phase starts. Meaning: Moving the goal post and/or changing the context. You point this out.
They start using some of anecdotal 'evidence' to back up their point. Point this out.
Start making 6 more contradictions. Point this out.
Rage phase starts. I've heard Kevin Samuels refer to it as 'Shame, Guilt, Insult, Need to Be Right'. 'You are just a xyz hater' 'Why do you have to make me feel xyz way' 'You are a (derogatory comment)' Because and this is what it ultimately comes down to: They will say anything to get you to surrender/give up/retreat. But you don't.
If you have stayed calm and collected this is where they start to cool down and try to be nice again. This is why you always keep calm and don't become emotional in any way or start reacting to what she's saying. You stick to your guns.

Arguing with a woman who is behaving like this is approximate to arguing with a teenager. If you get mad you will only justify their anger in their mind. Too many men make this mistake.

Once women start contradicting themselves, they leave logic behind. They have about 1 level of logic, which you can defeat by pointing out a contradiction. Once they see they contradicted themselves and cannot win using logic they start using their 4 levels of emotion to attack you. Thing is, emotion can not beat logic. You can only lose by deviating from your logic and becoming emotional yourself. This is why we as men need to always stick to our logic and develop it to such a degree that the depth to our logic can always overcome any sort of emotional argument they might throw at us.

Routine_Ask_7272 · 2022-01-24T18:49:29+00:00

38M. Together 18 years. Married 14 years. 2 kids.

My lazy SAHM earned an associate's degree in nursing 10 years ago, and a bachelor's degree in nursing 5 years ago.

For the last 10 years, she's had an active nursing license, active liability insurance, a working car, and a driver's license. But, she's barely worked.

A few months after earning her bachelor's degree, she found a job, worked for two months, then quit. She never went back to work.

She claims that I "prevented" her from working. She also claims that daycare was so expensive, that it wasn't worth it.

I asked her to work part-time, for years. I said I could watch the kids, during an occasional night or weekend shift. She refused.

She's always had mental health issues. During COVID, she also started having problems with substance abuse.

In late August, she made a suicide attempt (prescription medication overdose), and spent 9 nights in a mental health hospital.

Exactly one month after she was released, she made a second suicide attempt, and spent another 5 nights in a mental health hospital.

According to her, she needed another 6, 12, or 18 months to "heal", before she could start working again. I called bullshit.

A few weeks after that, in a rare burst of confidence, I filed for divorce. But, I had to wait months for the paperwork to be processed. We had "The Talk" ~3 weeks ago.

In addition to all of this, she started a long-distance relationship with a new male "friend", and we've had a dead bedroom for years.

Pale-Butterscotch-16 · 2022-01-13T05:06:12+00:00

Do you love her?

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	35
Comments	38
Date	January 12, 2022 5:39 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/divorce_men/comments/s2c19g/deleted-by-user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/deleted-by-user.1600064 https://theredarchive.com/post/1600064

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