Q4 married/LTR members of PPD: how would your relationship change if you suddenly came into success, fame, and/or money?

poppy_blu · 2020-08-25T19:21:15+00:00

success, fame and money

These are different things.

Success - we're both already successful.

Fame - this would be hard for both of us. We're very private people and the idea of being tracked by strangers on the internet and stalked by photographers is not a life either of us would ever want.

Money - we're not hurting for money. A sudden windfall of money would simply mean retirement starts today.

Yes we are happy. Together 18 years, married 15.

I could leave him now for someone "better." So could he. We're not together because we lack other options.

There is this idea going around that women settle for men for money and men settle for women for sex

Keep in mind that the pillosphere is full of LV people with few or no options, people who've never dated let alone had a relationship, and people who's default mode is climbing, ie using people and relationships to attain higher status.

usa_foot_print · 2020-08-25T18:18:35+00:00

Yes. Married for 7 years (both 32)
Yes and no. I'd be able to throw away all the money I have wanted to towards retirement. I'd buy a boat and plane and get my pilots license. My wife would probably buy some decorations and a a subaru ascent lol. Pay off the house, etc. It wouldn't change our relationship together.
No. There isn't anyone better. My wife is the best one out there for me.

Throwaway4Faraday · 2020-08-25T18:33:10+00:00

[deleted]

relish5k · 2020-08-25T19:00:12+00:00

yes very happy
The only way I think this would change things is one of us would probably get much busier. Say for example, some career opportunity went into high-gear. We would be making more money, but that partner would probably also be much more busy. That could adversely impact our relationship
If I got more money I absolutely would NOT leave my husband. I would just stop working or work less.

GrumpyOldHistoricist · 2020-08-25T19:08:56+00:00

1.) Yes. Very. We’ve been together just over five years.

2.) I’d use it to allow my girlfriend to become a stay at home. She’s extremely domestic and feels her most fulfilled when she’s cooking, rescuing cats, etc. But we’re working class people and we both need to hold down jobs right now. I’d love to free her from that. It would make us both happy and would improve our relationship.

3.) I’d stay with her. We’re extremely compatible and prone to stability together, she’s basically my physical sexual ideal anyway, and my wild oats are already very sown. I’d be an idiot to leave her for new pussy.

wtknight · 2020-08-25T19:24:17+00:00

Are you happy in your relationship, and how long have you been together?

Yep. I’ve been married for more than 10 years now.

If you came in to some sort of fame or wealth (of a very significant degree) would this change your sexy life or relationship at all?

It would probably make our marriage even better, as we’d take a lot more vacations and do even more fun things than we do now, at least once this coronavirus thing is over.

And men, would you leave your partner for more plentiful sources of sex and beautiful women, or would you want both?

I’m already a rich man if I go to some developing country and become a sexpat, even with a divorce. And yet I don’t do that because I love my wife. So becoming a rich man in the developed world wouldn’t change anything for me either.

Reisiluu · 2020-08-25T19:43:44+00:00

If I got a large amount of money somehow we'd start trying for a kid straight away. We've been together for 10 years.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-08-25T20:51:02+00:00

Married.

1) most of the time we are happy. We have ups and downs but work through them.

2) we would travel more together, more adult weekends away so we can do sexy things in nice swanky hotels with those massive showers and bathtubs.

3). No. I got a good guy. Throwing away something good and real for something shallow would feel empty to me. But if he wanted to see what money buys I’d give him a hall pass and I would hire a pool boy for the day. One time thing though.

SeemedGood · 2020-08-25T18:40:30+00:00

Man

Been married for over 20 years. Have about as stable/“good” a marriage as I’ve observed anyone else having and more stable/“better” than the vast majority of marriages which I have observed, but wouldn’t marry again knowing what I know now.
Have no fame but did earn some degree of wealth (significant by most standards) during the marriage. It didn’t really change the relationship at all, possibly because my wife anticipated that I would be successful prior to the development of our relationship, though not the extent. It didn’t really change our sex life per se, but the more “BB” model I became, the less sexually attracted to me she became.
Would not leave based on money. Will leave if I become entirely convinced that it isn’t possible for my wife to appreciate me for my being without regard to my utility to herself and/or that she isn’t really trying to make that possibility a reality in good faith. And I would suggest we separate without regard to the cost (though I would certainly be looking to contain it).

And men, would you leave your partner for more plentiful sources of sex and beautiful women, or would you want both?

In theory I’d want both, but in practice the idea of being in a stable relationship with one woman whom I find attractive and who genuinely loves me for my being without regard to my utility to herself, is far more appealing than sex with many different women. As far as attraction is concerned, I am more sexually attracted to my wife even though she has aged significantly than any other women by a fair margin.

VariationBusiness · 2020-08-25T18:24:28+00:00

In a LTR for 7 years.

Fame and wealth to a significant degree would mean my girl needs to get on board with the pro athlete lifestyle. She can still be my wife, have our kids and a family together. But I will be indulging in the 1000s of thots who will be throwing themselves at me.

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rubbooyuri · 2020-08-25T18:16:33+00:00

I’m pretty sure I’d be fine and happy, cuz I’m happy and fine now, and also lazy; don’t know about my partner, honestly. Who can really know until it happens?

10+ years

rosephase · 2020-08-25T19:36:33+00:00

I am very happy in my relationships, I've been in one for 15 year, one for 10 years and one for 5 years.
I assume I would be less stressed out so I would probably want more sex. I am most excited for sex when I'm happy and relaxed and don't have to worry about keeping the water on.
I am not married so I would keep all my assets if I broke up with any of my partners. I don't think "successful" means "better". I love my partners for who they are, not what they can do for me. My personal money making ability has gone up and down a lot in my life and it's never once made me want to leave my partner for someone with more money or "success".

PellucidlyNebulous · 2020-08-25T20:20:14+00:00

First:

Are you happy in your relationship, and how long have you been together?

I mean, it could be better, but at no fault of our own doing. Spouse has developed some health issues that really put a damper on his life & it's been challenging to get those properly addressed by medical professionals...and especially shitty this year with COVID. It would improve his self-image significantly if he could use his body how most can, and thus confer benefits to our relationship. It would make me happier to see him in good health. He wants to help out more around the house & such, but it tends to be very painful past a certain point. Together for about 8.5 years now, married for about 1.5 (yeah we're fairly babby still, so maybe some of you will get a chuckle if I sound too starry eyed)

If you came in to some sort of fame or wealth (of a very significant degree) would this change your sexy life or relationship at all? If so how?

Hmm, related to my first answer, I would hope it'd mean I could lavish my spouse with any money he could possibly need to finally find some competent medical professionals that take his issues seriously and consider his medical history comprehensively.

I am already the sole breadwinner, so I don't think it would change too much in terms of 'respect' or the potential of feeling 'emasculated' that some other men might experience if their wives became famous/ wealthy without them also being famous/ wealthy. Ultimately, what is mine is his and what is his is mine when it comes to finances. I do, essentially, control all our finances in the first place. He knows he has a tendency to impulse spend and has told me he prefers the monthly allowance kind of thing to spend on fun/extra things for himself. Though he does sometimes end up spending it on stuff for 'us', unprompted. Otherwise, I like to think I'm very open about making sure to cover (separately from his 'allowance') the things he needs, like medications, clothing, food, and I'm not tallying up extra stuff he might throw in the cart. Stuff for 'us' is always covered by the 'general house funds'. I think we have it fairly good when it comes to discussing money. We are both fairly introverted, so being famous, as in being in the spotlight a lot, would negatively effect me as it would drain me, so less energy for my spouse which I would not like. Being a social media star or celebrity is one of my worst nightmares.

Assuming you would retain all of your assets in a divorce, would you leave your partner for a better/ more successful man? And men, would you leave your partner for more plentiful sources of sex and beautiful women, or would you want both?

As long as he keeps up his end of the deal we recited in our marriage vows and in our separate little 'relationship contract/rules list', then no. I would love to be able to retire early and spoil us going on cool camping trips, bouldering, travelling, pets, whatever we could imagine! We are basically each other's best friends.

I cannot imagine a partner who would be 'better' that would be worth walking away from our relationship, losing him and starting over...again, provided he keeps up his 'end of the deal' and doesn't turn into someone I don't even recognize anymore. Call me cheesy if you want.

edit: oops, forgot to include relationship duration. Added.

pandora_box- · 2020-08-25T20:48:54+00:00

Married 3 year / together for almost 5. We are very happy.
My 86 yo grandfather is in the top 2% by net worth so we’ll eventually be inheriting a significant sum (hopefully in the very distant future). My parents are also wealthy of their own accord. I grew up around wealth & handle our finances so I doubt its not going to affect anything other than our net worth. Only issue I might see is my husband might be tempted to go on a spending spree which is NOT how you build wealth. I’d keep it in an investment portfolio to see if I can double or triple the amount my kids /grandkids inherit & live off our own earnings.
Inheritances are not considered community property unless it’s commingled with community property & we have a prenup— I would retain the inherited assets but pay him alimony (w/ optional lump sum) for a set amount of time unless he cheated. All property acquired during the marriage will be divided 50/50. However I believe in the sanctity of marriage and would never divorce him except for if he cheated or became abusive.

nemma88 · 2020-08-25T21:29:30+00:00

Yes I'm happy. 5 years.
I'd be happy about early retirement... other than that not much. We would be able to do more without work. Together. We'd probably buy a cottage, make a workshop, make things together, watch movies in a TV room together etc.
No. If I have wealth, whats the point in a more successful man anyway? I don't need a better man either, I like the one I have and I've tried and tested him.

ldonnawho · 2020-08-25T21:32:26+00:00

Are you happy in your relationship, and how long have you been together?

Yeah I am. We have been together for 1.5yrs but only married for about a month.

If you came in to some sort of fame or wealth (of a very significant degree) would this change your sexy life or relationship at all?

We already do well for ourselves but if we got to the level of billionaires, our lifestyle wouldn't change too much but we'd be more flexible with investments and vacationing.

Assuming you would retain all your assets after a divorce, would you leave your partner for a better/more successful man.

Not really unless he started treating me differently then I would consider moving to another man. Ultimately I already have options now have chosen to be with him.

Priscacara · 2020-08-25T23:25:22+00:00

I am very happy in my LTR of four years. I really do not see how money would alter our relationship except to help us buy a house. We would then live in a nice place together, but the dynamic between us would remain as it is. Why would I leave him? He's awesome.

LeJacquelope · 2020-08-25T23:31:59+00:00

Well my wife and I started out broke as a fucking joke and worked our way into wealth together. Things have worked out well so far.

That's part of why I feel so badly for you young guys out there. Women in today's marriage market ain't even gonna look twice at you while you're making latte's. And don't let your job get upended by this COVID pandemic.

In some ways that's kinda what's driving hookup culture: women don't want to marry you if you're not high enough status so all you got is maybe ONS if you're good looking or Dark Triad enough to win her over for a night.

death_by_1000_cats · 2020-08-25T23:53:23+00:00

Are you happy in your relationship, and how long have you been together?

Yes. 8 years together, 3 married.

If you came in to some sort of fame or wealth (of a very significant degree) would this change your sexy life or relationship at all? If so how?

I don't think my husband or I would enjoy being famous much, so I think that would put a strain on things. Coming into money however would improve our lives immeasurably, and probably our relationship too.

Assuming you would retain all of your assets in a divorce, would you leave your partner for a better/ more successful man? And men, would you leave your partner for more plentiful sources of sex and beautiful women, or would you want both?

No. If I'm happy with him when I don't have a lot of money, why would I want to leave him if I suddenly had a lot of money? That doesn't make sense.

SmurfESmurferson · 2020-08-26T04:07:48+00:00

I’ve dated guys in pretty much every SES level, from WC to UC. I’ve dated men who have some small bits of fame (not enough that the average person would know their name, but enough that their projects are instantly recognizable), and I know some famous people

My observations:

Riches and fame have nothing to do with happiness. Poor people can be happy, rich people can be miserable.

Sexual attraction has literally nothing to do with riches or fame.

If someone is happy and satisfied, they wouldn’t leave their partner for someone richer or more successful. As with any other form of infidelity, people leave one partner for another when there is something major missing from the initial relationship

The only thing that rich or famous guys have is implied dread - groupies and gold diggers hang around, and girls get territorial. It’s the same for a more beautiful woman, though - she’ll always have admirers

PacificPlatypus · 2020-08-26T07:40:40+00:00

Yes, 5 years
Not the sex, but yes to the rest of the relationship. He likes a simple life. I like excitement, but can get too caught up in the details and stressed out.
No. I don't want "success" or money from him. I want him.

octocombo · 2020-08-26T07:44:06+00:00

Quite happy in my relationships, and I’ve been with my primary partner for 5 years. Secondary partnerships are 2 years and 1 year, respectively.
Probably the main change would be that I’d buy more things for my partners than I already do (I currently have a higher salary than any of my partners and so will sometimes treat one of them to a random gift or will pay for my primary partner to come on a vacation with me that he otherwise wouldn’t feel comfortable budgeting for). Might also involve paying for more cleaning/childcare services if we eventually have kids. And for my partner who’s been struggling with financial stability it would likely mean that I would put her through the professional school she’s been saving up for. Also would see if our other close friend (not a partner but we’re all really close to him) would accept some of the windfall to pay his parents’ medical debt. After that, probably would donate the excess because I don’t need it.
I’m already wealthier than any of my three partners, and I don’t see why gaining more wealth would make me want to leave or add partners beyond what we’ve all agreed to. I love them, and I don’t think that having more wealth/fame/success/beauty would enable me to find someone who fits me better, nor do I really have time in my life for another partner. I have no interest in casual sex. Basically, I am dubious that “better” exists given that shared history and friendships are a significant benefit to me and given that I’m already very happy.

Gravel_Roads · 2020-08-26T09:12:05+00:00

LTR of 20 years. Yeah, we're happy.

We're both artists and frankly, the amount of "fame" we've gotten for having minor works published or exhibited has proven we're both too introverted to want to be famous. Neither of us like people in our business or having people badger us when we're going to produce our next work. So "famous" isn't something we want all that much.

However, if either of us got rich(er), we'd certainly be happier. Our 5-year plan was to buy a house together, but post covid we're just trying to keep stable. So if we got a lot of money, we'd be able to move our plans up much sooner. Get a nice place with a yard big enough to get that goat we always wanted. Have a huge screened in porch for the cats. View of the ocean.

Creation_Soul · 2020-08-26T11:32:26+00:00

I am 2 years older than my wife and we met in college. She came from a dirt-poor family and I cam from a middle-class (more like lower middle class) family. So, during college none of us had much money for fancy stuff, but I was definitely better off.

Being 2 years older, I started my career two years earlier than her, and started making some good money for my level of experience. During these 2 years, not once has she asked me to spend money for anything, even though she clearly could have used the money for taking better care of basic needs. I would pay more often for fun activities, but nothing fancy or stuff that would leave a hole in my pocket.

These two years were a very good indicator for me on how her personality worked. Once she also started her career, we moved in together and most expenses 50-50 until we got married.

So, yes, you could say that for two years during our early years in the relationship I had way more money than she did, but not once has she tried to take advantage of that.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-08-26T20:59:54+00:00

I'm very happy, we have both growth, money came in, absolutely nothing has change except for the fact that maybe we will be able to buy a house together

asperges_me_domine · 2020-08-27T02:23:34+00:00

25F married to 25M. Only married a few months but together 4 years. Extraordinarily happy, but again we literally just got back from our honeymoon.
Fame? Oh fuck that. We are both deeply private people, to the extent that we live in the middle of nowhere by choice and are trying to go even more remote. It would be a strain, but judging by how fleeting media attention is, I'm sure we could escape the public eye eventually and get back to our quiet lives. Money would be nice, we could finally buy our dream homestead. Not sure how it would impact our sex life, can't really see it being a negative though. The only potential issue would be us getting fat and greasy from all the cheese we could then afford.
We are Catholic as heck, so divorce isn't in the cards for us, no prenup or assets here. The dreams and goals I have include him. Like I said, if wealth suddenly entered the equation, it would go to our dream farm, which is not something I would want to do with anyone else. Money is tight but our needs are met so not even Bezos level wealth is attractive to me. I hope he never turns me in for newer model, but I doubt he'd find very many women as enthusiastic about mucking chicken coops and hugelkultur as I am.

LettingHimLead · 2020-08-27T20:49:31+00:00

1) Yes. Together 21 years. Married 18.

2) Fame would be hell for us. We enjoy the autonomy to do what we want without people watching every move we make. Money? While we’re comfortable, we aren’t rich. It would mean retirement. More toys. Setting our kids up with homes of their own when they’re old enough to move out. Taking care of our families. The same goals we have now - it would just get here quicker.

3) Even if I didn’t like my husband, the worst time to begin another relationship is after becoming rich or famous. How would you know their motive? I have something it would take years to build with someone new. No thanks.

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