"Give me an example". The easiest rebuff to any statement you could possibly make for any argument. Recently one of our men was thrashed when he tried to help others who are in a situation many of us found ourselves in. "Give me an example." was often shouted. And there's no easy way to sum up one man's progress. Well, I've been here about a year and a half, and after the introspection I did after reading both DB and TBP comments and thinking to myself, "what has TRP done for me", I'm going to give you an example. Buckle up, because I'm about to take you on a journey to a low you may not have thought was possible.
Lifting: I did not lift before MRP. I ran, a lot. I still run, a lot. But I didn't lift because I was afraid that I did not know what I was getting into. I was afraid of tough guys at the gym, what they would think of me, and if I would look stupid not knowing what to do. I was afraid I would hurt myself, that my friends would think of me as trying to change into someone I'm not. Do you see that none of those reasons involve anything about not lifting because I don't like it or because I wouldn't like the results it would give me?
I lift now. I did the research on what exercise works what muscle as well as how to perform compound lifts correctly. And from within the depths of my soul I will tell you that every time I am finished a workout, I feel better than when I started. And that feeling lasts for at least 24 hours. And there are times afterwards I feel like a GOD. I look at myself in the mirror and see each and every muscle ripple and I see all the hard work I put into myself and I AM PROUD. The emotional good vibes I get from staring my limits dead in the face and pushing through are insane. MRP convinced me to lift. I mean, it stuffs this message into your brain how could you not?
Eating Right: I had some experiences with dieting and calorie counting before MRP. But a lot of it was me flying by the seat of my pants. It helped me know how to slim down (calories in v. calories out), but I did not really pay attention to what I was putting into my body. I ate a lot of sugar, and was hungry often. And when I get hungry, I get HANGRY. And it's bad.
Now I have done the research on how much protein I should be getting. That I should refuel with carbs before and after my runs. That lean meats and whole grains will make me feel fuller and that eating 4-5 smaller meals a day combined with protein will keep me from getting hungry. I cut chips entirely. I cut any sugar drink entirely. It's milk and water now. I researched documentaries and studied how different types of sugar are actually broken down, what they are broken down into, and how they are used by the body. How eating certain sugars enough leads to metabolic syndrome. How certain sugars like alcohol don't break down to the glucose your muscles need. I got myself down to 5% BF and have been hovering between 5 and 10% for 6-8 months now. The combination of lifting and eating right got me from this to this and I honestly cannot pass a mirror without it boosting my pride. It's not about vanity and how I must look for others (although that's a bonus), but it's about the pride I feel in MYSELF. MRP pushed me to take that control.
Hygiene: I did not wash my crack when I took a shower. I did not wash my feet when I took a shower. There I said it. Just never did. I used whatever soap was on hand, because soap is soap right? I let my neck hair grow when I felt too lazy to shave it. I had ear hair, and a rat tail. I had nose hair. And I shaved my facial hair on and off whenever with no real reason for it other than to change things up a bit now and then. I used Axe deodorant but never researched an antiperspirant before, and I sweat a lot. When I would smell someone out in public that stunk I would look at them with disdain, but somehow I thought it was okay when I climbed into bed to fuck and a cloud of funk wafted out from between my legs.
My feet and shoes stink a lot. I notice this now. I manage the smell with Lysol whenever I take them off now. I wash my entire self now in the shower. I took notice of my hair and how idiotic it was to keep drying it out with head and shoulders and not using conditioner. MRP mentioned using conditioner. I use conditioner now (big difference). I took a few weeks this fall to drive to the mall on the way home every day to sample a new cologne, to pick one that worked for me. I found a website that breaks down what scents are in each cologne so I can track what I'm smelling and try to pick out the smells I like. I picked up a body wash to match my cologne so smells don't conflict. I now have a spring/summer smell (C.O. Bigelow White Elixer) and a fall/winter smell (Armani Code, it's simply insane how good I smell now). I have an antiperspirant now. It works when used right (at night before bed people). I cut my nails, trim body hair (nose, ears, crotch, unibrow) weekly. I have an alarm set to tell me to do it. MRP taught me ALL these things. You are saying to yourself, "There's no way MRP had a hand in all this, this is common sense". It really fucking wasn't.I told you we were going low. MRP pushed me to take notice of myself and to improve. It asked me Would you fuck you? and made me admit, No.
Hair/Looks: After college when I cut my long hair short, I did not style it at all. How I woke up was how it looked that day. Sometimes it was oily from not washing it (see hygiene above). I wore jeans with holes in the knees. I wore shirts that I had been wearing SINCE HIGH SCHOOL (I was 29). My underwear also had holes. I wore white socks with my shoes, which were always running shoes and had my pinky toes bust through the side. I did not own a belt.
MRP convinced me to put in the work to actually look good and take pride in it. I went to the store and tried on every single number style of Levi's jeans in every waist and length size near what I had been wearing to find out what actually fit. 501s 541s 505s 511s 514s 34-32 33-32 skinny jeans, slim jeans, boot cut and tapered I know what all this means now because I DID THE RESEARCH. I bought belts for those pants...which matched my shoes, shoes other than for running like the nice black boots I bought for winter, or the boat shoes I bought for summer. I started shopping clearance racks to find polos and button down shirts because I had an entire high school wardrobe to replace and knew it was going to be expensive. I gathered mens' opinions on /r/malefashionadvice and searched "mens fashion fall 2016" or "mens outfits black boots" or "mens button down shirts summer 2016" and picked outfits I thought actually looked really good. And they looked really good on me. A talk of hairstyle on MRP got me to research face shapes and what kind of hair style would suit me. I grew my hair out a bit and went with a killer short mow hawk variant for the summer and toned it down to a combed front spike-up for the winter. MRP pushed me to do all this, to take pride in the way I look. To put in the research.
Social: I am an adrenaline junky. I am a fit, active guy. But I wasted DECADES of my life playing video games. I was literally addicted. I would come home from work, fire up Call of Duty, play for 4 hours, and by the end I was MAD. Like head hurts I may have a stroke mad. "Fucking campers sitting around corners and dealing with game lag and fuck you and your noob tube you AWP no scope camping [email protected]" At one point I actually kept saying to myself, "Why am I playing this if it makes me mad??" But the truth was I had no other hobbies and I was addicted. I got in with a circle of friends but always felt like the outsider. I was very quiet and reserved at gatherings unless I got enough alcohol in me. I had this mentality that I'm still trying to shake that I don't want to hang out with this or that person because they're losers and I'm better than them. But MRP made me realize it really is just my fear of getting out there with people, and that in fact I was the loser. I used to be paralyzed by the fear of people judging me, or not liking me. When I would meet another person with my group of friends I would always confide in them later: "I think (new person) doesn't like me." and they called me out on this a few times.
After finding MRP I joined a co-ed social sports club in a city near me. I play everything from soccer to volleyball to flag football with them now. The social club pushed the team to go to the sponsor bar afterwards for drink specials, so often we do that. I use that opportunity to practice talking to people, stringing conversations along, studying conversational dynamics (how to stay on topic, when to let a topic go if we've switched to a new one, when to let them talk and when to push myself to talk). Since I'm around bars, even if no one goes out after, I'll explore the city and other bars not only to converse with complete strangers, but to scope out spots I can take my wife. And there are a few spots I found that have made great dates since then. I picked up meetup to go out and meet people. It doesn't matter who they are now, my viewpoint now is that everyone out there has potential to give me joy in my social life, so let's see what I can find. The local board game club is meeting for trivia? Shit I'll go. 30s/40s group going to play paintball? I'm there. By examining mine and others' social dynamics and allowing me to really get inside the head of other people, MRP allowed me to push myself confidently out there and meet new people and do new things.
Self Worth: People live by the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". I lived by the Platinum rule: "Do unto others, as they want done unto them". My wants were completely cast aside. Someone said jump and I said how high? Then wondered if it was good enough. I thought I was accumulating brownie points. I thought one day all these points could be cashed in. I was completely selling myself, my wants, my goals, my desires out for other people. I used to rush home from work, like literally skip out early and rush home to 'relieve' my wife from watching the kids. I would make covert contracts that if I did this, or if I watched them for the night, or if I cleaned up real good, that she would repay the favor or have sex with me. I actually had that thought process, and got mad when she didn't.
I learned how to say no. I learned that it was okay to say no. That your friendship would not fall apart because you did not feel like helping build some guy's party patio that day. I saw how illogical covert contracts were. I often, when deciding whether to do something, live by the mantra: "I am single, I don't have a wife" to avoid slipping back into making decisions based on someone else's happiness. This doesn't mean I snub her or ditch her for selfish reasons, I'm talking about situations where: Hey I want to go look at shirts at the mall on the way home...but what will the wife say?. So I go to the store to look at shirts on the way home. I also learned that everyone is out there living for #1. I said in a post recently I used to say to myself, "Why am I doing things for everyone else but no one seems to want to do anything for me?" I learned life is a hard lonely road to walk. You absolutely walk your road alone. That's not to say your road doesn't meander through the paths of other people, and sometimes you can walk parallel on different paths at the same time. But at the end of the day they walk theirs and you walk yours, and if those paths diverge then that's life. MRP taught me that. That if I become the person I want to be and others don't like that that's OK. That you take pride in what YOU do and what YOU are. That's self worth. I learned that from the MRP sidebar books.
Do you realize that everything I've written so far has NOTHING TO DO WITH WOMEN. MRP pushed me to better myself in all these ways. Guys when we say MRP's focus is to make better MEN and not better MARRIAGES we fucking mean it.
I'm going to skip writing about my problems with women and how MRP is solving them save for this last piece. A lot of times we question whether 'another way' is better, since we've never tried it before. I'm here to remove the doubt:
Ladies (but mostly gentlemen) I USED TO BE A BLUE PILLER: In high school I used to HATE with a fiery passion the alpha guys. I saw how they got the women. I was even planning to beat one up (with my stick sized arms) once just because of the persona he had. I thought pickup was manipulation and wrong. I thought flowers and feelings were right. I was an orbiter. I was a friend they could cry to. No really, I often had women cry to me about how bad their guys were, then go back and date them still. Some guys only read about this stuff in The Rational Male and MMSLP. I lived it. I fucking lived it all. (Let's go lower) I would confess to women I dated for a few months how strong my feelings were. The word love was used. I believed so hard in that fairy-tale crap. They were disgusted. (Let's go lower) After 1 month of 'going out' with a girl in high school I bought her a rose, gave it to her in front of her group of friends at school. They all awww'ed and said I was sweet. When they walked away to give us some space SHE DUMPED ME RIGHT THERE...Rose in hand. And walked away. I threw it in the trash completely baffled. (Let's go lower (Someone screams "No blarg don't to it!")) I had a conversation early on with my wife once about how if I died before her she wouldn't really remarry right? I mean if there was a heaven, I would wait for her at the gates and wanted her to be devoted to me forever and ever." I saw her recoil at my almighty omeganess. Can I go lower? I actually can. And time and time again, through gritted teeth, I can tell you:
But wait, there's more:
Ladies (but mostly gentlemen) I USED TO BE IN A DeadBedroom: And maybe to your disappointment I'm not going to sit here and say that I went from sex once a month to sex every other day. I didnt. What I will tell you is that the reason I used to need sex that often was because it was the only way to get some kind of validation in my life. Sex meant that I was actually worth something to someone. MRP showed me that sex shouldn't be my end goal. And now I get a feeling of worth every time I look in the mirror at my body or my style, every time I go out and be social, every time I get a random woman to laugh or smile in public, or every time I cross something off my to do list. And if you had told me a year and a half ago that with RP I wouldn't need sex as much now, I would have called you a liar. If you had told me that with RP my success rate for initiating to fucking would go from 10% to 85% I would have told you to shut up you liar. If you would have told me that with RP my wife was willing to do new things, get into sex, or talk dirty to me during sex I would have told you to fuck right off you fucking liar. And none of this ever came from me forcing myself on her. I come home now and kiss her hard for 10 seconds and she likes it. I warp my arms around her and she's melts into them. This comes from a relationship where I had "the talk" at at least 5 solid times, 3 while dating and 2 while married. She said she would change, she was sorry, she felt bad, she cried, but then nothing changed. I actually had times where she would push my hand off her leg when I weakly initiated, or when she would physically recoil when I wrapped my arms around her. These stories are sometimes written about by Rollo or in DB and I've lived this shit. This all happened to me.
Until RP. Guys. Look at what I just wrote. It was all my fault. And RP helped me get out of it. TFA helped me. Whinemoreplease helped me. Jacktenofhearts and stone and BPP, cholomite, persaeus, whitetrash, schreech, Shockley, Rollo, Roissey, Ironwood, Pook, christ everyone who posted and inspired that manly fire on our boards helped me. The kindling was there, RP lit the fire. I feel more satisfied, more complete, more accomplished and capable that I ever have in my life. And I'm not done. Not even close. I have big plans for me. Stuff to keep working on. I often think of Hunter S. Thompson's quote: "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow!"" And I can tell you if this last year and a half was any indication, it's going to be the latter.