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Weird Blow-up last night... I struggling with how to handle it this morning... would love options/opinions... it's 5:30am, and I'm at a loss.

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May 20, 2017
12 upvotes

TL;DR - Wife comes in during bedtime yelling at full volume, during a bump in the bedtime routine. Causes complete chaos. What to say this morning?

While the wife does have an issue or two with anger (she's a fucking woman), this is not a normal occurence.

Context/details

Last night, things are going well, got a jump start on the weekend by getting some shit cleaned off the patio (that would've usually waited until Sat or Sun), made burgers, & sat down to watch a movie with the kids.

Earlier in the evening, she mentions she has stuff to prep for tomorrow (she's a teacher, and has a parent teacher thing Sat/this morning). I tell her to go down and get it done while we're watching the movie. It's all good.

Bedtime. Somehow, through the night, kid #2 (we have 3 - age 11, 9, & 6) didn't eat enough, so she's having a slight meltdown (as happens with kids when they don't eat sometimes) in bed, but I'm handling it, or so I think. It's about 9-9:30pm, a little late, but it's Friday, and movie night with Dad, so what the hell.

The wife comes in with both guns blazing and at full volume with essentially, "CAN'T YOU SEE SHE HASN'T EATEN! ARE YOU GOING TO FEED HER? I HAVE WORK TO DO FOR TOMORROW!! ... " and the like. Immediately kid #1 starts crying (parents fighting is scary). And that puts kid #2 into major meltdown. I don't raise my voice for any of this (through the whole experience), but get her out of the room with "Go back to your office, I got this." But she won't. We somehow get to he kitchen (to get kid #2 a snack, if I recall), and I tell her that I got it, while she continues with, "Were you going to actually FEED her?!?!" and the like, still at a pretty good volume. By the time I get back to the bedroom, Kid #1 is curled up on her bed reciting through tears, "I love momma, I love daddy" over and over, while kid #2 is crying and and asking, "I ruin everything. What's wrong with me?" I eventually got the kids calmed down and fell asleep snuggling them. Now I'm up at 5:30am, trying to discern the best way to handle this.

Should I have been a little more on the ball that kid #2 didn't eat after I cooked and sat down for movie time? Sure, I'll own that.

But how to handle the COMPLETE freakout of the wife?

Option 1 - Cold shoulder her (all weekend, or as long as it takes). That shit isn't ok, she knows it (or fucking should) and I withdraw until her hamster gets her shit back on track. Until she came in with guns blazing, it was a night with one kid having a 9 yr old meltdown, she turned it into a fucking shit show. This feels like the better choice to me.

Option 2 - Talk with her. This feels fucking off to me, since I kinda prefer option 1. But at the same time, if she doesn't actually realize that NONE of what she did was helpful, and won't take responsibility, then WTF? On the one hand, I shouldn't need to tell her, on the other, I get the feeling she just had a nice time with herself last night afterwards, watching Netflix by herself, while Friday night for the kids was left in shambles. It's just shitty, and I feel like it should get called out.

Option 3 - Family meeting. Have a sit down with kids + wife, and explain that we all have to take a little more responsibility for our own shit. Kids need to eat at dinner, the wife needs to be helpful when she enters a room.

For clarity, I could give a shit. I can ignore her for a fucking week, but it affects the fucking kids, and she needs to see that her behavior affects them. I mean, our kids will remember last night for YEARS.

I'm headed to the gym for the first part of the day, so I'm doing the cold shoulder until then (about noon on Sat), but I would love input in what others have done in this kind of situation. I'm ready to ignore her for the whole weekend.

EDIT(s) - formatting, spelling and clarity

EDIT -

Option 4 - I'm reading Extreme Ownership right now and am actually leaning a bit in this direction, after initially trying the ignore approach. Something along the lines of, "This isn't the way I want our family to run and I don't think it is for you either. We need to nail down a routine, and stick to it, here's what I'm proposing...blah, blah, blah... do you have any inputs on this, you (the wife) seem to really lack energy to finish the night without yelling and stress."

Just wondering what that total ownership of this situation would look like. As I see value in coming at it from that angle as well. As in, "That was a shit show. Let's make sure it doesn't happen again. Here's the plan."


Post Information
Title Weird Blow-up last night... I struggling with how to handle it this morning... would love options/opinions... it's 5:30am, and I'm at a loss.
Author maxofreddit
Upvotes 12
Comments 74
Date 20 May 2017 12:51 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206126
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6ca6qi/weird_blowup_last_night_i_struggling_with_how_to/
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Comments

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children) | Copy

And...we have a record.

4 links to The Blue Pill on this post.

Gratz OP. You are the current record holder.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (3 children) | Copy

why is your wife yelling, and why are your kids reacting like its their fault...

whats the honest history?

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret18 points19 points  (2 children) | Copy

I was wondering the same thing. Tough to give any advice when it appears like there's a LOT more to this story.

Kids don't start acting like that from one single incident of their parents having a blow out.

The only input I can add for now is , irregardless of how irrational you're spouse reacts, it should be pretty fucking basic parenting to get your kid some food when they're clearly hungry. Before learning better skills to handle this type of situation I probably would have blew up on my wife as well if she was sitting there watching a movie while the kid is whining that they're hungry.

MRP preaches fixing the man. Yes, OP's wife over reacted, but can OP honestly say they were being awesome at that moment? Getting up and fixing the kid a snack before they freak out, and before wife has to come investigate is being awesome. Procrastinating cause you don't want to get up off the couch....fucking lame.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

get your kid some food when they're clearly hungry

Noted. But we were already in bed, and it was one of those last minute things where the kid, after brushing teeth and the whole bedtime routine, says she's hungry. Perhaps I pushed a little too much with the, "Honey, it's bed time now" routine.

This is the piece that I'll own as my fault. Dumb, sure. But there's a difference between a minor meltdown happening, and me literally about to head to the kitchen to get a yogurt... and walking in and nuking the whole fucking thing.

[–]innominating11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kids are manipulative. You thought your kid was asking for food to stay up later. Maybe you were right.

[–]dandar460053 points54 points  (5 children) | Copy

Kid #1 is curled up on her bed reciting through tears, "I love momma, I love daddy" over and over, while kid #2 is crying and and asking, "I ruin everything. What's wrong with me?"

This is not normal. It's as if the kids lived through years of abuse. The open screaming matches are no longer acceptable. You need to talk and come to understanding without having to raise your voice and involving the kids.

Youngest is crying and 9 year old blaming themselves for ruining great evening because the two of you can't behave like adults.

By the way, I have a 9 year old too and sometimes she will come down and grab a bite to eat cause she's hungry. This is normal. We all do that sometimes. This shouldn't be a cause for a screaming match on Friday night.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

It's as if the kids lived through years of abuse.

This was my thought as well... though I think some of it is a reflection on us having a LOT of divorce happening around us right now (literal next door neighbors, and my sister), and she may be scared about that.

But yeah, I think there needs to be a "no raising your voice" rule. The wife resorts to yelling, she's doing better lately, but it's still her default setting.

[–]FailingBillionaire2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I hope you don't snap one day and give her what she would deserve, if she was a man.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I reflect back to the Chris Rock stand up about "I'd never hit a woman, but I understand." There are times man.... there are times...

[–]sven_igortsen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He says something along the lines of... I'd never hit a woman. I'd NEVER hit a woman. But I'd shake the shit out of one.

[–]feckless_wonder21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

You, your wife, and your kids sound fucked up. Your kids, sound kinda "special" and not in the snowflake kind of way.

Kid is hungry. Kid meltsdown (completely inappropriate for a 9 year old). You....twiddle your thumbs? You certainly didn't handle it because your kid is still hungry. Your wife busts in and flips out because you twiddling your thumbs. "somehow" you and her make to kitchen to get the kid a snack. Why can't the kid get herself something to eat? And then the kids start saying weird shit.

From an outsider's perspective, this looks highly dysfunctional

You have a high conflict family, and emotionally disturbed kids. Therapy now, for all of you.

[–]creating_my_life10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

While the wife does have an issue or two with anger (she's a fucking woman)

NAWALT.

She needs to accept, identify, and fix her root anger issues. Maybe through counseling. This is beyond the scope of MRP.

MRP tells you that you should be the best man you can be, and if your wife can't keep up with that, you move on. MRP is also a sexual strategy. Your question is outside the scope of her sexual responsiveness.

You have a critical situation on your hands. Your wife's anger and emotional instability is fucking up your children.

You need to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Yes, I mean you need to think about a life without her, with you having FULL custody of the kids, and taking care of them. Meet with a divorce lawyer. Start documenting her anger outbreaks. Start getting audio and video if you can. (ie, do whatever the divorce lawyer tells you.)

You've been in this shitty situation for so long you don't even recognize how shitty it is.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret9 points10 points  (9 children) | Copy

United front or divorce. She is a fucking idiot that does not respect you and your girls will be helluons under this pretense.

Set a boundary. Your a fucking man, but if you do not set it and enforce it, your daughters will be emotional traninwrecks from your wife.

Apparently she has been attaching you for years. My wife pulled this shot for a while, now she truly thinks twice.

FYI. She need to get her shit together no one needs to prep on a Friday evening after a long week, especially when the kids need her. He'll lead her to balance

Fuck family meeting. Tell her to knock that shit off and you will not tolerate disrespect from her under any circumstances. She starts yell back, screaming until you get her attention and drop your voice "do you like being talked to this way ? ". Scream so Fucking loud and violently, that you shock her.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 8 points9 points  (7 children) | Copy

Scream so Fucking loud and violently, that you shock her.

This has come across my mind a few times, it just REALLY can't be in front of the kids, since I'm making a point to HER.

And yes. Acknowledge the boundary comment... evidently this needs addressing.

your daughters will be emotional traninwrecks from your wife.

This is one of my biggest fears, that my kids will be walking around thinking they are responsible for how mom's acting to day. That's not only completely inappropriate, from the point of view that a kid shouldn't be held responsible for the feelings of an adult.

[–]dr_pavel_im_cia_5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

Wouldn't the screaming loudly back at her put you in her frame? I also think like this could come back to bite you in the ass. I feel like she will always remember this. Would like your two cents on this

[–]thewholefnshow5471 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Screaming is a feminine display as well. Cold and calculating is what you should be looking for. Intimidate with the eyes, not the voice.

[–]Cre4tiveUserN4me0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

100% agree. Screaming is not remaining in control and just showing you are reactive to her frame.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

If I did, it would have to be intentional, as in, "THIS IS WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE WHEN YOU YELL!" Not out of anger, but to make a point.

[–]dr_pavel_im_cia_6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

I see. I still wouldn't even stoop to that level. I would continue to be the captain, remain stoic and tell her how that was disrespectful and will not continue in this household. It sounds like she's being childish, so treat her like a child

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

how that was disrespectful and will not continue in this household

she'd laugh in your face because your bullshit autistic ass has zero authority. she tells you to go fuck yourself, loudly. and what's your move? stand there looking like a retard that got bitch smacked?

you can parrot some MRP buzzwords, but you don't even realize that being stoic doesn't mean being some dispassionate retard.

[–]dr_pavel_im_cia_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wtf are you talking about? spewing a bunch of insults isn't advice

[–]drty_prRed Beret6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Were you drinking?

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I had a beer with the movie & dinner.

[–]drty_prRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I say that because I remember when I used to drink too much. My wife would engage me with irrational shit like this and I would bite. My frame crumbled everytime.

It made me think you were drinking because you fail to remember full details. This means you're bull shiting yourself at the very least.

You had no frame in this. Why do you part take in such nonsense? If you don't respond, she will have no choice but to stop talking.

Read, lift, STFU.

[–]plein_old2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You say she has "an issue or two with anger". What does that mean?

Have a sit down with kids + wife

Terrible idea.

Talk with her.

This may or may not be useful, depending on her personality, how you go about it, etc.

Does she have a health problem? Inflammation can make people irritable.

Maybe take her somewhere away from your home for a few minutes, like out to lunch, and try to find out what is behind all this. Every effect has a cause.

[–]paterfamilias785 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, for sure, a big family meeting would be the worst way to approach this. The presence of the children changes what she would say and complicates the entire conversation. If you want to get to the bottom of it and think that she is able to honestly tell you what it was all about, husband to wife communication without little ears listening is the best.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Noted

[–]feckless_wonder9 points10 points  (21 children) | Copy

why did it take your wife busting into the room before you got off your ass to feed the kid?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nowhere in his post do I see that he denied his kid food throughout the evening leading up to bed. Kids are notorious for being picky and manipulative with food, so much so that virtually every parent complains about it. In my house, if my kids do not finish eating by the time we've cleaned up dinner, no snacks, but they still have to sit there and eat. They will sit there with food in front of them all the way up until bedtime, and then getting in bed say they're hungry.

Tell me you aren't suggesting that upon providing the opportunity to eat food, and the kid either refusing or not eating enough, OP should allow his kids back out of bed and go downstairs and make them something. Because I cannot think of a better example of having no discipline.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 1 point2 points  (19 children) | Copy

It was one of those finished the bedtime routine, completely in bed, and the kid suddenly says she's hungry. I go into the we'll eat in the morning routine for a sec, and I was literally about to head to kitchen (due to the meltdown) for a yogurt or something when the wife came in full steam.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nine year old kids should be owning their shit when it comes to eating. You are either infantilizing your daughter or letting her successfully shit-test you. With your wife, decide on your family rules and boundaries regarding food and eating and consistently enforce them.

If your rules allow eating after bedtime, at age 9 it should be your daughter's responsibility to get her own food, not you or your wife's. You are currently rewarding irresponsible behavior.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen5 points6 points  (11 children) | Copy

Her blow out wasn't actually about the child. You know that right ? Her response to the situation was all out of proportion.

Option #4 is to get her to blow again and find out what the real or imaginary problem is. Not so you can solve it, but so that you understand. Once you know what it is, you can decide on an action.

I'd take the kids to grandmas and then have a face to face with the intent to get her to spill the beans. By "heart to heart" I mean that you trigger her and hold frame.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

Yes.. I realize it wasn't about the kid. It was about her perceiving that I didn't have things handled (kid was having a meltdown, and she was trying to work in the office).

The thing is that kid #2 was actually starting to calm down and we were on the tail end of the issue when the wife came in and blow the fucking thing up.

And I honestly think the wife has some left over Dad stuff (he's very beta in a lot of ways), and doesn't think I have it handled, when I almost always do. Also, the wife was tired from the week, so that may have factored into her lack of self control.

Thanks for the input.

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

Yes.. I realize it wasn't about the kid. It was about her perceiving that I didn't have things handled

But it's still a gross overreaction, even if you were mishandling things.

I see everything through the lens of my own experience (yes, AWALT and proud of it) and as a teacher and mom here's what might have been going on in my head.

Hubby is done with his job for the week and gets to enjoy Friday night with the kids. I have to work on a Friday night for fucking parent/teacher conferences (about someone else's kids ffs) on a fucking Saturday. This job sucks. But I get the summer off. Every year I think I'll figure out how to manage my time better during the school year but every year there's more shit than the the year before! Common core, proficiency based grading, project based student centered learning...this job sucks! But I love my students and I love the actual teaching part and I get the summer off. But I don't get tonight off and I don't get tomorrow (Saturday!) off. Why is my daughter fussing. I can't concentrate and I want to be DONE. Done, so I can do normal things on weekend nights during the school year...like my husband out there gets to do...I'm so pissed off....WAAAAHHHH

So that little vignette is just to illustrate that it may not have really been about her perceiving that you were screwing things up (although she may certainly use that perception as a rationalization for her bad behavior) but actually about her own failings and internal conflicts.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

It must suck balls being a woman. I never think like that. Fuck me

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nah, it doesn't suck at all. The times when you've got everything in tune are so much more rewarding. As Steinbeck said: "What good is the warmth of summer, without the cold of winter to give it sweetness."

I love being a woman - and a teacher (did I mention I get the summer off?)

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have never heard anyone complain about the weather in San Diego.

You do you, and I mean that in the kindest way possible :)

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This really, REALLY speaks to what was probably going on. She's been considerable more stressed after returning to teaching this year. So much so that she's looking to bow out next year. I'm kinda for it.

I also find myself really appreciating /u/mrpthrowa 's comment above/below.

It probably truly is a big weird comfort test. And I find that, for my wife, she can only make so many decisions in a day. If she's been making them all day at work, even if they are relatively minor ones, she's got less sanity left at the end of the day. Last night, I though we were good, evidently not.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree, /u/nonnimoose hit the nail on the head and you seem to have confirmed it. As far as how to handle it successfully, I would suggest reading this

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes.. I realize it wasn't about the kid. It was about her perceiving that I didn't have things handled

Honestly I don't even think it was about that. Your wife sounds more like she has 95% anger simmering under the surface and is just waiting for someone to put the socks away in the wrong drawer or some shit to completely blow a gasket. Your characterization that this isn't really like her strikes me as off somehow.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

with a name like /u/FistFullOfBitches I should probably heed your words. her go to emotion is anger...

I'll bring it up to her therapist/counselor .. believe it or not, they actually specialize in that.

Thanks for the insight, sometimes the gut is right, I'll try to be more in tune.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I vote #3. Good luck.

[–]resolutions3161 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you have any clear boundaries - set, enforced, or discussed in the past - about how to talk in front of the kids?

I know that other users have handled similar issues, primarily by enforcing a "You have a problem with me, let me know - but not in front of the kids. We need to a show a united front" style boundary.

Personally, I would discuss this with her in an extremely clear and dispassionate way, then just Broken-Record it. Don't engage in blaming or arguing the final points. She knows what she did.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This would be a good idea. She resorts to yelling at times during the morning routine, or bedtime routine.

Sure I raise my voice at times, but I do my best to do in that fun way of, "Brush your teeth now or I'm going to lick your face!"

Don't engage in blaming or arguing the final points

Thanks for this... a good reminder

[–]bangorlol1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've seen this exact scenario play out with a good friend of mine and his family a couple of times. He handled it by parenting everyone in the house - he spoke in kind of an absolute tone, telling her to cut the shit and pointed out (accurately) that her behavior was twice as bad as their son's. She apologized to him, me, and her son for flipping out and their son apologized for being a little turd about food (he was like 5-6 at the time). His wife and kid just needed to be reminded that dad was in charge and could equalize any situation. Hell, his wife even finished doing laundry and snuggled up to him in his chair, acting all lovey and cuddly.

Your situation wasn't handled appropriately as it was happening, so you'll probably want to go with Option #4. Don't be a passive-aggressive little bitch and cold shoulder her, don't talk about your feelings, etc. Stay in the fact realm and say exactly what you mean - no diversions.

[–]Terribledragon4Hire1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You and your wife fucking your kids up. The one is already feeling the blame and will carry that trough years of therapy.

Take the kids out and leave them with friends and relatives. Come home and have the come to Jesus talk with her.

She shit tested your parenting skills.

If you can't "have it out today" your kids need you to be the caring stoic father. You take them out and have the best day, just the four of you. You let them know that you are always going to be your father and this is not about them. You make some good memories with them today.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We did a bit of this, just calm dad time. Not a full day, but a good piece of it.

Thanks for the reply.

[–]lizerpetty0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I would ask her outright: "Do you think your behavior is appropriate?" "Do you feel your behavior is helping this situation?" She would probably leave. If someone is acting like a fool, help them reflect on their behavior by asking them how they view their actions. Always remain calm and set the example. Tell her that you are doing your best to alleviate the situation and having to stop and deal with her is complicating things even further.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I would ask her outright: "Do you think your behavior is appropriate?" "Do you feel your behavior is helping this situation?"

As I said in another comment, I'm a slow processor, and I thought of this exact response this morning, 7-8 hours after the fact.

It would have been great in the moment, but it will have to be after. Thanks.

[–]lizerpetty1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You can still address this situation, and help her reflect on her behavior. Say some thing on the lines of "How do you feel your behavior helped the situation?" If she is reasonable, maybe she would concede and admit she was wrong. (Doubtful) But maybe then you could ask her how she feels she could have been helpful. Don't use labels. "You ALWAYS do this, or you NEVER do that. And don't call names. (You are a (blank) for (blank)). If she gets disrespectful, tell her so and tell her why you don't deserve to be treated that way. Know your worth and let it be known. Think about what makes you a great partner and how you contribute and say so.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Solid advice here. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Not enough to say.. Assuming youre otherwise competent tho.

Of course, she sees you as weak, otherwise she wouldnt be yelling at you with impunity. Perhaps you may want to consider why this is?

Cut this shit out is all you need to say, the trick is to be the guy who is taken seriously when he does

[–]maxofreddit[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

She's not afraid of conflict, at ALL. It's almost a point of pride.

Part of the trick, for me, is that I'm a slow processor, and she's quick. This is the big reason I've found STFU to be such an effective tool for me. Where I wold've tried to engage, I now don't, and give myself time to think, and it always turns out better.

Perhaps even this was a time I could've simply ignored her.

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Part of this, for me, is that I'm a slow processor, and she's quick

Generally people who process fast aren't considering the interpretation of what they say. They're emotionally charged in their response. Often it's full of holes. STFU is right. Keep practicing holding frame in these engagements. Make her feel stupid for ridiculous antics enough and she will soon stop coming at you in such irrational ways. Congruence is key here man.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for this insight, for real.

It does seem that since I've been emptying much more STFU she'll hamster around to the point I was trying to make without me even having to say anything. That night was weird on many levels, but showed that if your making progress & there's any perception of things derailing, she'll be all over it. That congruence thing, totally.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She's not afraid of conflict, at ALL.

She's not afraid of conflict with you. Because she's not attracted to you, and thus she has no fear that conflict will result in you withdrawing from the relationship. A woman who is attracted to you is sweet, eager to please, eager to do things for you.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She's not afraid of conflict with you.

Funny you should type that, because as of late I've noticed much less conflict between she & I. Between the OI & STFU, as well as stating my opinion on household stuff without being tied to it (stuff like, I like the bluish sofa cover over the rust-colored one, but you pick)... Has really gotten me a long way.

Little things that used to be annoyances & slightly irritating conversations are now much smoother. True to your point, when I have strong frame & am on my A game, there's little conflict, when I slip, she senses the weakness/lack of frame & will waste no time in creating chaos.

"A Game" always. Thanks for the insight.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Leading from the front prevents things like this from dominating your life.

I wrote this a while back, but I really think you need to adopt the "single father" mindset of me, kids, then women.

The fact that it's obvious that your wife is a teacher that hates kids definitely doesn't help.

[–]maxofreddit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Solid link... I was quite literally ahead of it all day, and I've found this philosophy of "staying ahead of it" one of the best daily tools to keep me moving and on my A game.

I slipped a little last night. I'll admit it. But holy shit, we didn't need to blow up the whole car because the check engine light came on, you know?

[–]askmeanything2-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

So kid #2 is hungry and you are trying to solve the problem by TALKING when your wife shows up yelling WHY ARE YOU NOT DOING ANYTHING?

Now your options are:

1) Stop TALKING to your wife for the weekend

2) TALK to your wife about it

3) Have a family meeting to all TALK about it

4) Try another way of TALKING about it

All TALK



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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