Found a text suggesting lunch with guy from gym. Should I say something?

SorcererKing · 2019-02-13T01:57:51+00:00

Oh, starky, where do we begin?

This was a train wreck about to happen, but that's what you wanted, isn't it? Your other thread on askMRP from a few days ago shows that you are still an addict at heart.

Here's the deal: by your own admission, you're an evasive fuck-up. Rather than dealing with reality, you indulge in fantasy and avoidance. Previously it was affairs, drugs, lying, etc. But like all good addicts, you found Jesus (or the red pill, or whatever else you latch onto) and got obsessed with that instead of doing your usual compulsive and evasive habits. Ok, so now your evasion is to try to "see it all through a red pill lens" or whatever (oh, and exercise, another common exit ramp from addiction).

None of this is going to get better until you change your relationship with reality. That means getting out of your head, not indulging in fear (and then indulging in evasion) and working out your problems. When you start doing that then you start building true confidence (not the superficial confidence you brandish now). Once you actually know that you can deal with life head-on will you really know what you want out of life. Once that happens, you won't have to be making threads here about whether or not she's cheating or what to do when confronted with an uncomfortable text on her phone.

So in short, get real.

cholomite · 2019-02-13T01:50:25+00:00

Girls vote with their feet, she wanted to be around him for a reason.

The bigger issue is that you even give a fuck. You're insecure, probably weak as fuck and you have oneitis for this girl like a motherfucker. Get a hold of yourself man. Your ancestors killed tigers with sticks and you're here shitting your pants over text messages of "your" girl and some older guy. Bitches ain't shit dude, so move the fuck on with your mission. Let them be accessories to your success, not some lame shit you obsess over on a Tuesday night.

mrp_awakening · 2019-02-13T02:17:18+00:00

Wow... everyone's so quick to go up in arms.

I see that as scenario 1... her looking for a branch swing with some alpha crossfit coach.

There's an equally likely scenario 2... her trying to use her looks/femininity and flirting to get something from a man who she sees as a beta/orbiter type. My wife did that all the time when we were dating. She was quitting cigarettes (and successfully did so for me), but for a while would bum one now and then off others. Or she'd finagle free drinks out of other guys, sometimes for her and me. Some beta types stoop real low to get even an ounce of attention from a female.

Seeing as the dude's old and ugly from OP's comments here, I'd think it fits scenario 2. If it were an alpha, the txt would likely have accepted lunch or even tried to escalate. I don't think the risk is high in this particular scenario.

But this does bring up a point about boundaries. When dating my wife, and we were getting more serious, I told her she didn't need to be flirting with others to get free stuff anymore. And you know what... she stopped. If you're not comfortable with her flirting to try and get stuff outta guys, make it a boundary and tell her she doesn't need to do that. If she respects you, she'll quit.

InChargeMan · 2019-02-13T01:36:54+00:00

Not nearly enough info provided for the internet to make your life decision for you. But:

Focus on what YOU want. Assuming she is entertaining a branch swing, what are your goals for confronting? To stop it from happening? That does nothing but show her how thirsty and desperate you are, and maybe that she needs to do a better job at hiding next time.

Of course she is attracted to this guy. Through the eyes of the red pill there are no mysteries. People are a black box of functions which compute inputs and give predictable outputs. You are not her Alpha, this guy is more attractive, and to her cost/benefit centers switching guys would be worth it, thus she is open to a branch swing or at least some sex. Maybe they have lunch and the guy isn't interested at all. Maybe she sucks his cock in the car and that is it. Maybe he fucks her for weeks then tells her he isn't interested in a relationship. At the end she might still be your "girl". Essentially nothing changes for her, except for the small risk that you grow a pair and break it off, but I'm guessing since you are not her Alpha that is a risk she is happy to take.

None of what she thinks or is planning matters. We all need to make our choices in life based on the inputs we have. Your input is that this female is behaving like a female. Now it is your turn to behave like a man.

NaAF1224 · 2019-02-13T00:56:57+00:00

CrossFit gyms are cesspools of adultery. That dudes definitely trying to bone your chick.

JameisBong · 2019-02-13T01:06:37+00:00

Soft next, she's probably into the guy... Not your problem, her loyalty is. The way I'd do it is exhaust her sexually with every depraved idea I've ever had(I've done this IRL) and eventually she'll get to a point where she'll say no and that point drop her.

TRP8myfeels · 2019-02-13T03:20:01+00:00

She's a single chick. Drop the label of girlfriend and call her a plate your rushed to upgrade to soon and things will become crystal clear.

Countpudyoola · 2019-02-13T21:34:31+00:00

So I'm a little confused.

A year ago you were posting about a wife ...now your girl. Wife? or Girl?

Girl ... easy. You're too invested. Demote, pick up another plate to vet for primary.

And I hope if this is a new chick that you didn't jump into verbally creating boundaries. "We both set" translates into "we both set for you".

Hoping you didn't break an Anti-dump's machine rule:

" Never Ask to Be Exclusive

Why would you do that? She is winning YOU, right?

Becoming exclusive with a woman means the both of you talk about not dating or seeing anyone else. The dating with others comes to an end.

Never ask a women to become exclusive. She must ask YOU. She must talk about it FIRST.

Why? If a woman hasn't asked you yet it means she is still open to seeing others. She still has DOUBTS about you. Highly interested women don't want you going out with other women.

A woman asking for exclusivity is like a 'marriage proposal'. She is cementing and laying the foundation for true intimacy.

She wants something that's lasting. It is the ULTIMATE test of interest, guys. She is 'proposing'.

If you ask first, you will never know her true interest level. Why didn't she bring it up? How come she is still letting you see others? Why isn't she CLOSING her options? Is she seeing someone else?

Think about it. But Anti-Dump, what if the guy already just asked the exclusive question?

Did she say "I was wondering about that too?". Or "I'm glad you brought this up"?

I used to mention it first myself. One girl said that she wanted to know about that.

Did she act RELIEVED? Did she act like you defused a bomb?

A woman can like a guy a rather small amount and agree. Relationships are built on action, not words.

SHE HAS TO ASK, Matey. Then you know for sure. Good luck next time. Just keep it in the back of your mind."

So who brought it up and how have you changed since then?

Imaginary_Historian · 2019-02-13T02:29:53+00:00

Never pick up your girls phone. Never spy on her, never monitor her in any way. It will drive you crazy with obsession.

red-sfpplus · 2019-02-13T00:53:59+00:00

Depends on what the definition of girl is.

a0001_i1100 · 2019-02-13T00:35:49+00:00

Demote her status. Tell her why and exactly how you found out. She might throw a fit. She might say she was going to let you know but hadn’t had the chance yet. That could be a bluff or tru...How long has this lunch thing been planned? That is what you need to figure out. She should be telling you upfront about stuff like this and reassuring you it’s a business move. Her hiding it shows there is more underlying than business. Be calm and state the facts. If she wants to have lunch with other guys behind your back without telling you, then you get to do the same but with hot women. This would mean a demotion from ltr to plate or exclusivity to openness in the relationship.

screechhater · 2019-02-13T04:33:36+00:00

So, when the fuck you gonna get some abundance?

What is it with you that you must control every fucking situation ? Or, have an answer to every iota ?

BigGayGainz · 2019-02-13T10:06:48+00:00

Want the good news or the bad news, I'll give them both at once . All women are like that. How many of the girls you chatted up on Monday asked you to lunch?

Persaeus · 2019-02-13T16:24:21+00:00

This is a boundary we both set in the beginning

be specific, and explain this boundary you both set. it sounds like no interaction with the opposite sex.

Don_Draper27 · 2019-02-13T23:56:24+00:00

I think the fact that she did it and prob sees nothing wrong with it but will chastise me if I did raises even more of a flag. This is a boundary we both set in the beginning

Boundaries are there to not be crossed and she did. If you confront her about it she will hamster it. You know what to do.

friendandadvisor · 2019-02-16T08:32:34+00:00

I think the fact that she did it and prob sees nothing wrong with it

LOL.

"It's a boundary you both set in the beginning??" Dump her ass.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2019-02-19T05:55:09+00:00

I love the casual lead in with “here’s the totally logical reason I was scoping my girl’s text messages. It’s legit”

My dude. Your girl is going to a ChadFit gym and there’s messages with some trainer guy?! Unbelievable!!

Autism isn’t a reason for having zero frame.

Redpillbrigade17 · 2019-02-13T01:46:29+00:00

Who cares. It’s lunch - not happy hour. It’s highly unlikely to lead to anything. Even if it does, it’s none of your business. Stop trying to control other people. Don’t be ao possessive and they’ll (and she, if she’s the right one) come crawling to you, wanting only you. The more you act possessive like this the less attractive you are to her.

Title	Found a text suggesting lunch with guy from gym. Should I say something?
Author	starky000001
Upvotes	12
Comments	108
Date	February 13, 2019 12:29 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/aq0fbd/found_a_text_suggesting_lunch_with_guy_from_gym/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/found-a-text-suggesting-lunch-with-guy-from-gym.215217 https://theredarchive.com/post/215217

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