If an attractive woman told potential partners that she has BPD, what percentage do you think would stay?

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2018-05-05T10:52:15+00:00

There would be a lot of guys hitting and quitting it. The number of guys sticking around for an LTR would be much lower honestly.

That said, I'm sure she will be able to find a guy who doesn't mind. That guy will probably have his own issues so will be understanding about hers.

Five_Decades · 2018-05-05T10:12:18+00:00

Considering the number of field reports on TRP, my guess would be 80%, assuming that they hadn’t had a BPD gf before.

That said, BPD actually shares quite a number of “symptoms” with other diagnoses, including ADHD, which isn’t a personality disorder or cluster B at all. Basically, I think TRP throws around the “BPD” label liberally, without actually knowing wtf it even is.

goatismycopilot · 2018-05-05T10:39:06+00:00

Sure if she was hot, lots of men like crazy chicks at least in the short term. Some men like drama in the long term, they get to have fun. watch the chaos and complain to their friends.

[deleted] · 2018-05-05T11:31:33+00:00

Been there. I'm out 👻

re1ser · 2018-05-05T17:10:56+00:00

I don't think many men are well informed about BPD inside and out and the consequences it can bring. So my estimate is that 80%+ would date her thinking they "can handle her".

Personally, I'd rather put my dick in a microwave than date a BPD chick again.

atrueasshole · 2018-05-05T15:15:21+00:00

Considering most men don't understand that BPD is literally incurable (most men believe they can be medicated or that DBT will solve the relationship problems, it can't) and these women need to be abused to feel love, they'll be an endless revolving door.

No man that actually understands what BPD is would stick around. You're fucking a child in an adult's body without any free will who has no concept of love, reality or the future.

They literally lack the facilities to have a future time orientation. If you can find a way to manipulate her into fucking and sucking you as if her life depends on it (and it does in her mind), then enjoy that, until you show her an ounce of love and she's out looking for the next victim.

All great stories of men being cannibalized or when you hear about a guy randomly shooting himself in the head are more or less men with borderline women. Fantastically complex puzzle that once you figure it out will help you truly understand what it means to be disturbed.

quicklogaccount · 2018-05-05T14:01:10+00:00

Would men stay because she's hot?

Men would stay because she is hot and men would stay because she's a damsel in distress. Her appeal to the standard, mainstream man would be somewhat bigger, as most dude's thirst would be quickly rationalized as good will towards her illness.

Men that don't know what is BPD would ignore her and could end up hooked. Much like some non unplugged but yet experienced, attractive men, end up co dependents to addicted women, and vice versa. We don't heed warnings by standard.

People that knew it beforehand will be uneasy about even pumping more than once before dumping.

lost_jellyfish · 2018-05-05T15:22:00+00:00

A women with BPD is unlikely to admit that. Its like narcissm in that sincerely acknowledging she has the condition is uncommon.

If the man really knows anything about BPD he'd be unlikely to stay. But very few men really know what it is. If she's an HB8 and has BPD, and then she's going to be too attractive to say no to. Its just too addictive an experience being with a woman like that until you learn better.

WolfgangBreitweit · 2018-05-05T13:40:53+00:00

After having been married to one, I would say everyone who doesn’t know what BPD is. So around 90%.

SmurfESmurferson · 2018-05-05T18:15:48+00:00

There are men who are wildly, impossibly attracted to BPD women.

I'm watching this play out IRL right now - a buddy of mine cannot resist BPD women. The kookier, the better. Within the first six months of dating the current one:

Her ex threatened to kill my friend
She filed a restraining order on her ex
He found out that her "just a friend!" Straight guy friend was sleeping over so often that he had a dedicated phone charger there
Her ex-husband "stole" her dogs, and moved them up to Rhode Island
The dogs magically reappeared, and she refused to explain
Dumped him on Christmas Eve
She told ridiculous lies to him about his sisters and close friends (including me - thank god I had a text message transcript), to alienate him from all of us
As of two nights ago, this 42 year old woman is "pregnant"

EDIT: AND HE WON'T STOP GOING BACK TO HER

[deleted] · 2018-05-05T16:18:10+00:00

I'd stay far away. This is the MeToo era, and someone with BPD is far more likely to make false accusations.

N0blesse0blige · 2018-05-06T09:45:33+00:00

I know BPD quite well from a close relative. A girl wouldn’t have to tell me anything. I would very likely notice the familiar patterns over time: 1. Provocations designed to get under your skin and elicit a reaction. Often little things they know will drive you nuts. Gaslighting for lack of a better term comes into play, sort of, here. 2. Extreme black and white thinking where you are either all good, or all evil. 3. Very poor ability to take criticism in an adult manner. (4. Inviting you to take their side against common enemies.)

If you eventually burst out in anger you fail, if you play along you fail, and, most of all, if you abondon them you fail (unless you count cutting all contact as a victory).

The solution is to be predictable, firm, calm, collected and unwavering in your honest estimate of how they are acting. If you just hang up on them on the phone or walk away it’s sort of a draw and game on as far as they are concerned. Strangely they will then tend to forget all about it and act as if nothing happened later that same day. They know on some sub-conscious level that they are being assholes, I think, but only until they can claim victimhood in which case you are evil to them. You won’t have lost but neither will you have won in any way.

You rather have to be very clear about what you find unacceptable about their behavior and not flinch a little bit. But chances are they have managed to get under under your skin and driven you crazy at one time or another, which means you have done and said things towards them you yourself regret.

They are basically children probing to see if their «parent» or their «caregiver» is safe and won’t abondon them. Question is, are you ready to parent an adult who expects the freedom and respect only afforded to adults? Are you ready to be a caregiver for someone who might have very different ideas about your status relative to them? It’s a pretty good test of your own psychological maturity and resourcefulness. Be prepared rip out all your hair and tear you eyes out.

EDIT: Went a little wild with bold and italics for dramatic effect, and, of course, due emphasis.

[deleted] · 2018-05-06T15:37:54+00:00

Stay away from BPD

Entropy-7 · 2018-05-05T11:41:57+00:00

No woman would self-acknowledge and claim that she is BPD. They are not that self-aware and the disability itself prevents that.

I loved a woman - very deeply - and it was only after the fact and talking with educated people that I figured out why our relationship always tanked.

[deleted] · 2018-05-05T10:57:04+00:00

I think she should lover her standards and date equally mentally ill men. Incels.

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Equalina · 2018-05-05T12:37:49+00:00

I’ve just been diagnosed with ADHD - at 34! I’ve spent years being diagnosed as having generalized anxiety and major depression (treatment resistant) with no doctors even considering anything but these diagnoses until I brought it up after searching online and also talking with Mr /u/MercedesBenzoAMG here :) I’m on ADHD meds now and feel considerably better than I ever did on ADs.

I considered BPD as a self diagnosis myself, but didn’t resonate at all with the anger/antisocial issues, extreme impulsivity and lack of central self/values.

One thing I’ve learnt from my reading into this now is that ADHD is often very different in women and emotional and physical hypersensitivity (something I’ve always struggled with and has been labeled as just being ‘very girly/dreamy’ by some, to possibly on the autism spectrum by others) is a [little-discussed symptom of ADHD] (https://www.additudemag.com/emotional-hypersensitivity-borderline-personality-disorder/) less likely to manifest in childhood - or in males. ADHD is associated very much (even by medical professionals) with the male and childhood symptoms and many, many women and girls go misdiagnosed and mis(un)treated for long periods of time. Women are generally less likely to be hyperactive or impulsive and I for one am more plagued by an inability to focus and pay attention when I need to, than by carelessness over time or possessions (I’m super punctual for appointments and hardly ever lose things). ADHD could be confused for BPD in women, for sure, given how differently it manifests and how much BPD is associated with women compared to men.

TL;DR BPD seems to be thrown around on TRP more than makes sense for an uncommon personality disorder. I’m not sure they fully understand the criteria for diagnosis but I can see how it could be confused with ADHD - as many professionals find it hard to diagnose ADHD in women as well.

[deleted] · 2018-05-05T13:19:27+00:00

If she says she has BPD than she doesnt have bpd she is most likely just a special snowflake looking for people to accept her flaws and using a diagnosis and being upfront about it so you just accept her "quirks"

When people lead with their problems like that its not because they are working on them, its so you cant blame them for it later

I would give it a shot, if shes really bpd ill know by the end of the day

[deleted] · 2018-05-05T14:11:45+00:00

I’ve seen attractive women who are dangerously crazy and who still have guys sticking around through the chaos. Not well adjusted guys or guys with options though.

wtknight · 2018-05-05T14:20:37+00:00

Many men would. I wouldn't start a relationship with a woman who told me beforehand that she had BPD, though, not because I have a bias against mental disorders, but because I don't think our personalities would be compatible.

LUClEN · 2018-05-05T14:32:35+00:00

i'm allegedly bpnos. Check and raise.

[deleted] · 2018-05-05T14:56:50+00:00

100% of those that had never dealt with what they knew to be BPD

Probably 95% of those that had, though they would bail more quickly if things turned south

FairlyNaive · 2018-05-05T15:03:01+00:00

I would get an instant boner

ContemporaryBelle · 2018-05-05T19:16:05+00:00

I think most people don't fully understand the implications of a BPD partner and so the majority would attempt to stay after finding out about the diagnosis. I say attempt because odds are the relationship won't be long. Now...whether or not they should stay is a different issue...

LifterofThings · 2018-05-05T19:23:19+00:00

Would men stay because she's hot?

Overwhelmingly, yes. Hot women who need rescuing are like crack for a large proportion of men.

Some eventually learn the hard way, some spend their entire adult lives rescuing and subsequently having these women shit in their souls.

Pope_Lucious · 2018-05-05T21:00:17+00:00

She would have a line of suitors until her looks fade.

anonschizoid · 2018-05-05T21:43:08+00:00

Probably a lot would stay. I read a lot guys with schizoid personality disorder seem to have relationships with BPD girls and often those relationships last, because those two personalities just perfectly match. I knew a few ppl with borderline and I liked them and they were okay, I am schizoid myself.

Madness20 · 2018-05-05T22:36:51+00:00

This happened to me and to my friends in RL. What i can say is that when dogs are too horny, there's no BPD stopping you from wanting to get laid.

Outside of horndogs, and in retrospective, that's like a really bad red flag. BPD overall consists basically in a person being all sorts of manipulative and impulsive and then blaming it on their own diagnosis. Promiscuity, impulsiveness, and overall mania, doesn't exactly make for a reliable partner.

irishpunk87 · 2018-05-05T23:09:18+00:00

A man would only stay with a woman like that if he had horribly low self-esteem/self-respect, or maybe if he had serious mental issues himself. In that case I would guess maybe 15%.

Unless this girl has been in intensive DBT therapy for years and has started to see some improvement, then probably closer to 30%, but from what I understand this is extremely rare for BPD patients.

Aufbruch · 2018-05-06T08:43:22+00:00

BPD is...a challenge--I've heard a small handful of success stories, usually when the BPD woman (or man) is of high intelligence and willpower.
NPD is the true "Mr. Yuck Means NO, STAY AWAY, DO NOT TOUCH!"

DB605 · 2018-05-06T17:15:08+00:00

<5% shift. Chads with a lot of options may shy away, but no one else.

dicklord_airplane · 2018-05-06T16:52:06+00:00

Theres a difference between bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. Which ia it here?

Title	If an attractive woman told potential partners that she has BPD, what percentage do you think would stay?
Author	hating-life
Upvotes	8
Comments	104
Date	May 5, 2018 9:30 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8h6hz9/if_an_attractive_woman_told_potential_partners/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-an-attractive-woman-told-potential-partners.262605 https://theredarchive.com/post/262605

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