Is it sexist to be straightforward about your sexual attraction to a woman?

SmurfESmurferson · 2017-11-27T23:36:02+00:00

Not sexist, but creepy and autistic as hell.

You're going to get kicked out of a bar if you try that.

goatismycopilot · 2017-11-27T23:37:26+00:00

If you say to a woman those exact words it is not sexist, it is super spergy and weird. Women do not actually want to hear a man say,"female I wish to engage in reproductive activities with you". Female, I wish to skip courtship rituals and proceed to sex, is also not appealing. Especially if said in robot voice.

drok007 · 2017-11-27T23:37:43+00:00

I mean it's dumb to say it like that regardless of who it is. What would it matter whether it's sexist or not?

TheChemist158 · 2017-11-28T00:00:56+00:00

Or it's not technically sexist but only socially inappropriate?

This. Sexism is a discriminatory or negative view towards a certain sex. Approaching someone for sex isn't sexist. Saying that women are only good for sex would be sexist. But what you describe is not sexist.

Now, it could be socially inappropriate depending on the where and the how.

figthief · 2017-11-28T01:24:07+00:00

I'd be down. I always wanted there to be a lampshade made out of skin

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-11-27T23:42:03+00:00

What is the Western courtship ritual? Why are you all foreign

caesarfecit · 2017-11-27T23:37:52+00:00

If somebody tells you that is sexist, it's likely becomes it comes across as demeaning to the person on the receiving end. Sort of a "that's the kind of woman you think I am!?"

Most but not all people are uncomfortable with direct sexual overtures, even if they're actually receptive. That's part of what makes sex such a thorny issue. There's so many personal value judgments and self-esteem implications that go into it. That's also why most people are so dishonest and awkward about it, and often can't talk about it without speaking in code.

Orange_Paisley · 2017-11-27T23:44:34+00:00

I wouldn't say sexist but it's creepy as hell and I, personally, would avoid you from that moment on.

LSTW1234 · 2017-11-28T00:05:14+00:00

As others have said it’s not sexist.

As for whether it’s appropriate, I’ll go slightly against the grain here: it’s fine to say if you are SURE she wants to fuck you. And I mean really sure, not just pretty sure. Like, rubbing-you-through-your-pants-at-the-bar sure. If there is any doubt, err on the side of not saying it.

And you should say it in a sexier way. Less “I would like to engage in sexual activities with you,” more “I want to fuck you so badly.”

monkeysinmypocket · 2017-11-28T06:58:32+00:00

There is nothing worse than being propositioned by a stranger. It doesn't matter how attractive they are as you have no way of knowing whether or not they're a psycho. There's no need for it.

GridReXX · 2017-11-28T13:52:22+00:00

Not sexist.

But probably sexless.

[deleted] · 2017-11-27T23:34:36+00:00

Or it's not technically sexist but only socially inappropriate?

That seems it

[deleted] · 2017-11-28T00:03:13+00:00

It's only sexist if you aren't straightforward with men who you're sexually attracted to. As long as you're treating everyone equally, you're good.

cxj · 2017-11-28T07:45:42+00:00

This reminds me of the scene in “a beautiful mind” where Russel Crowe articulated his lack of interest in courtship and it’s hilarious

[deleted] · 2017-11-28T12:17:17+00:00

It's not sexist but it's super weird.

Butt-Factory · 2017-11-27T23:48:32+00:00

Not sexist, just repulsive and rude

SkookumTree · 2017-11-27T23:35:52+00:00

there is no way reading this post that you are from the West.

theambivalentrooster · 2017-11-27T23:36:59+00:00

Or it's not technically sexist but only socially inappropriate?

Wildly autistic, more like it. Unless maybe you have the charm to pull it off, with a twinkle in your eye. Which few men do.

In what context would you be that direct with no prior relationship or build up? It would set of a lot of women's 'creep' radars.

TheBookOfSeil · 2017-11-28T00:29:35+00:00

If I say to a woman (using a polite tone and language in a non threatening way or context) something along the line of "I'm sexually attracted to you and I would really like to engage in sexual activities with you" am I being sexist because I'm not supposed to skip the courtship ritual?

It's not sexist (cue feminist screeching), but it's creepy. It seems like the only guys that say this are the ugly old ones with nothing to lose.

Or am I being sexist only if the woman is a stranger but not if she's a friend/acquaintance?

Again, it's not sexist (REEEEEE), but it might come off as creepy. There are other ways of communicating that you want to sleep with someone, like "Wanna have sex/bang/shag/screw/etc.?" It's not necessary to say it like that and I'm sure you'll be mostly unsuccessful.

Or it's not technically sexist but only socially inappropriate?

Yes.

[deleted] · 2017-11-28T13:46:46+00:00

It's not sexist. It's socially inappropriate. No game. No finesse.

InformalCriticism · 2017-11-28T18:00:44+00:00

Yeah, this has less to do with sexism and everything to do with sex appeal; you're going to signal mental disability and low socialization (i.e. status) with that approach.

PBRScagsquad · 2017-11-27T23:35:26+00:00

I would say it's socially inappropriate, especially if you say it like that.

mgtownigga · 2017-11-28T08:42:34+00:00

it's not sexist to be straightforward but you have to handle it with some degree of social tact and competence. Now, if you're extremely attractive for whatever reason and ooze status, you can get away with QUITE A BIT. Make no mistake, the rules are different depending on who you are, but that doesn't mean you can't work your way into it. You just have to be more subtle and smooth.

alreadyredschool · 2017-11-28T01:25:35+00:00

If you would say "dayum gurrrl ya got a nice booty wiggle it for me I want to tab that" you would have more success and be less creepy.

Other ways are asking for her number or a date.

Seagebs · 2017-11-28T01:41:22+00:00

A lot of other people are missing the mark here.

No, its not sexist. However, the more direct you are, the stranger it comes off as, and it most certainly won't "work."

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winterrider · 2017-11-28T05:02:08+00:00

Not sexist. But depending on how you pull it off, the woman might consider you creepy.

blackedoutfast · 2017-11-28T17:57:07+00:00

that's a retarded way of phrasing it because it completely removes all plausible deniability about why the woman would be going home with you. they want to be able to say "oh i went back to his place for some totally innocent reason, one thing led to another, and it just happened! omg so much chemistry!"

it's also an extremely masculine way of communicating, you are putting the most important information you want to convey entirely into the overt message. women favor subtext. if you overtly say "I'm sexually attracted to you and I would really like to engage in sexual activities with you" the subtext is "you seem like such an easy slut that i'm not even going to try to play the courtship game with you. also i have zero social skills or experience with women" - most girls are not going to like that.

if you want to be direct about your intentions, you need to make sure that the right message is communicated through subtext. and you also need to provide enough plausible deniability so you don't trigger her anti-slut defenses.

it would be much better to say something like "hey, let's go back to my place, i want to show you my beanie baby collection" - in this case the subtext is "hey we both seem to be attracted to each other, let's go back to my place and have sex. i'm a confident, direct guy who knows who to talk to women"

everyone knows that if a guy invites a girl back to his place, it's because he wants to have sex. hell, if a guy is flirting with a cute girl, everyone knows he wants to have sex with her. there's no non-autistic reason to explicitly say you want to have sex with her. and she won't feel like a slut, because the overt message has the plausible reason thst she was just going over to look at your beanie babies and one thing led to another and it just happened.

vivisectress · 2017-11-29T00:06:37+00:00

I dunno if ‘sexist’ is the right word here. Do you mean sexually harassing?

I think it’s an interesting question – I wonder how I’d feel if a guy said it like that. Now if I intepereate it in the way you intend (polite and non threatening) and try to imagine the scenario, I’d probably say ‘Unfortunately, I’m not interested’ and that’s that. I’d also feel a little bad for rejecting you, especially since you were polite about asking. But then I’d get over it, like I get over all those people asking for charity donations. I am an agreeable person, so I don’t like to reject people’s proposals even when I know I’m ‘right’ to do so.

This reveals an interesting paradox. If a guy asks in a threatening or rude way, I feel good about rejecting him. Like ‘lucky I picked up the douche vibes, dodged a bullet there’. But it’s uncomfortable to be put in a threatening situation. But if they ask politely, it feels bad to reject them.

Secondly, I actually doubt I will persieve the proposal as polite and non threatening, based on experience. Though your intention might be polite, it may not be perceived that way. Experience is what dictates emotion, but experience might include what’s on TV or indirect experiences from people around you (social learning). However, the rationale is not always intelligible to the conscious (i.e. you are not self-aware of exactly what experiences lead to your reaction) thus making it difficult to communicate and argue about.

An important point to address is that statistics say that people are less receptive to casual sex offers from ‘stranger’ men (www2.hawaii.edu/~elaineh/79.pdf) then they are from women. Yet there is no difference between men and women proper’s success when they ask for a date. When you look at both casual sex and date requests together, it reveals that men are more likely to say yes to sex then a date! I understand this is partly your question, why is this? Those two papers may give you some more insight. They also addressed the reactions – men were not bothered by the casual sex request, but women were.

My first thought when I saw this topic was to ask ‘is it sexist for a woman to tell random men politely and in the least humiliating way possible that she would not bang? Like any time a man initiates a conversation with a woman, she should declare “excuse me sir, but I am not interested in sexual activities with you, because you do not arouse me”.

[deleted] · 2017-11-29T06:55:40+00:00

It's not technically sexist. It's just weird as hell. The sexist part is the fact that you haven't stopped to wonder whether or not this would threaten the woman in question. There's no good way to say "I want to have sex with you" to a woman you don't know unless you're already in the foreplay stage.

Believe me - if that woman wanted a fuck, she'd tell you.

statsfodder · 2017-11-28T07:33:31+00:00

The replies in here from BP are disgusting as always..

If a guy approached like this he would avoid any sexual harassment issues, isn't that something you lefty femmenazis want?? No undue touching, nothing rapey, probably stay a virgin all his life.. isn't this what feminism wants??

Also -

1 ableist comments magoo!! - not that I care but it is one of your lefty society rules not mine so quit with the sperg/autistic shaming.

2 love the casual misogyny - god forbid a woman actually wants a man to be straight forward, god forbid she is happy to cut to the chase and fuck.. so much for the left being sex positive.

3 have some of you forgotten which sub you are in? This is PPD not SRS, mods should be getting the ban hammer out on a lot of these shitposts, blantant bullying and general scummy comments from BP people.

[deleted] · 2017-11-28T10:47:32+00:00

The day feminism dies is when men embrace their sexism and stop apologizing. Feminists and SJW types have power as long as there are wimpy beta males who feel shame for their sexuality and attraction.

Entropy-7 · 2017-11-28T05:07:20+00:00

I spent some time in the BDSM community and by its nature you have to ask and answer about likes and dislikes as well as setting out boundaries and getting explicit consent.

For better or worse, vanilla sex is going in that direction given the socio-legal climate.

Poster515 · 2017-11-28T10:48:33+00:00

I work in a setting with mostly young women and they are constantly confiding in me about men who hit on them and how "creepy" it is - these same women have repeatedly confirmed what TRP already knows, that it's creepy "unless they are hot." So basically being straightforward about sexual attraction is not objectively creepy.

oneprettycoolcat · 2017-11-27T23:40:02+00:00

No.

Will it be perceived as a negative thing to do? That depends. Are you really hot? If so, then do whatever you want. If not, then yeah, they are not going to be happy about it.

newName543456 · 2017-11-28T07:17:50+00:00

It works sometimes in meat markets. Not very frequently though.

As for whether it's sexist - technically, you wouldn't say so to a man, so technically yes, it is. Sexism is a meaningless term by now.

Title	Is it sexist to be straightforward about your sexual attraction to a woman?
Author	ifelsedowhile
Upvotes	13
Comments	190
Date	November 27, 2017 11:33 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7fzjwr/is_it_sexist_to_be_straightforward_about_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-sexist-to-be-straightforward-about-your.264696 https://theredarchive.com/post/264696

Comments

1 ableist comments magoo!! - not that I care but it is one of your lefty society rules not mine so quit with the sperg/autistic shaming.

2 love the casual misogyny - god forbid a woman actually wants a man to be straight forward, god forbid she is happy to cut to the chase and fuck.. so much for the left being sex positive.

3 have some of you forgotten which sub you are in? This is PPD not SRS, mods should be getting the ban hammer out on a lot of these shitposts, blantant bullying and general scummy comments from BP people.