Q4RP: If men prefer harems, then isn't it men who are settling in their marriages and not women, who prefer exclusive relationships?

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-08-05T21:40:52+00:00

Yes, most men settle because dating 3+ women at one time is fucking exhausting after awhile.

Sometimes we just wanna watch TV and have someone to watch it with us.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-08-05T20:58:06+00:00

both sexes trade off aspects of their mutually antagonistic, incompatible optimal sexual strategy in the formation of a human monogamous relationship or order to attain certain desired benefits.

boredthenyoureboring · 2017-08-05T21:52:24+00:00

However, you will not find a single woman who actually thinks this on PPD.

Well, for one thing you have to look at what people do, not what they say. For example I know a girl that says over and over she wants nothing to do with casual sex and gets nothing out of it and something something men are the worst. She's still had more partners in the past year than I have my entire life. I honestly think she doesn't understand the difference in experience. Like she thinks my experience is exactly the same and I'm just greedy and want even more.

That's just an anecdote though. I think one thing that really confuses these discussions is the fact that we live in a weird hybrid society of old fashioned traditional marriage and free love hippie hookup culture. If you're solidly traditional and never participated in the free love hookup culture side of the world, of course none of this is going to apply.

There are layers of confusion that come out of that too. I think we all kind of know about the hybrid culture in the back of our heads, but I don't see it talked about much.

Love8Death · 2017-08-05T20:51:44+00:00

Labeling the male imperative as a 'harem' isn't the full story. It makes more sense for the man to invest a significant amount of resources into at least one woman's offspring because those resources will make it much easier for those children to succeed. If you've ever read The House of the Spirits than what the first Estaban does fits this to a T. He marries one woman whose children inherit his estate, but before that marriage he raped most of the female peasants on his property and gave the resulting children nothing.

In today's more enlightened age it's much more risky for the man to cheat on the side, so he can choose between having offspring he can invest in or he can sleep around.

cxj · 2017-08-06T04:38:08+00:00

I agree that women basically get what they want to a greater degree than men do, in modern society.

Where I disagree is that most women are married to men who feel anything like ideal. Based on my life experiences and observations, I believe most women are settling hard in terms of attraction to their husband, but they don't care as much as TRP thinks because they get their house and kids and their way most of the time via the power imbalance of controlling sex.

washington_breadstix · 2017-08-06T06:47:22+00:00

Women aren't settling for the type of relationship. They're settling for the man himself. She would rather be monogamous with a man who's more handsome, masculine, fit, and driven than the man she's with... But any man who actually fits that description is off having flings with younger, hotter women.

That's the trade off. There are a lot of women who can get any man they want, but only for casual sex. They can't get any man they want to commit, so they settle for a beta.

writingtoc · 2017-08-05T20:59:25+00:00

Yes, absolutely.

I always wonder why this isn't common knowledge. Many women really don't get it.

blackedoutfast · 2017-08-05T23:39:47+00:00

if women were so content with their husbands, there wouldn't be so many women who cheat. there are plenty of alpha widows who would rather be with Chad but settle and marry some other guy who is willing to marry her

women do generally desire an exclusive relationship with a high quality man, but that doesn't mean that their preferred man is willing to marry them or that they can always get everything they want from guy they marry.

and men definitely don't have to settle for a relationship with one woman. there's plenty of us who successfully have relationships with multiple women at the same time.

one of the plates im spinning is an old girlfriend who knew i would never get married so she married some nice guy with a good job instead. she settled for him because he did want to get married. but she regularly flies from one coast of the usa to the other to come see me.

rreliable · 2017-08-06T08:25:06+00:00

The redpill part of me says: yes, obviously.

A guy who works in a boring middle-management job is also "settling" because he's not in his preferred ten million bucks a year high powered executive glamor job. Same with a woman.

Virtually everybody on Earth settles. Almost all the ones who don't have mental disorders. Only a tiny number of mentally stable people don't settle. These are usually genetic lottery winners, born into great beauty or wealth or both.

[deleted] · 2017-08-06T18:36:08+00:00

Not every man wants a harem. I've tried "juggling" and really prefer just one person to focus everything on - attention, sex, etc. Less stress, deeper connections, better sex. There are definite advantages.

Mattcwu · 2017-08-06T01:50:49+00:00

Absolutely. The term "settle down" perfectly describes me. I "settled" in that I'm no longer chasing women. The number of women I can sleep is "down" to 1.

[deleted] · 2017-08-06T07:30:43+00:00

For most men a woman who will reliably and consistently have sex with you is a step up from what they're usually getting. It is simply too unrealistic for most men to live the Chad lifestyle so while they might fantasize over it only the delusional ones feel like they're settling when they don't get it.

However, It is not unrealistic for women to sleep with Chad, i.e. men more sexually attractive than her bf. She probably has multiple times in her past through hooking up or FwBs. So women pine after something they can actually get and that's why it is more threatening.

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Shipcake · 2017-08-06T08:33:49+00:00

Fwb > girlfriends

Every time

[deleted] · 2017-08-06T14:28:41+00:00

If men prefer harems

Most men dont prefer harems. Usually only the top 20% of men can get any kind of harem to begin with, but even still, 80% of men would prefer a stable close monogamous relationship with one woman.

men who are settling in their marriages and not women

Unless a man is in the top 20% of men, he will always be settling. Women currently hold the power in the sexual dynamic. Women's hypergamy allows them to be with men with far higher SMV than themselves, and this translates equally into marriage.

Men are "settling" because they've got a shitty deal. Women are "settling" because they're not marrying a 10\10 turbochad.

the_calibre_cat · 2017-08-06T18:21:44+00:00

I actuality don't know if I agree that "men want harems" while women are pinning for Chad. I DO think that men want a lot of sexual validation in their youth, and THEN want to settle down, and I think women generally want to settle down and marry, but have a deep craving to be swept of their feet by some mysterious, attractive man (Chadio, you might call him).

This is where I have some significant breaks from the red pill narrative.

[deleted] · 2017-08-06T19:44:21+00:00

I'm with you to this point:

Women, however can basically get what they want. They want a relationship with a man who they admire. Most of the women here strongly admire their spouses or long term boyfriends.

Women up to around age 30-35 can get what they want, be that sex, a relationship, a husband, whatever.

Women want a relationship with men they admire, when they get too old for the hot fun sex and when they fail to lock down such a man by the time they're around 30. THat's around the only time they really want relationships with men they admire.

Also, women don't want relationships with men they only admire. They want relationships with men they also are sexually attracted to, like as people, enjoy their company, who are handy and intelligent and gentle and kind, and who are also very wealthy. Women settle pretty hard in most of those areas, though, especially on the sexual attraction part, when it comes time for marriage.

And yes, most women here strongly admire their LTRs. But most of the women here are extreme outliers. Most women are married to men they aren't sexually attracted to and don't admire.

Title	Q4RP: If men prefer harems, then isn't it men who are settling in their marriages and not women, who prefer exclusive relationships?
Author	snailypop
Upvotes	15
Comments	221
Date	August 5, 2017 8:46 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6ru60e/q4rp_if_men_prefer_harems_then_isnt_it_men_who/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4rp-if-men-prefer-harems-then-isnt-it-men-who-are.266602 https://theredarchive.com/post/266602

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