Some interesting local stats from my local OkCupid: Women strongly prefer dominant men.

grendalor · 2016-01-08T20:22:49+00:00

Yes, which is why there is a huge market for professional dominatrices -- there is literally almost no supply of "natural dominatrix" in relationships in the real world. Yes, I know some redditorette will come in now and say she is a domme in the bedroom and she has pegged all of her BFs and so on, but in reality this is extremely thin on the ground, so prodommes have a huge client base to exploit due to unmet needs.

Luckily for me, I am not a submissive. But the path for male submissives is hard, at least if they are heterosexual.

asdf_clash · 2016-01-08T22:54:24+00:00

The issue I take with TRPers is that they frequently fail to see the distinction between dominance in the bedroom and dominance in the relationship.

The fact that you appear to think this data -- which is exclusively based on sexual preferences, not lifestyle ones -- is some kind of "gotcha" only furthers my confidence that this distinction is lost on far too many of you.

2016-01-08T20:11:26+00:00

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wtknight · 2016-01-08T20:22:54+00:00

48 of your sample size of 99 said they wanted a balanced partner. This hardly supports your conclusion of women strongly preferring dominant men (assuming you're reporting the data correctly). The bedroom question is completely different in nature. You can't make a comparison between bedroom situations and non-bedroom situations because they are two completely different things.

RareBlur · 2016-01-09T04:21:42+00:00

what is the difference between "dominant" and "Assertive"?

Women don't want pushovers but they also don't want abusive jerks.

catchandthrowaway · 2016-01-08T20:28:22+00:00

i thought TRP didn't believe in things that were self-reported by women.

grendalor · 2016-01-08T21:48:41+00:00

It's very difficult to conduct proper research on okcupid, especially from the outside, and they don't do their own anymore.

Did you account for all the fake/prostitute profiles? Of course they'd pick that they want dominant men.

Did also you account for all the men who put up fake profiles of women just so they can see the lines that other men are using and also to look at women's profiles without the women knowing it's them (because okcupid tells you who's been looking at your profile) You can see an example of this where men talk about their okcupid strategies in the following thread from the Roosh forum. https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-31834.html

This is what happens to women who tick that they like casual sex: http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/2014/04/30/heres-what-happens-when-you-add-casual-sex-to-your-okcupid-profile/

You can imagine what happens to women who say they sexually dominant men! So you'd imagine those who say they do are either submissives (kink), prostitutes, fake profiles, women who don't care about the crude messages they get or women who genuinely do like dominant men and are a bit naive about the online environment.

An example of prostitutes on okcupid (This doesn't mean to include prostitutes who are genuinely looking for dates. I'm only meaning prostitutes who are looking for work.) : https://www.reddit.com/r/OkCupid/comments/1bk2nd/almost_dated_a_prostitute/

roncesvalles · 2016-01-08T23:31:17+00:00

Sometimes on OKCupid answering "NO means NO" with "always" gets flagged as an unacceptable match because the girl says "sometimes." I feel like I'm miniature golfing and missing a three-inch putt.

Carkudo · 2016-01-09T09:48:40+00:00

I'm gonna go and say nah.

NAH

Women don't particularly like dominant men. Women want to be dominated by men they like.

PoopInMyBottom · 2016-01-08T21:08:50+00:00

No, half of women on OkCupid prefer dominant men when the only other options are slightly submissive, or completely submissive.

Half of this sample of women who, for whatever reason, can't find an adequate boyfriend in real life, prefer dominant men over submissive ones. Two observations:

Maybe they use OkCupid because they can't find dominant enough men in real life.
Maybe they use OkCupid because they obviously give off red flags IRL so men avoid them. We know women from damaged homes prefer violent men, and dominance correlates with that.

This could equally imply women dislike submissiveness than like dominance, and even then it only applies to the very atypical subsection of the population that use OkCupid.

What would the answers have been if you included "neither"?

Edit: Look, if you guys disagree, that's fine, but how about articulating why instead of downvoting?

You shouldn't accept bad data just because you agree with the premise.

BaadKitteh · 2016-01-08T20:58:21+00:00

You mean, women who use OKCupid prefer dominant men? Women who are looking for submissive men do so on Fetlife or other sites.

FreshFace77 · 2016-01-09T01:10:12+00:00

I want to make something very clear. There's a lot of confusion about this.

I am a Dominant. I participate in a kink called Domination and submission, often referred to as D/s.

And it has nothing to do with whips or chains. Whips are Sadism and Masochism, chains are Bondage. They are part of a greater set of kinks called BDSM or Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism.

History lesson: a long time ago there was no D/s, it was just BDSM, and the D/s elements were part of Discipline. But it's been (rightfully) broken out into it's own craft. I can dominate a woman without ever hitting her once. A stare in deep into her eyes. A soft hand on her neck. A firm direction of where she is to go and what she is to do and she is mine.

I have a lot of lingustic based controls and these things universally work. I used to use them in my job to affect great success with my team. If you look into Nonviolent Communicaton and Positive Discipline, you'll see some things about effective lingustic domination in various roles (adult-adult and parent-child).

And people who want this are everywhere. Not just women, I could find a man who will jump into it in certain "vanilla" spaces much faster than a woman willing to try it. I'd like to blame 50 Shades of Grey but I think that book just made them more open to having me act on them. When I act on them, it's clearly something deeper that touches some of them. Some of them are just "slap and tickle" idiots that I don't contact again.

But the point is that, I certainly agree with this. The point, though isn't just that they want male domination, but that you need to know how to affect it and understand that different people are different and thus respond differently. Plus novices make the mistake of thinking domination is about meeting their own needs, when the truth is that it's about effectively meeting the needs of the unit. The dominant needs to make the best decisions that protect and enhance both parties. This is generally what women want in a dominant (look into "daddy domination"). Then they want a wolf/primal in bed and some like a little sensual domination.

But I've never really seen TRP address what "being dominant" really means. MMSL touches on it, but not really in a profound way, IMO.

So even if you have this knowledge, doesn't mean you can do anything with it.

asdf_clash · 2016-01-08T21:05:05+00:00

Most feminists are open about their preference for being sexually submissive and having sexual dominance.
This does not in anyway make feminism contradictory.
To be dominant does not imply to be an asshole.

artichokess · 2016-01-09T19:42:08+00:00

66% doesn't show a strong preference.

51% doesn't show any preference.

these statistics sound about right though. i don't know any women that want a submissive man (why any one would want a submissive partner of any gender, i have no idea), about half the women i know want the guy to slightly take the in the relationship, and the other half want it balanced equally. in the bedroom, a few prefer to be dominant, and of what's left, about half prefer the guy to be dominant, and the other half like it balanced equally. a lot of my friends are religious and believe that the man is supposed to lead, so this probably skews my statistics a bit.

it seems that this statistic is that it shows that all women aren't the same. hm.

2016-01-09T23:54:39+00:00

First of all, dominance in bed =/= dominance in general. Just because a woman wants a man to dominate her in bed doesn't mean she wants him to boss her around, control her and/or make all the decisions in other areas of her life.

And, you literally said that half of the women preferred dominant men while other half preferred "balanced" (I assume this means, equal relationship, both partners sharing power equally). I don't know how you turned that into "women strongly prefer dominant men".

Xemnas81 · 2016-01-08T20:43:16+00:00

Are you sure? In my area, they prefer the kind of guy who is always like, "Are you okay?" for no reason. And again five minutes later. And so on.

You know the one. He's a rare find. Goes out with his friends, and sits in the emptiest place he can find, that looks the most like a corner, and broods.

He's the kind to always ask a lady, "What should I do?" when it comes to his problems. Always. All of them.

His stories begin with, "Yeah, one time I was going to," and wrap up with why he didn't. "I was going to keep working out, but then I got hooked on Game of Thrones."

"Hey, you got a smoke, by any chance? Can you short me down? Oh, you don't? Okay, sorry."

I was going to think of more of these and keep editing them in, but then I got a knock on the door and got shit to do. But you know the type. There are exceptions, but damn, when you hear women talk about things that fit here, don't do all of them at the same time. You think that guy doesn't exist. He does. Too often. Some guys think this kind of thing is a tip.

nomdplume · 2016-01-08T23:22:33+00:00

Someone really, REALLY needs to start a discussion on what everyone here sees as dominance. Because there are some fucking massive differences of opinion, imo, when it comes to what a 'dominant man' is. I LIKE dominant men. A lot. And the RP descriptions of this hypothetical man often (not always) disagree with mine.

Title	Some interesting local stats from my local OkCupid: Women strongly prefer dominant men.
Author	catchandthrowaway
Upvotes	15
Comments	116
Date	January 8, 2016 8:06 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/402t1p/some_interesting_local_stats_from_my_local/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/some-interesting-local-stats-from-my-local-okcupid.277119 https://theredarchive.com/post/277119

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