Men, does the recent thread encourage you to open up emotionally?

PemBayliss · 2015-08-08T13:20:35+00:00

I've read the linked thread and this one.

I am more convinced than ever that a man opening up will kill his relationship. Blue pillers, go back and read it again. It's basically "open up the way I want, when I want, where I want, and it's ok; but what is and is not ok depends on how hot you are and how I feel about myself".

Not conducive to "opening up" to ones woman.

trp_zzz · 2015-08-08T16:16:30+00:00

There was nothing new in that thread for me. The takeaway points are:

Women will judge a man mercilessly if they see him as weak. They will be repulsed by him. They don't know what's weak until they see/hear/feel it, and then it's too late. No undo.
Women want to feel like they're supportive of their man, and as in like many other areas, their feelings are more important than reality.
Therefore: a man can never honestly "open up" to a woman that he is in a sexual relationship with. If he wants to score some points with her or placate her bullshit about wanting him to open up he needs to have a prepared and rehearsed script. He needs to talk about something that is trivial to him emotionally, and more importantly is a story of struggle and success (he solves the problem himself 2/3 of the way through). Then when done with the story he needs to hug her and thank her for listening. She gets all the good feelings of being "supportive" while at the same time getting more evidence that she's with a winner.
As for the man? Just another burden to put on his back is all.

blametheboogie · 2015-08-08T11:23:07+00:00

Men and women have vastly different definitions of opening up emotionally, I think you've got a 90+% chance of what men call opening up blowing up in your face.

If you can't actually open up emotionally the way you really want to why bother, open up to the dog, they will still love you regardless of what you say.

exit_sandman · 2015-08-08T12:42:09+00:00

The probably most fitting answer about men opening up emotionally was one BP woman at PPD saying that there was "nothing more manly than a man crying over the birth of his child".

Considering how often such an event or a comparable one takes place in the life of a man, I think we can interpret this an honest assessment about the frequency of emotional displays that is tolerable for women.

max_peenor · 2015-08-08T14:43:03+00:00

Opening up emotionally to a woman is like crossing a minefield blindfolded and wearing cinderblocks as shoes. Men and women communicate differently. When a woman complains about you not expressing yourself, most men completely misunderstand what she is doing. She doesn't give a rats ass about your feelings. She is worried about what's bouncing around in your brain-cage that might threaten her stability. This is why it's almost always a disaster when you open the kimono and let her see. One of three things will happen:

1) She will see there isn't anything to worry about at all and you've just failed an epic shit test. It's like the early version of the matrix. if nothing is wrong, it isn't believable. She will start drumming up drama left, right and center.

2) She will see you are a fucked up mess. With her stability freshly shattered, she will start seeking her exit cock.

3) She will see you are just like most people, there are good things and there are bad things. Now you are just ordinary. Ordinary isn't good enough for the woman you are with; you need to be better.

Don't open up to a woman. Sure, communicate with her. Situational emotion isn't necessarily bad, but only deliver it in the context of whatever is happening.

hippydipster · 2015-08-08T19:13:53+00:00

Men and women process emotions differently. When men are confronted with women's incomprehensible (to them) displays of emotion, they have been trained to:

A) Shrug shoulders, ignore it, exclaim "women!", etc
B) Hug them but watch the game over the shoulder while doing so
C) Blame it on PMS
D) Blame it on women being crazy irrational emotional creatures no one can understand

Sometimes, men forget this training and try to:

E) Figure out the problem and try to solve it

Ooops.

So, when women are confronted with men's incomprehensible (to them) displays of emotion, they have been trained to:

A) Call the police
B) Get the man into therapy
C) Call him the loser that he is
D) Blab to her friends about it the next day (you know, to help her deal with it)

Sometimes, women forget this training and try to:

E) Figure out the problem and try to solve it

AnOldRichDude · 2015-08-08T19:30:25+00:00

My wife used to get mad at me for never showing emotion and not sharing my emotions with her. As an experiment, I opened up to her emotionally for a week once a few years ago. She quickly regretted it, said I was whining too much and asked me to stop. She's never bothered me since to share my emotions with her.

Honestly, I don't think men should never share emotions, in particular I like when people are passionate about something, but in terms of negative emotions like sadness, guilt, depression...I see no value in ever sharing those or even bothering to spend any time wasted worrying about them in myself.

Many women (and I am sure, some men) see things differently and I try to support my wife's feelings even if I personally find them not useful. She needs to vent, if I vent it tends be more of a rant.

edit: double negative above "don't think men should never"...but I am too lazy rewrite it properly, so my apologies.

Aerobus · 2015-08-09T00:47:59+00:00

I'd rather press a Smith & Wesson .357 to my right temple and pull the trigger than open up emotionally to a female. That way, I'd die quickly instead of subjecting myself to the torture of being unloved and having a woman not attracted to me for the coming months and years.

grendalor · 2015-08-08T16:49:42+00:00

Don't do it with anything negative, anything she could ever perceive as undermining your status, or anything that could be perceived as weakness, wavering or being troubled. So, yes, share the good stuff, they love that.

Only share the bad stuff in a "retrospective" share, after you have overcome the difficulty, and they love that, too -- but never, ever, ever share that difficulty in real time. You will sorely regret having done that.

ECoast_Man · 2015-08-08T22:12:07+00:00

No.

This is just women typing things on the Internet, it has little to do with how they actually feel. I'm a heterosexual man and there is almost nothing more revolting than another man crying, absent extreme circumstances.

A dude 'opening up' emotionally does not work.

nomdplume · 2015-08-08T23:23:31+00:00

I think it breaks down like this...

Men who have their emotions are attractive. They show mastery, they show strength, and, importantly, they are "knowable" (ie, emotionless robots are unsettling).

Men whose emotions have them are unattractive. They show a lack of control, a lack of strength, and are not to be counted on in critical situations, as they will not be able to show leadership.

It's important for men to have their emotions, but to never let their emotions have them.

It can be argued that this is also an important and admirable quality in women as well. The difference is, no one expects it of women and women can get away with "losing control" much more easily and often than a man can.

A woman who has to discipline her man (ie, treat him like a child) will not be attracted to that man. The opposite is generally not true in the reverse.

Men often enjoy feeling like the "patriarch" or "father figure" in the relationship. I've never, ever met a woman who enjoys feeling like a "mother" in the relationship, including all of my very progressive/liberal/alternative female friends.

There's a reason why dynamics like "whose your daddy?" and "call me Big Poppa" (rip Biggie) are common sexual expressions, while calling a woman "mommy" (or worse, I suppose, "big mommy", lol) is a sign of sexual deviancy that only appeals to a select few.

Tipsy_Gnostalgic · 2015-08-08T19:06:23+00:00

New poster here who just wanted to say nope, I will never do that with a significant other. If you appear too "needy" or weak then they will be repulsed by it and it may completely undermine your relationship. It makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint; feel unattracted to weak men, feel attracted to powerful, capable men. Once you appear weak in their eyes it is too late, the genie is out of the bottle.

[deleted] · 2015-08-08T20:08:32+00:00

I don't see the point of opening up to women. Most of the time women are terrible at giving advice so I dont want it and I'll take a pass on talking about feelings simply for the sake of talking about them. Unlike women, I don't get a rush of dopamine every time I open my trap. Also, there's no reason to give them ammunition to use against you if they decide.

JeanValjean197o · 2015-08-09T05:34:33+00:00

My parents lost a child to SIDS before I was born.

Years after their divorce my mother criticized my father for being unemotional after the death of their daughter. She loved to dump this shit on me when I was but a pre-teen boy without regard to my own emotional health.

As I got older I began to piece together the truth. I had to piece it together because in all my years my father never once said a harsh or critical word about my mother even though she was a lying, cheating, stealing, whore. And my mother never once told the truth about my father or herself for that matter.

But the gist of it is this: my father didn't have the luxury of being emotional. My mother was a basketcase. She fell apart and couldn't take care of their first daughter. If he got emotional then who was going to go to work and pay the bills? Who was going to change the diapers and make sure there was a sitter? Who was going to keep shit going if both of them lost it?

And I guarantee you this: had my father expressed his emotions, had he cried like a baby and cursed at god and done all that do you know what my mother would have said then? "You're father is a weak man. He lost his shit after Cynthia died. I couldn't even grieve for her properly for fear that the whole house would fall down around us."

Damned if we do and damned if we don't.

Dietyz · 2015-08-08T15:52:02+00:00

No, I am not comfortable being emotional because I never have been. I was raised to act in this manner, even if I wanted to be emotional I wouldn't be the best at articulating my feelings so they would most likely come out blunt, hurtful and offensive. Why would I change myself if its just going to make my life worse? I don't even want to be emotional in the first place so if I open up i'm doing it for someone elses peace of mind, sacrificing my own comfort for theirs.

Plugawy_Nedznik · 2015-08-08T15:12:35+00:00

Our fellow PPD women were honest about it.

You'd have a hard time picking a demographic more disjointed from the general female population than "PPD women".

So I will take their personal opinions on the subject with a truckload of salt.

scrantonic1ty · 2015-08-08T23:20:01+00:00

I "opened up" to a couple of female "friends" last year (separately, to two otherwise unrelated people). It killed both friendships stone dead and they stopped speaking to me so I cut them out of my life.

Yeh, I have some issues, but it's really just your bog standard depression and anxiety shit, nothing 'creepy' or potentially dangerous. If you're a man, people absolutely do not want to know about your hang-ups, however common or minor. You're on your own.

Lesson learned. It will never happen again. I doubt anybody will ever find out who I really am, I suppose that's why I love the anonymity of reddit.

JeanValjean197o · 2015-08-09T05:21:59+00:00

NOPE.

The answer is no. You are not entitled to know what I think and feel.

Too often women claim to want to know how a man feels only to use that as ammunition against him later.

I've read a few PPD threads and repeatedly the women here prove that you are constantly judging men and looking for any flaws. If a man wants to be in a relationship he must necessarily remain mysterious because women seem to be capable only of judging rather than accepting.

My emotions are my own. Better yet, let's both keep our emotions to ourselves.

PIBagent · 2015-08-09T04:44:53+00:00

It's kind of like men saying how they like a woman's natural look without makeup. It's a comforting thought but you know better than to believe it.

adrixshadow · 2015-08-10T07:28:22+00:00

Women want intimacy not men opening up.

The important point is there is a distinction between the two.

HappilySingleWoman · 2015-08-08T11:48:32+00:00

Before reading the answers I thougt: "You should never open up to a woman emotionally." Now it's more like: "You should never ever open up emotionally to a woman about anything under any circumstances."

Why did you come to that conclusion ? o.O

parabadamasamba · 2015-08-09T02:17:11+00:00

If I can't "open up" to a particular woman about myself and my emotions, I don't want a relationship with her. Simple enough.

Healthy relationships should satisfy your emotional and mental needs, as well as your physical ones. And healthy relationships are definitely possible.

wtknight · 2015-08-08T12:22:25+00:00

My wife says that she doesn't like it when people open up emotionally around her, men or women, so I don't have to worry about this issue.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-08-08T11:37:10+00:00

Were we reading the same thread, lol?

DStoo · 2015-08-08T23:58:59+00:00

Eh. I've always opened up and not had a problem with it.

Title	Men, does the recent thread encourage you to open up emotionally?
Author	GuitarsAreGettingOld
Upvotes	15
Comments	125
Date	August 8, 2015 10:22 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3g8cdi/men_does_the_recent_thread_encourage_you_to_open/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-does-the-recent-thread-encourage-you-to-open.280424 https://theredarchive.com/post/280424

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