CMV: Women have it easier in the dating arena and are largely oblivious to it or in denial.

annoying_thought · 2015-06-15T13:43:23+00:00

my own experience

I have 3 examples of how easy it is for even ugly women to get laid.

1 - I love my sister but she has no idea how good she has it compared to me. Recently she bemoaned to me how she hasn't been in a relationship for a few years. I pointed out that I hadn't had one in triple that time. You see she's medically obese, doesn't shave her top lip, has bpd (was going to ruin a guy she like's life before he apologised for her tantrum, has agro phobia, is bitter and plays cod for 10 hours a day (hasn't worked for 10 years, got a place from the government). I'm 5'11, due to a barrel chest I look athletic, been told by many people I'm very funny (fat kid once) and been told I'm quite attractive (always by women in relationships).

She regularly gets 5-10 fb invites and 20+ xbox invites a day. Recently she's fucked 5 guys this year, that's 3 more than I have in 2 years.

If she was a guy she'd be fucked

2 - her friend is even worse (which I could post a picture but I'd hate to embarrass her), she's 26 but looks early 40's, yellow brown teeth, vastly over weight but she has fucked almost every male friend on her fb (some guys way out of her league), hell even I almost slept with her (couldn't get erect). Maybe she has a great personality? No, mentally very childish (high school musical, 1d etc). Every weekend she meets someone off a dating site.

3 - met this pretty cool hippie chick at work, a little thick round the edges, glasses, big nose, dyed hair, the works. She confided I me that she fancied the romanian heartthrob we worked with (he had his pick of women) even tho she had a long term bf. Long story short he fucked her behind some bins because his gf was at home. She cried when she told me this but it didn't stop her from answering every booty call.

I wish I had one tenth of this ease but because I'm a little shy I'm fucked (or not)

Like Jim Jeffries said "To be a stud you need to be witty, charming, well dressed, have nice shoes and a fake job.

To be a slut you just have to be…. there.”

cxj · 2015-06-15T21:04:21+00:00

there is the risk of getting knocked up, abandoned and left unexpectedly a single mom before you're 21, like what happened to my poor sister. So I can sympathise with that fear of commitment.

This is why abortion is legal. Also. birth control. These can be a pain in the confederate/flyover states, but most Americans live on the coasts.

So the problem is that women across the board don't have (perceived) quality, relationship/marriage material options. Whereas men generally have less options getting their foot in the door, period.

Nail on the head.

Great post OP, especially the "Another take on the disney princess" section.

Xemnas81 · 2015-06-15T22:19:12+00:00

Heres my take, everything you've said is correct, however the difficulty starts to change around age 30. If you as a man did the bare minimum of either getting a job and climbing the ladder, getting a good education, or getting into some skilled trade in your 20s, you'll be set. You can finally date women of equal attractiveness to you, and if you have other good qualities even higher! But if you just sat around playing video games, working dead-end jobs or being unemployed, you'll still be unattractive and sexless.

For women, their ease with getting sex continues until around mid 30s, but they will have to start being less hypergamous around age 27 or so. Mainly because they fear getting old and decrepit, and thus if the ruin a good relationship the chances of finding another good one start to diminsh. The smart ones realize this earlier than the dumb washed up wannabe bimbos you find so many of at many sordid clubs and bars.

dfaer5 · 2015-06-15T18:03:47+00:00

The problem with this question is that it conflates two entirely different problems. Most men struggle to get anything at all, while women only struggle to get the top tier men. When you ask who has it 'easier', men think that it refers to getting average women, while women think that it refers to getting high status men, completely ignoring the bottom 80% of men.

Aspiring_Hobo · 2015-06-15T12:01:42+00:00

"Easier" is just a subjective statement so we could argue about this all day and all night.

The fact most of us will agree with is women have more access to casual sex than men, but generally they want commitment. So from a male perspective it seems easy to say they have an easier time because they can more easily get what males want. But if you want commitment then the fact it's easier to have casual sex is of little benefit or comfort to you.

I have a male friend who's gay and he's talked about this exact problem, he wants a relationship but most guys just want to fuck around. He can easily have casual sex but he doesn't care. He wants a relationship and it's very difficult for him to come by.

annoying_thought · 2015-06-15T15:23:39+00:00

the most honest answer this thread could hope for is "yeah, us women may have the monopoly on dating but we have to wade through a sea of dickwads (like men have to too)"

AmericanHistoryAFBB · 2015-06-16T06:55:23+00:00

I can attest to unattractive women obtaining sex easier than men. The other day I slept with a farm girl I'm not physically attracted too. Some might call these land whales. Some times, a guy just wants to bust a nut.

Women are a lot more picky about who gets to bust that nut.

mr_one_liner · 2015-06-15T16:39:31+00:00

I would add that it is only so right now. Women are overvalued in the dating world currently. We are out of balance, but it is not and will not always be so.

Xemnas81 · 2015-06-15T23:21:41+00:00

Women have it easier in the dating arena and are largely oblivious to it or in denial.

Is anyone arguing that women have it easier when dating online? i'm not sure that many women who have ever internet-dated think women are oblivious or in denial about it. Women can keep their photos private and only share with the men they choose to contact.

Men might request ages of women wildly younger than themselves on their profiles and seek beautiful women, but in reality, their chances of getting what they want are slim. Unless they have a lot going for them.

Xemnas81 · 2015-06-16T17:47:33+00:00

First of all, I think that today's society is over-sexualized and that high school and college dating is overrated. I believe that the time for love and dating is after your education.

But maybe that's because I did not have a B.F. during high school and it was kind of a mental taboo for me. When you are a student you are still very young and should not even think about it, because it will destroy your future to marry young or to get pregnant out of wedlock.

In today's economy I feel there needs to be a return to a lower sex drive. People need to control their animal spirits and stop rutting like pig-dogs. I think PUA and SlutWalk both have it all backwards.

Also some guys need to realize that some women, even though they seem liberal, are not interested in dating until after college. This could be due to strict immigrant parents or just due to a focus on work, and is common in all ethnicities.

Women raised like this sometimes don't even know how to pick up when a guy likes them. So like, how can they recognize a male-female discrepancy in the dating scene?

In hindsight, one boy did hit on me before, but I thought he was aware that: I lived with my parents at the time which = no dating. I thought he was attracted to music albums I'd amassed over the years.

thisismyinnocentface · 2015-06-17T03:21:44+00:00

As a woman, I fully agree with you, we definitely have it easier. If I was looking for a casual fling, I could have it as easy as inviting some guy friends over to try the jello shots I made, then taking my pick of the litter. I do not envy men or their lot in life, it must suck but being a woman is fantastic if you don't count reproductive issues (periods suck, being pregnant sucks, etc.)

Another example of female privilege, my bf once ran out of gas and had to walk the full 6 mies home (didn't have his cell phone on him). I once walked voluntarily to the gas station ad back (maybe 3 miles total) and was offered a ride 8 separate times...

Most women are completely oblivious to our advantage, but I'm glad I was born a woman in non- Texas (or equally conservative states) US.

H8CourtshipALot217 · 2015-07-17T18:12:20+00:00

well I believe there are far more male late bloomers than female late bloomers in the world of dating, relationships, and sex, or maybe women are just less vocal about it than men are, because whenever you hear of a person who is 25+ years of age and still a virgin, never had a relationship before, it's almost always guys you hear of.

caesarfecit · 2015-06-15T19:28:21+00:00

I beg to differ. I think women currently have it harder and have no one to blame for it but themselves (via feminism).

It's a lot easier to get someone to sleep with you than it is to get someone to commit. To get laid, all you really need is to be decent looking and capable of not sabotaging yourself for a night. To get into a relationship with someone worthwhile, you need to be a halfway decent person with some things going for you.
Feminism has actually exacerbated rather than helped most women's biggest problem with dating: passivity and an external locus of control. This feeds back into problem 1.
No man in their right mind gets married today, unless they're willing to stake basically their life and sanity on it. Add this to problem #2 and you have a ton of women giving up on getting married and staying married.
Just as there's not a lot of relationship-grade women out there, there's even fewer men. The top 5 % of women will still find their romantic goals at an affordable price, while the top 20 % of men can basically corner the pussy market, which also reduces the number of quality men overall (because 40 % of guys just aren't getting laid at all, and nothing kills game like loneliness), and it means many girls have to put out quickly to have any chance of making an impression.
And because the competition for quality guys is more cutthroat than ever, girls have a an even harder time finding decent friends that won't backstab, shut shame, or "clam-block" them.

To be a romatically/sexually successful guy, all you need to do is basically read Models, find your balls and get out there, get your life sorted, and slowly rack up experience until your eye and game for high quality women is good.

To be a romantically successful woman, you have to get yourself in as good shape as possible as quickly as possible, develop a halfway decent personality while resisting the urge to sleepwalk your way into temporary male attention and lackluster relationships, get your social circle game on point, develop something resembling a career, and then find and lock down a guy before your child bearing years are done.

Feminism was supposed to liberate women, and instead all its done is make them more lonely than ever.

The thing I think some Redpillers don't get is this.

AF:BB comes about because girls are settling. They have to. The kind of guys they want are in short supply, and many girls just don't have a chance with them. So they fuck the guy who gets them wet and only really does that for them, and try to find a guy who can supply the emotional intimacy and financial support and try not to totally break his heart in the process. It's a maladaptive and immature coping mechanism to a very real problem.

colucci · 2015-06-15T16:47:14+00:00

I don't think you can compare female dating and male dating. You can make comparaison inside the two demographics (ex - "Women in America who try to date have it easier than women in Russia" or "White men in Japan have it easier trying to date than Asian Men in Japan"), but you cannot make cross-demographic examination of what is 'easier' because the goal of dating for the two sexes is radically different.

You've already established that women can get into a relationship easily, and I agree with you on this point. However, the point is to find a guy that can give you a good relationship. Which I think is far more difficult. A guy finding a good looking slut is more likely than a girl finding a guy that is good enough to be in a relationship with. And even when you do find a bf, there's a chance that he's committing only so he can get a free, reliable source of pussy. This is quite common with a lot of guys I've known.

So yes, I agree with you, insofar that by 'having it easier in the dating arena', you are referring to obtaining casual sex or commitment from a low value male.

Vornnash · 2015-06-15T16:30:47+00:00

Solipsism, from your perspective yes, from theirs, no, because both genders are after different things, sex and commitment.

Xemnas81 · 2015-06-15T16:35:00+00:00

I notice no-one has called me out on the Disney princess mentality re-hash, any reason for that?

RichardPalma · 2015-06-16T05:03:10+00:00

Women have it easier to date than men because they don't have to do anything, the man initiates and follows through..

Men have it way easier to get what they want out of dating because the man initiates and follows through.

The fact that women have more "feet in the door" really doesn't matter when all doors go somewhere they don't want to go. A man doesn't need all these, because he picks a door and walks through. If it's locked, he picks another door, but because he is choosing, if the door opens, it goes where he wants.

bubbleki · 2015-06-15T15:16:04+00:00

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Xemnas81 · 2015-06-15T17:40:01+00:00

I also think women are OK if they do not pair bond. We have friends, we have family...the drive, I hate to say it, isn't there anymore. It's been replaced by a new goal. IF someone happens to come along that we like, we might let them in...but it's easier this way.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-06-15T12:29:36+00:00

Dating is brutal. For everyone bar Suzi Cheerleader or Brad Quarterback. I was a skinny, gangly, tall awkward girl and young woman. I preferred shooting hoops to makeup and idolised Stephen Hawking. Boys didn't look sideways at me. They were too busy mooning over the cute, curvy airhead gigglers and complaining that none of them would put out.

[deleted] · Mon Jun 15 12:55:01 2015 UTC

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exit_sandman · 2015-06-15T15:13:42+00:00

I guess a lot depends on what you mean by "easier". Different, yes, and perhaps easier too, but that's harder to quantify.

Personal example:

I've only used plenty of fish one time, and had to shut my account down in less than ten days, as I received over 400 emails in that time. The first hundred rolled in before I put my picture up, and the final 300 were all received within a couple of days.

Sounds great, doesn't it?

If number of contacts is your measure, then I was vastly more successful than the average guy. But number of contacts isn't a rational measure, as a lot of those emails were overtly harassing and some of them threatening.

So we're back to the concept of easier. Is it really easier if I have to read death/assault threats, and sift through sexually overt muck and mindless dreck to get to the point where I interact with a single sane, well-intentioned man?

Anecdotes aren't particularly useful, but this happens to be a nearly universal anecdote by women on dating sites, so I'd argue for utility.

Also, I'd like to point out that the argument that the sheer volume of guys looking for casual sex doesn't translate to an increase in the number of guys looking for LTRs. There's a fairly distinct separation there, even if we're ignoring the fallout associated with women engaging in this.

[deleted] · 2015-06-15T15:20:41+00:00

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LUClEN · 2015-06-15T22:52:21+00:00

This may be a bit of a tangent, but who cares if women have it easier? Isn't part of masculinity overcoming adversity and completing difficult challenges?

andrewisgood · 2015-06-16T02:22:17+00:00

I'm not gonna go through all that with work and such, so I'll go with the main response.

The answer is, ehh, yes and no. Though you probably got a bunch of these answers and I'm late to the party. Yes, they have it easier in that they get contacted by more people, they have more options, etc. The don't have it easier because they have to do with harassment, people not taking the hint that she's not interested, and of course, dick pics. I think I've told a story of like, I was with a girl, and during the after sex pillow talk, she was still on POF and she's like, hey, someone just sent me a dick pic and showed me. She apparently got a lot of them. When I would do online dating, I would ask about crazy experiences and weird guys because that stuff fascinated me.

So, it's a double edge sword. On one hand it's easy, and on another it's tough.

Bapteaser · 2015-08-28T17:50:48+00:00

I'd like to add my two cents...I was in a 9 year relationship with the person I lost my virginity to. We just fought way too much, went for counselling, but in the end, we just were not happy living together so we broke up. We remained friends and though he went on after a 6 month period to date a girl who he just moved in with (she seems nice), and they are working toward a future together, I ended up in a series of "FWB" type relationships (though not MY preference). From a female perspective (especially now that I'm in my early 30s), it seems like a lot of guys are into the idea of dating (see: fucking) multiple women, but not wanting to settle. I'm not gunning for marriage, but I'm a one man kinda woman, and I'd like to be with somebody who has loyalty to me the way I will for him. It can be disillusioning to look around and see a bunch of people settling for momentary stimulation at the expense of real connections, but I think that's the sickness of our society. In chasing our wants, we actively resist the contentment that our souls long for. I do hope that in time, I'll find somebody who is up for the same thing that I am, but I've decided to take a time out from "dating" (fucking) because it just begins to seem so empty and pointless.

Xemnas81 · 2015-06-15T16:48:49+00:00

I think a lot of gals need to accept that guys often talk about gross topics like porn and masturbation. A lot of this shocks many women. One of my childhood friends (32/M) has a DVD of Dragon Ball XXX.

This doesn't mean that they're dogs if they behave like gentlemen in public.

haircombsnightmare · 2015-06-15T18:02:49+00:00

RedPillers paint a reality, but reality is another. Nobody said it was easy and it's not easier for women. I don't think it's easier for men either. I feel peace when I stop making unnecessary differences between the genders, and I'm only hoping everyone else would as well.

[deleted] · 2015-06-15T15:32:42+00:00

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sohamster · 2015-06-15T15:42:39+00:00

I think both sexes have challenges in finding a good relationship. Sex is easy for both, with a modicum of effort. The people, that I personally know, having real issues in the 'arena' are making their own problems. I know a woman that spouts the 'no good men' line. She has ridiculous requirements for a mate. He must be a doctor or lawyer (no other profession). 6'2" to 6'5", blond wavy hair (not curly) , blue eyes. The list goes on. She has a caustic personality. She will stay alone. The man I personally know of: very nice looking but hates hygiene. He honestly has green plaque build up on his teeth. His friends ambushed him, got him cleaned up took him out to find a woman. Shock he got dates galore, then went back to his smelly ways and still cries about how shallow women are. My advice is simple. You run into a flake, or someone that is not treating you like a human MOVE ON.

thereddespair · 2015-06-15T19:36:17+00:00

the more men put weight on a womans twat, the more they make it easier for the woman - applies and extends to the bigger picture.

[deleted] · 2015-06-15T12:44:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	CMV: Women have it easier in the dating arena and are largely oblivious to it or in denial.
Author	Xemnas81
Upvotes	45
Comments	323
Date	June 15, 2015 11:46 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/39wlbm/cmv_women_have_it_easier_in_the_dating_arena_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-women-have-it-easier-in-the-dating-arena-and.281604 https://theredarchive.com/post/281604

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