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competitive_Aries123
[–]Confection_EfficientFDS Newbie231 points232 points233 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Two words...Over it. I’m so done with “so busy” and I’m really glad a lot of us are.
[–]fetchingmorbidFDS Newbie48 points49 points50 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Weirdest part is the less you care or invest in these mother fuckers the more effort you get out of them. Never make the mistake of thinking the more you give, the more you get.
Men are like snack machines full of junk food garbage. Sure you can keep hoping for fillet mignon, but no amount of spare change will ever land you anything more appealing than some crusty ass cheetos.
[–]FleetingDaisy148 points149 points150 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
“yea work has been crazy lately” me: *block
[–]competitive_Aries123FDS Newbie[S] 16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂😂😂
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like your way of thinking!
[–]morsitens1946FDS Newbie[🍰] 132 points133 points134 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Painful to hear but true.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I love that you acknowledge it’s still painful. A lot of us putting up that “strong front” want to make it seem like nothing gets in. It DOES — then we process it, we learn, we move forward. The pain still happens...but after that good cry, we get up stronger, but still not invulnerable. ❤️
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hope you never do lock down. ❤️
[–]morsitens1946FDS Newbie[🍰] 13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Really hurts to not be worth it to him when I am the whole package. If he doesn’t want to respect and value me as such, I will find someone else who does. His loss.
[–]darkempress2003FDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Extremely painful right now, but it's the logical explanation.
[–]taele1996FDS Newbie151 points152 points153 points 3 years ago* (15 children) | Copy Link
It’s really funny because I went out with a guy for two months. He always paid for my portion of food when we go out, which is like once a week. He always initiated physical contact; kisses, hand holding, hugs. After nearly 2 months (7 weeks aka 7dates), he’s still dating other people when he’s with me because we’re not official. I just ended things with him last night because it’s apparent that we’re not on the same page.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple62 points63 points64 points 3 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
You did well. Men know they want to commit after two or three months (maximum) of consistent in person dating. All the "lets go with the flow", "why do we have to put labels?", "I don't know yet", "I've had a past relationship that scarred me and now I want to take it slow", "I'm too busy at work to give you what you deserve", "I'm too depressed to give you what you want" are just excuses men say because they know women fall for it and they think this will decrease "drama" and most importantly will keep the woman around in the background because it's convenient to them: sex, ego boost, attention, girlfriend benefits, etc when they want with minimal effort until they find someone they truly want to commit.
When I was still pickmeisha I dated a guy for 7 or 8 months (yeah I know 🤡 ) where we saw each other at least 2 times a week and he still "didn't know" and couldn't define what we had when I asked him directly about it 🤡🤡🤡
Don't be a clown like I was and just cut men out if after 2 or 3 months maximum things have not advanced to an actual relationship (not assumed by you, but instead clearly stated and aknowleged by both) or it will be a waste of time. They know and they put us in the "casual", "girlfriend", "wifey", "back burner", etc categories sooner than we think.
If a man sees us as wonderful and the prize and truly wants us, he'll want to take us off the market because he knows another man could see our value and snatch us.
[–]pineappleshampooPickmeisha™️28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I actually think it’s usually much less than 2-3 months.
In my experience is a guy finds a woman and is super into her, he won’t want 2-3 months to go by where another guy could still be wooing her. He won’t want to risk losing her at any cost.
It’s foolish to jump into exclusivity too soon so I agree a short period of time is good before committing to just seeing that one person, but if a guy I was seeing hadn’t raised the ‘are we seeing other people?’ question within a month I’d be assuming he wasn’t that into me tbh.
But I’m a fan of the slow progression into a relationship where you multi date at first, and then have a period of time where you date exclusively without being an official relationship, before actually committing to being partners/boyfriend and girlfriend. A few weeks in feels way too early to be partners, but a month in feels too long to both still be seeing other people if you’re both into one another. I’ve found guys are usually chomping at the bit after a few dates to lock you down and you have to be the one to slow them down a little and make sure you’re really assessing and getting a feel for them before being willing to take yourself off the market.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I agree with you that they know sooner (but might wait a while, hence max 2 or 3 months to make the move after observing the relationship but this was a maximum timeframe, it's usually earlier), but I was more talking about the maximum for a man to actually move things to a relationship. If after 3 months a man gets all panicky at the thought of dating us exclusively it won't go anywhere and it's better to dump. And yes I'd also assume after a month of not even mentioning exclusivity that he's not into me that way. I also prefer the slow progression of multidating, then exclusivity and then relationship (within a reasonable timeframe). I naturally become exclusive when I'm really interested (not always smart doing so though), but such as men, if I'm not sure after a short period of time, I also know that deep down I'm just not into them for a relationship and it will never be "it".
[–]pineappleshampooPickmeisha™️1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agree 100% with everything you say! It’s good to have a finite limit for women who aren’t good at reading signals that he’s just not into her.
[–]SpaceGoat88FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep, exactly. My fiance told me he loved me after 3 weeks of dating and consistently showed me every day how much he cares about me. If they want you, they know and will make an effort to keep you.
[–]RachelStorm98FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
THIS! I agree with you 100%. Man I wish I knew this sooner. I wasted 5 years of my life on my LVM ex FWB because he just wouldn't commit to me. It was always one excuse after another to why he couldn't commit. 😐 "I am not ready for a relationship right now." "I am too damaged." "I just don't have the time to date." "I never want to date or marry. It's just not my thing." "I don't do long distance relationships." And the worst one: "I see you as a very close friend and honestly, that's just about as far as my damage let's me go." Yet I kept on hanging on... I was a huge pickmeisha then. I kept on waiting for him to be ready. My biggest regret.
Sure enough, a year later he was very distant from me for a good few months. Maybe 2 or 3 months? Sure enough. He was in a relationship with a woman from ARIZONA! 1,800 Miles away from him... So much for not wanting to date long distance. 🙄😐 I was crushed and angry. He led me on and I was too naive to see that.
He was trying to tell me that he just didn't want a relationship with me, even though I asked him twice if it was me and he said no. 🤦 He had to lead me on. He KNEW I was in love with him too. (He was my first love tbh. He was 7 years older than me.)
I vowed never to allow myself to "wait for a man." I never should have to prove myself to a man. If anything, he should be proving himself to me. No more pick me shit from me. Men know ladies. They know if they want to commit to you, and early on. If he makes excuses, then he just is not that into you. Men would rather drive off of a cliff into boiling hot lava instead of telling a woman that he just is not that into her.
He's blocked on everything. I am on my journey to become a HVW because I found out the truth. I was upset at first that he's in a committed relationship with her, but I blocked him on everything. I blocked his Girlfriend too. 💅💖 Life is so much better. I have been doing everything I can to move on from him. I deserve way better. I deserve a man that is into me and that would gladly commit to me.
I've made it to 1 month No contact! Here's to many more months. 🍹
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm so sorry you went through this.
Men will find any excuse to not cut the cord while they don't find someone who makes them want to commit or while they think they can still benefit from our presence. And what men say they want and what they actually go for usually doesn't match. I've had men telling me all the cliche "I'm not ready for a relationship", "I don't know what I want", "I'm too busy/I'm too depress/I don't believe in relationships" you name it, to then abruptly disappear or finally break up the situationship to then be in a relationship or even marry in a short span of time. They've used us as "training girlfriend" or ego boosts to then be ready for someone else they truly wanted us. And it's nothing to do with our value or the other woman, just that men have no qualms in doing what's more beneficial for them at expense of our feelings and precious time.
I'm now remembering the story of a girlfriend of mine that was with a boyfriend for 8 years. He never proposed nor even pushed for actual cohabitation and she helped him a lot financially as she was well off. Suddenly he got cold and distant and she felt something was going on. He then said he needed a time to think about things and the relationship to then totally cut her out and act as if she had done something to him, to in a span of a few weeks start living with a woman, marrying her and having children with her. You can't make this up.
So to avoid situations like this we need to move on from men that don't commit or aren't sure in a reasonable time frame. It's better to cut the cord sooner than later. They won't one day wake up and fall in love madly with us and suddenly want to commit.
[–]goldiebabyFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Your friend's situation is fairly common sadly. LVM "dates" a woman wile offering little to no commitment. It usually drags on for years while the man establishes a career and has his fun. Then he decides it's time to settle down, finds a woman who he deems worth of commitment and dumps his forever GF. Then proceeds to date, marry and have kids with the new woman at breakneck speed.
[–]taele1996FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I cannot for the life of me understand guys who treat us well, initiate physical touch, pay for meals and stuff for weeks/months straight and still have the audacity to say “I’m not sure what I want. It’s too early to tell. I’m still figuring out what I like and don’t like”. Like why? You’re just wasting your money and time on a girl who you’re unsure of when some other guy can just tell right away that that girl is the one for them.
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean...we really know why though, don’t we? Better to string a 50% along until you find that 90% or whatever. Gods forbid anyone just be honest and single for ten minutes.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Those are the worse because it confuses us and makes it harder to leave. But we need to see through the BS fast.
[–]goldiebabyFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because they have time and money and view dating as a hobby? Sure it may take time and effort, but it's fun and good enough until the next fun hobby pops us.
[–]Less-PanicFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What men get out of wasting their own time I will never understand. Was he just going to buy you dinner every fortnight until the end of time??
[–][deleted] 113 points114 points115 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup, very simple creatures actually! Time to stop overthinking...
[–]matte_personalityFDS Newbie84 points85 points86 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Men are simple. If they’re telling the truth, they’ll keep it short. If they’re being complicated, they’re either lying or hiding something.
[–]MaisiebrFDS Apprentice17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
And if they are talking about a woman in a way that demeans them (usually unsolicited), like how they aren't that good looking, how they are annoying etc. - they are most likely into that woman. 🤷♀️
[–]mitzislippersFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
duuude when i was 20 i was dating a guy and he said his chick friend was ugly he’d never smash. all i said was “oh why didn’t you introduce your female friend to me?” guess what? he was cheating w her and they’re STILL together to this day. ha. :/ I was a virgin at the time and was not gonna up it for him so he admitted it and left me.
[–]jayohday45 points46 points47 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
As always, this is true, but who cares? he’s not interested. Great. Did he check all your desired boxes, anyway?
[–]michelle27519FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Most likely he didn’t. 😉
[–]WouldYouKindly300321 points22 points23 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This just hits too close to home rn.
[–]waddameloneFDS Apprentice17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
If he truly wanted to, he would sis! Not enough people understand this. It also works vice versa 😌
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I took the first step in messaging and giving my number as well. I am not afraid to take the first step. But when I do, I usually let the guy do the rest if he is interested.
I'm really not surprised he ended up slow-fading you in the end.
The reason why the handbook advises women never to chase a man (which this is, by reaching out to him and taking the first step you're essentially chasing him) is because it allows you to weed those who want to waste your time from those who are genuinely interested in you. It's the perfect first step to a vetting process.
You reached out to him (he could've easily done that as well considering he had the time to like your picture, including asking for your number – I'm not sure why you decided to give it to him?) which allowed him to feign interest for a while. But if he was super interested in you from the beginning, he would've sent that first text and/or asked for your number.
[–]perpandacularFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Go you! And thanks for sharing, we don't hear enough stories of women calling out LVMs.
[–]competitive_Aries123FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you! I am at a stage in life where I want a life partner to continue growing with and I refuse to play games with anyone who doesn’t have same intentions.
[–]unbelyevableFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Needed this one tonight 🙌🏼👌🏼👏🏼
[–]SewudFDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I don't think we should look to fear as a motivator though. He shouldn't be doing things because he's afraid to lose you. He should be doing things because he wants to, because he likes you and he believes in treating people right.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I agree, but the thing is that a man who truly wants us and wants to commit with us will do it because they know we're wonderful human beings that could be snatched by another man who sees our value if they don't step up to commit and treat us good.
If they truly want us they know that losing us would be a loss for them, it would have an impact, and so they avoid this by stepping up to the plate. Anything other than that are excuses.
Now, I do agree that male generosity shouldn't be earned by manipulations, push and pull games or other stuff to inflict fear or discomfort of losing us, as we should go for men who are already generous and giving by nature and don't need to be turned into such. However, as I said, if a man sees us as the prize, he'll do everything in his power to keep us around.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
When he truly get this, we'll be set free from most dead end and good for nothing relationships in our lives. Yes, it's that simple.
[–]LittleBiitchyBananaThrowaway Account4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I always imagine Miranda from sex and the city saying: “He’s not that into you!” Amen to that. 🙌
[–]RachelStorm98FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I follow this religiously now. I used to be in denial back in my pick me days, but this is so true. If he doesn't show he's interested and isn't putting in effort, he's just not that into you. NEXT! I will never waste my energy on a scrote who shows absolutely no interest in me. If he ain't chasing me, then I am moving on. You can't make a man love or commit to you. I love this quote. I am happy for FDS this subreddit has woke me up to the truth. 💅💖
[–]oh_beach_pleaseFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Owwww but truuuue
[–]BellaStayFlyFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We make time for the things that are a priority to us. If they aren’t enthusiastic in the very beginning, it will only get worse.
[–]vilanellescatThrowaway Account1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Simple af! I love feeling at peace alone 🥰
[–]heyho-ayoThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot. I’ve been seeing someone for 4 months now and we are exclusive but not official. I know men should be the one making it official but I feel that for myself this needs to be figured out. I was thinking about bringing it up next time I see him and saying not to waste my time and we can’t do this anymore if he doesn’t want to make it official. What do you think the best way to do this is?
[+]notthatkindofdoctorbFDS Newbie-13 points-12 points-11 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
No sorry, but this is nonsense. It makes it sound like any man could be a "good" one if women did the right thing. That if only women "handled" them correctly, they wouldn't do the wrong thing. Maybe this entry is poorly phrased and it isn't trying to say that, but it's a stupid thing to be ambiguouous about when claiming to advise women.
[–]SimoneDoesnotCareFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's more in a sense of "what you're offering, he's not interested". but not said in a way woman has to change anything... except the man.
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't think it has to do with the woman doing the right thing. More about stop pandering to the nonsense guys spew.
You shouldn't have to do anything really. Just the slightest encouragement is enough. Think of the pest guy who you didn't like but they liked you and they kept on until you had to be very rude to get him to stop.
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn't interpret it that way. I just interpreted as "if he wanted he would". Meaning that all the excuses men use to not commit and not to act right are just that... excuses. It's that simple. I didn't feel it was about the woman doing something or being something so that the man wants to do it.
[–]MaisiebrFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The part where she says that it's "because you let him" is true though. Like, you see that he doesn't step up and continue to stay. FDS is mainly about this step - that you ruthlessly stop being there for those who aren't deserving of your attention. From what I understood, it isn't ambigous. It's not telling us to make him afraid by pulling away - it's about leaving people alone who don't demonstrate that they want you.
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[–]Confection_EfficientFDS Newbie231 points232 points233 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]fetchingmorbidFDS Newbie48 points49 points50 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]FleetingDaisy148 points149 points150 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]competitive_Aries123FDS Newbie[S] 16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]morsitens1946FDS Newbie[🍰] 132 points133 points134 points (6 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple20 points21 points22 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]morsitens1946FDS Newbie[🍰] 13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]darkempress2003FDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]taele1996FDS Newbie151 points152 points153 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple62 points63 points64 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]pineappleshampooPickmeisha™️28 points29 points30 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple11 points12 points13 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]pineappleshampooPickmeisha™️1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SpaceGoat88FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RachelStorm98FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]goldiebabyFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]taele1996FDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]goldiebabyFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Less-PanicFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 113 points114 points115 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]matte_personalityFDS Newbie84 points85 points86 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]MaisiebrFDS Apprentice17 points18 points19 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]mitzislippersFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jayohday45 points46 points47 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]michelle27519FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WouldYouKindly300321 points22 points23 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]waddameloneFDS Apprentice17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]perpandacularFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]competitive_Aries123FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]unbelyevableFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SewudFDS Apprentice15 points16 points17 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LittleBiitchyBananaThrowaway Account4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RachelStorm98FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]oh_beach_pleaseFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BellaStayFlyFDS Disciple1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]vilanellescatThrowaway Account1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]heyho-ayoThrowaway Account0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]notthatkindofdoctorbFDS Newbie-13 points-12 points-11 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]SimoneDoesnotCareFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]thowawaywookieFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnniaTFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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