tldr: i don't know how to find motivation to wanna find love / a good woman.
Hey, so my wife just left me. She packed her stuff and left 3-4 days ago. I’m doing my best to deal but it’s been hard. We were married 6 weeks. A big part of this pain is the attachment I’ve developed for her over 11 years. We were HSSHs and exchanged V-Cards. I thought and still think it’s a very beautiful thing.
She left after we had a fight about her talking about “not being happy with our monogamy” and floating the idea of an open marriage with this online friend of hers. I wasn’t happy with this but I tried to be calm and talk through it. She said the reason she wanted to open things was because she felt like our emotional connection was lacking.
So after a day of thinking divorce I told her we should call this off or work through this cycle of you feeling like you don’t get what you want emotionally, looking outside of us, hurting me by looking outside, pushing me away and then feeling like she doesn’t get what she need emotionally. ( we went through something similar where she packed her bags and said she wants to date her supervisor she knew for two weeks because of how good their mental connection / banter was but then chickened out and begged me to take her back)We sat down and developed a game plan for her to get that emotional / mental connection she’s craving by doing more activates together but I needed her to end this relationship with this man, she agreed to the plan. The next day she called divorce and there was no talking her out of this.
My therapist said she was sabotaging the relationship.
I have an anxiety of not being able to find another “quality” woman with a low partner count that would ease my fear of starting a family with. I thought I found that in my wife but apparently not. But I’m 28 now, I’m in decent shape but only started lifting regularly for the past 6 months so I’m nearing otter mode / escaping skinny fat. I own my own house, no debt and am about to finish my computer programming degree. I dress well and have always been socially apt.
I’m not super into the idea of meaningless sex, I wanna be with someone low count and I feel like if I don’t hold myself to the same standard I’ll sabotage that from manifesting. But I’m not used to this lack of physical connection. We used to fuck 3-4 times a week on average.
I just lost my dream life, now I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone who’ll fit the bill again because I have uncommon beliefs about sexuality. Are those beliefs stupid?