Guy asked me if I'm confident in how I look

Novemberinthechair · 2020-01-26T12:21:36+00:00

Just say "yes." Then look at him like he's an ass for asking.

He's actually trying to get you to help mindfuck YOU. Or he's collecting research into how he can mindfuck other women.

Diamondsareagirlsbff · 2020-01-26T12:24:50+00:00

You don’t have to answer any question you’re unsure on. Just laugh it off and say ‘What an odd question!’ And move on. How dare he try to gain access to your insecurities.

penelopekitty · 2020-01-26T12:18:22+00:00

It's not arrogant to be confident with how you look. Just say "Yes, I am" and smile.

husheveryone · 2020-01-26T13:10:22+00:00

Ha ha. You’ve got the wrong lady. So! Tell me, how do ::you:: remain confident with your looks?

Evil_Rao · 2020-01-26T12:11:12+00:00

That question sounds weird as hell to begin with

szsunshine · 2020-01-26T16:31:15+00:00

Having confidence is NOT being arrogant! That's female socialization at work. Arrogance is thinking you are BETTER than everyone else (looks, smarts, wealth, etc.). There is nothing wrong about being confident in the way you look, no matter what you think your flaws are. You are unique. Cindy Crawford has a mole on her face - it became her signature.

There is no good reason for him to ask you this question. Either he wants you to make yourself vulnerable by naming a flaw you think you have, Or he is looking to dump his insecurities on you (conversation - him: are you confident in the way you look? you: well, I really hate my frizzy hair. him: your hair is fine. be happy you're not like me - I'm 25 with a receding hairline. you: (focusing entirely on him now) "you're so handsome, you're so good looking, your hairline is not receding, I didn't even notice....."

The only "excuse" he would have to ask that question is if you kept making disparaging remarks about yourself and he was trying to figure out why (a woman would ask this question if that were the situation, I"m not sure about a man). If that is the case - stop it! But IMO this guy just waved a giant red flag in front of you.

StillAwakeofCourse · 2020-01-26T12:29:28+00:00

You say yes, and you back away from this man.

RadioactiveJoy · 2020-01-26T12:09:35+00:00

Pick a fake insecurity and see how he uses that information. Something you don’t care about or only care about in the smallest bit. So if he ever tries to stab you in the back with that info you can just laugh and walk away unscathed.

Witchyko · 2020-01-26T12:14:27+00:00

I don't know ... If he already asks such a question, that would be the first red flag to me.

Either he is looking for insecurities in you, he can exploit or he simply means that the way you look now is actually not up to his personal standards and wants you to change. Also it means, that you are not a real option for him as a long term relationship.

I mean, loosing weight is never a bad thing, if you are overweight and for your frizzy hair, you could look for youtube videos to help you with that. Don't get me wrong, I am not telling you to make yourself look to suit his standards, but take it as a hint for what you need to do to level up. In the end, you do it for yourself.

goatismycopilot · 2020-01-26T14:28:23+00:00

I would say I feel great. The thing is no matter what you say he is looking for the opportunity to cut you down. If you say some negative about yourself he will give annoying advice as if it is the first time you have ever heard it and if you remain positive he will counter with a negative. He is looking to feel better by cutting somebody else down that was why he asked. So just answer and move on do not hold space for him.

avakadava · 2020-01-26T12:30:52+00:00

I ended up saying "half-half, I like how I look but there some things I would like to improve". He then was like oh that's good, what kind of improvements would you like to make? Tattoo on your face? I joked back about the tattoo thing, but didn't answer the thing about what specific improvements I'd like to make. Definitely a weird question, not sure why he would bring that up because in general he doesn't seem like an asshole and it just seems a bit out of the blue.

KitKat1705 · 2020-01-26T17:30:04+00:00

Say fuck yes!!! Don't ever let people know where to hit you be it : your family, your friends, your lover. Because it hurts x10 more have someone you care about throw the things you hate about yourself at you. And trust me people will try you and do that. Just dont overshare.

aecdipkk · 2020-01-26T20:09:58+00:00

He is trying to neg you

grimreapersdtr · 2020-01-26T17:00:10+00:00

That's a weird question for a guy to ask, unless you are literally sitting down to get your hair cut by a guy in a salon.

Desperate-Nectarine · 2020-01-26T18:09:39+00:00

This is a sign that he’s trash. The thing is that no matter what you look like, if someone is looking for flaws they will find them. I had a shitty ex once who would insult me saying my breasts were too small. Then if he saw a woman with large breasts he would say, she has nice tits but she’s kind of fat. Or a thin woman with large breasts and he’d say how much he hates implants. Literally no matter what your body type was, there was some insult. Like he had some impossible standard and no woman could ever be good enough. Also he hated tattoos but continues to this day to date tattooed women, because why? Because he really doesn’t care all that much about how a woman looks, what he’s really after is someone with fragile self esteem who can be manipulated easily, because he can’t handle interacting with someone who won’t tolerate being disrespected, because he has to disrespect people to feel better about himself.

If someone really loved you, they wouldn’t insult the way you look. They’d have nothing but nice things to say. This guy sounds like he’s fishing for ammo to hurt you with.

eru378 · 2020-01-26T22:48:57+00:00

Asking the question is a red flag, and instead of trying to come up with an "optimal answer" just walk away from this sort of thing. Worrying about an answer is behaviour coming from a pick-me mindset. You don't need to waste your time putting together some amazing response - you're giving the guy here way too much power. Who cares what he thinks? You shouldn't.

Women are often socialised to think that we have to entertain anything said to us, but we have to realise that we can choose not to play stupid games.

colourwayss · 2020-01-26T15:34:55+00:00

“none of your business” seems a good place to start

Trocek · 2020-01-26T18:18:40+00:00

I'd answer with something like "yeah, but sometimes it's a curse //:" Imo guys who ask this type of questions are bad news. But if you still want to talk to him, you should at least seem confident.

dackaroo · 2020-01-27T03:36:20+00:00

When you get enough confidence you will see how unarrogant it is to be openly pleased with how you appear.

Shaakie · 2020-01-26T23:01:06+00:00

What? Of course i'm. It isn't clear? Ain't you? What a weird question you ask.

avakadava · 2020-01-27T01:32:08+00:00

Bit of extra context: a bit later, I asked him the same question back and he said he generally is a confident person but since his surgery in mid 2019 (which stopped him from being able to walk for quite awhile and made him weaker), he's been trying to get back to what he was so he feels a bit weird about that sometimes. (He gained a bit of weight and lost muscle mass, whereas before he used to be all into the gym). Still doesn't change that it was a weird question to ask. I kind of regret my answer where I was like half-half but at the same time, I have a bit of social anxiety so I feel like it would come across a bit non-genuine to say I'm a 100% confident person, especially once he started seeing the social anxiety irl. After this question, btw, he arranged a date (I know, kinda sounds like damage control, but I'll just take it as a chance to scope him out a bit more and see what I think of him there).

Title	Guy asked me if I'm confident in how I look
Author	avakadava
Upvotes	23
Comments	44
Date	January 26, 2020 11:56 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eu5tvi/guy_asked_me_if_im_confident_in_how_i_look/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/guy-asked-me-if-im-confident-in-how-i-look.683967 https://theredarchive.com/post/683967

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