~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
Lulupy
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple245 points246 points247 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Preach.
For younger and less experienced women in this community, I can't emphasize how true this is. When I lived with my ex, my life was so much harder than it is now. For example, I wrongfully assumed he'd be the one to take the garbage bins out every week. Instead, not only did I have to take the garbage bins out, I had more trash to clean up around the house, and it was insulting every time I got home after him to find the empty bins at the curb.
[–]Dirty_Commie_JesusFDS Newbie74 points75 points76 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I live in a 10 unit building and our landlord does not take out the trash. I am almost 42 years old and 5 of the tenants are men in their early twenties. Do you know who takes out the trash? Yeah, you do.
[–]vereelimeeFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sigh the standard of not wanting to live in garbage is such a low bar. That's sad. At least they shouldn't want to live in their garage!
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think it's time to drop the ball on that. Take care of your own trash, let the rest sort itself out.
To speed things along, you could advise the landlord by email or text. "I've been taking out the trash for the whole building, but I am no longer able to do that going forward. Please make the necessary arrangements on your end."
No need to explain or give details WHY you're no longer able. You just can't, sorry! Let them fix their own mess.
[–]jetpatchAt-Risk Pick Me Youth19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No one's going to build a shrine to your martyrdom.
Stop doing it.
[–]DejaBlue_ChumpFDS Newbie152 points153 points154 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Yes. That is so, so true. After a hellish divorce from a LVM I have created a home environment that is peaceful and tranquil. It would take an amazing HVM to even get me to consider making room for him in my private space.
[–]frodosdojoFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is me ! I bought my first house one year after the divorce. Every morning I let the dogs out into the backyard and thank God for the beautiful day and my life of freedom.
[–]throwmeinthetrashhoFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That sounds just heavenly
[–]AP__FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
SAME
[–]penelopekittyFDS STRATEGY COACH14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Me too
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple51 points52 points53 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This also underlines the value of living by yourself — not permanently, necessarily, but it’s something everyone should do. Learn yourself.
[–]lifeincoolcoloursFDS Newbie34 points35 points36 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100% this. And to be fair, no one in my life has, to this point, ever come close to it. I’m looking forward to enjoying plenty of years of blissful solitude ❤️
[–]PoeticINFPFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup. I’m very introverted and love living alone. No matter society tries to convince us that we need a mate to be happy or lots of friends. For me being alone is sooo peaceful, I know how to entertain myself. I almost let society convince me that I was mistaken and was actually unhappy alone and then pushed myself into relationships that didn’t work (because I couldn’t be motivated to maintain something that wasn’t adding value, and disturbing my peace). Probably why I always felt relieved when they ended.
[–]awreathafranklinFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I love this. And I loved living this until I was all alone from quarantine. I don't mean for this space to be filled by a man, but how are y'all coping with quarantine?
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm going a little nuts, but only because I've been temporarily laid off and I'm bored. I miss talking to my close coworkers every day. I'm on Facebook and Reddit a lot.
[–]noavocadoshereFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
quarantine in itself is trying in nature, and i miss my friends and movie buddies but otherwise i'm doing okay. sometimes the desire is there but it gets quelled pretty quickly. i'm coping by taking it one day at a time.
[–]jetpatchAt-Risk Pick Me Youth10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Probably not the most PC answer but I'm loving it.
It's definitely driven down any productively I had though.
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice40 points41 points42 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How do I upvote this more than once????????
[–]flvctvatnecmergitvr_FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Words which I align with
[–]Sea_HagFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm printing this and putting it on my fridge. Perfectly said.
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Totally agree with this, but a pickme will use it to justify being a booty call. Exact words from a pickme friend: “I’m a busy person and I never want to live with a guy again due to my last relationship being so bad. This new guy I’m seeing is really busy too, so maybe we can make a relationship out of just seeing each other for sex.”
[–]BestestUsernameEvahFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Instead of competing against your comfort zone, they are competing against your happiness.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (62 children) | Copy Link
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Apprentice107 points108 points109 points 3 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Personally, I would question if someone who is constantly pushing boundaries can be described as “high value”. While on the surface it seems “nice” that he’s offering to help to try and make more time for the two of you, if it’s being used to control your time against your wishes then it isn’t really nice. How long have you two been together?
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Apprentice66 points67 points68 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Whoa, it’s only been three months and he’s already pushing to move in together? Sis, your whole post sounds so unhappy, like you literally say he causes you stress and there’s “always pushback” for you trying to have your own time. You say you had a fight solely because you tried to enforce boundaries. He is showing you how he is, you should listen before you have invested years with him. I’m not sure what else he brings to the table to make you call him “high value” but none of that sounds healthy or mature, and that’s a pretty big thing. How old is he?
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]FluffandRaincloudsRuthless Strategist7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Queen. Please be safe and contact loveisrespect.org if you need safety planning. This man sounds exhausting... He literally demands the same attention as an infant. 😷
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wishing you the best, I know this virus has kind of thrown everyone for a loop but you still deserve sanity and your space. Not to be insensitive but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that it revealed this side of him before you were more invested, I’ve dated a man like this and it isn’t easy for those of us that value our personal time. Your boundaries are valid, and you deserve someone who respects them ❤️
[–]VelvetKnuckledusterFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
"High Value" implies he's adding a lot to your life. It's a label that's earned over time, not assumed and then rescinded if he proves otherwise.
I'd say calling someone a HVM after three months is pushing it at the best of times, anyone can be on their best behaviour around you for the first few months. That's without considering the fact that he's pushing for a step that you're not ready for or comfortable with, and would be to your detriment. Really think, is having this guy in your life a net positive, and if yes by how much? Is the emotional fulfilment he gives you fulfilment you could give yourself, maybe even better?
If I were you I'd take a step back, put up some firm boundaries and set the pace of the relationship yourself, if you come to the conclusion you want to try to continue with it. If you don't want to see him, tell him no. Don't accept unannounced visits. You don't need to explain, not if you've only been seeing him for three months, but if you really feel the need to don't sugarcoat it, tell him having no time to yourself is making you feel drained. If he respects you he'll accept that. Never depend on things getting better when there's no evidence that they will, you don't have years of history with this dude and have hit a clear rough patch, you barely knew him when things were normal. This could be his normal.
Finally, look up lovebombing, think very critically about your situation with this man and see if it applies.
[–]Aw_Hail_NoFDS Apprentice82 points83 points84 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
What makes this man high value in your eyes!?
You have mentioned several red flags and it seems he doesn't offer any value to your life! And in actuality has diminished your quality of life.
I suggest reading the handbook again.
Might be time to next this one and throw the whole man in the trash.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]TriniGoldFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Jeeeez, luv, this is love bombing. And the lack of time alone is to keep you from thinking and having space for your self to assert itself and say this isn’t okay. Plus, you’re making excuses and giving defenses. You’re dating a narc.
[–]tinysilverstarFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
He's not high value if he's bringing in stress.
[–]Meccha_me_2FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Honestly you really shouldn’t be “fighting” with your new partner pretty much at all within the first three months, but that’s just my two cents.
[–]FluffandRaincloudsRuthless Strategist24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If he was HV in the first place, he wouldn't "need" this talk. He wouldn't have done that in the first place. And because he sounds negative value, I would bet such a talk would not be fruitful producing lasting change.
IMO he has been walking all over you. I would change the locks, dump, and block.. maybe possibly get the police involved if he escalates. I'm not kidding :(
[–]jeanneeebeanneeeFDS Apprentice30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Proceed with extreme caution sis. An HV partner should not be stressing you out like this before you even live together.
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You own your own home. I bet it's nice. A lot nicer than his. Which he probably does not own. Of course he's pushing to move in.
Time for a come to jesus with yourself.
[–]Ferns1234FDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This guy is not a HVM. Open your eyes. Where is his dog? Please investigate and see if he still even has a home or if he has left his home to live with you. Do a little investigating. These sound like lots of red flags.
[–]Ferns1234FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This doesn't sound like a good situation for you. I'm glad to hear that you ended it. Please take steps to stay safe.
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"some document screw up" oof, yeah... along with all the other red flags you've mentioned, this is very suspect. And even if I believed it was true (which I don't), the fact that he's perfectly content to let that stand and not fix the "screw up" is an issue in and of itself.
I'm sorry he turned out to be a dud. But that's okay, because you're better off without him, and I'm sure you'll do much better next time. Good luck! xx
[–]LulupyFDS Newbie[S] 26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Like the other posts said it doesn’t seem like this man is hv. Did he at least clean up after his own dog? It sounds like you’re doing most of the work.
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link
Please let’s live together so you can pay half my bills (or live with you for cheaper than the rent he is paying now) and be my on-demand bangmaid and take care of my dog too? Of course he is pushing you to do this as it highly benefits him. He is trying to get you used to him staying over more and more until suddenly he is basically living there. Watch out for more and more of his stuff to get left at your house if he is trying to move himself into yours.
Edit- just read about the unemployment- watch out for the “I’m getting evicted due to not paying my rent, let me move in”
Edit 2- check the property tax for his house he supposedly owns, this can be looked up online by the public. If his name isn’t on it then he is renting it. I had a friend date a guy from tinder who said he owned a house and it turned out he was renting it.
[–]Aw_Hail_NoFDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yes all this!
🚩AND trying to move in after only 3 months of dating!
🚩Not to mention the lack of respect for her boundaries.
🚩Starting fights
🚩 Guilt trips
🚩Coming over unannounced
🚩Leaving her to clean up after his pet on more than a few occasions.
🚩 Feeling stressed by his presence - needing breathing room and not getting that
🚩 Already communicated how you need your space and he's throwing fits - again not respecting boundaries!
🚩 Getting pushback from your boundaries
These so called "romantic gestures"? --- it's his job to plan dates! That's the minimum and shouldn't be applauded.
Having a decent job doesn't make him high value. And now that he's 🚩unemployed he probably can't afford the house he's renting -- that's right, RENTING! (why try moving in with someone when you 🚩supposedly own your own home!?)
u/partypancakesbacon I highly suggest reading the FDS Handbook if you haven't already. And if you have, read it again!!!
Lol what a LIE, do not fall for this. He’s renting it from his parents. That is the biggest crock of shit I’ve ever heard and now he’s a liar on top of everything else.
[–]Ferns1234FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He may not even be living in any house or home whatsoever except for yours. I believe he is homeless and lying to you. Please stay safe. Change the locks immediately. You can call your local police or your local property tax assessor to find out if he or his parents own the home he claims. You can find a neutral location for his stuff and get everything of his out of there. This is not a normal situation.
[–]TriniGoldFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Chile, he’s a whole hobo.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh no. Oh no, no, no, NO. Girl, he is moving himself in and you don't even know it.
Abort relationship, repeat, abort relationship.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I am screaming internally.
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm proud of you! (:
[–]riotous486saturnFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Id he tries to guilt you into things, he’s not HVM. HVM respect you boundaries.
[–]glazedhamsterFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
You probably have a better crib than him, don't you? He sounds like a Stage 5 Clinger, perform an exorcism immediately to remove the offending spirit from your space. Block him and then sage after.
Seriously, nothing you described sounds like high value. If you insist on trying to salvage the relationship, you two need to have a serious talk about boundaries. I predict he might go along with it temporarily but will be right back to invading your space in no time. I don't think there's any saving this one, sis, sorry.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Ferns1234FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Better crib? Maybe. I think the dude has no home of his own.
[–]TriniGoldFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ummmm HVM, you say? That codependency and controlling vibe sounds like anything but.
The biggest concern is that she says she’s grateful to have someone to share her space with during quarantine.
That word and feeling “grateful” says everything about how this trash is able to waltz and do what he’s doing.
She’s operating from a place of need and seeming desperation, in which state one accepts all sorts of rubbish.
The antithesis of OP’s post.
[–]geekyspacegirl420FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow! This is how I completely feel and said so perfectly
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🙌🏼
[–]munissaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yessssss.
[–]whatifitwazs0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I follow this guy on Instagram! He writes so many amazing things.
[–]prettyexcitingnewsFDS Disciple0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So true no one can disrupt my comfort zone 😤
© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]Sage_PlanterFDS Disciple245 points246 points247 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dirty_Commie_JesusFDS Newbie74 points75 points76 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]vereelimeeFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jetpatchAt-Risk Pick Me Youth19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DejaBlue_ChumpFDS Newbie152 points153 points154 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]frodosdojoFDS Newbie33 points34 points35 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]throwmeinthetrashhoFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AP__FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]penelopekittyFDS STRATEGY COACH14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ms_monquisFDS Disciple51 points52 points53 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lifeincoolcoloursFDS Newbie34 points35 points36 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PoeticINFPFDS Newbie32 points33 points34 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]awreathafranklinFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]noavocadoshereFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jetpatchAt-Risk Pick Me Youth10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]seraphinelysionFDS Apprentice40 points41 points42 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]flvctvatnecmergitvr_FDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sea_HagFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BestestUsernameEvahFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (62 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Apprentice107 points108 points109 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (11 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Apprentice66 points67 points68 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]FluffandRaincloudsRuthless Strategist7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]VelvetKnuckledusterFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Aw_Hail_NoFDS Apprentice82 points83 points84 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]TriniGoldFDS Newbie39 points40 points41 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]tinysilverstarFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Meccha_me_2FDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]FluffandRaincloudsRuthless Strategist24 points25 points26 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]jeanneeebeanneeeFDS Apprentice30 points31 points32 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Ferns1234FDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Ferns1234FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LulupyFDS Newbie[S] 26 points27 points28 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice27 points28 points29 points (12 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aw_Hail_NoFDS Apprentice23 points24 points25 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Ferns1234FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TriniGoldFDS Newbie22 points23 points24 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]evil_mom79FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]riotous486saturnFDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]glazedhamsterFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Ferns1234FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]TriniGoldFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]TriniGoldFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]geekyspacegirl420FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]munissaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]whatifitwazs0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]prettyexcitingnewsFDS Disciple0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link