Empathic women of FDS... how do you radiate that bad bitch energy despite being quiet, reserved, and/or influenced by the feelings of others?

whatglasses5 · 2020-04-20T17:37:07+00:00

[deleted]

persephones_torch · 2020-04-20T17:55:07+00:00

I'm empathic and reserved and have been labeled as shy, nice, quiet. As people get to know me more, the more I'm comfortable with them, they get to know how mean and dark humored I can be. It's just much more subtle.

You don't need to change a thing. Just the fact that you're aware that you could be a magnet for people that want to take advantage of you just means you have to have a stronger bullshit filter, stronger boundaries. A stronger core. People aren't all what they seem anyway, why should we be any different.

The pluses? You get to be a more well rounded person. You're also way more perceptive. You get to see people's true nature sooo much more quickly because people let their guard down with you so easily. This way you're much better at getting to know people and drawing your own assumptions. Who is worthy to get to know and bring as a friend, who you should steer clear of.

Edit: if you want more concrete examples... the times I do speak, I let people know when I am not pleased with something. I used to pass it off as a joke but as time has gone by, the more direct I became, the more they knew not to mess with me. And I just say it with a straight face, unapologetically, with not a lot of emotion.

Fitncurly · 2020-04-20T19:14:17+00:00

I’d say one if the simplest and most effective ways to shift into that demeanor that commands respect is to stand up straight, shoulders back, eyes forward, head level-to-high, and stare forward, not look down. You will radiate a confident, strong energy that is also graceful and quiet. That can be step one in attracting more respectful people and repelling predators/abusers.

vp2407 · 2020-04-20T19:59:21+00:00

While it’s better to be a bitch than a doormat, I want to be somewhere in the Goldilocks middle-ground, so I find it’s best to move in silence. Be nice and sympathetic, but don’t give away your energy in larger quantities than is reciprocated back towards you. If a situation isn’t to your satisfaction, you don’t have to lash out to radiate bad bitch energy. That energy echos just as loudly when you quietly distance yourself, leave them on read, etc. If it’s someone you have to interact with daily, remain civil but empty in your treatment towards them, if that makes sense. The bad bitch energy doesn’t imply actually being a bitch, (i.e. being rude, showing your hurt, being petty). To me it means not entertaining people who are detrimental to your well being, regardless of whether it’s positive or negative attention. Someone with an especially quiet and reserved nature can do well to exercise apathy.

throwahweigh3521 · 2020-04-20T21:02:32+00:00

Not sure exactly how your empath manifests. Do you perceive emotions?

I too experienced many of the deleterious things everyone mentioned. For many years I just denied my ability to feel others and know things I should not - never told anyone.

A couple of years ago I Internet stumbled across “empath” -read books and blogs on both the highly sensitive and empaths. For a short time I identified as empath. It was not a homecoming- finding that other empaths weren’t a fit. So many had boundary and doormat issues. It’s a popular label that imo is like demisexual an explanation of normative reaction to society at large. Being highly sensitive in an overstimulated world is a challenge.

I no longer subscribe to much of the empath label because it’s not beneficial.

I use my ability now to read people. I listen to what my empath says. We live in chaos and narcissistic traits are an adaptation. There’s a multitude of selfish - don’t think you or me or any empath attracts these shitty people when the world at large is knee deep in them.

We’re not attracting them we can just sense them.

What I do now is read people always and neutralize the narcissistic by grey rock. I cut the convo, and don’t get involved and give no chances. My listening to bs is permanently closed because I now use my ability to avoid, deny and escape.

My life has changed significantly. I don’t have weirdos, assholes and losers clamoring to tell me their deepest most fucked up shit. Something that always happened in certain environments, I was bombarded with bs people.

For me the strategy was not radiating bad bitch but rethinking and new application of empath.

For example, in my location many men read angry and dead inside. You don’t attract what you energetically reject. When you engage with people that you detect are no bueno just shut that shit down with distance, polite disinterest - assholes are attracted to empaths because typically their sensitivities make them receptive which then allows and gives space for sociopaths to talk and spew imo.

For me grounding and boundaries didn’t work well. What has really changed my life is using the FDS principle of block and delete in real life immediately when I intuit bad things.

I spent decades trying to rid myself of my sensitivities, mask them with bad ass and other stuff. Embracing them and figuring out how to use them as a tool changed my life.

Know this wasn’t exactly an answer to your question- hope it helps.

_ladybusiness · 2020-04-20T20:15:17+00:00

I’ve always been quiet and reserved, but people have said they find me “intimidating”. It’s funny because I really am a huge gentle softie on the inside and nothing about my personality is cold or abrasive. I’m apparently an INFJ, if that means anything to you.

I guess coming off more as mysterious and aloof rather than shy and submissive is the key. You don’t need to pretend to be something you’re not, but you also don’t need to let the whole world know what you really think all the time, either.

If you can’t help but be a “fixer”, try directing that part of yourself towards volunteering to help people through established avenues like charities or victim advocacy groups. That’s more satisfying than being some LVM’s free therapist.

siberiansummer · 2020-04-20T21:50:42+00:00

I'm pretty vocal and extroverted but here is what I noticed. Don't sympathize much. Like if a man (assuming you are not close) starts saying something like his back hurts or whatever other issue he is having, never go "Ohhhh, I'm sorry, poor you". I see other women do it all the time. Recent example: before pandemic started I went out for drinks with my new coworkers. So one guy starts complaining about some issues he is having at work and our female-coworker goes: "Yeah... Ohhh... I understand... It sucks...". And instead I go: "Yeah, I think you are exaggerating. Like Mike is having the same issues, has nothing to do with you personally". So of course he starts defending his point and starts explaining himself. We get in a little debate, where I question his perspective, he defends it, and we agree in the middle. Like right away you look like you have strong enough character to have an opinion. So right after that we became closer on like more personal level besides just professional.

shleea · 2020-04-20T19:41:16+00:00

So I am highly empathic, and newly found out that my attachment stay is anxious. Working on that thanks to quarantine. With that said, I attract emotionally unavailable men, Narcy types. And ex husband was full blown Narc.

Looking back, I had/still have shit boundaries. I was a pleaser. Since reading this sub and all it entails, I have learned that I deserve better. And I’m at a point where if a man doesn’t respect my needs and Check off day n my wants, bye.

I’m so sick of wasting my time on men “jUsT sO tHeY lOvE mE”. Ugh makes me ashamed how I was/am (learning and educating myself now thank god).

I’ve come to the realization that I just need to be blunt, up front in what I need and want and if future man/men don’t respect that. BYE. He’s not the one for me.

Woman_on_Pause · 2020-04-20T19:49:45+00:00

This works for me. In this scenario, or when I know I'm going to go into a situation that has a high emotional frequency and I'll get overwhelmed emotionally or just drained.

Imagine yourself in a bubble. The bubble is impenetrable. No one, nothing, no vibe, no nada can penetrate. An actual plastic bubble. Poke at it. Visualize this 30 min before, 5 min before, and 5 in the bathroom if you need it.

It helps.

And then act like the bad bitch you are.

VaporwaveVampire · 2020-04-21T03:35:37+00:00

Don’t try to become more extroverted around men or any people you are trying to please. I know this can be hard because as a more quiet person, I try to be loud to appear more friendly sometimes. If anything, talk less around them. Just observe. All those deep insights? Funny stories? Compliments? Save them for when you know they’re deserving of it.

Don’t waste your words, because as introverts, it already takes more energy to socialize. Everything you say should be purposeful, and reduce nervous chatter you’re doing just to please a man. Always put you and your friends first, and make sure the world knows that.

Don’t hype up a guy and paint an idealized image of someone you’ve only gone out with three times. You don’t know him yet. Be kind and have grace, but never be overzealous or obsessive, even in your thoughts. Keep yourself occupied.

TL;DR: No insecure shy giggling or chatter that isn’t saying anything. Your silence is not due to diffidence, but because of your security.

k20_4 · 2020-04-20T21:02:40+00:00

You put yourself and and what's best for you above everything else. You'll become more confident, and by changing your mindset and after putting more time and effort into yourself, you'll radiate that confidence and self-love. Women who know their worth radiate that boss babe energy because they won't accept any less than what they deserve.

comet2004 · 2020-04-20T22:11:02+00:00

I honestly dont know what to tell you because I am similar and I tend to attract the same type of guys. it's almost as if normal guys are intimidated by us reserved empathetic girls whereas the sleezebags who shoot their shot at everyone strike lucky because we give them more chances than most women

onemoredaydream · 2020-04-21T01:07:57+00:00

You dont have to be loud to be assertive. Think of all the teachers you had as a kid, who could shut everyone down with one little word.

The important part is to show that you are not being pushed into things by others. When you give your responses, be deliberate and speak with confidence. Look them in the eye. Little things like that really make a big difference in others' perceptions.

2020-04-20T21:31:27+00:00

I won't sugarcoat it. Being an "empath" is glamorized codependence.

For example, there's a difference between recognizing other people's emotions and absorbing them/taking them on as if they were your own. Really all human beings are built to do the former, but a few can do full on absorption and those are the ones who usually have experienced some sort of trauma and identity issues. You can't merely shift your "energy". The vibe you put out is the combination of your conscious and subconscious beliefs. Unprocessed trauma lies in the subconscious, and manipulators can smell you a mile away. It's highly likely you love solving other people's (emotional) issues, i.e. fixing them.

In order to shift the energy, you have to shift your entire psychological complex. "Grounding" in empath circles and communities is a bandaid solution. The actual solution is to get to know yourself and rather than just take in from the outside world, you act OUT onto the world from your authentic self and desires.

In short, you have to invert your psyche.

The goal honestly shouldn't be to come off as a "bad bitch" or whatever. That's cringe.

Source: I've met quite a few empaths and it's obvious to me how little they know themselves (although they think otherwise) and how out of tune with reality they are because they are so lost in other people's emotions and problems as a coping mechanism to avoid their own issues. Also, I went through an "empath phase" myself when I was going through a hard time in life and trying to control the environment around me by reading everyone.

MrsValentine · 2020-04-20T22:48:10+00:00

Do you believe that the way you are is, truly, the way you are or is it actually rooted in insecurity? Are you actually just afraid to express yourself? Do you actually just not want to open yourself up to criticism? Are you a people pleaser? Are you just scared? I'm not trying to suggest this IS how you are, I'm just posing the question.

As others have said, some men are attracted to so-called blank canvases (which presumably you are not, inside). This might be because they're silly and self-centred enough to genuinely believe you enjoy standing there smiling politely while they mansplain something to you, but it also could be because they're a predator and targeting you because they instinctively understand that you're unable to speak up for yourself.

meecy166 · 2020-04-21T00:59:48+00:00

What is your mbti? Mine is infj. Also I noticed that I wanted someone who had a traumatic past, because I thought it would make them more empathetic, but after the loser I’ve been with, I’ve changed my mind and I want a healthy normal person

Blackishcat27 · 2020-04-21T02:36:58+00:00

I have the same problem you do. The only real answer is too continually stay on your toes. You're already doing everything else you can do with the grounding and protection. Don't give up hope though. I'm married and my husband's HVM. We just have to filter through more mud than everyone else. Low value people are drawn to empaths like moths to a flame.

brainsandb00bs · 2020-04-21T01:17:03+00:00

You can’t save everyone, not everyone deserves your help either. Just because you have the capacity to understand someone’s pain doesn’t mean it’s your job to fix it or tolerate how their pain affects you through their behaviors. This is what I personally had to learn as someone that’s highly sensitive/empathetic.
I am quiet and reserved that’s part of what I think makes me a bad bitch. Adds more weight to my words. In real life and in my real world relationships, I make my expectations known and clear. If they aren’t met I disengage. You don’t have to be loud or willing to get in someone’s face to demand what you deserve, that’s the opposite what you should do. Beautiful things command attention on their own and don’t need to make a spectacle of themselves to be noticed or appreciated. And I’m talking about the beauty that radiates off of a confident and self assured woman. It’s a lot harder for men to argue with you when you’re always approaching things calmly, and moving quietly. Men don’t respond to words, they respond to silence and no contact. Make your expectations known then go silent if they aren’t met. Most of the time silence is the most eloquent response. So definitely see your ability to be reserved and reflective as a plus and part of your mystery/allure. Being a bad bitch is all about walking into a room and commanding power with your energy before you even open your mouth. That energy comes from you and how you feel about yourself.
It depends how and why other people influence you, that will determine how to overcome it. If it’s codependency, or if it’s relying on them for external sources of validation. Either way, while I encourage you to stick to who you are in the first two points in this one you will have to break away from that influence somehow. No matter how strong other people may influence you now, it is possible to learn and grow to where you have full control over yourself.

level_up_always · 2020-04-21T19:16:05+00:00

read the 48 laws of power! the audiobook is free on youtube. here's a summary:

Law 1: Never Outshine the Master

Law 2: Never Put Too Much Trust in Friends. Use Your Enemies

Law 3: Conceal Your Intentions

Law 4: Always Say Less than Necessary

Law 5: Protect Your Reputation at All Costs

Law 6: Court Attention at All Costs

Law 7: Get Others Do the Work For You, But Take the Credit

Law 8: Make People Come to You

Law 9: Win Through Actions, Never Through Argument

Law 10: Don’t Get Infected by Misery and Misfortune

Law 11: Learn to Keep People Dependent on You

Law 12: Use Selective Honesty & Generosity to Disarm Your Victim

Law 13: Get Help by Appealing to Self-Interest, Never to Their Mercy

Law 14: Pose As a Friend Work As a Spy

Law 15: Crush Your Enemy Totally

Law 16: Raise your Value Through Absence and Scarcity

Law 17: Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability

Law 18: Don’t Isolate Yourself Behind a Fortress

Law 19: Know Who You’re Dealing with

Law 20: Do Not Commit to Anyone

Law 21: Play A Sucker to Catch a Sucker: Seem Dumber Than Your Mark

Law 22: Use the Surrender Tactic

Law 23: Concentrate Your Forces

Law 24: Play the Perfect Courtier

Law 25: Re-Create Yourself

Law 26: Keep Your Hands Clean

Law 27: Play on People’s Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following

Law 28: Enter Action With Boldness

Law 29: Plan All The Way to The End

Law 30: Make Your Accomplishments Seem Effortless

Law 31: Control the Options

Law 32: Play to People’s Fantasies

Law 33: Discover Each Man’s Thumbscrew

Law 34: Be Royal in Your Own Fashion – Act Like a King to Be Treated Like One

Law 35: Master the Art of Timing

Law 36: Disdain Things You Cannot Have: Ignoring Them is the Best Revenge

Law 37: Create Compelling Spectacles

Law 38: Think As You Like, But Behave Like Others

Law 39: Stir Up Waters to Catch Fish

Law 40: Despise the Free Lunch

Law 41: Avoid Stepping Into a Great Man’s Shoes

Law 42: Strike the Shepherd to Scatter the Sheep

Law 43: Work on The Hearts and Minds of Others

Law 44: Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect

Law 45: Preach the Need for Change, But Never Reform Too Much at Once

Law 46: Never Appear Too Perfect

Law 47: Do Not go Past The Mark You Aimed For, In Victory, Know When to Stop

Law 48: Assume Formlessness

NahmanNoodles · 2020-04-21T04:16:23+00:00

Mental: I remind myself that being a "bad bitch" isn't always a homogeneous state of being for everyone. I carefully pick my words and often times will say the uncomfortable shit that needs to be said without being unnecessarily cruel. I'm more observant/quiet while on the sidelines or in the shadows and I relish it because that's where it's the safest.

Physical: I'm told I already have intensely deep eyes and a magnetic/powerful gaze. If I really watch how I walk (I have a natural strut because I'm stocky) and keep my gaze sharp looking, I look intimidating as hell. It goes double if I have intense eyeshadow and sharp eyeliner while wearing my leather jacket or anything red.

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