Why SHOULD men date? (beyond the sex)

Silly_Field · 2020-07-02T07:59:20+00:00

I don’t need to live in a nice apartment - I still enjoy it.

I don’t need to have a pet - I still enjoy it.

You can’t think of a whole bunch of stuff you don’t need but really enjoy having in your life?

“If I don’t absolutely need it, it’s pointless” is such a weird take.

PacificPlatypus · 2020-07-02T07:16:33+00:00

I think you already answered your own question. Humans are social creatures, and while you might not, for most people, that involves romantic intimacy. It's fulfilling to a lot of people and while you have a lot of rational reasons, emotions aren't always rational.

Tugallois · 2020-07-02T08:38:07+00:00

I'm a woman. I don't need a lover. I had the hobbies, friends, own goals, pleasant life etc when I met my boyfriend. He had his hobbies, friends, and goals.

Now we each have a teammate when it comes to achieving those goals. He's considering changing jobs and I am offering financial security if it takes a while. He's having trouble with one of his superiors at work and I am the person to vent to and the warm arms ready to hug him when he comes home. He'll be having surgery at the end of the month and he has me for the aftercare (and I was the one who pushed him to see a doctor and went with him to the appointment that recommended him for surgery).

Could friends do this, theoretically? Sure. But as the years go on and everyone else pairs off, I know I will be glad to have my team. You can't always come first for your friends no matter how great they are.

Realistically though most men date because they want sex and love. If you don't want or value what a relationship can bring, then don't pursue one.

Mimoxs · 2020-07-02T07:43:37+00:00

You don't have to date no one is forcing you to

Most people enjoy the reliability, accountability, comfort, appreciation, affection, and feeling of love that can only be obtained to this degree by a good, monogamous long term partner. This is why people who cannot have sex for whatever reason often still have romantic partners/get married

There's a big overtone in a lot of men's circles I've seen that is basically the male equivalent of "strong independent woman who don't need no man". It looks just as dumb and bitter on men as it does those women

TheGirlGetter9000 · 2020-07-02T11:43:48+00:00

Firstly consider that there's little on the topic of compelling you to date because most people inherently want to do so. Therefore there's not much audience to write that content to persuade, therefore nobody writes it. Disclaimer: the way things are headed, that may change sooner rather than later.

Secondly people date for vast reasons, many of them bad, some of them good.

Personally I date because unlike you I do plan to have a family and kids some day. And what is the best way to do that? Two-parent household. What kind of two-parent household? A stable one, where the parents like each other, cooperate, and get along too.

How do you set that up? It's difficult and you need experience. How do you get that experience? Trying out girls, learning what works, learning what kind of girls work for you, etc.

I view all dating pre-family (don't believe in marriage) as just practice and a test-run with the girl. If it starts to go South, I am out. If it doesn't seem permanent, she's not getting much of my attention. So I'm just in relationships to learn about how they work, and see if the particular woman I'm with is worth keeping around.

To me, if you're not in relationships because it's in some way connected to an end-goal like raising kids or something like that, then it's probably for the wrong reason. There's really no other inherent reason to date, from my point of view.

But other people are not me and have varying opinions. They have other reasons to date, and that's fine. People with no reason to date, well--they just don't date. And that's cool too, but I would feel kind of empty if I grew old without ever becoming a father.

rubbooyuri · 2020-07-02T18:13:38+00:00

You shouldn’t. Porn and sex workers should be fine if being around women is such a drag for you. Leave relationships to those who want them and give a shit about others

Karmanger · 2020-07-02T13:27:24+00:00

Well if sex is off the table.... you should date because.....

You want a family

That's it.

You'd have to do a cost/benefit for yourself out of what you would want from a partner or date to see if it's worth it for you.

Things to consider

Some people like companionship, If you can find a female that share's your ideals and hobbies might be worth it for dating.
In an Ideal world, you would find someone that balances you out to make you a better person.
Dating can lead to a reduction of bills if said person moves in with you (provided the girl you date works and isn't just an Air Hogger)
You care about social status and just want to be married....to brag...to...other men?

That's about all the reason's I can currently think of.

kwalden2 · 2020-07-02T07:17:07+00:00

Date if you want to date. Thats the only reason that matters. No one can validate or invaliate your wants. Try to be emotionally intimate if you want. If you find that a woman you're seeing actually does react negatively, abort mission smoothly. Take things slow. Warning: that doesn't mean you should cheat, withhold exclusivity after several months, or refuse to pay for a couple of dinners.

SplushkaMcOwlFace · 2020-07-02T10:38:22+00:00

In general married men are more happy than unmarried. Probably happiness is the most reason to do something. Although if questions like this arise it means there is no woman in his life who this man want to have relationships with. Relationships for the sake of relationships is pointless and won't bring any happiness. Also it's possible that particular man has no ability to pairbound, because normally at 30s people know what's relationships like what they are for. Such questions is already a red flag as it looks like some personally issues are going on and I would recommend women to avoid such men. But the most important that no one has obligation to have relationships as long as they are upfront with their intentions.

princessangelbaby_ · 2020-07-02T11:01:19+00:00

Romantic love? Companionship? Someone to do fun activies with? Someone to go on romantic trips with? Someone to talk to about stuff?

I always laugh at my BFs single friends because they're always looking for someone to talk to about current affairs or their problems with, or go on a walk with or go to the cinema with..... He's like, just get a girlfriend bro because I'm hanging out with mine rn.

Also, no woman wants a whiny boychild with feminine emotions. We want men with normal emotions and yes that includes negative emotions, so long as you're not constant misery and anger.

Are your male friends seriously more likely to care about your problems and negative feelings than a serious girlfriend? I would assume not.

HappilyMrs · 2020-07-02T09:17:10+00:00

Emotional intimacy, having someone on your side, building a future together. One day we'll all be old, and chasing casual sex will have lost its spark. Having someone with a shared history who is committed to you through thick or thin is going to be far more important than it seems now.

I sometimes think that we forget that our 20s-40s are not the only part of life.

woxmintari · 2020-07-02T15:01:30+00:00

You can easily substitute - my vibrating prostate massage provides me easily 2-3x more pleasure than a women has ever done from sex. Even my worst prostate play session has provided me more pleasure than the best sex I have ever had.

However women provide more than sex. You can't substitute that companionship, that close emotional bond you develop with eachother to the point where you genuinly care about the other person and their life. The closest substitute would be a sex doll but that only provides a consistent presence nothing else can provide the emotions a women brings.

SaBahRub · 2020-07-02T18:16:24+00:00

Oh, you want us to beg you ? You want attention and praise?

Ok! Please please, awesome man, don’t deprive us of your awesomeness! Whatever shall we do?!?

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2020-07-02T18:15:18+00:00

There is no "should". Pursue a relationship if it's something you want for yourself.

All the advice points you listed are not just meant to help you find a good relationship. It's also meant to help you stay out of bad ones.

In a healthy, quality relationship, neither of you "needs" to be with each other. Rather, you're there because you both want to be. This kind of relationship is hard to find, I don't blame you for getting burnt out.

If you're getting sick of the dating process it's perfectly okay to stop. Take a break, and if you feel like trying again go for it. But don't do it just because you "should"...a fulfilling life can be had without a partner.

Reisiluu · 2020-07-02T19:07:32+00:00

The reason to date is that you found a person you really enjoy spending time with and soon you realise you don't want to live without them. There is no point in a relationship otherwise.

2020-07-02T19:29:22+00:00

As a MGTOW I still have intimate relations with women. We have fun, sex, and share some memories.

That said, I agree, there is not much in the way of benefits. Now if, unlike me, you changed your mind and wanted a family, then I think that would be it.

As it is, having close friends that you can open up to, having your own shit together, and maybe having an FWB, then you don't need to be in a relationship.

slavicgypsygirl · 2020-07-02T22:14:16+00:00

I don't feel anyone should do anything that they don't personally enjoy

I like dating a lot but know so many people who don't which is okay too

NPC55 · 2020-07-03T02:12:51+00:00

Totally depends on the person imo. If you are meant to date, you are going to naturally cultivate relationships of one form or another with women as you transition into adulthood. You will presumably enjoy her company, grow together, have seckz, share experiences, and do all the other standard stuff people talk about. There are many reasons to date. But this is something that should happen naturally by your mid 20's. After that point, if you haven't dated, I think it is safe to say something is.....wrong. Even if you become desirable through money or whatever, you should not expect much from dating. In this scenario, I think dating -or more likely trying and failing to get a date- is a waste of time.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-07-03T03:31:23+00:00

Sid on dating:

Bitch, buy your own Kung Pao chicken.

That way I don't have to pay for your food OR listen to you talk.

ThisIsMyAccount135 · 2020-07-03T15:02:10+00:00

I've had fun in relationships. I've also had horrible times in relationships.

Right now, though, I have a good group of friends to chill with and a nsa fuckbuddy. It's pretty much the best of both worlds, I can bust a nut when I'm horny but don't have to deal with a relationship or drama.

Good friend group + casual sex is the pinnacle of male existence, imo. This is difficult to achieve, though.

FractalMantid · 2020-07-03T20:19:13+00:00

I don't know why men need relationships so bad, to the extent they die much earlier without them, something about men being incomplete, needing a maid and live in therapist, needing some kind of anchor to calm their minds, who knows.

FerroInique · 2020-07-03T21:30:59+00:00

This answer is absent any morales. But if you don’t want kids you’d probably be better off getting a dog, reading books, and getting literal whores of OKCupid. If your white and in decent shape go to an Asian bar on the weekend and you’ll get laid, spin plates.

Grave_Heresy · 2020-07-04T15:55:22+00:00

Society is designed to push men into relationships with women. It also, conditions men into believing that their masculinity/value is in what they can provide for and secure from women. It is this form of institutionalized exclusive prostitution that has eroded the psychological wellbeing of millions of males who are unable to keep up with female hypergamy.

Please watch this video by Better Bachelor. Then read the rest of my comment if you choose.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=inUQkJ2fT4E

So, why do we still push men into relationships with women? Because society has been built on the backs of men who toil in order to secure a mate.

The vast majority of what men do in the world is in some way a tactic to ensure his reproductive success. We don't go go to the gym and diet for ourselves, we don't desire to be wealthy for ourselves, we don't try to move up to the highest echelons of a given dominance hierarchy for ourselves. We do these things so that we can attract females.

This is not to say that on a proximal level men don't desire the benefits of these things for themselves. But the ultimate reason why we do what we do is to pass our genes on. Sure some men want to impress other men with their accomplishments. But this is only to signal to other males where we stand relative to them in a hierarchy and thus reduce intrasexual competition for mates.

An industrialized society with a market economy requires the participation of its members in order to reproduce it's institutions and survive. This is achieved through the systemic effects of competition between members of that society. So long as everyone is vying for the a job, a promotion, a loan etc in order to secure a mate and provide for offspring this system continues to function.

Now it's important to note that everyone doesn't win. There are millions of men who perish without ever having successfully reproduced. However, because of the "hope" that they may get a partner continue to participate in the system throughout their live. There are a lot of reasons for this which I won't get into.

But the important thing to remember is that a relationship is VERY costly and risky to men. However, we are conditioned to pursue them because females are the incentive by which the system is able to get men to willingly hop on the "plantation of female expectations" . In short, women are used to exploit your labor.

In most places in the US, you only need to make ~ $40,000 to support yourself and live fairly comfortably.

But once you get married that number skyrockets, if you have kids it goes even higher.

https://www.usda.gov/media/blog/2017/01/13/cost-raising-child#:~:text=Families%20Projected%20to%20Spend%20an,on%20Children%20by%20Families%2C%202015.

Barneysparky · 2020-07-02T07:33:31+00:00

[deleted]

learn2earn89 · 2020-07-02T11:11:30+00:00

[removed]

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-07-02T10:42:38+00:00

leaves a sense that emotional intimacy is the least attractive thing to a woman, and the last thing you should want or ever trust her with.

Learned this the hard way. Got married, got screwed out of hard-protected chastity (OK not that hard to protect, but whatever).

Emotional intimacy would be great if I thought that I could still have it, but with "first time" being, by definition, a peculiarity, that would mean committing to a woman whose significance to be cannot be maxed out. That women want, in a relationship, to be "special" to him but they don't care about this very significant thorn in his side is, I think, testament to how little they care for intimacy; which is a huge problem because intimacy especially is basically every mans' so-called 'love language'.

Y'know what I do want, though? Genetic offspring. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to go about procuring a mother for those kids though, while having to go through the stress of knowing that any relationship I could start would have its' potential capped off prematurely. It feels outright unethical to even try to win over a woman when agreeing to me would deprive her of being her husbands' first. Hell, it was unethical of my ex-wife to deprive me of my first.

And yet, women just don't care, because intimacy means nothing to them.

Title	Why SHOULD men date? (beyond the sex)
Author	ThyNynax
Upvotes	18
Comments	112
Date	July 1, 2020 8:30 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/hjie34/why_should_men_date_beyond_the_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-should-men-date-beyond-the-sex.702455 https://theredarchive.com/post/702455

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