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Why are girls so flakey? What the fuck?

Reddit View
January 3, 2019

I had a date scheduled in an hour and I sent her a snap asking if she could still make it later, instead of opening it and replying, she just outright unfriended and blocked me for no reason?

We were literally chatting yesterday and she even seemed more into me than I was into her?

I know you guys will say there’s thousands of reasons she could do this but why the hell would she?

Post Information
Title Why are girls so flakey? What the fuck?
Author bigflame123
Upvotes 100
Comments 274
Date 03 January 2019 02:06 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

[–][deleted] 84 points85 points  (39 children) | Copy

That's why texting and social media is not a great way to date. It's too abstract and impersonal, so women flake and have an extraordinary amount of attention/options. Just the nature of the beast.

[–]bigflame123[S] 4 points5 points  (38 children) | Copy

What’s your recommendation then? Stick to getting phone numbers and keeping it to logistics?

Or get a phone number build rapport and push for a date (she might just use you for attention and not actually meet)

[–]SniXSniPe13 points14 points  (11 children) | Copy

If you get a number call her. Don't leave it up to texting and messages.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

Doesn’t calling show overinvestment? I honestly don’t really have the time to call a girl and be on the phone for an hour?

I’ve tried this calling business before and the girl got into a relationship with some other guy the next day

I just leave it to texts after I get a phone number I reckon?

[–]SniXSniPe9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy

Doesn’t calling show overinvestment?

Nah. I'm just saying instead of trying to keep a text conversation with some online dating chick going for longer than a day, it's better to call once and make it feel more personal. Texting is very impersonal and can start off great and fade away. Terrible for dates planned several days later, with how flaky and impulsive people are these days.

I honestly don’t really have the time to call a girl and be on the phone for an hour?

Don't be on the phone for an hour, wtf? 5-10 minutes works out fine.

I’ve tried this calling business before and the girl got into a relationship with some other guy the next day


I just leave it to texts after I get a phone number I reckon?

Yes, you can do that if you want. My idea is more like, if you've gotten her number and set up plans for a date a few days in advance, text her up until perhaps the day before, and then call her for a few minutes.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I definitely se what you mean now

I just found it weird to call a girl and then not text her after, they just seem to lose interest if you don’t reply to them quickly?

Some girls I’ve texted after very a lot of hours and they just don’t seem to respond anymore

But I like your idea of texting them until the day of the date and then calling them. Do you ask them if you can call them or do you do it without asking? A lot of girls say they hate calling after I ask them if I could call

Also how do you deal with getting a girls number but say not being free to go on a date i TIL a week later, isn’t it a lot of effort to keep texting her for a week just so you can meet her?

[–]SniXSniPe6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

I just found it weird to call a girl and then not text her after, they just seem to lose interest if you don’t reply to them quickly?

I wouldn't call her unless we had a meeting planned, sometime close, like perhaps, the following day. I'll elaborate more below.

Some girls I’ve texted after very a lot of hours and they just don’t seem to respond anymore

That's texting for you. It's generally why you don't want to go on massive texting sprees in the beginning. Of course, there are a few women out there who actually can and do appreciate a real conversation. It's great if you both have a certain subject you seem highly enthusiastic about. If a girl is interested in you and you are very distant, it makes her anxious/more interested for your responses. Texting too much kills that. Think of it as, "we want what we can't have", if you get what I'm saying. Of course, this is generally harder to build unless you are super attractive in her eyes, or she knows you personally.

Do you ask them if you can call them or do you do it without asking? A lot of girls say they hate calling after I ask them if I could call

I just generally tell them "I'm going to call you in an hour to discuss __plans___", or something like that. Of course, calling doesn't have to be done with every girl. It's hard to read every girl the same.

Also how do you deal with getting a girls number but say not being free to go on a date i TIL a week later, isn’t it a lot of effort to keep texting her for a week just so you can meet her?

When I used tinder, I would just keep conversation flowing until one of the following happens:

a) She is the one who makes some claim like, "Text me @ ______, I don't check this too much" which shows me she is interested

b) I start talking about plans, no date in mind, and if she seems interested I ask her number, or sometimes even tell her my number and to text me (if she goes out of her way to text your number, it means she's probably/most definitely interested).

In either case, if I can't make plans with her for a week I probably send a message or two the first day, a message or two in between the days once in a while, and then start talking to her more come time for the event. Of course, these situations suck because online dating is super competitive and there are always other great catches for women out there, so it's hard to keep her attention over too long a period of a time.

I prefer getting a girl's number when I know I am free the next few days, as it makes it more easier to chat very little and meet up somewhat quickly.

Text very little and only for logistics can work to some degree, also.

Also to be fair, I would say guys are just as flaky. I know in the past I have flaked out on a lot of dates, even when it seemed a girl was very interested. Sometimes people are too exhausted from work/gym and don't want to go out anymore, which is why I flaked most times, to be honest. Also, it really is a good idea to schedule two girls around the same day, but use your brain. The one's who seem very interested shouldn't be on the same day.

[–]bigflame123[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dude, this is solid advice, wish I could give you an award for your comment but I’m broke dude so I will just upvote

Just a few last questions, why not shoot for the number as soon as possible after a couple of messages on tinder? As like you said there’s lots of competition out there so it’s better to do it before she loses interest?

And I’ve always worried about giving my number out so easily which is why I ask for theirs and don’t just give it out as I got pranked by a random caller before who I assume got my number from tinder?

[–]SniXSniPe1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just a few last questions, why not shoot for the number as soon as possible after a couple of messages on tinder?

Because I know I might be too busy that week, or because I might be talking to a lot of other women/just might be lazy or tired that I don't feel like it. Also, the fact that you match is a good sign. Asking for a number or to chill ASAP might come off as needy or pushy to some women and turn them off. Also, a girl asking for your social media or dropping her number without being asked, does in fact happen. There is always going to be a lot of competition, and I highly doubt in this day and age women are new to tinder, so tons of guys are going to be asking straight up for the girl to come "chill" or to "Give me your number so we can hang" type of shit.

And I’ve always worried about giving my number out so easily which is why I ask for theirs and don’t just give it out as I got pranked by a random caller before who I assume got my number from tinder?

You can always make a google number. Download the google voice app and set it up properly (make it setup properly to where when you text someone it uses the google voice number, for example).

Either way, I never had that happen or as a problem. You should be able to vet out fake profiles easily enough. If it's too good to be true, it's probably a fake profile unless they have social media listed (and even then, it might be fake so you can verify it).

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you so much man, you really seem to know what you’re doing

I definitely agree about coming off as need when asking for their number straight away. Br I feel like I did that so I could be hardcore about logistics and ask for a meet very soon after I’ve added their number? I’m trying to talk through text as less as possible to avoid just being a text buddy/validation provider?

But I like your idea of just keeping it on tinder if you’re just too busy to meet, o just worried that they will stop responding to you or just find better prospects if you leave it too late?

Not always the case tho as this HB8 girl took like 3 days to get back to me on tinder, then we talked a bit on snapchat but I went slightly beta and sent her big paragraphs which may have or her off. I haven’t messaged her since Christmas but I really liked this girl as she was a stunner in my eyes, is it worth it trying again but this time just ask her if she’s free on “x day at y time” for a meet?

And I’ve never come across the google voice thing before, I will check it out later for sure as I got trolled twice on the phone because of someone giving my number out somewhere

[–]brethrenelementary0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's why texting conversations suck. Have phone call conversations, and use text to confirm plans and set up dates when she can't talk on the phone

[–]brethrenelementary2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You don't need to talk to her on the phone for an hour. Talk to her for roughly 10-15 minutes, and when you feel like she's shown a little bit of interest, ask her out. Even if she hasn't, I'd ask her out anyway.

Too many guys rely on text only, but calling a girl makes her remember you and stand out so much better than the 10 other guys she's texting.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll take your advice on board dude and definitely agree that calling makes you stand out

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (25 children) | Copy

I think you should keep it as a backup plan, but I've always had better results from the day game. Usually meeting new people and building rapport, yeah. It's far more exhausting, though.

[–]bigflame123[S] 3 points4 points  (24 children) | Copy

I barely Daygame, hell I don’t even go clubbing anymore as much as I want to and even when I do, I don’t always game? So I stick to tinder mostly but the amount of flakiness is just ridiculous?

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (5 children) | Copy

I feel ya. It absolutely is ridiculous, yeah, and supposedly most of those women don't even hook-up with anyone in the end; it's just about validation.

[–]bigflame123[S] 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah I’ve fallen into the trap of giving them validation by being a “dancing monkey” and throw out ridiculous banter and jokes, it does get me their number and everything but guess what, they still flake or ignore your texts at some point

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you tried acting aloof and unimpressed?

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's a very frustrating part of modern society. We're expected to grin and bear it, which is why I don't mind when other people on TRP post their frustrations and disillusionment. We're only human, and this sort of thing can wear you down.

[–]bigflame123[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I sympathise a lot with some of the resentment and anger that gets posted on here, can’t blame them

[–]Nezith0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What percentage do you think this modern validation thing is for women these days? Because I feel like it has been affected by several different factors like mental illness (big, considering how little protein/fats most women consume), social media/internet (technology), using daddy's money, modern feminism, a type of (modern) Western culture, etc. Because I'm curious to know when and where values that men find attractive in women have gone today.

[–]failingtheturingtest3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

You're taking the easy road and expecting the same results. Approaching in real life has higher risk of facing rejection, tinder has higher risk of flakiness.

[–]bigflame123[S] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Where do you approach most of your women? It just seems weird to me to approach them out of the blue if it’s not an environment suited to that like at a party?

I will try though

[–]checkmarks261 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You know when you see a woman you want to fuck? Yeah, that’s when you approach. Though it’s easier to approach when she’s giving choosing signals.

It’s hard until you do it a lot and then it stops phasing you somewhat.

Most women aren’t cunts to a guy approaching them, if they are, back off that hoe, not a good start.

[–]random_dude5120 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

have you heard of the #metoo movement. cold approaching these days is scary as fuck. "am i walking into a bear trap or a grape eating session???"

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

How would you get “metoo’d”” if you just have a conversation with a women?

[–]checkmarks260 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like an excuse to me.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Why don't you go clubbing anymore?

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

Too busy with other priorities at the moment but I try to go at least once a week but even that still doesn’t feel enough

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Remember clubbing isn't an age thing until like 35ish. If you feel out of place its because you aren't social enough.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Every time I go clubbing I either do it to enjoy my time with my friends or I aggressively try to game girls but even then they still just want to get off of the validation that they’re desired?

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

You really need some help with this. I can tell.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I think I do but sometimes I’m not sure if it’s just me?

I’ve been pulled in nightclubs before and successfully pulled as well but nothing consistent and definitely not happening if I’m not aiming to game all night?

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl156 points157 points  (42 children) | Copy

Women do not need to be accountable for their actions, they don't really have to explain and can generally do as they please. Don't expect sensible, reasonable explanations from them.. They won;t have any as most of them act on impulse..

[–]bigflame123[S] 48 points49 points  (39 children) | Copy

Honestly I have absolutely had it with women, lost so much respect for them over the years it’s become a fucking joke, the flakiness and fickleness is just ridiculous now

[–]Kommanderdude 1 points [recovered]  (35 children) | Copy

It’s not the women it’s you. You’re still doing it wrong. I’m sure you’ve made huge strides in self improvement. But at the end of the day you just aren’t a man that a woman would want to fuck. I know it hurts to hear that after trying so hard but that’s just how it is. Don’t start doing the women are the problem blame game the incels do.

[–]ElegantCyclist6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

But at the end of the day you just aren’t a man that a woman would want to fuck

Or he is in the wrong environment.

He may also be misusing his attention.

But you are right: He can only improve himself and improve his value-delivery system.

I would also ask OP: are you doing daygame as well?

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

That article about misusing attention is amazing, thanks for sharing that

[–]ElegantCyclist0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That article about misusing attention is amazing, thanks for sharing that

You're welcome. I cite it fairly frequently and think it should go in the sidebar, as it's a fundamental issue most guys have problems with.

I even had problems with it as a teen and in my early 20s, and I had the benefit of not having smartphones or even modern social media.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Social media and texting girls can have the effect of making you seek validation from people or other girls?

I honestly don’t see the point in instagram or snapchat anymore unless it’s to DHV on your snapchat stories or Instagram posts?

[–]bigflame123[S] 34 points35 points  (24 children) | Copy

I’d have to agree with this, but I think my approach is still wrong, I give them too much attention and validation, I should keep texting strictly to logistics

I still need to self improve (don’t have a decent gym body yet) but other than that it confuses the hell out of me when a girl shows interest like that and just does a complete 180 and blocks me for no reason, what a bitch

I just need to let these girls know I won’t tolerate flakiness, even just now a bitch that blocked my number followed me on Instagram and I called her out for it, she pretended that she’s never seen me before but she’s outright lying

[–]VengefullyY0urs9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

“Don’t have a decent gym body yet” - There is your answer.

Up your SMV and take a break from talking to women. During this time, rethink your interactions and what has worked and what didn’t.

Also find your purpose. You will know what your purpose is when you are busy doing in instead of complaining about what everyone already knows.

Women are not inherently good or bad, they just are.

When I am in a position of true abundance (7-9 plates, and heavily involved with something I am passionate about) I tend to be more flaky and drop girls on a dime.

It’s what people do when they have options.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I definitely agree with taking time out and focusing on myself, it works wonders when it goes well in that department, puts everything into perspective

[–]Kommanderdude 1 points [recovered]  (18 children) | Copy

Why would you call her out on that? That just displays your lack of value. Dm me screen shots of your message threads. You are definitely doing something wrong.

[–]_the_shape_1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I just need to let these girls know I won’t tolerate flakiness

And what exactly will that achieve?

You think this will get them to change their ways and start dropping panties for you left and right?

If you carry this chip on your shoulder (ex." if this bitch flakes on me, I swear to God my boiling rage will set off a wildfire nearby"), it won't matter how good you look on the exterior, as internally you'd still be a spiteful, wounded little boy, ready to make war on the world for not getting your way.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am spiteful dude, resentful, angry all of it, I’m getting fucked over way too much, it’s unnatural to not get angry

I don’t think they would drop panties for me left and right but every time I’ve soft nexted a girl after she flakes or didn’t reply, she seemed to regret it and get more interest in me

[–]Neil13983 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Alright I don’t want to jump to conclusions but not all women are going to jump at him. He just mentioned one girl. Women are interested in what they’re interested in just like men are.

No game will make a woman have genuine interest unless she had some initial interest even if it’s low.

That’s what I feel we should take as a lesson. But honestly if he’s projecting that he’s tired of women it may have happen times before so maybe he’s doing something wrong.

[–]cakefmateus5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, you're fucked up.

[–]yes_kid1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]xddm26531 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not just him, its his strategy. Hitting girls up on social media to get laid is no longer a viable plan. All the women there will just squeeze you for validation, and waste your time. If you want results you gotta approach in person

[–]path0l0gy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow thank you for this and OP defensive reaction. I definitely don’t keep my own texts tight.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just to be more precise, he is not a guy that A woman wanted to fuck. There are plenty of women who would probably go out with him. Attractive too? Well, that’s debatable, but as long as he is improves the boy will be fine.

[–]Zanford1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to be more attractive, it's that simple.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome to my world. Girls are irrational holes to plug.

[–]Imperator_Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. There is just zero accountability. If a woman (or anyone) flaked 50 years ago, the guy would tell everyone and it would affect her reputation. Nobody gives a fuck today. It’s just part of living in a society with no standards and loose social connections. People do lots of shitty things today that they wouldn’t dream of doing in the past.

[–]Thisismybot80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No wonder so many of them have shit careers. Unreliable pieces of human trash.

[–]Ravenscar750 points51 points  (56 children) | Copy

They're all flaky because they have many options. I counter this by arranging 2-4 dates 15 minutes after each other with different meeting areas around the city. That way you can just move onto the next if the first few flake. Despite this I've still gone home without going on a date. But if the shops are still open, always good to do a little day game in a bookshop or something.

[–]bigflame123[S] 17 points18 points  (51 children) | Copy

I’ve never scheduled 2-4 dates because I don’t have that much abundance when it comes to girls, I mean I could still try a date tomorrow with a different girl but it would be hard for me to schedule some on the same day

I’m also worried about pissing off the girls by flaking but I think it would show DHV if I did?

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear22221 points22 points  (50 children) | Copy

I’ve never scheduled 2-4 dates because I don’t have that much abundance when it comes to girls

That’s why they’re flaking

[–]bigflame123[S] 26 points27 points  (49 children) | Copy

Oh come on now, how is a girl going to read my mind and tell I don’t have much abundance?

Maybe if I didn’t send her a snap asking if she was ready for later I guess? Is this something to avoid in the future? Don’t ask her if she’s ready to meet, just go to the scheduled date and if she’s not there just go about your day and soft next her?

[–]markpua234567 1 points [recovered]  (33 children) | Copy

They are jusr lying. Don't believe in them . No one is getting so much dates.

[–]bigflame123[S] 18 points19 points  (29 children) | Copy

Yeah it seems ridiculous to me to get 4 dates in a day easily like that, unless it’s above average SMV

[–]markpua234567 1 points [recovered]  (27 children) | Copy

Even you are 10/10 , you can't get that much date.

[–]bigflame123[S] 7 points8 points  (22 children) | Copy

I disagree with that though, high SMV men should be able to get loads of dates easily, just not that many in the same day?

Hell even I was able to schedule around 4-6 dates this week but definitely none on the same day and only like 3-4 of them confirmed?

[–]QawL8 points9 points  (16 children) | Copy

Stop losing yourself in numbers. I never had a flake but that's because I like to be certain about things.

Sending snap vs. sending sms. Snapchat, tinder and even an arrangement through instagram is not gonna do it for me.

Think like that. Some guy goes to the girl you are sending snaps, in real life and asks her out. Meanwhile you are asking "still on" via Snapchat. You just got blocked. Congratulations.

Edit : now that I think about it, I got flaked by a girl-friend which I told her that I loved her while drunk and never made any moves afterwards. Well that's whole another topic so...

[–]empatheticapathetic2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

It’s simply just ‘off putting’ due to overt outcome dependence and lack of confidence.

It can be done but in a more fun/flirty way. Confirm by asking her to not forget that special thing or some sort of joke about where you are going.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

So you stick to texting through SMS?

And I see what you mean about some guy asking her out in real life having a higher chance than me asking her out through Snapchat

[–]markpua234567 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy

If you get 3-4 dates in one week then you must be high SMV guy then why are calling other men high SMV and not you ?

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

No because the girls o get dates with are mid to slightly low SMV which is why it doesn’t make me high SMV

Like HB5-7 range?

[–]helterskelter19880 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Yes, you can. I'm no 10/10 and last year multiple times I had 2 - 4 overlapping dates in the same day. A date is a plan, it doesn't mean they'll show up, so who cares.

[–]markpua234567 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

Not possible . I am much more experienced in these things than anyone here. You can't bluff me. 80-90 percent of attractive women are always in relationship . And out of those only 10-20 percent date. No one can date multiple women at a time unless you are going for ugly women.

[–]helterskelter19880 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No one can date multiple women at a time unless you are going for ugly women.

You can’t be serious.

[–]cojohnso1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you schedule all your plates on the same day, it’s definitely possible

Edit: but the #’s don’t really matter even. Everyone gets stood up at one point or another. It’s not the incident or situation that matters, but rather how you recover.

[–]BloodSurgery0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Dude, you unironically made a post in MGTOW about a single comment? You are really something lmao.

You think it's hard to set up a date, get a girls number, have confidence, or what? That it's unbelievable to contact 4 girls and ask each one to a date?

Don't be envious dude.

[–]markpua234567 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

That comment was endorsed here . That is why made the post . I am not a keyboard pick up artist . I have approached hundreds of girls myself . I know how things work .

But setting up 4 dates on one day ? Are you kidding me ?

[–]BloodSurgery0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, I still find it weird. How much of what is told here is real? Who knows, maybe the top people of TRP are all lying behind a keyboard, or its all actually truth.

But wether it's all a fake or not, the point is to have abundance and not have a single date, just in case you know?

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear2224 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

A girl only flakes if you’re not her top option. You become a top option by increasing SMV and having abundance mentality.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yes I know, standard TRP doctrine, but come on man, this girl seemed super into me?

She texted me last night as if I WAS her top option? She went out clubbing so she must’ve been surrounded by other high SMV guys and probably changers her mind, AWALT

[–]BusterVadge2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She went out clubbing so she must’ve been surrounded by other high SMV guys and probably changers her mind, AWALT

And nothing of value was lost to you. Keep on keeping on man. I've been reading around this thread and the one thing I can say to you is that yes, girls have an uncanny ability to sniff out lack of abundance. Lack of abundance translates loosely to lack of confidence with women.

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear2221 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

girl seemed

YOU c'mon. Listen to yourself man.. You posted on asktrp wondering why a girl would flake. The reason DOESN'T MATTER. All that matters is that you're not her top option and you have more improving to do and other girls to game. That's it. Move on and next time don't give a second thought to a bitch when she pulls that shit.

Girl Flakes

You: Hmm.. your loss. Go about your day

Have outcome independence; you are the prize.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I know dude, that’s what my mentality should be but I was so surprised when this bitch pulled this off and I’m just disillusioned with flakey behaviour in general

Even had a girl try to pretend she’s never met me before try to come round and flirt with me again, I just didn’t feel right getting back with her after she disrespected me like that first time she ignored me

[–]Endorsed ContributorMetalgear2221 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you know that’s what your mentality should be like, seek to make that a reality rather than whining on here.

[–]mickey__0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I’m following you for quite some time, love your comments and posts!

seek to make that a reality

How? What is your suggestion for this?

[–]ultrasuperthrowaway0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

No just don’t go to the date unless she texts you asking where you are, then show up late. That shows abundance

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

That’s a very good plan, actually thought of it sometimes but my dread have me anxiety of pissing the girl off and fucking it up but it definitely shows abundance

[–]ultrasuperthrowaway1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You’ll get there man, trust me. The biggest thing is stop caring.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I just tend to go beta as soon as a girl shows investment in me, I cave in and provide her with lots of attention and keep texting, they love it but when it comes to actually meeting they can’t make it or they will flake,

My own fault I know but I think the lesson here is to stop being emotionally invested from the start?

[–]ultrasuperthrowaway1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yep! You got it correct

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Would you be emotionally invested in the idea of a dog, or rather once you meet the dog and play fetch or some shit with it? There is no need to be heavily invested in something that doesn't even exist yet.

Try to apply the same principle to random chicks online because they basically don't exist until you can actually physically see and interact with them. Thats how they see you.

To them you're AI Bigflame ver 3.2.2 trying to send them the latest and greatest of tinder dick pics, until you're a real person sitting in front of them. Try spinning it the other way around as best you can.

If they fail, whoopdie shit they'll just try the other 3000 guys that messaged them today. You need to harnes

[–]_Icarus_Reborn_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t ask her if she’s ready to meet, just go to the scheduled date and if she’s not there just go about your day and soft next her?

My advice would be to text of the day to confirm. Still turn up to the date, if she's late, possibly a call to get an update (but if she wanted to see you and was running late, she'd let you know).

If it's a no show, perfect time to practise some cold approaches. You should already be well dressed (with excellent hygiene, shouldn't have to be said). I'm assuming you've already got ideas/plans for the date? And I'm again assuming you'd be in a place where women could be approached.

Remember for first dates etc keep it simple with coffee dates or just a bar. No prolonged events or places where you can't just simply bounce when needed.

[–]Kommanderdude 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

I used to do this before I was in a ltr. Sometimes I would have 5 dates planned for the same night. If they all confirmed I would just go with the most attractive one and reschedule the rest.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s a really good approach, never thought of it like that, o just usually went with the girl that’s most available on the day and time I’m most available, but then I’m relying on one girl

I think the best way is to just choose the most attractive one and go for her and reschedule

[–]BusterVadge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is probably what happened to OP also. I have met 2 girls in the past 6 months who admit to doing this regularly.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (6 children) | Copy

Options. Women have tons of options and you're not the only guy she has been talking to. Something more appealing came up.

Unfriending and blocking a guy is easier than saying sorry I met someone else or I can't make it. Especially because a lot of you mother fuckers explode with rage when rejected.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

because a lot of you mother fuckers explode with rage when rejected.

Can't stress it too much. This is crucial for OP to internalize

[–]bigflame123[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Is it really all that common? I got rejected once and the girl told me she got with someone else, I just told her it’s cool and moved on?

She’s sent me a Facebook friend request today but I ain’t accepting it

[–]TheCeilingisGreen4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

This. Too many people in society in general today put to much emphasis on failure. They worry so much about what their impact will be on the other person and they make it worse by just ghosting. I remember even before cell phones and technology sometimes someone would screw me and then bring it up all the time to show how sorry they were. I had a friend once who wouldn't hang with me on Saturday nights and left me while him and everyone else I knew had fun. I had a job at a skating rink and started working Saturday nights. That was Punk Rock night and I was a punk rocker. I started loving working Saturday nights as I was at a show for free basically and had a whole other social circle. The friend who would bail on me start showing up just to apologize that I was at work while they were out and he felt bad I couldn't make it. By that point I saw through his act. It was all validation. It was all.about him. Women work the same way. They think you're so into getting them that they are the end all be all. I wouldn't accept the friend request and I second everyone here saying that texting is a bad move. I had a horrible experience with texting. And this was someone I saw every day but I realized they would never have a phone convo with me and kept me out of their personal life. I thought she was like that until I realized they were letting everyone else have that access. Just not me. They would play games too. Rude in person abiut something but then they would text something positive about the same thing. To me blocking someone is a sign your harassing them. Once someone does it to me our relationship can't ever be the same. If you get the chance fuck this girl but never think of her as anything but that. If you don't get that opportunity then just forget her. So much more out there for you.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you for the kind words man, much appreciated, I agree with a lot of points you made especially about the relationship never being the same again once they blocked you.

My beta self did ask a girl to unblock me once tho and she did but the power in the relationship was all in her hands before she blocked me again, that’s when I ghosted her and now she’s back on Instagram pretending she’s never met me before trying to claw her way back in

And yeah a lot of girls think you will just drop your life and keep pursuing them until you reach the gates of heaven it’s ridiculous dude, a lot of them get surprised and regret it once you withdraw, showing them they aren’t all that special

[–]TheCeilingisGreen1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Unfortunately man I don't even see this behavior as being women but technology coming into play. People have lost basic decency and respect for each other. I grew up in a rich super liberal place. I never had money myself but was raised the same as those kids. I grew up essentially thinking that being part of a group of the disenfranchised gave me power. Scream how I'm disenfranchised to keep control. It was a get out of jail free card. It's a strategy by the powerless to enter the game. This mentality has now entered mainstream conciousness. See how Ocasio-Cortez wore white today to Pelosi's confirmation? Virtue signaling. It's pretty much how Guy Debord described it in "Society of the spectacle". Capitalism evolves to the point where we are not engaging with each but the spectacle. Instead of engaging with the apple you engage with the picture of it. This is our reality now. I know I went on a tangent here but it's food for thought. She's not seeing you as a person. So blocking isn't serious. In the 70's they might have put a missing person or welfare report out for someone who cut all contact. Now it's just par for the course. I assume everyone I know at any moment can just disappear when convenient. And then return like nothing happened. It's why the red pill is so important. We have to reclaim our strength and go forward not sitting around being scared of the unknown. I'm assuming one day all this will boomerang but it doesn't seem to be any time soon.

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There are sides of men only women see. Most of it isn't pretty.

[–]tacospitter20 points21 points  (7 children) | Copy

'Honor' is a male construct. Don't expect women to adhere to the same principles you would. You will probably be disappointed. Unless you plan on becoming celibate, you're going to have to accept that women have their own set of principles, which are mostly governed by their emotions.

Its easy to assume a woman is very interested in you, when in fact she was interested in your attention at the time.

Because you gave her attention and she enjoyed it =/= she owes you more time together. That is, once again, 'honorable' and largely a male idea.

Your confusion is probably coming from you confusing gendered perspectives. Next time, ask yourself, "would I have behaved differently in this scenario than the woman? And, if so, is it because I believe in honor?" Keeping this inherent difference in mind will help you shape your expectations properly.

*That said, I know plenty of honorable women and dishonorable men. I know reliable women and flaky men.

All of that aside, no one on God's green Earth knows why she decided she didn't want to see you again. Maybe she just liked your attention at the time? Maybe she wanted attention because things weren't going well with a guy she liked, and then that turned around? Maybe she wasn't that into you, but was actually just trying to be polite? Maybe she got into a fight with her boyfriend, and felt like flirting for revenge? Maybe you've gone totally insane, and imagined talking to a girl, and you were actually talking to a dolphin?

I wouldn't worry too much about it. These things happen constantly (to men AND WOMEN, for the record). Try not to let events like this jade you or make you more cynical.

Best of luck!!

[–]whitecauliflower1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well said

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

It actually makes me very cynical to be fair but I’ll take your advise on board

[–]tacospitter2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I feel you -- I've honestly been there multiple times. I'm here as a fair and friendly voice to try and keep you centered. Focus on yourself, and make sure you aren't relying on validation from anyone else to feel okay with who you are. It's perfectly okay to feel overwhelmed and fed up with anything at times, which includes dating.

[–]bigflame123[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thank you so much man, everyone tries to give tough love here but I appreciate just accepting the feelings of anger and frustration I get with this sometimes, it’s only natural?

And I think I fall into the trap of seeking validation through tinder matches and messaging lots of girls? I think that’s where I fuck yo

I think I definitely need to refocus my time, attention and energy onto myself

[–]tacospitter1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think that’s a great idea! There’s nothing wrong with trying to find some random hookups or whatever, but you want to do it when you’re in a good place with yourself.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Definitely, it’s like doing interesting things and having an interesting life takes a back seat to hunting pussy sometimes and it’s bad

[–]tacospitter1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

True -- headhunting or hookups are things you should enjoy, but when they start to govern your daily thoughts and emotions, it's time to take a break and focus on something else. If you come back with fresh eyes and a renewed mind, you'll probably enjoy yourself more (no matter the outcome)!

[–]KettleLogic6 points7 points  (11 children) | Copy

What is the age of women doing this? I've only had this problem with girls in their early 20s in none professional jobs.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy


[–]KettleLogic2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

This is just the way while women are in their sexual prime, they have a million options and they aren't jaded from being burned a million times from various dates.

If you go for higher quality girls who are doing law, corperate marketing, etc. flakiness drops a fair bit.

People are telling you to line up several dates, I think this is a terrible idea this is a lot of effort I just have other plans if girls bail. What days are you taking these girls from dating apps out? If you are taking them out Friday - Saturday there is your problem those are high quality days for friends and people they know well I never suggest those days myself.

Sunday I will only do day drinks starting at like 3ish or 4ish.

Even if a girl seems super into you in text it's still only text you haven't met them no matter how good you seem everyone has times people from text didn't end up how you thought they would.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Well o was going to take this girl out today which is Thursday but usually I’m not fussed on which days I take them out, it just depends on my schedule and when they’re free? But I agree with fridays and weekends being high flake risk because of them being days where they prioritise friends and family?

[–]KettleLogic1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I mean don't you?

Thursday depending on your country can also be a bad day. Late night shopping in mine so it functions like a mini-weekend. I normally go for a tuesday wednesday myself with girls as to go to and let them change the day if needed.

Flaking is just a part of the online game. It's like approaching and having interest but be unable to get a number.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah me too, even I don’t feel like meeting sometimes because of having other priorities, so I tend to reschedule a lot

[–]KettleLogic2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You get where they are coming from to a degree. A lot of people on this thread try to remind you that you aren't the high quality alpha and that's the only reason. It's an extremely cynical shitty way to look at things people have lives and until your in it you aren't going to be a high priority.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah it’s quite black and white or frame things as “you just weren’t alpha enough” , people could be busy with work, studying, family, friends, anything

Hell I think this girl was probably just tired from clubbing the night before and didn’t want to put in the effort to tell me she couldn’t meet, it’s just shitty that she had to outright block me though, she could’ve left me on seen and I would’ve been fine with it?

[–]KettleLogic0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah it's shitty. But if you haven't met you don't mean much yet to them. I mean either she's a shit person or she's had some really bad experience with letting guys done. There's some real cucks out there who blow up at girls when they call off a date so I can imagine for some girl blocking actually seems easier.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I can imagine, she was fairly attractive as well so I’d imagine she must’ve encountered her fair share of violent betas

[–]helterskelter19880 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

People are telling you to line up several dates, I think this is a terrible idea this is a lot of effort

Why is that a lot of effort? It literally takes 5 seconds to text her and another 5 to flake, if necessary. Just pick the hottest one who confirms and give a lame ass excuse to the rest.

They'd to the same in an eye blink. They say yes to keep piling up dates but when the day comes they just go with the biggest chad.

No shit there's tons of posts here telling the same story. "Scheduled plans with girl but she flakes in the last minute". It's nature.

[–]KettleLogic0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I dont know if its the quality of female friends I have but almost none of them line up multiple guys for the same day. Only one I know has done that and its date morning and night because she works insane hours and only gets one day which allows for dating a fortnight.

I think the reality is shes far more likely to bail because she cant be fucked or something more important than dating came up.

It's not about what they do but in online dating you have a smaller pool if you'll only date hotter girls why waste the effort you've put in to get multiple girls on the hook just to desperately avoid being lonely a single night? I normally like up 1 date monday - Thursday. If they flake good I got a night for other things. I have friends or things I can do outside of dating as my back ups.

[–]Thisismybot85 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hoes going to be hoes. The market heavily favors women right now and it's fucking annoying.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Exactly, I can’t stand how it’s so biased towards wen, men almost have no power in the dating market except their attention as a currency?

[–]Thisismybot80 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They're almost all time and money vacuums. The faster you can find a couple of reliable plates the better. The rest can go kill themselves.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

Girls are retarded. That is all.

[–]Jabbermouth2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve found myself saying this in my head a lot more often.

[–]Zanford4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Imagine you constantly had 20 women, whom you found attractive enough (some more than others, but you could see yourself having a fling with any or all of them) spamming you with tons of messages, offers to buy you dinners and other shit, do all the driving, they have logistics figured out in case your place stinks, etc.

You would adopt very streamlined, mercenary filtering methods for juggling them and time management.

This is the life of the modern urban Western attractive woman.

[–]RedPillRey12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

On Valentines day last year i scheduled dinner with 6 women knowing i could be flaked on by all of them in a worst case scenario. Luckily my #1 didn't flake and i had to cancel on all the rest. Some got so mad because it was v-day and they blocked me 2 of them got turned on by the fact i didn't see them and had abundance and still let me smash on a future date. I met a HB9 stripper when i was out of town for new years and we fucked the first night really good. We met up and fucked again the next day. She then told me we should go out to dinner that night. Initially i gave an excuse and declined but she pressed me and continued and then i said fine lets go to dinner. It was a mere 3.5 hrs until that dinner time we planned and sure as fuck 40 mins before the date she text to say sorry she has to cancel on short notice and said lets try again next time i'm in town. A better SMV male than me came by and she had a better opportunity for excitement and sex than I can provide apparently.

Did it matter i already fucked her 2x and tore that shit up good and made her cum? NO.

Did it matter that our plans were only a few hours away? NO

Did it matter that the plans were her idea and she invited me to dinner? NO

She probably just never had intent to meet me for dinner and she didnt like that i declined her invitation so she pressed me until I said yes so that she could have her validation and upper hand.

I dont question this shit AWALT I in fact expected her to cancel her own plans and didnt even think we would meet for dinner. She is a mega hot flawless body stripper and she has way more abundance than I will ever have.

[–]bigflame123[S] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

I really feel like it’s all about validation and power play when it comes to women, like when you said that she just pressed you for dinner just so she could have her validation that you want her and so she could have the upper hand is how women seem to engage with guys all the time

It’s like they don’t want you to treat them normally or equally, they either want to be beneath you or they want to look down on you for their own validation to affirm their own attractiveness?

[–]RedPillRey4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ya I should have just kept declining her for dinner and called her desperate or some sort of neg on her to put her down and she would have chased me harder. But I did want to have dinner with her and fuck her again so I let her convince me to change my mind which most likely made me look bad.

When she cancelled on me she thanked me for the nice time we had together and said it was nice to meet me and wants to try again. I didn't tell her some pussy beta shit and reciprocate the feelings. I just said Ok maybe ill let you show me how sorry you are and make it up to me next time i'm in town.

If she just wants to bang when i'm in town next time again and not have dinner that's perfectly fine by me she was def one of the hottest I ever fucked. She was really funny though and had a great personality so I didn't mind the dinner but whatever. She is a stripper so she is just more manipulative and empty inside than the everyday woman anyways.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You responded really well to her when you told her she should show you how sorry she is by making it up to you next time she is in town

[–]AnabolLecter7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't get pissed off. It's their fault, not yours. Read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

[–]Andgelyo3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You could do everything right and still get flaked on. You could even have a magical first date and when you set up the second date, get ghosted. It’s just the nature of the dating game. Perhaps they’re busy or perhaps they have more options. Expect to get flaked on, and if it does, move on accordingly.

[–]Coffeebob22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Found another guy.

[–]Kabuki4319 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

Solution is simple. Schedule 4 dates for same time and place. I never had a problem, 1in4 always shows up.

[–]1UnluckyPenguin0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

In my younger years I did this except the times and places were different but all convenient for me, also all on the same day.

At that point you start hoping they flake, and that abundance mentality really shows. When I went to a 9am breakfast date, I could care less what the girl thought of me, because I had just dropped a hotter girl off at her house at 5am, and hung out with another date at 7am. I got lucky, because that was not an average day for me.

OP needs to do just that.

[–]Hambone_Malone2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I did similar type shit in southern California. Other areas of the world/country do not have the same level of abundance. In SoCal I had 12+ plates spinning. In my Podunk hometown in Texas, I'm lucky to have the 4 plates right now.

[–]Endorsed Contributormonsieurhire24 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She found someone she liked better, then you became an irritant to be removed.

[–]frontiermarine 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

how are you meeting these girls OP?tinder?

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah tinder dude

[–]frontiermarine 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Most girls are on there for validation, and it's easier to get flaked on if she's never even met you before. I have the most success when i'm at events/parties/night clubs rather than relying solely on dating apps. Delete the dating apps and put yourself out there, it's so much better.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m missing out a lot then, the thing is I don’t go to house parties much and rely on clubbing but even clubbing is a shit show sometimes, what’s your experience with it?

Do you try to game the women in the smoking area or do you just watch the body language of the girls on the dance floor and move in if they show enough interest?

[–]HoldenCoughfield1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

One possibility that people aren’t mentioning is catfishing. Maybe he's photos weren’t her, maybe her friend had her snap, maybe she put on 40 lbs since her last glamour shots and just when things were about to get real she flaked. If this was the case, part of her probably thought of showing to the date anyway but chickened out.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Highly doubt this as we snapped selfies to each other once we got each other’s snapchat and she looked like her pictures

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Yeh have to agree here it’s hard to deliver yourself properly through dating apps it’s literally a fucking billboard you may draw attention but locking down deals and delivering is a luck of the draw even if your chad.

You see girls need the interaction front on to build a picture of you not a screen.

Day game is the go but I woundnt write off dating apps all together they can still produce results.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

I’m envious of the chads that get 500 tinder matches and same day sex meets though, bless them

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I get around 100 per month, not as much as i got in 2016 (boots of 200+ matches) as they seemed to have changed the algorithm. Sitting at around 1000, I still get flaked, ghosted, blocked, ignored. So amount of matches is insignificant.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

1000 matches? What do you look like? Are you jacked? 😂

I thought 200 was much but 1000 is insane

And you still got flaked, ghosted blocked and ignored? So it’s just tinder that’s woefully unreliable?

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'd say between high 7 and low 8, 6'4, not jacked but I'm fit.

Yes it's unreliable as fuck. Their business model is based around keeping people single but hooked just enough.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Wow theatre do you mean by keeping people single? How would they do that?

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Only single people use the app and pay for the service. From a business standpoint making long lasting couples loses you money

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah it’s true it’s very geared to hookups or FWB arrangements, I’m surprised people still expect relationships from the app?

[–]GainzdalfTheWhey0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They do happen as outliers though

[–]ainihon1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Keep your expectations low, very low with women. Can’t be disappointed if you set the bar low.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Very good approach, used to do it in the past but recently I’ve been getting too excited when a girl shows interest

[–]ainihon0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You’ll need to work on your oneitis tendency then

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I definitely get bad oneitis

[–]ainihon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You must a person that trusts too easily. Work on that you’ll get affected less.

[–]Psychological_Radish1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's not that into you.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K181 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is why I don't invest in a girl at ALL, until I have a number, and she actually turns up to the meet.

Like zero investment, and complete IDGAF. I'll have fun during an approach...and it's good, it helps me seek no approval. But there is no ivestment or expectation...because so many flake. Which is cool, connecting with people is a numbers game.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That’s how I tried to approach tinder a couple of weeks before as well but got worried they would lose interest in me from not conversing with them all the time.

I even was too busy to text for like a week and when I hit up this girl on text again she blocked me and then when she unblocked me she told me she blocked me because I “disappeared”?

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K181 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ah...see, this is why you shouldn't Tinder. It's a fucked up dynamic, right from the start. Trust me, it's going to cause nothing but headaches. Girls just want validation, fuck you around, and well...who gives a shit, it's just a shit dynamic for guys. You are instantly in approval seeking mode, trying to type all the right shit, and putting girls on a pedestal. It barely ever works, and we spend all this time on there. Delete it. The promised gains are so outweighed by the bullshit. You can't have IDGAF and zero investment...the girls just want guys to chase them.

I'm meaning from real life, and approaches. It's what I thought you were talking about in the OP. Get into real life.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don’t know about deleting it yet, o get quite a lot of matches per day if it’s going well and quite a lot of them are at least mostly HB7?

My approach was to stop making jokes and having banter and just have a boring plain conversation where I ask basic questions leading up to me asking for their number

If they don’t give me their number I’ll try their snap but by then I know it’s a lost cause, I then don’t really talk to them on snap much but just send them a selfie asking if they’re free to meet up on “x day at y time”?

But you’re so right about it being a fucked up dynamic, it’s so heavily skewed towards females for their need of validation and it’s just so shit. But it definitely puts you right into approval seeking mode

And I agree with you saying that real life should be the main focus, Tinder is just an illusion at this point, like I said if it wasn’t for me getting quite a few matches and numbers I’d have deleted it

[–]BetamaxOrVHS1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

i sympathize with you, OP. i had a very similar experience recently that left me wondering what the hell i did wrong. 

i met a girl (hb8) that was giving me serious IOIs. getting her to leave the party we were at with me couldn't have been easier. she was pretty much ready to fuck the moment we were alone. for reasons i won't get into, i didn't fuck her. but seriously, this girl was ready to fuck and suck me in a stairwell, in my car, on the side of the road, in a was comical. 20 minutes after i left her, she called me twice saying she wanted to see me this instant. i told her i had to get to work early and go to sleep. i thought, "well, i pussied out tonight, but it seems like fucking her later should be easy!"

afterwards, i didn't call, text, add her on social media, etc. then a week later i see she booty-call texted me 'hey!' at 10 pm the night before (i'm assuming i was one of many guys that received that text). again, seemed like i was in a pretty strong position with her since she initiated contact. using the 2/3 rule, i responded to her lame 'hey!' with just a 'hi'. i expected she'd respond quickly. expectations lol...she never responded. then when i called her a week later, she didn't pick up but texted me asking me who i was. ha! you can't make this shit up. i don't know if she was playing games or what, but i'll take her at face value and say she must've at least deleted my number. why? i have no fucking clue. tbh, it's probably not even worth figuring out.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow that’s just ridiculous how she can switch completely like that, I’m glad you can relate brother, it sucks

[–]AuberyBitoni6 points7 points  (24 children) | Copy

Dude, I've been there too. Always pissed me off as well. That's why I don't put effort into girls anymore.

[–]Kommanderdude 1 points [recovered]  (22 children) | Copy

Stop with that defeatist attitude. You sound like a incel mgtow.

[–]askmrcia10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

I get tired of people like you keep throwing the term incel around. It's like you don't even know what the fuck it means.

I have banged plenty of women and currently talking to of them now and I still agree with the guy you were replying too. Women flake way too much that they are no longer worth the effort.

[–]Kommanderdude 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

They only flake if they perceive you as someone not worth fucking.

[–]trp282876 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wtf is your problem? If he doesn’t wanna put the effort into getting pussy let him be. Some people just don’t value women that much

[–]xddm26531 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So your only mission in life is putting in time and effort towards women?

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (17 children) | Copy

He’s right though? Every time I’ve put so much effort into girls, they either sting you along for attention and validation or they keep flaking on dates or they always can’t make a proposed date?

I’ve literally hard nexted a girl in the past for always being busy every time I tried to propose a date, I just gave up as it didn’t seem worth the effort anymore?

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K181 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

That's what you should do. Never put in effort. Be charming enough in an approach...then text logistics. Never EVER give attention, until they meet your needs by agreeing to, and actually meeting.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I’m saving this comment if you don’t mind dude, need to remind myself this every time I text these girls

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K181 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

By putting in so much subconsciously tell her you are submissive, beta, and you're desperate to be put in her frame. She's isn't invested the same, and you are 'submitting' to that frame. She has become your emotional guiding point.

By less effort, you subconsciously communicate you are dominant, and you are your own emotional point.

A very very brief conversation is fine...preferably by calling. That announces your real presence. Keep it not attempt anything that communicates you are trying to 'appeal' to her. Again, that's submissive.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is very solid advice, I can definitely see how putting in too much effort sends out subconscious signals and by trying to appeal to her also giving off submissive signals

[–]AuberyBitoni1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't mind this Kommanderdude troll. I'm sure whole his life involves around women.

[–]omega_dawg93-1 points0 points  (11 children) | Copy

there's your fuck up... put the effort into you and stop giving away your currency , ie, non-sexual attention.

don't validate her in any way after the initial intro. if you chase, her head swells (ego) and your free & easy validation that she's worth pursuing actually dries up her pussy.

women want a challenge. they can get dick anytime... and only desire time & attention (and resources) eventually.

she can only pay you (for what she desires) in 2 ways: $ or pussy. if you give away your time & attention, why would she pay you? she's gonna pay the guy who makes her earn his time & attention.

women have tits & ass, (t&a)... and they're not giving away theirs if you're giving away your t&a (time & attention). ladies first...

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

This is a very good explanation, I keep forgetting that attention is like a currency for women and I definitely give it away too freely

I just keep getting worried that if I don’t give them attention, they’ll lose interest because of there being so much competition out there?

[–]omega_dawg930 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

nope. it's actually the opposite. be seen in public with a girl and watch how other women respond.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

You mean other women would want attention too after seeing you with a girl?

[–]omega_dawg930 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

hell yes. women want what they can't have or what other women already have, value, or talk/brag about.

preselection... that's how they operate.

when you're out with women, other women will observe, flirt etc. when you're by yourself or with the fellas, those same women won't notice you.

married men get a lot of pussy this way... this is common knowledge dude.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Yeah but I can’t be bothered being an orbiter to my female friends now just so I could be preselected by potential girls?

How else would you go about hanging with other girls other than becoming their orbiter?

[–]omega_dawg931 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

if you see me with a girl, we are either going fuck, coming from fucking, or she's kin to me.

other than that I'm with my friends, alone, or with my dog.

your currency is your time & attention. please understand that's what they want. do not give it away for free.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I feel you bro, it’s ridiculous isn’t it? So fickle

[–]Abnull3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Probably because you used Snapchat.

But seriously, ditch that shit.

She likely thought you where coming off as needy. Confirming a date an hour beforehand? Seems a bit needy to me.

A man she wants to date wouldn’t care to much and just hit up a plate. Woman want a killer.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How is an hour before hand too much? What if it takes her half an hour to get ready or to get to the place of the date? I also needed an hour so o could get ready and go there too?

[–]curb_stomps_sjws3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'd suggest that the snap you sent asking "if she could still make it later" may have come off as needy and/or controlling. Particularly if your initial game attracted her on the basis of you being frosty and indifferent. Women are strange like that: they can be all over a guy who appears uninterested in them, but the minute he shows interest, they will be completely repelled.

[–]bigflame123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah I think that’s a likely one, don’t know how it could come off as easily like that though, I mean I haven’t snapped her since my last message which she didn’t open yet so I thought I’d snap to see if she forgot about the date or not? Probably my mistake

[–]Mangasbzo7-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

No. If she perceives that as controlling she is a psycho.

Anyway OP she did you a favour by blocking you. Better you see her true colors now than much later down the line.

[–]omega_dawg931 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

women are flaky... and i am too. the girl i just met will get ignored if the hotter girl i met a week ago calls to feed or fuck me.

and guess what .. i don't owe either one any explanations. that's EXACTLY how women operate.

girls flaking = they chose the other option. after one flake, don't ever contact them again. now they get the message that you don't have time to waste.

loyalty, honor, keeping your word etc are all foreign concepts to women; reserve those things for dealing with men. women operate on "feels" at that MOMENT they feel it.

in a relentless pursuit to better yourself as a man, flaky women should be like rain drops that hit your umbrella and dry out on the ground. you should only bother with those rain drops when they're laying on the ground, wet, and ready to be stepped in (fucked).

i make one phone call (leave a short msg) or send one text. if no reply... she'll never hear from me again. if she contacts me, i wait at least 3 hrs before responding or don't respond at all if other options are available.

if OP had a real abundance mindset, he wouldn't have made this post. options. options. no unicorns. no oneitis.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

This is good advice dude, do you day game or night game as well? I think my abundance mentality is weak because I rely so much on tinder and it wastes so much of my time once I lose focus and end up talking to these girls all day, it gets addictive and it’s when I slide into betadom, the main reason I do this though is because these girls promised we’d have sex outright which makes me throw all restraint away

As soon as a girl just wants to go on a date but isn’t sexual yet, I’m much less enthusiastic about talking to her

And is it really true that women don’t understand concepts such as loyalty and honour? Is it really only men that understand this? I’ve heard this before but it’s so depressing to realise if really true

[–]omega_dawg931 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

i don't approach women... bc i don't have time with my job and the current plates in rotation. there's always pussy available so i don't sweat new pussy. ever.

INSTA_Gra_M = instant gratification from men. social media is where women go to get non-sexual attention (their currency) without having to pay for it with $ and/or pussy.

no FB or Instagram for me but i do talk sports on Twitter.

about loyalty, honor etc with women... i HIGHLY suggest reading rollo's essay titled, "war brides." women are loyal to who dominates them. they're not gonna fight to the death; instead they will pull up skirt and present pussy in order to survive.

read that.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks for the article recommendation man, will check it out

By the way how do you deal with already having Instagram but not wanting to keep up with liking posts anymore? These girls are so sensitive that if o don’t shoot them a like on their post, they will think I don’t like them anymore or something? But like you said, they’re not giving me anything in return? But the majority of them I’m just friends with anyways, nothing sexual?

But I’ve been wanting to stop using social media (not fully delete it but just stop checking it out) but keep getting this nagging sensation that I’m ignoring people?

[–]omega_dawg931 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

ignore them. spend your time on you.

i bet you don't track how much time you spend on social media... you might shock yourself.

btw, if you're spending time with girls and calling them friends, you are her girlfriend... and she will use you as her time whore to bounce all her daily emotional bullshit, blame, and gossip on, ie, her 'emotional tampon.' don't be that guy.

trust me they value your male attention more than any female attention... so let her gfs validate her. you should validate the women who feed, fuck, or finance you.

the 3-F approach or nothing.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Isn’t it possible to be friends with girls but have boundaries and not fall into letting yourself orbit them?

I have some female friends who are very friendly and I value the friendship, I don’t see them daily but when I do I don’t orbit them but treat them just as a regular person and don’t put them on a pedestal for having a pussy?

But that 3-F approach sounds grand, isn’t that what AMS uses as well?

[–]omega_dawg931 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

you can handle the girls in your life any way you like but for example, if she's moving and you're helping her while her bf is chilling with the fellas, you're being used.

women pay me for my time. i set that boundary upfront... with no words spoken. their language is covert so learn how to communicate: when there's something in this for me, you see me; otherwise I'm with the girls that 3F me.

they'll get the hint, call you a bastard etc but fuck them, your time is valuable.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That’s true, time is an actual currency in my opinion that’s why I thank you for taking your time to help me out here

[–]omega_dawg931 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

np. I'm chilling at work waiting for a break in the rain to walk to my ride.

we are all here to learn... and the time spent is investing in self & knowledge.

[–]GucciGangBucks1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Alpha Male strategies mentions you should almost expect to be flaked on these days. Women will find something better too do last second and drop you quick. Have dates at cheap locations where if you get flaked on you’ll still have a good time. The best abundance mentality revenge you can have is getting flaked on then not caring having a Better time.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good old alpha male strategies, that guy is hilarious XD

[–]Jesus-slaves1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Other options, no longer interested, and not respectful enough to politely decline.

[–]Kommanderdude 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

Stop meeting women on snap chat.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve tried both numbers and snapchat, snapchat is easier to build rapport with but the issue is that they will expect you to constantly talk to you and they will leave you on read sometimes if they feel like it out of the blue

I will try just taking numbers again and schedule a date but this reminds me of how precious time is so I’m probably better off not wasting time chatting and watching some bitches story on snapchat?

[–]A_solo_tripper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

there’s thousands of reasons

Yep. Move on.

[–]RedSkeller0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Online dating is a shit show. If you’re going to keep doing it, expect the flake. Most of the time the flake out is the the shit test now, don’t get mad - show abundance and watch when they go into overdrive trying to figure out why you don’t give a fuck. Going out will always trump online. If you don’t like clubs and bars then be a Lyft driver and hit on bitches while you make money.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I figured flaking and not replying is a shit test, a girl I’ve hard nexted a year ago still watches every single one of my snap stories, it doesn’t mean much I know but still a sign

[–]SexySmexxy0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

How did you meet her OP?

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy


[–]SexySmexxy1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you know any girls that are strictly friends, ask them to have a look on their tinder account.

As long as a girl is not disfigured then she can swipe right 150 times and at least 100 of those people will be matches. And of those 100 matches at least 40 of them will message first within the first 5 minutes.

So what I'm trying to say is that you are literally one of hundreds of people pining for her attention on tinder. She might have set up 5 other dates and just decided to pick the only one that she for whatever reason decided to go to.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I keep forgetting this dude, I’m just another profile in a sea of profiles on there

[–]red_matrix0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Why did you think she was into you?

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She was sending me big paragraphs telling me quite personal stuff for someone she just met online a couple of minutes ago and she would reply almost instantly

I made the mistake of sending big paragraphs back but she kept sending them back too, she started using quite a lot of emojis and just seemed very enthusiastic about me in her tone?

[–]red_matrix0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Girls do this when they’re bored, they like the attention. Happens all the time. Try to set up a date quick to weed out the time wasters.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s what I did though, after back and forth messaging big paragraphs, I just asked her to meet up the day after and then this happened

But I agree with you about them wanting attention when they’re bored

[–]raj81880 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've been canceled on the last 6 first dates I had set up from dating apps. I'm giving up.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry to hear that brother, just focus on yourself and your life, don’t make women a priority, make yourself the priority

[–]opper-hombre10 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Just gonna throw in my .02¢

If you can, get a girls number rather than her Snapchat.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Of course but isn’t snapchat better for building rapport and leaving things open ended if she doesn’t reply?

[–]opper-hombre10 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You can do all those things through texting. I find that a girl who gives me her number is much more interested than a girl who gives me her Snapchat. Snapchat is much easier for girls. Easier to keep orbiters, easier to ignore and block, and easier to handle rejection

And remember that texting is most logistics, but if the meet up is in the future, light messaging to keep rapport is okay

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the advice man, don’t even get me started on keeping orbiters man, I despise that so much

And I definitely agree about it being easier to block and ignore on snapchat

[–]Drakonlord0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she wasn't that into you. Girls don't flake if they want to meet up.

[–]DWS33_0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

most likely another guy who’s better came along. don’t take it too personal. happens to me a lot. girls literally call me hot and ghost me the next day .

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Tell me about it, I’ve had girls tell me they love me and still ghost

[–]DWS33_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

yeah bro. don’t take it to the heart. dating apps are a different breed.. it’s hit or miss. most of time you miss. even the good looking guys don’t get it

[–]GummiSchutz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One of her friends probably recognized you, and told her how much of a loser you really are.

Dont game girls from the same area!

[–]Aggressive_Beta0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Give me one good reason why they shouldn’t be flakey if you’re not her best option. You’re not even a real person to her until you’ve met in person, and even then that won’t stop her from being flakey.

What’s your body fat percentage? How much do you bench/squat/deadlift/OH press/barbell row? Please provide your answers as a percentage of your total weight.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I seemed like her top option, she loved very close by so it wouldn’t have been much hassle for her to meet me

But I understand what you mean about me not being a real person until we’ve met in person

I don’t want to give too many details away but I am a slim build henry why I said I don’t have a gym body yet, the girls seem more attracted to my face?

[–]Aggressive_Beta2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Sounds like she dropped you in favor of the guy who had shirtless pics of his six pack abs on his profile who started messaging her five minutes before she was supposed to meet you

So go get jacked with six pack abs and post the results on your profile

[–]_MAMBAK_0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You shouldn’t have asked her if she was still in but call and firmly give her the location and hour instead.

And don’t react so childishly. You are making them the prize, I can feel that all over your post.

Don’t hate the game brother, but keep working with a clear mind and try again.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think she would’ve blocked me if I called as well, same result, she was set on flaking after she went clubbing yesterday, I think she was too tired and still recovering from it and changed her mind about going out in the cold to come and see me?

[–]bittr_n_swt0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

The problem is you had her snapchat not her phone number. If a girl doesn’t give you her number, they’ll never be serious with you

[–]the-cat-killa0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

This is it. People ask for emails and snaps because the girl is more likely to give that than their number. Well if she's not willing to give the number I'd guess she's more than likely not willing to meet up either.

[–]bigflame123[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I figured I knew this but even when I get a girls number they either stop responding or flake as well so I thought I’d use snap as it’s easier to leave things open ended on there if you get left on seen?

[–]the-cat-killa1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If they're not responding to either a text or snap you probably aren't a priority for them at that time. That's part of the problem with trying to run game over any text type platform.

In the main sub there's a post about tinder game that I think covers the conversation and how to handle everything up to setting up the date. Let me look.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you man

[–]Abnull-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I would have asked the day before. Asking an hour before is assuming she will flake

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The day before we were both testing before I went to sleep and she went out clubbing

[–]Abnull-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

You shouldn’t be doing that. Basic Red Pill, only use text for logistics. It’s not a hard rule, but you should have better things to do than talk to a girl.

Less communication is better. Leave the real communication for when you’re in person.

Even if she texts you, keep your messages short, light, funny and a dismissive, like you have better things to do than talk to her. Which, if you are following the side bar, you will have.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Excellent advice, I really need to put it into practice because I throw all my RP knowledge to the side once I start messaging a lot of these girls

[–]Abnull0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The side bar is full of excellent advice. Generally, a flaky girl is a girl who is not that into you.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I thInk ive finishes most of the side bar? I think I’ve finished most of the side bar?

I’ve skipped that woman’s book because of r being boring and I’ve skipped all the statistical stuff and focused on Rollo’s work and TRP 101 stuff? It doesn’t seem as large as I used to think it was?

Does the side bar not get updated with new content once in a while?

[–]Abnull1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As far as I am aware, no it isn’t updated often. Reread everything you have read and then read it again. You will be surprised what new things you pick up.

However, you will never learn as much as you will by interacting with woman who are attracted to you and respect you. I would suggest finding girls who are into you, even if they are low smv. You will experience how every woman should treat you. Dominate them and you will learn how women want to be treated.

Edit: Check out “The G Manifesto”. Also following Rollo, The Cad Club, Michael Mason, Goldmund Unleashed, WellBuiltStyle and Animus Empire on Twitter is a good idea.

[–]1walawalawa-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Not sure how you met as this isn't specified in the original post but the main reasons girls flake: 1. another guy

  1. not enough comfort built up after attraction. This is something I've been working on and now get fewer flakes. The girl has to want to meet up. If there's too much pull and not enough push her buying temperature when you first encounter her will be sky high. Then without enough comfort to make sure she sees you as someone with High Value her own sense of dread will talk her out of meeting up.

    1. They're girls, they flake.

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What do you mean by push/pull? It’s the only thing I haven’t paid much attention to in the side bar?

[–]1walawalawa1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Push= push away, any sort of negs or disinterest Pull= active gaming, rewarding with attention

[–]bigflame123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see, thanks for explaining dude

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oneitis. Sidebar

[–]vullnet123-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

I got flaked Tuesday night, was from online dating, she was into me, once I got her number immediately asked me when we should hangout and shit. Planned a date, she never texted me that day and neither did I.

A week later she hits me up again, we talk, plan again for Tuesday. text her, give her the address, she never shows up. Nothing you can do. Don't let it bother you, I honestly didn't want to go on the date because I can do better, but figured might aswell practice since my ex dumped me a few months ago.

Life goes on my dude.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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