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[–]ThrowRA745318FDS Newbie62 points63 points64 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
100%
If I've said "x is important to me", it should not be necessary to literally beg for the thing I have clearly stated is important.
It's demeaning and demoralising to have to ask someone to care about you.
[–]Bitemebitch00FDS Apprentice42 points43 points44 points 5 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. I just broke up with my boyfriend today because I had to bring up multiple times that I wanted him to call me (WE ARE IN A LDR. THATS THE BARE MINIMUM).
[–]_wannaseemediscoFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
ME TOO.
Well, slightly different reason, but it was about all of the broken promises re: in person visits.
Like, dude, I told you. You know. Stop fucking this up. Stop canceling last minute. I already made my desires very clear.
Crazy.
[–]Bitemebitch00FDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
It makes me think that men get into LDRs because they realize how low effort it is on their part.. they're crazy! It's not crazy for me to want the bare minimum of communication in a relationship.
There was a time where it went by for a month without him calling me and when I brought it up, he couldn't "believe it"! 🙄 and would ignore my requests to call and answer some other part of my text without acknowledging that I wanted to call! LVM shit..
I honestly wish I would've been brave enough to cut him off sooner! My self-esteem took a plummet because i thought i was the problem.
Edit: Spelling
[–]_wannaseemediscoFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
The reality is it is his own self esteem that is shit, that's why he kept dragging the relationship on. He needed your validation.
Maybe we did actually date the same person, lol. Was his name Josh?
[–]Bitemebitch00FDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
No, Quinlan haha. What do you mean it was because of his own self-esteem? I just feel so used..
Edit: and what do you mean he needed my validation?
He would always not take any compliments I gave him and then deflect them back to me. He would also say that I was way hotter than him and way out of his league. Actually now that I'm saying that, that does sound pretty LV.
[–]_wannaseemediscoFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Him "having" you brought up up for a short period of time. You should feel used, that's what he did.
My recent ex did those same things. Eventually they will seek out someone new to give them that rush of approval as they win her over.. until it is no longer enough, and then on to the next.
Their insides are gaping blackness that they likely will never learn can only be filled by themselves and not other hot HVW.
[–]Bitemebitch00FDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Yeah its like he only liked the rush. Then when it was time to actually get to know each other and share our struggles, and be real with each other, he was distant. Hed tell me he was having a bad day and then end it all with laughing emojis. Like bad low emotional intelligence or something with certain feelings? And like when I would validate that it sucked, he would brush it off. That was a red flag too. Another was that his last relationship had been for only 4-5 months, which is about how long ours lasted too..
[–]_wannaseemediscoFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Same experience regarding the texting devolving into impersonal nothings.
And yeah, "I'm just really depressed rn".. cool story bra.
[–]Bitemebitch00FDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Haha yeah we dated the same person. I'm so done with guys rn..
[–]AyemHerselfFDS Disciple343 points344 points345 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
There are a lot of people who criticize the "I shouldn't have to ask" mentality, so I want to clarify that this isn't talking about communicating small things. It's not "I shouldn't have to ask for chocolate and a foot massage after a rough day at work." It's "I shouldn't have to ask you to split the chores when we're sharing a household, or cook dinner when I'm working the night shift, or show you how to wash your own socks." This is talking about not having to ask for things you should already want to do or at least know are necessary when you're a functioning adult sharing a life with someone you care about.
[–]textbasedpanda35 points36 points37 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is so important to clarify. tbh i really dislike this phrase because it can be so misleading to young girls and easily twisted around by male lurkers.
[–]Eldest_MuseFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Can someone explain this whole "love language" bullshit to me? Why can't adults just have a conversation about what they want? This whole song and dance about being mind readers is lost on me. Why can't adults just articulate what they want in a partner? Why do we all need to be mind readers based on rubbish "science" such as "love languages"? This is so absurd to me. If you can not have an open dialogue with your partner, then you aren't compatible. Can someone explain this mentality? Why are ambiguous sentiments thrown in to relationships instead of just having open dialogue?
[–]getrippeddiemirinFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think it comes from LVM and other forms of low quality male gaslighting. They choose to believe women are “sUcH CoMpLeX cReATuReZ!!1” when..... no, we’re people. XYs who fail to understand women, or are of low emotional intelligence really enjoy spreading that lie. They lack the social graces to ask, or to understand the signals we send and need to turn their incompetence around and twist it into being something that’s our fault. If people in relationships are meant to be mInD rEaDErZ then it’s all just confirmation bias and reinforcing their stunted worldview.
[–]Eldest_MuseFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This makes a lot more sense when you put it that way.
[–]PharmaPuppyFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love languages is from a self help book called the 5 Love Languages. They are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch. They have a quiz on their website to discover which one you resonate with.
[–]RebelladonnaFDS Newbie226 points227 points228 points 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
LVMs and "just tell me what to do and I'll do it :("...
Name a more iconic duo.
[–]ManchurianCantaloupeRuthless Strategist180 points181 points182 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
LVMs and not doing it even after you tell them what to do.
[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie107 points108 points109 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Exactly. You'll tell them and they'll say, "Oh sure, of course, I'll do that." and then they won't. And you ask over and over again and they say they will over and over again but they never do it and then they explode on you. "All you fucking do is nag! Why do you keep bothering me about this?!"
Because. you. still. haven't. fucking. done. it. They act like four year olds.
[–]nyclaurcoFDS Newbie58 points59 points60 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
then they’ll do this weird gaslighty thing and post that women need to communicate and stop dropping hints because they’re not mind readers. their girlfriends will be screaming off of the rooftops and still be accused of this.
[–]yfunk3FDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"You know, you need to work on communicating what you need me to do in a nicer, more productive way because yelling at me and making me feel guilty isn't helping!" ::rolls eyes::
[–]chasingastarl1ghtFDS Apprentice28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Or they do it in the worst possible way so that you never ask them again (Shut out to my ex who put all my precious clothes at hot water/high spin + high heat drying - they were all "handwash in cold water - dry flat. His answer "i don't know how to read labels")
[–]ScallionOk958FDS Newbie35 points36 points37 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And doing what you tell them not to do
[–]LattikaFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
LVM and acting defensive because they can't take hints and you have to be direct
LVM and being angry that you told them directly using a certain tone they perceive as bossy
[–]Solid-LiquidFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. And that was the end of my relationship lmfaoo
[–]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
imagine doing that in a household context. it is exhausting. feeling like an unpaid movie director. to the left, to the right. pick that up from the floor. now go put it in the bin. now wash your hands.
heck, if I wanted that I'd program a robot. It will take less time.
[–]yfunk3FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"You're just so much better at it than me!" -after deliberately pretending to be shit at something and acting like we're too stupid to ever pick up on what they're doing.
[–]_wannaseemediscoFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'll die waiting.
[–][deleted] 77 points78 points79 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
My love language? ALL OF THEM
[–]EclecticBarbarellaFDS Disciple68 points69 points70 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yes, the previous discussion about love languages on this sub really made me realize that it should all of them, and the “love language” (singular) is just normalizing one dimensional relationships. Women normally do all of them (or most), men - “pHySiCaL tOuCh Is My LoVe LaNgUaGe” (aka sex)
[–][deleted] 28 points29 points30 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yep. It’s just craziness. A healthy adult should be able to express their love in different ways and no woman should settle for anything else
[–]Bitemebitch00FDS Apprentice0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My ex-LVM told me that too. "Physical touch is my love language" 🙄
[–]geologykittyFDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
yep "tell me your loVe LaNguAge"
what, so you can just do one damn thing for me?? How about you be a well-rounded partner instead.
[–]HmtnswFDS Newbie64 points65 points66 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Had a man who would eat me out and he did it well AND I didn't have to ask. Bless him.
(It was important to me because my ex never did that for me).
Definitely made up for lost time.
[–]StuffenfluffFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I mean... I’ve known LVM to do it because they personally enjoy it... not necessarily a green flag.
[–]HmtnswFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're right, but I mean, LVM usually don't take you out on a date after he busts his nut either. This guy paid in full.
[–]XOXabiXOXFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Like it isn’t enough that you’re keeping house, looking after your babies, family pets, working, paying bills, servicing the car, meal planing, holiday planing, emotional and social labour, then you also have to instruct a grown man how to adult. 😒
[–]throwmefaraway85FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Such a mood
[–]typeadhdFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes 😍
[–]KevlarSweetheartFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is my current mantra lol.
[+]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice-14 points-13 points-12 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
what are we talking about? his perspective or her perspective? asking for what?
If this is his perspective on intimacy and he doesn't ask then it is scary af. his love language is not having to ask? his love language is not giving a damn about consent? wow... his love language must be that he's a rapist.
I imagine this in an intimate context. So... according to him, if women want to make it clear what their boundaries are, they better be like vending machines that don't give you the chocolate bar unless you swipe your card. No penny, no bacon because otherwise, he would just take it. That's theft.
[–]NoisyBubblesFDS Apprentice30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
In regards people saying "well if you want xyz, just ask, I'm not a mind reader!" I shouldn't have to ask for flowers on my birthday, ask for nice date once in a while, ask for my partner to do the dishes or clean up after themselves. Women are not project managers for men, it is not their responsibility to identify everything that needs to be done and then delegate.
Saying "just ask" is another way men escape responsibility for anything they don't want to do, make you spoon feed them instructions for the simplest tasks, then inevitably say "well, you didn't ask" 🙄
[+]Equal-Ear2312FDS Apprentice-13 points-12 points-11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
hey, I agree. It is a bit confusing though. great there is a flair there. the mind reader thing - that's like the most basic thing no one should expect. it's magical thinking and back to la la land. not for rational adults. the flower thing - girl, that's common sense. I don't mean just "flowers"... it's about being interested in the other person and learning what they like and dislike, being invested in their wellbeing as well as your own and caring. that to me... is basic decency and should come as natural when you actually care for the other. you don't just forget their birthday and their favorite color or their favorite dish or their allergies. I mean... come on! as for the household thing... geez... it's 2020 and we are still slumped by terrible, terrible, terrible (see how outraged I am?) shouts from the past. To me it is basic human decency: I clean after myself after I take a bath and I wash my plate. Don't be rude and pile more work on someone just because they're your partner. that's increasing their mental and emotional load and it's clearly a form of exploitation.
but... I needed to find the sexist cologne commercial that says:"for the man that doesn't have to ask". I looked for it, didn't find it and now I'm binge watching creepy commercials... what can I say?
[–][deleted] 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What am I even reading right now
[–]sorrywhatttAt-Risk Pick Me Youth17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think it referred more to the concept of not needing to ask for needs being met, that they should be being met because he wants to meet your needs of his own accord
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[–]ThrowRA745318FDS Newbie62 points63 points64 points (13 children) | Copy Link
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