OK Groomer: M(37) Wants to Marry Girl (19F) He Used to Take to School.

shapelessdreams · 2021-02-10T09:01:07+00:00

I was in one of these relationships before. He is a predator. These parents need to put her in therapy and get a restraining order against him + expose him. I only wish my parents fought hard enough for me even if I was dead set on the relationship instead of letting me pull away and having to suffer abuse.

freerollerskates · 2021-02-10T08:22:43+00:00

"I need to know if she's been abused"? Errrrrr...... Yes she has. She might not know it, or even suspect it, but she has. Even if they don't have a physical relationship (which I highly doubt), mentally what she will have experienced is exploitative and damaging. I'm not even being judgey- I've been there and done it. An older family friend groomed me at age 15 and it ruined my early adult life. There's no way I would have thought that love was an abusive relationship without his screwing up of my view of relationships. The dad is entirely right here, the guy is a paedophile and should be on a list.

ChickaDeeD33 · 2021-02-10T10:19:48+00:00

Rather than "How do I be supportive?", what I'm wondering is how do you protect your child from a situation like this without them hating you and thinking you don't understand or are trying to control them? It happened to me (much younger manipulative groomer), I've seen it happen to a young friend, and I STILL wouldn't know how to handle it if my daughter took this path.

Luckily, she's 13 and has said that if I ever get a bad feeling about a boy, to tell her and she'd dump him right away. She knows my red flag radar signal is strong. XD That being said, their minds change when they get twitterpated.

EarthKveik · 2021-02-10T08:08:02+00:00

From one of the other relationship subs. At least the top comments were supportive of the parents views on the matter.

TheSuspiciousChard · 2021-02-10T11:52:52+00:00

This reminds me of my pedophile ex who was caught looking up teenagers and defended how “19 is ok” he also had some fantasizes of a 19 year old girl he used to work with. Story kept changing from she asked him out, to he asked her out so now I think he was delusional and mentally ill from porn use.

NoT aLl mEn. Although oddly seems like each one of us knows a man like this...

Mella_20 · 2021-02-10T12:11:06+00:00

It seems the husband has the right reaction. But if the mom doesn't get herself together and fight against this shit she's trash. She needs to straighten out her spine and stop being so...

Forget "happy". She needs to be safe. I can't believe she thinks she's doing right by her daughter by being "supportive".

nymira-1 · 2021-02-10T11:28:23+00:00

Is it victim blaming to be upset with the parents? Of course she was abused by him and why in H would they trust their young child with him to begin with ?

mountaindewme22 · 2021-02-10T12:21:02+00:00

I'm not even going to attempt to find the original post because if I see even one comment from some pervert loser suggesting this situation is totally fine or an arguement that the "age gap is natural"... I just might snap 😊😊

Sewud · 2021-02-10T11:30:12+00:00

This story is bizarre. The parents are 47, but they have a 32-year-old "family friend" who sometimes took their daughter to school and brought her lunches when they couldn't go? Clearly this guy didn't have kids around their daughter's age, so what was this friendship born out of? Did they put an ad on Craigslist looking for a child groomer?

Also is bringing a lunch to a child who forgot their lunch even a thing? It already seems like an overprotective meme to bring a lunch to school because the child forgot it, but this mom claims that she went as far as to call a friend to go bring her daughter a school lunch because she forgot it? Is this a private school custom I'm not aware of?

Anyway this example illustrates why age gap relationships are questionable. I don't think it makes a difference if the two people meet later.

MrsTaylor101318 · 2021-02-10T14:32:16+00:00

I will never have kids. I will never bring them into a world where this could be possible right under my nose. So disgusting.

Starsuponstars · 2021-02-10T17:24:43+00:00

I've got $10 that says he's been abusing her for years already.

PollyAnnaSunshine · 2021-02-10T17:27:59+00:00

Encouraged that the dad was livid and called the “friend” a pedo rather than excuse it. Would he do the same if the girl was not his own daughter, I wonder?

up_d00t · 2021-02-10T18:23:14+00:00

When I was in my early 20s I dated a man 12 years older than me. I regret the wasted time. He was manipulative. His mother hated me. I wasn't "good enough" for her "boy", I was a full-time student with a full-time job who didn't cook and clean enough. At least not to her standards. As soon as I got my degree I escaped. I regret not doing it sooner.

disposable20201129 · 2021-02-10T10:08:35+00:00

At least the husband is doing something about it and reaming out the pedophile instead of oh my, what to do, how to be supportive??

idestroythingsfora- · 2021-02-10T10:18:24+00:00

The mom wants to be supportive??!? She WANTS TO BE FUCKING SUPPORTIVE??!?!?! Is the dad the only stable one in the relationship?!?!? What the actual fuck I'm enraged?!?!?!?!?

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-02-11T03:50:41+00:00

What is wrong with society that she was directed to REDDIT with her question? She and her daughter would’ve been better served to consult a family therapist and possibly an attorney. Reddit is full of lonely and horny LVMs who would merely tell this mom to butt out and let her daughter be “happy” with this pedo.

sunologie · 2021-02-10T19:06:23+00:00

So one of my old high school friends who moved across the country her sophomore year, my senior year; at 17 met her supervisor at a fast food place he was 31, she’s 19 turning 20 this month and they got married (she wanted me to be a bridesmaids but I refused and told her I don’t support their marriage or relationship at all.) last summer and her mom let it happen...not only is there that big of an age gap but the man looks like a busted up fat incestuous redneck type and he still lives with his parents in their garage and the only thing he’s accomplished in life is being a McDonald’s supervisor for 5 years— they also met when and started talking when she was breaking up with her high school boyfriend so she was emotionally vulnerable too. I tried to dissuade her but his claws were already in too deep and I lived on the other side of the country, still can’t wrap my head around the fact her mom and dad let her do that. I hope this woman comes to her senses and reports this man. Based on how the daughter is acting I would say this probably started when she was a minor. She’s been groomed for sure.

Partyavoider29 · 2021-02-11T03:15:05+00:00

What is a red flag when romance media so often makes men with explosive tempers and controlling, menacing behavior out to be worthwhile challenges? My mom could have written this. It was the same age gap. He was, "the love of my life" no matter what he did. And he was so much more interesting than the ambivalent teenage boys I dated before.

While all my friends were being ghosted and left for other girls, I was worth marrying. When that felt like a crowning achievement, when he had done this before (I would learn later I was the oldest "woman" he had ever done it with), what was so bad about sometimes waking up with someone inside me? What was so bad about the giant pile of empty beer cans he replenished, night after night? If he screams at me in front of my friends or they haven't seen me outside of class all semester, it's because he's older and he knows better. He's more worth spending time with. He's not an idiot.

Most of the older adults in my life didn't really ask questions, or hide their disgust. This actually enhanced my dependence on him. When he started throwing things and slamming doors, and just once, shook me, I went to the one friend who was only interested in being a gentle listener. She didn't tell me to leave him, just made it clear I could talk to her, free of judgement. That was what she always said. That was the hand I actually took. I lifted myself the rest of the way out, knowing I wouldn't be alone on the other side.

My mom tried to be supportive even when she would tell me six months after I ended it that he could have killed me. I just remember her offering to pay for his lunch, and saying I could bring him to family gatherings. She took our picture.

yolosunshine · 2021-02-11T07:10:33+00:00

Why do you want to support a secret, abusive, not advantageous relationship?

Stand up woman, it’s your fucking daughter.

kimmna1027 · 2021-02-15T06:20:00+00:00

as a 19 year old woman, i’m terrified.

poison_snacc · 2021-02-11T16:56:42+00:00

“Blown up his friend’s phone” no dad. You should not be friends with this creep.

Title	OK Groomer: M(37) Wants to Marry Girl (19F) He Used to Take to School.
Author	EarthKveik
Upvotes	392
Comments	47
Date	February 10, 2021 8:05 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lgp0vj/ok_groomer_m37_wants_to_marry_girl_19f_he_used_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/ok-groomer-m37-wants-to-marry-girl-19f-he-used-to.740235 https://theredarchive.com/post/740235

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