The Deadbedroom subreddit DOES NOT prove that sex is important for relationships. It proves the opposite.

Suck-Less · 2021-02-14T16:04:16+00:00

Saying that the bedrock of a relationship is companionship, friendship and love, by using a subreddit filled with people talking about how fucked up their relationship is without sex, makes zero sense to me.

The only thing that subreddit proves is that sex is a critical PART of a healthy relationship., and that mental abuse is stronger than physical abuse.

ThrowawayNSFW1000 · 2021-02-14T17:05:03+00:00

This reads off as a sex negative post.

Don't choose between sex and love. Choose both.

If you happen to lose one, end your relationship.

I'm not gonna feel a tiny bit of shame as a young men for doing this. I encourage young women to do the same. We're all human after all.

angels-fan · 2021-02-14T16:49:50+00:00

Well, you're not wrong but your not right either.

Compatibility in multiple areas is critical for any good relationship. Sexual compatibility is just as important as friendship, companionship and love.

Dr Phil is an idiot, but one thing he said that stuck with me is that sex can be 5% or 95% depending on if you're getting it or not.

So, yes, a relationship that is based SOLELY on sex will fail. But a relationship that isn't having sex won't work either.

wtknight · 2021-02-14T19:43:43+00:00

Sex is important in a relationship when one person in that couple thinks that it's important. Money is important in a relationship when one person in that couple thinks that it's important. There's no set definition of what is important in a relationship and what is not. Relationships are all about shared expectations. If neither person in a couple thinks that sex is important or that money is important, then they're not important.

AbnormalBias · 2021-02-14T22:53:42+00:00

Every single one of your posts seems absurdly sex-negative. There seems to be an undercurrent of resentment towards men who want sex.

Most posts on /r/deadbedrooms are clearly and very explicitly about the pain of cohabiting with someone who is unwilling to even acknowledge your sexual needs. Many say they have a tranquil relationship except for the lack of sex, and that poisons the whole thing.

I think if you were to share more of your personal background people would understand the sentiment of most of your posts. I'm not going to use the "who hurt you?" comeback but it seems like that reading your posts/comments sometimes.

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-02-14T18:04:18+00:00

[deleted]

cloudydays84 · 2021-02-15T03:24:26+00:00

Sex is as important to the relationship as someone makes it, if sexual compatability and frequency is important to someone then it is and other people don't get to say it isn't.

If deadbrooms exists that proves that sex is important to some people and relationships, I don't know how you could come to any other conclusion.

superlurkage · 2021-02-15T17:19:18+00:00

These people have a relationship. They do not have sex to their satisfaction. It might not be necessary, but it is important. Their views on sex might be all fucked up, but it doesn’t mean it’s unimportant

reluctantly_red · 2021-02-14T16:13:39+00:00

If you're not fucking it's not a relationship -- you're just roommates.

Spacechichen_1990 · 2021-02-14T16:13:20+00:00

No. Sex is the primary difference between a platonic & romantic relationship. For most ppl sex is the ultimate display of affection.

If one partner stopped sleeping with the other I guarantee 99.9% would leave, sex is not only important for intimacy & bonding but it’s also the only thing you can’t outsource. Anything else I can do with others, but sexual intimacy only comes from my partner.

Oh & btw most young couples with Normal libidos fuck everyday :)

FBI_Van_2274 · 2021-02-15T00:23:13+00:00

Sex is the very foundation of relationships. It's what makes it a relationship rather than a friendship. It's a biological need. You're fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

basedmillennial95 · 2021-02-14T16:09:20+00:00

Wanted to do this post as proof of Sex and Love not being the same thing.

No one with a healthy perspective believes that. However a relationship needs both to survive and flourish.

NarniaFox · 2021-02-14T16:31:41+00:00

I agree that sex isn't a sole base for relationships and it shouldn't be. It's one of them though.

Sex is one of the best bonding activities a couple can have, it induces hormone production that make us trust our partner and feel good around them. It's about intimacy, experiencing each other's vulnerability in a way you can't really achieve outside of your bedroom, pleasuring each other in way no other person can, seeing their desire for you and assuring them in your desire and fascination of them.

If you both aren't asexuals and are healthy, sex is as important as talking to each other, it's just the other form of a love language. Change "sex" with "talking" and you see what's the problem is for lots of people in that subreddit. People in a dead bedroom situation often suffer not just from a lack of sex, but also from everything it can imply. A lack of desire to touch each other, to caress, a lack of love, care etc. It's not their fault that their main language is sex and/or physical touch.

I don't agree with your take on that person's story too. A line from her post:

even though our relationship is everything I wanted and love in all other aspects

Yeah, of course she might have been lying to herself, but what's the point of it if she's already decided to leave him?

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2021-02-14T16:17:10+00:00

I happen to disagree. I just went to the subreddit, most of the titles and posts have sex in them. Barely any of them are about anything else.

SaBahRub · 2021-02-14T17:11:10+00:00

Nope. The people there are unhappy. Just like those in r/relationships, which proves that respect and companionship is also important

801735 · 2021-02-14T19:30:08+00:00

Sex on a daily basis, really?

Yes. Really. Of course not 100%, but compared to

Sex on a yearly basis, really?

What seems to be the problem?

And by "Sex on a daily basis." I'm pretty sure they don't mean the verbal kind, the peeps telling each other "Go fuck yourself!" every day.

The problem is not lack of "daily sex", it's likely

"Not today." -> "Not this week." -> "Not this month." -> "Not this year." -> ... "Hubby could you ple" "Not today."

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-02-14T20:17:18+00:00

[deleted]

2021-02-15T02:51:53+00:00

For some reason this topic reminds me of my great grandparents. Great granny lived to be a 100. After she died my great grandfather who was 96 joined her three months afterwards. I kind of doubt anyone asked them about their sex lives during this time. (And my great granny was in a wheelchair at this stage in her life).

Sage_Planter · 2021-02-14T18:54:25+00:00

When a couple has a healthy sex life, it's 5% of their relationship.

When a couple doesn't have a healthy sex life, it's 95% of their relationship.

Head-Language-2977 · 2021-02-14T18:36:23+00:00

100% agree. If sex is the foundation of your relationship, that relationship is in deep trouble and will not last once looks start fading.

 I’m not saying DeadBedrooms are not a problem (both participants may have low sex drives) but what I am saying is that companionship among many other things should be the foundation of a healthy and worthwhile relationship, not sex.

HOLYREGIME · 2021-02-14T19:15:46+00:00

The bedrock of a relationship is companionship, friendship and love. Not sex or money.

Didn’t we have this conversation yesterday? If you take away sex and money you won’t be able to sniff a relationship.

If you take away a guys money and sexual performance, we would see a flood of women filing for divorce.

OLD and approaching is basically what do you look like, career, education. Those are the foundation of a relationship. Like I said, if you don’t have those you won’t sniff a relationship let alone get a opportunity for a date.

Love, friendship is secondary. It’s all transactional.

Spacechichen_1990 · 2021-02-14T16:12:09+00:00

Of course sex isn't important to the health of a relationship for women who have their lives being bankrolled by a wealthier husband. Children in good schools. And a nice house.

Who cares about sex, she's got the life she wants and it's not like he can do anything without her getting 50% of his wealth and gets to keep the house. So why even care about his sexlessness.

If she wants to have sex she can also always go bar hopping with her single girlfriend or say she's going to her parents for the weekend and fuck the much hotter guy from work.

Why would having sex with her husband help her happiness when she already has everything? What's she getting out of the sex?

Hoopy223 · 2021-02-14T18:43:48+00:00

Deadbredrooms is only half the story. Its still sad reading some of those stories though. Like being married for 20 years and not having sex at all for the last 5-7. Like living with a stranger.

void_magic · 2021-02-15T03:40:09+00:00

If Sex is so unimportant you would be ok with your boyfriend/husband having sex with other women as long as he didn't love them?

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John_Oakman · 2021-02-15T02:01:57+00:00

In that case why bother upgrade from friendzone status to platonic spouse status when the baseline benefits are similar while the financial & social costs risen dramatically?

Sure, it used to be that fulfilling social obligations would be a feature that might be worth the upgrade, but these days fulfilling social obligations is another liability and for males a quick way to lose social status and his man card...

Lameador · 2021-02-15T02:34:40+00:00

Sex is to a good relationship what money is to a good career. It’s not everything, it’s not strictly mandatory. Yet it is still extremely important

Grand_Duty · 2021-02-14T16:32:51+00:00

The future is more steps parent galore. It's not my fault people don't marry for compatibility!

We are heading to even more children born out wedlock, less marriages, more divorces when people get married later and cheat, and more broken families. Thank you Feminism!

Destroying the black family unit, and now the white and Hispanic family unit is so progressive, can't wait to see what progressives do more.

Notsonewguy7 · 2021-02-14T16:29:21+00:00

The Bedrock of a Relationship between a man and woman is PASSION + COMPANIONSHIP + NECESSITY / RELIABILITY.

PrincessFKNPeach · 2021-02-14T16:32:38+00:00

Replace sex with money and you have a gold digger. And then the top comment is “In your 20s, sex should be a thing everyday” lol.

Im suppose to believe these people care about relationships. Sex on a daily basis, really?

Maybe every day is a bit of an exaggeration, but this is totally what I want, and I'm very relationship-oriented!

We can miss a couple of days...

darkredpintobeans · 2021-02-14T17:04:21+00:00

It seems to me like if the other aspects of your relationship are doing well, then the sex will just come as a natural result of that. I don't see why people here have such a hard time with such a simple concept???

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-02-14T21:43:10+00:00

Sex is the most important part of a relationship. If you don’t want to/can’t fuck your wife, she’s little more than a financial parasite.

No normal guy would choose a woman as his best friend. Women are so sexually and socially privileged, our frames of reference are un-relatable.

It’s like Oprah being “friends” with the woman who cleans her pool.

Sid_Insidious · 2021-02-14T20:58:27+00:00

Yes, of course with Lilith only men cause dead bedrooms.

This is also way so many men are in bad sex-related situations. These men are willing to step over wonderful women and wonderful relationships/friendships just to get sex.

Sex - and regular sex - is more important to men than it is women. HER expectations and needs were ALWAYS considered of utmost importance, as failing that, there IS no relationship.

Men need to understand that this "loving companionship with her best friend" is just Hallmark greeting card shit women say. Sex becomes a chore for most women when they get all the things they want. He might get "sex for good behaviour" - a dog treat for being an obedient lap dog. Or perhaps that monthly ovulation/obligation sex that every man with some backbone left secretly hates. Or, if he's a dog, he graciously accepts his monthly allowance.

The only way for a man to have a fulfilling sex life is to have one (or more) women getting ALMOST what they want.

Sex is transactional and both sides use bait to get what they want. She uses sex as bait for resources and foot rubs, and he uses resources and foot rubs as bait for sex.

After the deal is done, the sex and the foot rubs go to hell and the only way for her to get her hands on all those yummy resources is divorce.

As a MGTOW, I recommend NO MAN marry ANY WOMAN for ANY REASON.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-02-14T18:00:50+00:00

So because they're still together but not having sex, that means that sex isn't important? Once again, your argument falls flat on its own face.

Those people are at the breaking point where their relationships are about to end in the near future - because of lack of sex. If sex wasn't really important to a relationship, then they wouldn't care enough to be posting there in the first place.

I'm unsure why low-libido people think that everyone should simply be able to discard sex just because they don't want it as much as normal people do.

throw-away-1709 · 2021-02-14T18:20:36+00:00

First the blowjobs go. Then the relationship goes south.

No relation / comitment w/o sex at a decent rate and quality.

From my todays experience i should have ended my long marriage earlier.

Workaholiconew · 2021-02-14T20:49:26+00:00

The Deadbedroom subreddit DOES NOT prove that sex is important for relationships. It proves the opposite.

... for women, and women alone.

Jakes1967 · 2021-02-14T18:19:15+00:00

The Deadbedroom subreddit DOES NOT prove that sex is important for relationships. It proves the opposite.

Completely. Sex is extremely important in romantic relationships.

Title	The Deadbedroom subreddit DOES NOT prove that sex is important for relationships. It proves the opposite.
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	6
Comments	181
Date	February 14, 2021 3:58 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ljqy1o/the_deadbedroom_subreddit_does_not_prove_that_sex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-deadbedroom-subreddit-does-not-prove-that-sex.741212 https://theredarchive.com/post/741212

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