I wanted to share this for anyone who has trouble accepting “minor” red flags in the beginning as actionable notices to BLOCK and DELETE.

Last spring an attractive man sent me a like on Hinge and a thoughtful message. I have passively used the app to filter through likes for well over a year as I live in a low population area. Anyway, we chatted for a few exchanges on the app and he pulled the “I’m never on here, text me” so I immediately unmatched him. That is a RED FLAG 🚩 indicating that he 1) wants my personal contact information too soon 2) would like to avoid being reported on the app and 3) is already trying to manipulate / shape my view of him (or is up to shady business.)

I don’t second guess any ruthless vetting standards anymore - but I used to - which is why I’m sharing.

Fast forward to this week. Guess who shows back up in my “likes” with a “Hello Again ☺️” This time I decide to google him and see who he is (I did not match with him.) Two searches later and I find multiple news reports from 2018 featuring his mug shot and a detailed account of how he forced entry into a woman’s home at 1am with a child present, assaulted the woman, and subsequently resisted arrest when the child called police. He was charged and sentenced. WHAT? His LinkedIn was impressive, with glowing recommendations, etc. It would have been easy to stop digging there.

It is SO IMPORTANT to 1) trust red flags without question and 2) DO THOROUGH RESEARCH ON YOUR SUITORS! I do not advocate using apps at all, because anyone has access to them - including criminals and rapists. If you do, be even more cautious.

Before you engage with someone - find their social media, LinkedIn profiles, google their name in the “news” section. When a red flag shows up - stick to your guns and end your communications with that person. You don’t need to “understand” or make excuses - it speaks for itself. These actions can not only prevent time wasted and unnecessary emotional pain - it can save your life.

Update to add: I used one of the news report URLs with his mug shot and reported him to Hinge citing that. They have a report option for “this person assaulted someone” and I pasted the url into the comment field.