A huge piece of the puzzle that is misogyny is mothers.

Mind-Objective · 2020-12-24T02:08:56+00:00

Here's the thing I've noticed about men: they can [appropriately] love their mothers, they can have great relationships with their sisters and girl cousins, they can have genuine friendships with other women but none of that shit matters when it comes to their girlfriends. Girlfriends and wives are devalued and treated like objects/property. That position in their lives is only filled for the sex on tap benefit. Or maybe it's something about introducing sex to the relationship that flips a switch in their brains, idk. But honestly it's pointless to assess a man based on his treatment of the other women in his life. Don't let it fool you like it fooled me.

protectinidentity · 2020-12-24T02:15:20+00:00

I think this is a piece of it in many cases. There are also a ton of good women who try to raise good men but society ruins them anyway, so I just want to make sure that the blame for misogyny isn’t being placed on women.

That being said, I have a lot of emotional turmoil around my little brother. I honestly don’t like him or respect him as a person because he is the most entitled, bratty, self-indulgent man-child I am forced to have in my life. He’s 31, so no excuses for his blatant misogyny. He and my mom have a sick relationship. She coddles the ever loving shit out of him and I just don’t understand it. She literally drowns him in compliments using baby voice (disgusting) and constantly talks about how much she loves him. He currently owes her $30k which he will never pay back. They talk on the phone 2-3 times a day. She treats me like a normal person, no coddling, no money. He has never done chores, never was made to get grades in school, basically allowed to do anything he wanted because he would throw a tantrum (still does, most recent episode was yesterday because my mom suggested that we open presents on Xmas eve instead of Xmas morning). They disgust me. He is LVM in every sense, he only started paying all his own bills last year. And my mom RAVES about how amazing it is that he’s managed to get a career going finally. He was unemployed and in debt his entire adult life, just got a job a year ago and somehow he’s a hero. Ive been employed and successful since I moved out at 18. But that’s not amazing at all.

Their relationship disgusts me. It’s gross to watch a grown man act that way. I hate that it’s my own mom and brother. He is awful to all his gfs. He is under-employed. He has horrible hygiene (we’re talking skid marks). He doesn’t clean his house or own real plates and silverware. His carpet actually looks greasy. He has holes in almost all of his clothing, the elastic in his underwear is sometimes partially detached. He has no fashion sense at all and all of his clothing (socks and underwear especially) are still purchased by my mom. He is average intelligence-wise but thinks he’s the smartest guy in the room. He’s a scam artist who will try to trick you out of money every chance he gets. I do blame my mom for how he turned out sometimes.

When he takes advantage of my mom or tries to rip her off financially (happens about quarterly) she has a total mental breakdown and sobs, asking me “how did he turn out this way??? I did everything right! Doesn’t he appreciate me?? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?”

Sorry for the rant but damn. I am so exhausted with this crap. Why wasn’t I blessed with sisters instead?

Pahapan · 2020-12-24T01:13:42+00:00

[deleted]

cosmicabstract · 2020-12-24T01:54:42+00:00

Yes!!! I dated this horrible guy back when I lived in LA who ghosted me after 4-5 months of dating and him telling me how special I was and how much he liked me. His father passed away when he was younger so he was really close with his mom. A few times a month his mom would post a baby picture of him or some silly Boomer meme about having such a wonderful son. Her posts were long and drawn out about what a wonderful man she had raised and how proud she was of him. Ghosting is lower on the list of transgressions that men can commit, but it's not honorable or something an upstanding man would do. I also found posting the baby pictures (for no reason) to be really embarrassing. Your son is 35 - he's not a little baby boy anymore. Get over it.

Anyways, I told my mom about this and she said "Women desperately want a man to love them unconditionally so they suck up to their sons. Except for their father, a son is the only man that will guaranteed love her." Framing it this way it's so creepy but it's so fitting of the dynamic I see with my male peers and their mothers. Not quite Norman Bates but definitely creepy levels of obsessions I don't witness with my female peers and their moms.

crapeescape · 2020-12-24T02:23:38+00:00

The worst guys I dated where the ones who had abusive mother’s or were abandoned in childhood. Once mom crosses over into that horrible woman pile, so does every single other woman he meets in his life. There’s no turning around either without some serious counseling, and most men won’t do that....

redheadhappy1 · 2020-12-24T04:53:11+00:00

Pick me mother’s will teach their sons to only respect women that are exactly like them. Just another symptom of the patriarchy. Designed to make women compete against one another.

2020-12-24T02:45:44+00:00

It's a repeating cycle that perpetuates itself.

Men like this leave a husband void, and the new moms become the monster they were trying to avoid.

SayNad · 2020-12-24T10:53:23+00:00

I experience this the most on the educational side of things since I am one of those so-called "academically gifted child". Like people, women mostly legit especially extended families get angry at me for having the audacity to be smarter than their sons. The gifted male students including my own brother are celebrated and paraded around, being showered with so much attention, love and praise every single day, every single get-together, every single holiday.

While relatives legit get angry, goes silent or pretend not to hear when my father pipes up about "Saynad also get straight As and get admission into university". The best they can do is "be careful, men don't like when women are too smart" or complaining about why I don't go "consult" first with this rich male relative or that male uncle in high position - calling me an arrogant b****. A cousin actually made fun of me for publishing papers in x journal instead of y journal - when she never even got into higher education herself.

The only one there accompanying me when I first enter university was my father, while my brother got the whole parade of relatives. I got more support from friends and colleagues than by any "blood-relatives". Hell even the cleaning lady at my university wished me luck and is genuinely happy with my achievements.

And now those people act shocked and hurt when I don't want to see their fucking faces. So hell damn yeah I am gonna go get my PhD and rub it on their faces so much until they turn red and blue in rage. Watch me assholes, just watch me.

TheSuspiciousChard · 2020-12-24T01:55:32+00:00

Meh idk about blaming the mom. Men learn way more misogyny from tv than mom I’m sure.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2020-12-24T03:30:15+00:00

Yeah... codependency caused by an absent father. It's not right, but that's a relationship born out of trauma. There was a high chance it was going to end up fucked up.

These dudes poppin' their sperm into any pussy... fuckin' take some responsibility for the mess.

berned-out · 2020-12-24T07:58:23+00:00

I have seen women treat their sons as their emotional nurse. Literally knew a person take their kindergarten-aged son out of school regularly to soothe their PTSD anxiety. The first time I saw that, I was supposed to pick him up as his emergency contact and bring him home.

When I heard the reason, I did pick him up, and the first thing he said when he saw me was "oh god what now".

So, I told him there wasn't anything wrong, his mom just locked her keys in the car and needed me to spend some time with him.

I took him out for lunch, a car ride, we listened to music and ate cheetos and sodas. We did whatever we wanted for a while. He was so relieved to just chill and be a calm child.

When I finally drove him home, I told her not to do that to me again, that kids cannot be responsible for grownups' emotions! She told me she had stopped going to therapy, too. She just started using her little kid as medication, a balm, a therapist.

She was already giving him the role of a husband, from the start. Crazy. No we're not still friends.

Mme_Mae · 2020-12-24T05:59:35+00:00

Absent/deadbeat father's are a poison to society and honestly I blame them the most for the difficult positive they leave their (now traumatized) family in.

Of course the co-dependent reaction isn't good, but I'm dutifully getting out of the mindset that I need to blame women for their reactions to traumatic male behaviour. More at fault here is the father abandoning his family and traumatizing them (or a bad marriage pushing a mother to seek emotional support from her child), not to mention the insane amount of labor expected of single moms.

ciciplum · 2020-12-24T03:53:29+00:00

[deleted]

annrike1 · 2020-12-24T12:37:17+00:00

I moved out when I was 19 and my mother still makes lunchboxes for my brother when he goes to work (He is 30 yo). She is sooooo dependent on male approval and because she does not get it elsewhere she is serving her son. Cooking/cleaning/cloth shopping/washing his clothes/making him lunchboxes.

Here is the thing: She stopped doing all of these things when I was 10 / 11 yo. And even before that she did it sloppy.

I have a theory why she behaves this way: My father only brings money to the table, didnt participate in child care, future planing for the childing, chores etc.

She used me to replace my father when it comes to house work, emotional baggade (she told me she thinks my father is cheating when I was 13) and all the "traditional womens" work.

And she uses my brother to replace my father when it comes to giving love. She always asked my brother what she should cook and never me. She would put him on a pedastal when he would do one manly task and gave me traditional womens work . When my brother ignored her, I did the task for him in hopes she would give me the same love. Nope. She has a lot of internalized mysoginy. She would also expect me to do all of my stuff alone and would clean my brothers room for him, even to this day! I would do a lot more housework, I walked the dog everyday since I am 11 - 12 yo.

My brother started working late in life, is obese, sexist, a video gamer (his only hobby), mentally unstable, intitled. Not all is my parents fault however, society also caters to men and it made him a prig.

Wantnun · 2020-12-24T04:34:06+00:00

My recent nex has severe mommy issues. Whenever he thought I was going to leave him (which was definitely in motion for a while) he would make comments such as:

"You can't just leave your baby in a dumpster, mama."

Haha. Severe mommy issues. He liked calling me mama, using my money, and being a little brat.

One of the many reasons im childfree. And single.

Stuffenfluff · 2020-12-24T04:53:57+00:00

I love her for saying this. When you don’t discipline a child and just want their affection and giggles, that is abuse. And she’s right. raise your sons right!’

just-peepin-at-u · 2020-12-24T14:58:48+00:00

Oh crap they called out my family!

My little brother was treated as a freaking deity by my mom. She had issues with my dad not being a high achiever etc, so projected that on to my brother. He was just going to be the greatest thing ever when he grew up. Except he didn’t. Grow up that is.

He is in his thirties and has worked for maybe three months of his life. His last girlfriend just said “Screw this,” and left.

Now he lives at home with our parents again, and mom can’t stand him. They fight constantly.

These women often end up reaping what they sow in the long run.

This is why it is so important to marry and have kids with HVM. That resentment and all those hopes you want for a man...all that baggage can spill out on to kids. I know it is hard to find a good man, but you gotta hold the course.

In almost every situation like this I have seen, it really seems like the woman was so unhappy with the man she chose that she tried to make her baby boy/little man wonder kid into the man she wanted. It doesn’t really work that way so much though...

2020-12-24T21:18:59+00:00

I knew it! This is really common in the black community as well. Many mother's will coddle and prioritize their sons whole forcing their daughters to grow up too quickly. And calling them all kinds of vile things like fast, hoe, thot, and saying things like "oh you think you're grown"? Little girls don't have a chance to be little girls.

While boys get to stay boys well into their 40s. These pick me mother's and their damn jocasta complex are a massive part of the reason why theres so many lvm

Emergency-Feed8216 · 2020-12-24T06:03:23+00:00

Sounds like she had a MIL from hell.

Swoleunicorn · 2020-12-24T02:15:50+00:00

[deleted]

DayAfterManana · 2020-12-24T15:57:12+00:00

And that’s on enmeshment.

_RustInPiece_ · 2020-12-25T02:07:39+00:00

These women put their sons in the position of a husband. They settle for a LVM and shift all their emotional etachment towards their child. She builds him into her perfect husband. When you come along she views you as the other woman(TM). You become her enemy and she will make your life a living hell if you don't go.

Do yourself a favor and leave. You can't win against pickme mommy and this scrote will enjoy two woman fighting over him. Mommy obviously didn't raise him to stay in the gene pool so don't break a sweat.

[TW] Each one of my mommys boy exes exhibited pedophilic behaviour themselfes. One petted random children while calling them 'cute' - right infront of my eyes while we were on a date at the pool. It was the same man who proudly declared he didn't need to make me cum because "my mommy said a woman doesn't need to orgasm".

Title	A huge piece of the puzzle that is misogyny is mothers.
Author	Swoleunicorn
Upvotes	422
Comments	63
Date	December 24, 2020 12:35 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kj52fu/a_huge_piece_of_the_puzzle_that_is_misogyny_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/a-huge-piece-of-the-puzzle-that-is-misogyny-is.748644 https://theredarchive.com/post/748644

Comments

"Women desperately want a man to love them unconditionally so they suck up to their sons. Except for their father, a son is the only man that will guaranteed love her."