What percentage of the population truly do not want to couple? How many can maintain a ‘happy’ marriage 30 plus years?

IHavetheMeatz · 2021-05-13T06:19:23+00:00

Nah. The natural state of humans is very much not alone.

However - the way we’ve ordered relationships, and society as a whole, is antithetical to our health and happiness. We’re totally atomised.

The closest we get to healthy social groups is the nuclear family. As a result, we put waaaaay too much pressure on our partners; when we should have a large number of social and emotional outlets beyond them - through friends, family, etc.

If you’re expecting a marriage or relationship to be totally smooth sailing, or to address all your social and emotional needs, you’re being unrealistic.

Also - almost no one can deal with real solitude for long without it having a really corrosive effect on their mental health.

801735 · 2021-05-13T06:47:17+00:00

What percentage of the population truly do not want to couple?

Much less than people think. Almost practically zero.

How many can maintain a ‘happy’ marriage 30 plus years?

Even less than much less than people think. Practically zero.

Accepting this truth will make both men and women more happy.

Yup. Learn to let go.

CosmicBioHazard · 2021-05-13T10:28:36+00:00

I love my children, my freedom and love being alone.

Oi, well there's your problem. If my first marriage had produced kids, freeing me from having to worry about that, I certainly wouldn't be looking to remarry. My pair-bonding is stunted and kids are my only motivation to even talk to women anymore.

I don't know that I'm necessarily happier alone, though. I just cringe at the thought that I'm forced, for the sake of the kids, to get into a relationship that won't be good enough to maintain except for the kids.

Timmy721123 · 2021-05-13T07:08:14+00:00

Being single beats being divorced

deadBeefCafe2014 · 2021-05-13T09:31:19+00:00

The current condition of society does not promote any sort of lasting power or cohesiveness.

Almost everyone and everything has become disposable. Nothing gets fixed anymore.

redditthrowaway1478 · 2021-05-13T06:33:55+00:00

I think women are more willing to put up with being alone, and will fail to recognize their contribution to their own discontententment - tho, they will say they are happy without a man.

Men will recognize that being alone sucks, and so will endevour to solve that. If they are still alone, they will correctly identify that they are missing the companionship of a good woman by their side

Again its just the nail video all over again - women lament their problems, whereas men solve theirs.

wtknight · 2021-05-13T13:01:32+00:00

I can’t envision myself ever truly coupling again. I love my children, my freedom and love being alone. Happiest I’ve been in my life.

Are you really "alone"? So you have no friends at all? Most people don't want this level of social isolation, so I disagree with your assessment that "the natural state of humans seems to be alone".

If you do have friends, and what you mean by "alone" is "without an opposite sex partner," then what you're actually saying is that you just don't like any man enough to be simultaneously sexually attracted to him and wanting to be friends with him.

I think a lot of people are like this. A lot of them hang out on this sub. But I wouldn't say that this is a "natural state." I think that what is normal is that men and women are different, but are able to compromise and get along with each other when they are attracted to each other. Most people who have given up on relationships either have been hurt too much in the past, they just have unlucky enough that they've never met the right person, or they just have the type of personality that is unwilling to compromise to the differences of the opposite gender.

I think that it is a minority of people who just can't compromise, though. Most people have trouble in relationships just because they haven't met the right person yet who can be both a friend and a lover for them, or, especially if they are older, because they went through bad relationships or marriages that they are too afraid of repeating.

superlurkage · 2021-05-13T14:44:38+00:00

Ha ha, independent singlehood all fine and dandy if you’re financially secure and your body/mind isn’t falling apart.

And if you don’t have money and health —- it gets grim fast

Rambo1stBlood · 2021-05-13T15:16:26+00:00

I think people can be 100% okay being alone, but also not be against the idea of "companionship".

drawing from personal experience, I have only met 4 women in my entire life i would ever even consider seriously dating. If you aren't into hookups/random casual dating and just go by meeting people naturally in life you really aren't out there hyper focused on being in a "couple" but it's still technically being alone.

TheJim66 · 2021-05-13T08:14:47+00:00

What percentage of the population truly do not want to couple?

Small. Probably around 5%.

How many can maintain a ‘happy’ marriage 30 plus years?

For a "happy" marriage you need a high value man (in looks,money,status and game) to pair up with a reasonably attractive, low n , high quality woman. So that means 10% at best.

You can probably have a good enough marriage that will be adequately peaceful but without sexual attraction after a point with another 20%.

goatismycopilot · 2021-05-13T10:41:20+00:00

I prefer being single.

michael1962-01 · 2021-05-13T06:22:36+00:00

I was married 30+ years?

How?

My life was a rollercoaster. Did not have time to look at her precise.

Awalt. Her too.

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NarniaFox · 2021-05-13T07:33:24+00:00

I doubt there's a way to count how many couples are able to keep their marriage happy in a long run. We can look divorce stats up, but staying married doesn't indicate that people are contented with their relationships. So what we're discussing here is subjective and anecdotal.

I agree with you that it seems that people overall aren't suitable for ever lasting marriages and monogamy. Most likely we're wired for serial monogamy and changing partners. As a kid I've seen zero happily married older couples, most couples I know who are >50s stay together out of necessity, convenience or comfort. But a lot of them got married for the same reasons.

I think women on average are more okay with being single, because they have better and stronger support nets. Women tend to keep stronger and deeper bonds both with their families and their friends. We can rely on each other and we easily fulfil each other social needs. Plus, in cases of more traditional societies, women also better on their own because they can actually take care of themselves. They usually have better health, as they don't ignore the first signs, don't postpone visiting a doctor and actually follow their advise, men, from the other hand, often have to be made by their partners to take care of their issues and conditions.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-05-13T07:52:27+00:00

I can't speak for percentage but I do think the way the Dynamics of people are changing a lot of people will not have a choice but to be happy alone, and a lot of that 30-year marriage of our parents or grandparents era is pretty much dead

I'm 35 and I came from a very loving household but I swore off marriage a long time ago, as far as children within the next two years I plan to have a son via surrogate and maybe adopt another one but that's pretty much it, and like I said no marriage I will be more than happy with having a cool ass fun relationship in terms of settling down but that's pretty much it, I love the advice my father and mother gave me about dating but they were older when they had me and a lot of that information came to be outdated, and the dynamics are still changing as we go

WilliamWyattD · 2021-05-13T09:25:55+00:00

People don't want to be alone. But sometimes it is preferable to the options they have. To a great degree, the nature of those options is constructed by society (expectations we have for a romantic partner, the expected form of coupling, etc.). So the real problem is that we aren't finding ways to present attractive coupling options to enough people.

Obviously, we'll never be able to happily match everyone. But we could do better with the the raw material we have.

Crafty-Particular998 · 2021-05-13T10:01:25+00:00

I don’t want to be alone. Nothing beats having that one person you can share everything with. Being alone is superior to being in bad company, and I think people are finding solitude preferable to being with shit people around them.

alberto-hoff · 2021-05-13T11:14:10+00:00

I'm in the same position as you.

If the needs of a marriage/serious partner are already fulfilled, there's much less of an incentive to be with someone.

I probably exemplify this myself. I have a daughter so I don't need to start a family with someone, she also fulfill love an affection for me. I have a a ton of friends so I don't feel lonely and I have boyfriends and fuck buddies to fullfil my sexual needs.

I am seeing someone, but we don't plan on living with each other. Things are nice as they are and not too serious.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-05-13T11:22:34+00:00

My parents are together, married 53 years.

Her parents are too 49 years.

We're together, 30 years and married for 23.

My guess is personality via social and genetic influence plays a part.

pongaminbloom · 2021-05-13T20:53:17+00:00

It's not co-dependence to want to stay together. Loving a spouse is like loving any other family member. You're not going to stop loving your children when they grow up. You won't even stop loving your dog.

Why do so many couples stop loving each other?

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-05-13T21:22:54+00:00

Most people want to couple but can’t maintain a happy marriage. It’s a paradox and a curse and the reason why most people have more than one partner over the course of their lives or stay in unhappy relationships. Humans are both made for and not made for long term mating

Edit: I agree that non-romantic social bonds are very important but often lacking for older people, which is why people stay married a lot of the time I think.

2021-05-13T23:30:11+00:00

I think I am now happier alone with friendships and social connections for example. The guy that wants to date me has been trying to hang out with me every night this week and he’s going out of town tomorrow and I said no to him every night because I’m just not in the mood for being around another person after I saw him three times last week. It’s over for me, fortunately I already have the cats procured and we get along just fine and are about to play laser pointer game.

The purpose of me talking about myself is with all of the conveniences online from our own home it’s so much easier just to be entertained by yourself and the pain of failed relationships is like a hot stove so a lot of people are going to go this way although the majority of people won’t because it’s natural for us to want to pair up.

yuckyuck13 · 2021-05-13T23:48:45+00:00

I'd say the majority of people want to couple up. I think there's two reason why some people don't want to anymore, a traumic relationship and a bitter divorce.

Ppdebateismental · 2021-05-14T03:02:28+00:00

I’m friendly with a great group of people I sometimes do social things with, almost half are single women. I think if the right man fell in their lap, they would gladly date, but NONE of them are on OLD or actively looking. I think they would like a partner, but I think it’s not a priority.

I on the other hand love being married. If I am ever a widow? I will probably eventually actively look for a partner.

Imho, it’s hard to stay married 30 years. It was way way harder for me to be single...like not dating at all single...for many years when I was young. I was really determined to never have a serious relationship again for a while, Once I started dating a man who I trusted and I let myself fall in love? My life was immeasurably better.

We have not had a perfect marriage by any means. But we both know that for us, it’s better than not being married.

SUEDE2BLACK · 2021-05-14T03:46:31+00:00

Men couple up for exclusive sex...Women can get sex anywhere anytime so other than economic reasons I'm not sure why they would.

JustFactsBitches · 2021-05-14T05:09:13+00:00

A high proportion of people want the illusion of genuine love. The divorce rate can tell you how that turns out.

The fantasy of a mutually exciting/fulfilling relationship is just that for the majority of people. Most of us just have to put up with whatever unattractive loser tumbles into our lives.

Eat_Your_Paisley · 2021-05-14T06:26:10+00:00

I’ve been married for 16 years if something were to happen to her or we got divorced I wouldn’t date or re-marry I’d just work a bit more and give my hobbies the attention they can’t get now.

queen_beastmode · 2021-05-14T19:13:36+00:00

I have always been vaguely uneasy about long term partnerships with a man becuase, in my experience, they get very difficult to maintain to the benefit of both partners. I like the idea of a long term part time boyfriend better. Like, I do my thing, and then he just comes to visit every few months. I am probably not the norm.

Title	What percentage of the population truly do not want to couple? How many can maintain a ‘happy’ marriage 30 plus years?
Author	Amazing_Consequence
Upvotes	4
Comments	103
Date	May 13, 2021 5:58 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/nb9q90/what_percentage_of_the_population_truly_do_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-percentage-of-the-population-truly-do-not.757330 https://theredarchive.com/post/757330

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