What is your view on guys who like to keep exes around?

TheJim66 · 2021-03-29T09:22:02+00:00

They have them for backup, are actively banging them or hope they will.

goatismycopilot · 2021-03-29T09:19:43+00:00

They keep in touch for a potential hook up.

dogmeat116 · 2021-03-29T08:56:53+00:00

People don't always break up crying, screaming and burning bridges. Sometimes you just both decide it won't work out and decide to remain friends.

_Goldenhand_ · 2021-03-29T10:05:40+00:00

He doesn't want the responsibility and commitment of a relationship but also doesn't want his exes to be 'free' (because they would leave and never look back) so he tries to keep them under his influence and manipulate them, play with their feelings. He also treats them like a puppy to get occasional ego boosts.

He's basically a coward who is too afraid of commitment and at the same time is afraid of being left alone.

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2021-03-29T10:08:15+00:00

My ex and I are best friends. The love and sexual chemistry just disappeared, so we broke up, but we have been close ever since (7 years ago). So that includes hanging out, going out for food etc. We both had new partners, and we got to know each other's. My one ex wasn't super happy about it but turned out he had massive insecurities that he also used as a reason to put me down all the time, so that relationship was lost anyway. His one ex wasn't happy at first but then we got really close and she knew there was nothing to worry about. I think it's suspicious if the partner keeps the ex away from you. That's probably a bad sign.

I still talk to him at least once a week (I live abroad).

philomexa · 2021-03-29T10:58:04+00:00

My husband's ex is the god mother to our child, and we're all very good friends with each other. We frequently socialize together and my husband chats with her on a regular basis.

No animosity, no insecurity, I like her and consider her one of my good friends as well.

Jakes1967 · 2021-03-29T11:40:25+00:00

What is your view on guys who like to keep exes around?

Personally, huge red flag.

In actuality, this is very geographical thing. In US cities, many folks still have contact with exes.

In the UK and most of Africa, it's almost unheard of.

Usually the more passionate the people involved, the more likely fire is involved.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-03-29T10:01:26+00:00

What is your view on a guy who breaks up with exes, says to them he doesn't want any further relationship but keeps in touch with them in a regular basis, like chatting, videocalling or even hanging out?

Sketchy. I'd be very concerned and likely make them choose me or the ex. Maybe that's selfish, idk, but I'm not in contact w my exes.

Why would a guy want to do that?

Presumably there are many good reasons, like the top comment says sometimes you just break up and aren't like hating eachother. And there was a connection and compatibility to begin with so you stay friends for a while. But.... The problem is when you're dating a new person. It's reasonable imo to expect them to put the friendship with the ex on hold, indefinitely.

Would you advise a woman to get involved with someone like that?

Depends on their reaction when you talk to them about it. If they're very defensive and uncompromising then no don't get involved. If they can hear your concerns out, then it might work out but definitely need to confront about this.

If yes, the what should a woman expect: is this a person who is polyamorous? Who just wants fun and sex with new women while keeping the exes around to make sure he can go back to them if he ever wants a relationship in the future?

Could be. Doubtful though. Most probably don't even consider the impact their friendship with their ex has on the new person. You need to tell them.

Particularly if a woman is not that attractive (like a 5), has a low N-count, does not keep in touch with her exes, should she get involved with someone like that or just avoid the situation because it would cause mental damage?

Again it really, really depends on the situation and the reaction of the person with the ex. I don't think a general blanket statement of yes or no is possible. How attractive is the guy? How about the ex? How does he talk about her? Is he willing to stop seeing her? How often do they talk and how intimately? Does he hide her texts and snaps? There are way too many factors to simply say yes or no.

EDIT: also would like you to consider if it was the opposite, that is, the woman keeping in touch with the exes.

Everything i said here applies to the other gender too.

801735 · 2021-03-29T08:57:44+00:00

Why would a guy want to do that?

To get her wise advice every time so he knows how to do things right. LOL

michael1962-01 · 2021-03-29T09:25:47+00:00

Nothing to gain.

thetruthishere_ · 2021-03-29T10:08:37+00:00

There is the you parted on good terms and friendly would say hello to each out out but keeping in touch like that, nope, exes are exes for a reason.

I dont talk to exes like that but all of mine except one ended on good terms so we would be friendly if we ran into each other. I have no ill will or bad baggage with exes. The 'bad one' was 20+ years ago so its not like I have any ill will towards him either. Im long over it.

NockerJoe · 2021-03-29T10:09:50+00:00

If someone considered that a dealbreaker I wouldn't blame them. If they hang out solely in a group setting infrequently then sure, maybe, but if they're routinely one on one then thats a hard pass.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2021-03-29T15:45:24+00:00

OP has never had a non-toxic breakup and it shows.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-03-29T16:40:00+00:00

My exes pretty much always come back like a boomerang, sometimes after many years. And I’d say this is many women’s experience. Men seem to always want to keep exes around as backup. So yeah, if you find out your guy is still talking to his ex regularly, be very careful. If he just recently reconnected with her, he probably plans to dump you.

An exception would be an ex he has kids with. He’s going to have to stay on decent terms with her to be in his kid’s lives.

wtknight · 2021-03-29T17:47:16+00:00

He probably wants to plate his ex, if he isn't doing so already. Some women keep exes around too as backups in case her new boyfriend ends up worse than her old one so she can go back to him if she needs to rather than be alone.

Men like to "collect" other women. Women like to use other men as backups or as potential branch swinging options.

Shadowgirl7 · 2021-03-29T11:02:39+00:00

If I had to sit there and think about the scenario, I'm clearly thinking it for a reason and dont trust my partner. And if I thinking seeing his ex for a little while will make him cheat on me, i believe he is going to cheat on me anyway when the right time comes along.

Your partner shouldnt make you feel this way, you should feel happy and secure, even if they were in a room with a hundred models hitting on him.

Same goes the other way around.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-03-29T09:31:33+00:00

I'm still on great terms with my one serious girlfriend and good terms with another , not every relationship ends in unforgivable animosity lol

Optimal_Magazine5272 · 2021-03-29T11:33:42+00:00

My ex cut contact with me because she loved Me so much it would hurt for to keep me around . But I would keep her around if she let me , she cut me off because I DIDNT want to get back together even though she’s the best girl I’ve ever met . We Also said we would remain friends and she didn’t want to lose me completely seems she lied or emotions got the best of her , but like the other guys said no contact can be just as alarming because it shows one little thing can stop you from never talking again . If the guy or girl you like has all their exes blocked and even worse talks bad about them there is a good chance that one day your relationship with them is gonna go to hell after the honeymoon phase as well . All that fun to become complete strangers if not enemies

OXOzymandias · 2021-03-29T12:49:24+00:00

If a dude or gal have exes around, dont date them

Murphysmongoose · 2021-03-29T13:50:57+00:00

Another dude saying most dudes do it to not burn that possible hook up bridge, usually. Just being honest. Got at least one myself that would qualify me of being guilty of this. She post funny stuff too, in my defense.

Edit: And I would help her too, with whatever guy stuff she needed too, so it's not a one-sided, "using her for sex" thing. I'd say it's pretty mutual across the board.

geyejoe7 · 2021-03-29T09:12:15+00:00

Red flag.

Any person who has baggage from an ex is a red flag. Your ex should be dead to you. If you're "friends" or whatever, there's always a risk of your partner running to their ex after you run into troubles in a relationship.

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svstonefree · 2021-03-29T09:03:43+00:00

“...breaks up with an ex...” 🤔

kor8der · 2021-03-29T09:39:26+00:00

What is your view on a guy who breaks up with exes, says to them he doesn't want any further relationship but keeps in touch with them in a regular basis, like chatting, videocalling or even hanging out?

Does he fuck them?

is this a person who is polyamorous?

Does he have more than one girlfriend at a time?

Who just wants fun and sex with new women while keeping the exes around to make sure he can go back to them if he ever wants a relationship in the future?

Only if the exes are simping for him.

Particularly if a woman is not that attractive (like a 5), has a low N-count, does not keep in touch with her exes, should she get involved with someone like that or just avoid the situation because it would cause mental damage?

When he breaks up with you, distance yourself if you don't want to keep in touch.

also would like you to consider if it was the opposite, that is, the woman keeping in touch with the exes.

Wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole.

ThunderbearIM · 2021-03-29T12:37:12+00:00

If my gf was friends with her ex I'd be fine with it if I knew I could trust her. If I didn't think I could trust her I would probably not be together with her in the first place though. I encourage her constantly to hang out with her friends, male and female, as I want her to be independent of me emotionally. She does suffer from anxiety though, which I believe makes this attitude more important.

If I ever felt threatened by a man I'd say I was uncomfortable and why, and if we can't reconcile that I'd rather just break up.

With all of this said, neither of us have exes since we've been together almost our entire adult life. So you might not be looking for my advice here

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-03-29T15:31:50+00:00

Really depends on the person. I keep people around because we genuinely get along and I don't stop talking to friends just because someone else I know doesn't like them or is uncomfortable with them.

I trust myself not to do anything unethical as far as relationships are concerned, but it's much more difficult trusting other people. Those who can't resist or control themselves are who people should be wary of.

skystar86 · 2021-03-29T15:47:41+00:00

What if he still loves his ex but also loves his girlfriend? What does he do then? Is really it an issue if he still loves his ex if he doesn't plan to cheat?

Pilling_it · 2021-03-29T16:38:09+00:00

I'd say he keeps her around as an option for sex,and if he does that for all of them, that's just plain obvious.

Now, it also happens that some can remain friends, but imo you've got to take a step back to get over it. It just so happens for most that when done doing that, they're fine without having them at all in their life.

The opposite, I'd assume she wants me around for emotional support. If you're asking for yourself, ask yourself what's the best long term perspective and trust your guts (but don't be blind). If one force themselves to look at it in the long run, they see what isn't sustainable.

cloudydays84 · 2021-03-29T18:36:51+00:00

What is your view on a guy who breaks up with exes, says to them he doesn't want any further relationship but keeps in touch with them in a regular basis, like chatting, videocalling or even hanging out?

I'm friends with some of my exes because more often than not we were friends before the romantic relationship started. Most of my relationships ended at least somewhat amicably, some were a little rougher than others but never something I'd think I need to burn bridges over.

Why would a guy want to do that?

Because they are a nice to hang out with

Would you advise a woman to get involved with someone like that?

If she wants to she can, if she's uncomfortable with it then she should just move on

If yes, the what should a woman expect: is this a person who is polyamorous?

What? They broke up, they're exes. If they were polyamorous they'd still be in a relationship, right?

Who just wants fun and sex with new women while keeping the exes around to make sure he can go back to them if he ever wants a relationship in the future?

I have literally never gone back to an ex after a breakup, there's a reason why they're exes.

SaBahRub · 2021-03-29T18:56:02+00:00

It can work. If he’s not lying

Hashk_nirvana · 2021-03-29T19:56:16+00:00

Seems like a chad who keeps quick bangs as side interest

DerekMorganBAU · 2021-03-30T02:08:15+00:00

Easy hookup. My favorite kind too.

IcarusKiki · 2021-03-30T03:54:52+00:00

Dump him girl she’s just gonna bring trouble

Fleischpeitsch · 2021-03-30T18:05:18+00:00

I'm still good friends with most of my exes, and why shouldn't I? We usually were friends or colleagues before we started dating, and we obviously got along great while we were together.

I'm more concerned for people who aren't in touch with their exes anymore as it screams drama. Why would you hate someone who you have been with for a long time?

SpongeyBandit · 2021-03-31T23:29:18+00:00

I'm not a guy, but my opinion is, he's "friends" with them, so he can get with them whenever he wants, or feels like if it, especially if he's left with no one.

They're still on the radar, but far in the background.

Title	What is your view on guys who like to keep exes around?
Author	Shadowgirl7
Upvotes	5
Comments	223
Date	March 29, 2021 8:50 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mfl5l2/what_is_your_view_on_guys_who_like_to_keep_exes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-your-view-on-guys-who-like-to-keep-exes.779099 https://theredarchive.com/post/779099

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