When did you realize he hated you?

sruslywhytho · 2021-07-16T02:56:17+00:00

We were together a few years and considering marriage. He tried to talk me into buying a life insurance policy 5x my salary and making him beneficiary. At the time I was mid-20's, no kids, no debt, no mortgage. I had a $50k policy through my employer and my mom was the beneficiary. I told him I felt that was adequate given the situation, but he disagreed and pressed me for months. I finally asked him to at least let it go until we were actually engaged and he went from super Christian nice guy to telling me I could go f*ck myself if I wasn't going to guarantee that he'd be financially taken care of. At that moment I seriously questioned if he was planning to murder me.

blackcherry333 · 2021-07-16T00:37:33+00:00

One time, pre-pandemic obviously, we were at our big Friendsgiving party and I asked him to take a selfie with me. We were all taking pictures together. He acted like I asked him to chug acid. I was humiliated and one of our good guy friends looked at him and said "she just wants a picture with you, man". I appreciate my friend speaking up unfortunately it pissed him off even more and he didn't speak to me for the rest of the night. Fun times.

Gambit12345 · 2021-07-16T00:04:19+00:00

For me it was like a light switch went off. I’d been with my ex over 5 years and living together. One day he threatened me under the guise of a joke and put his hands around my throat during sex one day. I realized that before me was a man who would sooner threaten me and say haha lol jk bro, than be romantic with me. He called me an ugly slut “facetiously”, making me cry, also liked to pick at my body, and I knew he was resentful/ jealous about my career and favorable work life balance. That’s when it all fell together: a man that jokes about hurting me or hating something about me is never joking. I kicked him out and went no contact ever since.

proudpine · 2021-07-16T00:10:10+00:00

He threw a curly fry at the back of my head as I walked away. From his futon mattress on the floor of his room in his mom’s mobile home.

What can I say, I was young

oi_oi_oink · 2021-07-16T02:38:50+00:00

When he tried to reuse a dirty condom after he had thrown it on his dusty bed frame because he "hadn't ejaculated" in it. Later, he bit my privates under the guise of not knowing how to give oral and tried convincing me that I had had an orgasm, I just didn't know it.

A different scrote ex was sleeping with his ex girlfriend while giving me the slow romance treatment. He'd lovebomb me for a few days and disappear for a few months. Then he'd come back and tell me how much he loved me and then go back to ignoring me. He recently DMed me on IG, telling me to "talk to him, maybe? From a distance" and then unsent it after I didn't acknowledge it for a month. He texted his ex girlfriend around the same time, begging her for a relationship and asking her for marriage.

BBQCoolRanchQueen · 2021-07-16T00:10:38+00:00

I noticed it with my ex husband when he purposely forced himself to hate the music I enjoyed, despite having the exact same taste in music when I met him. I noticed when he became a worse critic about my art/music/body/face than I was. I noticed while going through couples photos and I was smiling while he looked like he held nothing but contempt for me. I noticed when I had to beg him for intimacy and he gave me a "ticket to cheat" (later found out he was extremely pornsick and a cheater).

Since I still have to coparent with this scrote, I'm still finding out shit about him years after the divorce, such as him telling me he became a union representative when we were married and having to be at work until late. I needed union advice for a friend a year ago, asked him, and he told me he was never a union rep. Guess he thinks he's safe now that we're divorced. I'm like, wow. He really did, and still does, fucking hate me. To the point where he'd give me the go ahead for an affair when all I wanted was him back in the day.

shelballama · 2021-07-16T00:45:04+00:00

I was horrifically ill and had my own apartment. We'd been together over a year. I had the stomach bug that makes you throw up violently for hours, makes your whole body ache, gives you the hots and colds (among other things) and I had nothing I could eat (all my food was flavorful and the thought of garlic noodles almost sent me running for the toilet). I asked my ex if he would stop at the grocery store on the way over for soup, he said sure. A few minutes later I text him back and ask him if he could also please pick up applesauce and bananas, since I didn't know if it would be that quick. I also said I could pay him. His response? "I'm not your fucking delivery boy" (literally never asked him to go get me anything else in our ENTIRE relationship).Broke up with him like a week or two later after musing on "do I want him to treat me like this when I'm sicker? Old? Pregnant?" Finally drove it home for me

Honorable mentions with same scrote:

Woke up one night a few months before THAT with a coughing fit (I have a dry throat and I inhaled a spec in my sleep). Tried muffling it. He just yells "Jesus Christ!" angrily and rolls over. I go downstairs as quietly as possible (it was his family's small house and I didn't want to wake up his parents on the first floor either) and I went out in the frigid winter garage, tears streaming down my face trying to hold it in and cough as quietly as possible. I was there in the freezing cold in my PJs for about half an hour

Between these first two events (closer to the former), I got my own place. I decided to throw a small party with some friends. I spent $100 on seafood and such to make Turkish "midye dolma" (a lot on my 22 year old first salary) which is a cooked mussel dish that is very time consuming (you open each one up, cut the beards, stuff with seasoned rice and pine nuts, close it as much as possible, tie shut individually with twine, boil and i served over rice with lemon). Also bought 2 sheet pizzas and a small special pizza for myself (I hate cheese so I have to order it whole and I eat it over several days). Towards the end of the party I caught my ex and his drunk friend THROWING my midye dolma all over my house at each other in a food fight, wasting all that money, hard work and my cleaning efforts (no, he didn't help 🤡🤡). I am upset. I put away the pizzas and wake up the next morning to clean the mess. Overnight he had taken out and left on the counter ALL of the remaining midye dolma (about half), and a pizza. I go into the fridge to get a slice of mine but I don't see it. I asked him. He said he ate it. I asked why the fuck hé ate MY special pizza when there was plenty he could have (same type, but with cheese) and he shrugged and said he wanted mine. No apology.

Anyways I hope he gets food poisoning and breaks an ankle daily for the rest of his shitty underachieving life.

Learn from my previous self, he ain't worth it, sis

Savorycorncake · 2021-07-16T03:55:02+00:00

My dad had literally just died and I called my ex to tell him, he said he was “at a bbq, I’ll call you later”. Never even said sorry for your loss or anything.

When I got home one of the first things he said was that he was glad I was back because he missed sex with me.

It’s been five years and I am still incredibly traumatized that someone who said they “loved me” could be so callous and dead inside.

foodgrowerfoodeater · 2021-07-16T00:25:31+00:00

he literally would rather heat up pizza pockets and continue on hours of online gaming than have a home cooked meal with me

__kamikaze__ · 2021-07-16T00:45:36+00:00

He started gaslighting me and putting me down. At first I thought maybe he was right, but then I picked up on the fact that I wasn’t getting this response from other people. For example, I came up with a creative design for a project once and everyone loved it— except for him. He thought it was “dumb”. Situations like this would constantly happen.

I also noticed his disposition towards others was just negative in general. It seems like he has low self esteem because he always has to find something to pick at or a way to neg someone. And he never goes out of his way to be kind to others, yet expects people to extend themselves to him.

queenagave · 2021-07-16T02:29:48+00:00

just remembered this one

I was basically dying from a medical allergic reaction. Throat closing up and body burning from the inside. I didn't call right away. I had been in the hospital for hours and he actually asked me "do you want me to come home?" (He was on a work trip) and I said "no it's okay. My family can help" 🤡🤡

This was combined with me being anxious with him leaving in the first place (do not quickly cycle through meds at the instruction of your Dr ladies, that fucked me up)

WHO MAKES THEIR PARTNER SAY 'YES. IM DYING. GET YOUR ASS HOME.'

He has since brought this up as a reason to stay with him bc he stayed with me (and I quote) "when times were tough and you were going through your medical stuff. I felt like I couldn't leave the house sometimes without worrying about you (this was before I almost died however I still had anxiety about him leaving the state while I was trying to control my mental health) and I stayed and supported you through that."

😂 LIL SCROTE WHAT?!?!?

Elegaunt · 2021-07-16T02:28:37+00:00

There are horrifying but not surprising responses to this exact same question posed on Twitter a couple days ago: https://twitter.com/Oloni/status/1414891952965816321

Platipus6 · 2021-07-16T03:47:54+00:00

One woke me up turning on the old modem for dialup to download porn at 6am, then glared at me when I glared at him.

One called me a whore and tried to strangle me, because I was getting lifts to class from a male. Because I didn't have enough change for the bus most days. or food.

I gave one the Gottman book about bids for attention and what verbal abuse phrases look like, and what to say instead. He laughed at it and put it down.

One drove into traffic and pretended he didn't hear me say stop 5x.

One promised me a great birthday, then picked up 2 extra shifts at work, took me to lunch at a foodcourt, then made me drive so he could have a nap before his afternoon shift.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-07-16T00:22:11+00:00

I realised he hated me when he’d call me vulgar for swearing despite him doing it regularly (double standards galore).

When he ghosted me for 3 weeks but blamed me for not cOmMuNiCaTiNg (again with more double standards and gaslighting).

And finally when he wouldn’t even bother to text a simple goodbye when it ended, despite me being a class act and wishing him well.

deadinsidelol69 · 2021-07-16T01:38:22+00:00

I was so depressed at one point that all I would do after coming home from work was go to bed and cry myself to sleep. He thought it was annoying so he moved his computer into another room and started sleeping and gaming in there to avoid me.

nurulfakasha · 2021-07-16T02:49:52+00:00

He talked to another woman in a language i couldn't understand over the phone, in the middle of a date with me. It was "work". He cheated on me and left me to be with said woman. I should have seen it coming because he kept talking about her.

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-07-16T04:10:31+00:00

He told me he loved me to get into bed with me. I didn’t fall for it (Thank God). I thought he was serious. Two months later, he took back what he said and said that he wasn’t sure. I broke up with him two weeks later. I felt so guilty for doing it, but I should’ve done it earlier.

Hateorade_ · 2021-07-16T01:47:52+00:00

Wanted him to FaceTime me during quarantine, he got mad bc I was still not over it the day after. Told me I got mad at dumb shit, stopped talking to me for three days.

I sent him a short happy anniversary text for our three year and he responded saying “you too bro”

mangounicorns · 2021-07-16T01:56:37+00:00

When he let his NVM, barely-employed roommate yell at me in his (my ex’s) bedroom (in the house my ex owned) while he sat on the bed and watched, drunk from the shots he was given by said roommate

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ChocoBananza · 2021-07-16T05:10:58+00:00

It was after our breakup, when I started dating other people that I realized how fckng much he hated me. It started to dawn on me gradually, like:

I got taken out on dates, and I was in shock and awe that they would pay, no questions asked, no splitting the bill, no ‘forgetting’ wallets. Huh. Who knew that can happen? /s

I got a gift from someone because I simply pointed to a book and said that I loved that particuar book and writing style. Next date he bought me all books from that author that were available in our country. I remember how I had to beg my ex scrote to even write me a fucking cute note, since he’s too broke and unemployed to buy me anything. Of course, the brokeness was only there for me, not his outings with friends, or gifts for his relatives.

I got good morning and good night texts without me having to ask. To my NVX, it was a chore.

I’m glad that I can’t remember more of these, because that means I’m putting it behind me, but I know that after a few of instances of being treated well, it just came to me- he didn’t love me as he claimed, he didn’t even LIKE me.

creamtart_ · 2021-07-16T02:25:17+00:00

This seems really unhealthy to enable women to wallow in negativity. I’d like to reframe the question.

Ladies, besides the obvious dropping of deadweight partners who brought you down, what helped you thrive on your level up journey?

Edit: a mod made a post which is helpful in clarifying what I mean when I say enabling behaviour.

Title	When did you realize he hated you?
Author	punsandprose
Upvotes	154
Comments	47
Date	July 15, 2021 11:34 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ol4oup/when_did_you_realize_he_hated_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-did-you-realize-he-hated-you.792768 https://theredarchive.com/post/792768

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