It's ok for a man to change his mind about wanting a relationship after he has sex with you, you are not entitled to commitment and people have the right to change their minds. You're no better than the men you criticize here.

GridReXX · 2021-07-16T19:05:39+00:00

No rants. Use neutral titles.

LetsDelveIntoIt · 2021-07-16T18:20:59+00:00

Yes, no one is owed sex and no one is owed a relationship. Both scenarios apply to both (all) genders.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-07-16T18:26:00+00:00

even you admit there is a difference between changing your mind (valid, respectable) and lying and acting (manipulation, control).

It’s impossible to know what someone is thinking. That’s why there is so much fear and strong reactions around what others think.

If you’re a rich man, you will think every woman only wants you for your money. You will think, could she ever really love me or is she using me for what I have to offer? If you’re an average Joe, you will always think is she settling with me because she can’t have chad?

The truth is you can think you know, use your best judgement, trust them all you want. If they’re lying and manipulating you (and any good at it) you won’t realize that til it’s too late. No one likes to be powerless to the manipulations of others. It’s our nature to protest this and protect ourselves against this

After breakups, part of the process is actually creating a negative image of the other person and that includes creating sweeping generalizations about them and their gender. It’s part of the detachment process. You can see it right here in ppd from all the divorced guys who vilify their exes for having used them for money and never rewarded them (with sex or love). They extend that vilification to the whole gender lol. It’s normal for some time after a relationship ends (serious or not).

To heal you often need to believe the other person is in the wrong. It’s a coping mechanism. That’s why they say hindsight is 20/20 because once you’re done feeling used and manipulated and you actually heal, you can see that either they were using you and you fell for it OR things just didn’t work out and you created stories in your head to make the heartbreak easier to digest for yourself by making it their fault.

It’s not rocket science. This is human behavior 101

Emervila · 2021-07-16T18:23:09+00:00

changing your mind

Allow me to elaborate about this point from the male perspective

Chad: he might have had the idea he wanted to have an LTR but after going thru so much baggage and problems just to have the same sex he can get easily with any other woman, he decides having a relationship is not worthy, again not personally. Changing his mind for a Chad means no longer wanting the burden of an LTR to get sex

Avg Joe: He was asked to pay the highest price for sex and the longest wait for the same sex another Chads had before without any bigger effort, so yes he also changed his mind but about the woman. Avg Joe still wants an LTR but with a woman who reciprocates his efforts with respect and shows real sex interest.

That's how it works

ashpr0ulx · 2021-07-16T18:46:57+00:00

it’s okay for a woman to want to wait for sex with a man she likes. it’s fucked to go on several dates with a man who likes you but who you’ve already decided you’ll never date or fuck because you’re bored or hungry or want attention.

it’s okay for a man to change feelings towards a woman he is seeing, even after sex. it’s fucked to pursue a woman who likes you on false pretenses of wanting a relationship and lie about feelings and intentions just to fuck her.

i don’t think most men have a problem with a woman who is genuinely into them yet waits a while to have sex. i don’t think most women would want a man who is no longer into them to continue the relationship, even after sex.

it’s the disingenuous behavior for me

MajesticMaple · 2021-07-16T18:29:36+00:00

Is anyone going to disagree with you? The issue people have is with lying not when people change their mind.

Remember this is the culture that y'all(women) wanted, you asked for it and you got it. How does it feel.

I don't get this, are you arguing that having the ability to change your mind is a bad thing? If there's no committment there's no committment, you can leave when you want.

AntifaSuperSwoledier · 2021-07-16T18:32:51+00:00

A man takes a woman out on a date for “several” months and he pays for everything and they never get intimate with each other.

This is the dating experience of most modern men that we just have to accept and deal with if you dating and your average.

I don't think dating for months without sex only to be dumped is the norm. Just a quick search:

"Of those who were sexually active, a slight majority (51 percent) said they waited a few weeks before having sex, while just over one-third (38 percent) had sex either on the first date or within the first couple of weeks. The remaining 11 percent had sex before they even went on their first date."

https://www.menshealth.com/health/a26407189/how-long-to-wait-before-sex/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23121225

Anyway "used me for sex" is always dubious imo. I think this stems from viewing sex as something you exchange for commitment, instead of a mutually desirable activity.

It also misses more obvious explanations, the big one being as OP said: he just changed his mind.

houstongradengineer · 2021-07-16T18:33:04+00:00

If a man magically changes his mind JUST after having sex once or twice, and the woman obviously knows the sex wasn't bad, then it's probable that the man was lying or acting the whole time. Not hard to tell. HONESTLY, it's a red flag if a guy even tries to have sex before he's sure about the relationship lasting. I always waited until I was sure. Why can't men wait? Y'all are intelligent beings. Learn to control your urges and make informed, unbiased, clear decisions.

ThouWontThrowaway · 2021-07-16T18:59:19+00:00

One more time for the women in the back 🙌🏾

DespondentColors · 2021-07-16T19:01:59+00:00

What women wanted was freedom. They wanted to go to college and learn and perhaps develop a passion and career. Because they are people just like men. Instead, they were expected to use college to meet a husband.

I mean you all really want to be “ha ha this is what you get” when women rejected playing bridge with the neighbor ladies while their husbands worked?

To the extent we have a cluster fuck on our hands it’s everyone’s fault.

Of course it’s ok for a man to decide at any time he doesn’t want a relationship. It can take a couple of months to find out if a person lies, treats their family like shit, causes drama with your friends etc. Actually better to end it earlier than stick around for sex or something.

I think it will sometimes be obvious that the guy was just stringing her along and lying.

And your last paragraph is really perceptive about how there’s no social sanctions for unethical sex.

Substantial_Wasabi · 2021-07-16T18:30:37+00:00

Of course its okay to change your mind at any point in dating. Nobody is owed commitment or sex. If you’re a woman who really wants commitment that bad you should wait for that before sex. Or atleast dont stick around for more than a couple of months for a relationship, if a man actually wants to be with you he would do whatever it takes to lock you down.
And dating feels amazing as a woman thanks for asking!

mackenzie013_02 · 2021-07-16T18:41:04+00:00

Ugh! Just have sex when you feel like it. Why date someone for months just to realize you’re not sexually compatible, how’s that a win for anyone?

“used me for sex” — how does this happen when you had sex when you wanted to/felt like it? You don’t give sex in exchange for commitment. People can opt out anytime they want, for any reason. It’s a risk that’s always present.

jax006 · 2021-07-16T18:24:15+00:00

Stop scaring off the sluts bruh

M3taBuster · 2021-07-16T18:39:27+00:00

Or they can just make men wait and avoid this whole situation entirely. The answer is so god damn simple.

lmc80 · 2021-07-16T18:22:13+00:00

This is exactly why FDS says 'no sex without marriage.'

2021-07-16T18:31:19+00:00

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ugliest-chad · 2021-07-16T18:53:48+00:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, but are you equating the intimacy of sex with paying for dates? These are not comparable. One is not like the other.

she never contributed or invested anything those several months at all.

False. She invested her time and emotions.

Sex is supposed to be a mutual experience for both parties to enjoy and partake in if you feel “used” because you had CONSENSUAL sex with a guy and he changes his mind about wanting a relationship

I'm going to assume you're a man. So from one man to another have you ever genuinely met a man who slept with a woman and after he banged her he suddenly decided he didn't want to be with her? I haven't. 99% of guys I've conversed with about situations like this have freely admitted that they knew they didn't want a relationship and fucked anyway.

She should feel used because more than likely she was.

CrackLover420 · 2021-07-16T18:54:47+00:00

Pro tip - wait until you get to know somebody until you have sex with them.

PrincessaRusalka · 2021-07-16T18:58:38+00:00

I don't know what woman wanted this. Gloria Steinem?

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-07-16T19:06:35+00:00

There's no way to prove he was not being genuine

There's also no way to prove he was. Depending on the guy, I'm not always inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt.

tickledpic · 2021-07-16T19:13:34+00:00

A man takes a woman out on a date for “several” months and he pays for everything and they never get intimate with each other. And she just decides she's not interested in him anymore and he has to just accept it

Why is the man doing something he doesn't want (paying and going in multiple dates for several months)?

If he would do what he wants, he shouldn't have a problem with any outcome. Because he participates in the actions he wants to participate in. So it's a win for him no matter what.

If he does something he doesn't want, it's his own fault. Women are not pointing a gun to his head. He could choose to pursue women by doing only what he wants, but he chooses to do what they want. Well then don't blame the other person for being a beautiful bait and you choosing to disregard your own wants just because the bait is so enticing.

The flip side to this would be when a man and woman date and hookup for several months in the context that a relationship would form and he just decides he wants to end it and find someone else because he changes his mind or ghosts which is fine

Usually the problem is not that he changed his mind. The problem is that he wasn't honest from the start - he never wanted a relationship but promised or implied to to get her to have sex.

Changing ones mind normal. And if you do you don't have a problem to talk to the person about that fact. Ghosting is a cowards way to run away from the situation. It's just as cowardly as lying about your intentions in the first place and doing stuff you don't want to have sex.

if you feel “used” because you had CONSENSUAL sex with a guy and he changes his mind about wanting a relationship then you were not looking for “love”

Again, usually the situation is that a guy promises/implies a relationship and after one or few times of sex disapears.

At the point of disappearing it's hard for her to tell what was the reallity. But if he gets sex and ghosts without talking, without hinting of being disatisfied with the sex, etc., then it's very reasonable to assume that he lied to get sex and DIDN'T change his mind.

lying and changing your mind are two completely different things

Correct. But I already explained that changing ones mind involves being decent to to the person because you really really wanted a relationship with her. You like her really much. But for whatever reason you want to move on. That's fine. It just looks completely different from ghosting.

traditional dating this wouldn't happen as often

Traditional dating isn't about what you want. It's about making it work with the person who happens to be there.

Modern world offers you access to more people in more distant places. The likelyhood of finding someone you truly click with is bigger, but the loor of there always being something better out there is also greater. Just comes with the territory.

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