What to do about medium value men?

sruslywhytho · 2021-07-30T01:57:16+00:00

My last ex would have been in that category. He was a masculine provider type and while we were physically together I was completely taken care of. He always drove to me, paid for every date, brought flowers or a small gift every single time he saw me, my orgasm always came first, would pickup on things that he noticed I needed around the house and take care of them proactively, had aligned life goals with marriage + kids. But he was also chronically late, cancelled on me at the last minute regularly, and would disappear for days. He always had the most amazing verifiable excuses for his LV behaviors even though they bothered me and made me anxious. I held on for longer than I should of because despite the negative he was the best guy I'd ever dated. But I dumped him after he disappeared for 2 weeks to care for his dying mother and then accidently let it slip that he'd been in Vegas partying it up in a penthouse suite during that time.

My point? He seemed "medium value" because I was still with him. After months of no contact, focusing on self love, and raising my standards I realize he was a low value manipulator all along. Medium value men are low value men.

r4nd0m-u53r · 2021-07-30T03:42:20+00:00

Someone can also be high value and add to your life but still not be the person for you. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either of you, it's just that your values / goals don't align. The high value thing to do is end things. Too many people hang onto relationships thinking their partners will change their mind on a fundamental value like when one wants kids and the other doesn't instead of moving on to find someone who wants the same things out of life.

wonkyeyes8877 · 2021-07-30T01:01:12+00:00

"You know damn well your chances of meeting an HVM are up there with winning the lottery or becoming a rock star;"

This isn't really true. HVM do exist. They are definitely more uncommon than HVW, though which makes it tougher. I think it's mostly about being a well-rounded person, doing things and going places. You can't be at home swiping through scrotes on an app. I think HVM are very, very rarely on those things.

"you'll be deluged with LVM if you break up & try dating;"

This reminds me of how scrotes tell women "no one else will love you as much as I do". I think LVM can mostly be avoided by not bothering with OLD, and doing a hot block and delete the second something seems off about him.

"and your best likely positive option is finding another MVM and having similar issues. And your only other option is lifelong celibacy. :/"

No one should be so desperate to be in a relationship that they settle for their best option in a pile of garbage. Women need to learn that being single is okay.

We are always better off single and celibate than being with anyone who doesn't make our lives better. Life is full of experiences to be had and being with a partner is just one of them. Being with a man who makes your life less joyful is not worth whatever small amount of safety you feel just because you have a relationship with him.

meetme__atsunset · 2021-07-30T00:11:29+00:00

I consider my long-time ex (we were together just over 6.5 years) medium value. I was dissatisfied with our relationship for the last year or so we were together, but had a hard time articulating what was wrong. Like the linked post suggests, I struggled at first with justifying the breakup since I couldn't point to any one thing he did wrong or badly - I just wasn't in love with him. Eventually I did get up the nerve to break up with him, with the thought I'd rather be alone forever than settle for "just good enough." I've never regretted that decision. With the benefit of hindsight I can see that "good enough" really wasn't good enough for me. He and I are still friends, but I don't miss being in a relationship at all. I've focused so much on leveling up that I'm now living the proof that life alone is better than life in a so-so relationship. At first I was afraid that wouldn't be the case, so I'm soooo happy I had the courage to take the leap.

proudpine · 2021-07-30T00:33:03+00:00

I always just dumped them. Why not? As you said, you can easily find another medium value man to replace them if you want. So what are you losing? Strengthen your boundaries so LVMs bounce right off of you & go for it.

Valkyrja1385 · 2021-07-29T23:59:35+00:00

There is no such thing as medium value man. Know that if you are dissatisfied in a relationship that you deserve better and should be okay without having a man in your life until you find the one who checks all the boxes.

Austenma · 2021-07-30T03:54:42+00:00

Sticking with medium (low) value men is something I did when I had a scarcity mindset. Wish I could get those years back but you live and learn

pickadaisy · 2021-07-30T02:59:48+00:00

There are no medium value men. Either the cost-benefit analysis pays out high, or it doesn’t.

Ironsculpture · 2021-07-30T02:26:22+00:00

There's no such thing as medium-value men. If you are desperate to keep a man because he meets some basic expectations and you're terrified of being single and never finding a better one then you're being a pick-me. Somewhat better than women who settle for abusive scrotes though, but they do it out of the same fears.

_queeeen_ · 2021-07-30T01:37:26+00:00

If he’s not HVM, he’s a LVM, NVM, or ZVM. You can suspect he’s HV, but you keep vetting until you have enough data to make a commitment, and even then, you keep vetting. For forever.

hensbanex · 2021-07-30T00:54:23+00:00

medium value doesn’t exist imo. a man is either LV, HV, or transitioning from LV to HV. “medium value” implies the latter type of man, which is a barbara the builder set-up -something to avoid. it’s not our job to placate mediocre LV men by calling them medium value if they don’t actively abuse women, and instead just sit like grey static in their lives, offering and providing nothing. they need to work on themselves and get their shit together, not enter into a relationship.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-07-30T01:41:32+00:00

This whole post is whiny and pathetic. If you're not happy with someone you need to dump them. It's part of being an adult. Stop hanging on to things that don't serve you. If you do you won't ever find anything better because you'll be staying in the same place you're already at.

You need to work on your scarcity mindset. Read the whole handbook.

Also there's no such thing as a "medium value man".

glowmilk · 2021-07-30T08:38:54+00:00

I kind of get what you mean…but in that situation, it’s still best to leave. If things don’t improve and you remain dissatisfied, he’ll end up bringing absolutely no value to your life anyway, because the benefits will never outweigh any of the cons.

Once you leave, you’ll be able to look back in hindsight and realise that a “MVM” was never going to be enough for you anyway. I’m sure there are some men who are able to level up if they reflect on their behaviour and do better, but it is unlikely if their negative behaviour is perpetual.

maggiebear · 2021-07-30T05:57:34+00:00

I think the problem is that they start as HVM but by the end, they reveal their LVM status so we average them as MVM. They’re not. They were just better at hiding their LVM status longer.

I’ve dated a few of these.

Risas1239 · 2021-07-30T03:38:35+00:00

MVM are just LVM who you haven’t caught yet. Being “meh” is an active choice in every aspect of your life. In fact, it’s even worse when you can’t pinpoint a reason (trauma, addiction, low income, etc)- it means he just doesn’t care.

You’re describing men who are either not ready for commitment, not crazy about you, or who you have to raise like a child. It’s worse to find out you’re with undercover LVM after years… but you won’t end up there if you read the handbook and defend your instinct.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-07-30T07:28:40+00:00

Ask yourself, if you were someone's medium value lukewarm milquetoast - would you want them to stay? Hell no. The high value thing to do is only to date people you truly appreciate and let the others go.

Title	What to do about medium value men?
Author	MeanCow6
Upvotes	141
Comments	50
Date	July 29, 2021 11:43 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ou97q1/what_to_do_about_medium_value_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/what-to-do-about-medium-value-men.795894 https://theredarchive.com/post/795894

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