Dresscodes from a SO

KlaiFrai · 2015-04-25T20:26:24+00:00

SO loves me dressing my hottest, not "off-the-market", while I'm with him. He said he never understood "why a guy would want to find the prettiest girl, then stick a potato sack on her so that all could see his taste in potato sacks".

Mind you, when I'm out without him I dress more modestly, because I don't want to deal with other mens advances. That's not on his orders though, that's out of respect for him.

So I guess my outfit tends to be "a great catch" when I'm with him, and "off-the-market" when I'm not.

Now if he had come to me with a "you're mine now, so throw all this out and put these on, and only do your hair this way", I wouldn't have stuck around. I respect his tastes and like to dress for him within my comfort level. I don't need a micro-manager.

PhantomDream09 · 2015-04-24T23:18:20+00:00

As /u/saffronbelle said, I know what my SO prefers, and I keep that in mind, but there are no 'rules.' That said, if I were to wear something he found truly off putting (as a result of the style, cut, fit etc) he wouldn't hesitate to speak up (example: "that doesn't look flattering because x") - which I have no problem with. Just as I like knowing what his preferences are, I also like knowing if I happen to do or wear something that makes him feel less inclined to get handsy with me. That doesn't mean I'd have to change, but it'd be something to consider.

That said, he seems to consistently enjoy the clothes I like to wear. :0)

saffronbelle · 2015-04-24T22:55:26+00:00

If I was a dating a guy and he gave me a dress code, I would no longer be dating him.

I'm all for wearing his favourite dress or piece of lingerie, and even just wearing colours and things that I know he likes, but a prescribed list of things that I'm "allowed" to wear? No way. I like a man who dominates and can lead me, but I'm still a women with free agency. I'm still an individual. Of course, if I'm wearing something that he thinks is too revealing, I'll take it off. I try not to wear revealing items anyway. But there's something about a "dress-code" that creeps me out.

To be honest, these are the sorts of posts that make those crazy-ass feminists point to RPW and be like, "Look at how oppressed these women are!"

aZombieKitten · 2015-04-25T00:04:26+00:00

There are little to no rules for what I can and can't wear. If he feels something I'm wearing is inappropriate, he lets me know so that I can go change. Most of the time, it's in regards to going to see his parents (so, no low-cut tops or short shorts, mainly). Some days, he'll care about certain articles of clothing, and other days, not so much. His opinions can range from "So long as I can't see your cheeks (butt)" to "Goodness, you're showing a lot of skin."

If something seems like a borderline piece, I'll ask him about it before going anywhere.

MeowZedong- · 2015-04-25T00:53:23+00:00

He prefers I wear jeans but I usually wear skirts and dresses. He isn't afraid to speak up when I'm wearing something not so flattering which I really like. I'd that the only "dress code" we have is if I were to go out without him, like dinner or for a drink with my female coworker, he will have a say in what I'm wearing. Like someone else said, my husband doesn't like it when I dress like I'm still on the market if im going in public without him. With him, he doesn't really care.

sovexing · 2015-05-03T12:46:25+00:00

What I wear, how I look, this is a direct reflection of my husband. His taste. His financial means. His social status.

I don't have a dress code. I don't have stated rules. But I know that wearing the old pair of ratty jeans and one of his tshirts I appropriated out of the house will get me a talking to.

lucythelumberjack · 2015-04-25T09:44:43+00:00

I feel like if my man handed down a list of things I'm not "allowed" to wear I would get out fast, honestly. It crosses the line into abusive behavior IMO, and I don't need anyone micromanaging my wardrobe.

That being said, I try to dress cute but not overtly slutty. Finding a balance is hard in Arizona because some days it's literally too hot to wear anything but short shorts, but we haven't been together during the summer so we'll see where it goes when we get there.

vanaxach · 2015-04-25T03:13:48+00:00

if I really like something but know my SO is not the biggest fan I'll try not to wear in front of him.

When I shop, his tastes are definitely in mind. I aim to buy clothes that I personally love and feel awesome in, but also know that he'll like them too.

He has very good fashion sense so I trust his opinion more than my own. Lol!

TheLadyPainter · 2015-04-26T18:37:25+00:00

I'm a little late here but just wanted to give my 2 cents.

My sister married a Palestinian man. He is obviously Muslim. She doesn't wear the hijab unless they're going to the Mosque or visiting his family. This is because he's a very reasonable man and realizes that the hijab draws attention in Texas, which defeats the whole idea. Wearing it is supposed to show modesty and NOT draw attention. He does, however, expect her to dress modestly. If a shirt is too low-cut, she wears something under it. I don't think she owns a pair of shorts or anything above the knee. She used to dress like this anyway, so it wasn't a huge leap for her. The only change is she'll no longer wear tank tops and always keeps her shoulders covered.

I wouldn't be able to deal with that, because I like shorts, bikinis, and tank tops a LOT, and I like the way my skin looks with a little bit of a tan. My SO is also very religious (Christian Orthodox), but his expectations are also reasonable. He likes tank tops, shorts are fine as long as "my butt isn't hanging out," and no too-short skirts. We're usually on the same page as far as all that. He's expressed dislike for a couple items I thought were okay, so I just stopped wearing them/changed how I wear them. No big deal.

I think dressing preferences just depend on the couple and who the two people are/where they come from. Every couple should figure it out/discuss it themselves if something is a problem.

whitebunny87 · 2015-04-28T18:14:18+00:00

i tend to dress fairly modestly, so my SO has never vetoed anything on those grounds. there have been a couple of occasions where i've been out shopping and unsure if something crosses that line, so i'll snap a pic and send it to him for his input. the reply has always been "yes, buy it, but don't wear it when we're not together".

it's pretty well understood that if he's taking me out on a date, i dress nicely. always in a dress, nice shoes, hair done, etc.

there have been a few occasions when we're heading out together for dinner or drinks, and he's been feeling a bit frisky, so tells me to wear something a little tighter/shorter/whatever than i normally would. he likes to show off his arm-candy from time to time.

so no "dress-code" so to speak, but i know what he likes and dress accordingly. if i slip up or he wants to see me in something specific, he's quick to let me know and i'm always happy to accomodate.

Kikuhoshi · 2015-05-03T13:03:45+00:00

My husband actually did give me a dress code:

Nothing low-cut, tight, or short.
Skirts are to be at least below my knee, or else they get tossed. Pants are only okay if I'm doing yard work.
No tank tops or camisoles unless I'm layering. Shirt sleeves should be elbow length or a unisex tee sleeve length. Shoulders are not to be visible, ever.
No garish colors.
Shoes are pretty open to me (his mother and I both love shoes), as long as they're appropriate for the outfit.
I asked him if I could start headcovering and he told me he doesn't want it to look like I'm wearing a hijab (for my own safety), so I stick with large headbands and maybe some small, thin scarves.

Edit Since I've received a couple of PMs calling my husband a bigot and racist, let me explain: we live in Michigan, roughly two hours away from Detroit. The area in which we live is racist, no denying it - it's an auto town, industry fucked it in the ass without lube, instead of seeing it for what it is the "good old boys" think all foreigners = loss of jobs, etc. He also works thirds, so I often have to run errands without him - he'd love to protect me, but he can't. Racial tensions between all races are high, and while I'm Latina, I'm light-skinned and light-haired so I'm often considered white, and truthfully I'm less likely to be accosted because of that. We were both in a store one day and we saw a man get directly into a woman's face because she was wearing a hijab and started calling her all sorts of names (one that stuck out to me was "sand n****r") and accused her of being a terrorist. She was not Arabic at all - he just saw hijab and went all "you're responsible for 9/11" on her! A manager ended up having to escort the woman to a safe place while they called the police on the guy because they were afraid he was going to get physical/was carrying. My husband remembered that incident when we were discussing head covering and doesn't want something similar to happen to me, especially since I often go shopping with our toddler and no one else. Yes, it's sad that such racism exists, but it does, and it's my husband's responsibility to protect me. Yeesh people.

Jewelry is to be kept to a minimum - two rings on my left hand, one on my right. No bracelets, no necklaces, no earrings.

This was part of an overall appearance code he gave me. I'm the mother of his child, so he expects me to dress more maturely than others my age, & I completely agree. :)

meri-dian · 2015-05-02T05:44:07+00:00

No, I don't have a dress code, nor would I even remotely be OK with such a thing.

I will dress (or wear my hair, makeup, etc) the majority of the time in a way I believe will please him, based on comments he's made in the past. His preference, for instance, is that I don't wear any makeup because he finds makeup to be unattractive. So, for the most part I don't wear makeup - most especially when I'm with him.

He isn't religious, so that part of your question doesn't apply.

littlebit_ · 2015-04-25T02:13:57+00:00

If we're going out on a special date/party, I let him pick out my outfit and decide how I style my hair. Aside from that, I'm in charge of my own appearance.

dbphreakdb · 2015-04-26T23:54:51+00:00

Many of the women in the comments have stated that they won't allow their man to dictate their wardrobe. This is sort of antithetical to the concept of monogamy depending upon the circumstances.

If you feel a need to dress sexy regardless of his desires while you are out alone, that is attention seeking behavior, and you should probably examine your relationship.

If you are dressing up as arm candy for him, and keeping it modest at other times when you are alone, then you are OK.

FleetingWish · 2015-04-24T23:15:48+00:00

Hmm I don't have a dress code per-say, he just likes me to wear things that look good on me and flatter my figure. For example he prefers I wear skirts instead of jeans. He also helps me to do this by telling me if I look good or not. I'm still developing my fashion sense, so I will often pick up things that don't quite suit me. Needless to say, he doesn't like me wearing stuff like that either.

_wingnut_ · 2015-04-24T23:46:06+00:00

My husband doesn't have an official code, but I am not allowed to dress like I'm still on the market, and HE is the arbiter of that and doesn't hesitate to tell me to go change. I run my shoe purchases by him because I cart always tell if he'll think a pair of shoes is slutty or not, but usually if they are attention drawing, he'll think they are. I don't think he'd mind a hijab culture but its just weird to demand something like that because we don't come from one and we aren't religious. Modesty is sufficient

valleycupcake · 2015-04-25T03:05:17+00:00

He likes me to wear dresses and skirts, which I do 90-95% of the time. Also nothing immodest. If he tells me something is revealing, I fix it. We are religious, and I have been considering wearing a head covering in church once we are married as a sign of respect. He hasn't pushed the issue but is generally in favor of it as he sees it as his woman bucking the trend of increasing immodesty in our church.

myfriendmarkus · 2015-04-28T13:09:40+00:00

You don't need a dress code when you have morals. My SO has dated a few dumb girls who think getting sexual attention equals love or worth as a woman. He has said multiple times that he loves that I have self respect, I'm always going to dress nice because people do judge you but the only person who will see me in skimpy outfits or showing a lot of skin will be my SO.

scallopkid · 2015-04-25T02:05:42+00:00

All my past LTRs have been more interested in me wearing clothes they liked than worrying about other guys liking them too much, but I never really pushed the limits. But I'm not religious and don't date religious guys, so that is also a factor.

Jigglyly · 2015-04-25T02:38:48+00:00

Well, for me it's not like he would not allow me to wear certain things but I know he'd prefer if I don't wear anything that is a little see-through, like a cheap white shirt... or anything that is too low-cut...Not a big deal for me.

tradmarriageftw · 2015-04-25T22:37:41+00:00

Hus doesn't have a dress code, but two rules: No flannel and no fluffy sleeves. I know that he likes me in tighter fitting striped shirts and fitted jeans. Other than that he doesn't say much about what I wear. He does usually help me choose what to wear when we dress fancy. Usually fancy dress events are for his work or his family functions.

PursuingGrace · 2015-04-26T04:15:01+00:00

Not so much a 'code', but I know what he likes and dislikes, and I dress in a way that pleases him. I would never even consider purchasing Uggs, because he thinks those are the ugliest things on the planet.

Title	Dresscodes from a SO
Author	spiderthunder
Upvotes	8
Comments	65
Date	April 24, 2015 10:38 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/33rhep/dresscodes_from_a_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dresscodes-from-a-so.85342 https://theredarchive.com/post/85342

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