A woman I hate is forcing me into fatherhood. People would praise a woman having an abortion even though the man wants a kid. But people hate me for not wanting to be a dad.

ThatDamnedRedneck · 2017-04-12T12:58:00+00:00

Don't sign your name on any paperwork until you've gotten a paternity test. Decent odds it's not even yours, and she's just looking for the money.

TomHicks · 2017-04-12T10:26:25+00:00

Make sure your name is not on the birth certificate. Can you change your name and move? What about fleeing the country?

theuniversehatesme_ · 2017-04-12T03:10:55+00:00

If you hate her then why did you fuck her?

2017-04-12T08:56:14+00:00

No one should have the right to force anyone else into being a parent. Now this kid will grow with a dad who doesn't care about it and parents who hate each other.

As everyone has said: something sounds fishy about her story. Take whatever legal steps you need to, to have a paternity test and establish whether you really are the father. It could well be that you can simply walk away from this, because it is none of your business.

It sounds like a dreadful situation and I absolutely agree: she should not be able to do this to you.

Given that she seems to be capable of being both manipulative, selfish and extremely ruthless, I would be very careful about any overtly negative behaviour towards her. I don't just mean violence — which is clearly unacceptable — I mean anything she can subsequently use to paint you as unreasonable, manipulative, emotionally or psychologically abusive and so on. It won't matter that "she started it", or whatever. The court will still take her side.

In your shoes, I think I would try and be distant and entirely correct with her, in order to avoid giving her ammunition to use against you. If you're angry now, imagine how angry you'll be if she is able to use your mistakes to increase maintenance, restrict your movement, slander you to friends and relatives, or whatever.

As everyone else has also noted, it's a really bad idea to make the child suffer for this. It's completely unfair to the kid and totally counterproductive, for you and the child. You will end up trapping yourself in a nightmare. And even if you later decide you want to fix your mistakes, it's going to be almost impossible. Not only will the child mistrust and fear you but there's every chance the mother will amplify that and encourage it. You'll be trapped in a legal and financial relationship you can't escape with people who constantly make you feel and look like a bad person. It's an awful outcome. And for the kid, it will be a nightmare that is impossible to escape. He or she will never be able to get away from the fact of growing up with rejection and misery. Don't do it to yourself or the child.

TL;DR:

Insist on a paternity test, even if you have to take the matter to court. Admit no liability until you take one.
If the child isn't yours, just walk away from this train wreck of a woman.
If the child is yours, I'm afraid the best thing to do is to make the best of the situation you're in and try to be a good dad.

poop_scoot_party · 2017-04-12T05:33:21+00:00

Take a paternity test. If the kid is yours, go to court and work out a child support agreement. You don't have to be a part of the child's life even though people will say you do. But you should take partial financial responsibility

2017-04-12T15:14:01+00:00

That happened to a friend of mine.

He had drunk sex with a girl at a party (he was almost dead drunk, I saw a short "smartphone footage" taken during this evening... she looked just a bit tipsy), either they didn't used protection or the condom didn't hold (he doesn't know, as he has no recollection of the evening), but 8 months after here she is pregnant to the teeth recontacting him and making him know she will sue for child support once the baby girl is born.

Man, I never saw my friend so depressed: it was a rough 6 month after that news. He even tried to flee the country to leave all his troubles behind, but came to his senses.

He started to see the baby girl and now is pretty happy to be a father. He's now countersuing to get 50/50 of his girl (still in progress).

I can tell you the mother IS NOT pleased at all... By judge order she doesn't have the right to move more than 60 miles away without the approval of my friend, every big changes (school, etc.) must be a common decision.

All she wanted is to have a children to herself with my friend paying each month without him in their lives, she though she found the perfect mule, and she now feels very sorry to have picked him to be the unwilling father as he wants to be VERY involved in everything regarding his girl.

Swiss_Cheese9797 · 2017-04-12T15:32:24+00:00

Unilateral decisions should require unilateral responsibility.

aussietoads · 2017-04-12T03:06:25+00:00

" People would praise a woman having an abortion "

Not really. Feminists would, but I doubt anyone else would 'praise' a woman for having an abortion.

Tedesche · 2017-04-12T12:34:54+00:00

Wow, I had no idea so many people on this sub were completely fine with men be forced into fatherhood. This comment section is a shame.

EDIT for the idiotic: I am NOT defending the OP's statements about making the kid's life a living hell, and he deserves all the crap he's getting for that! Nonetheless, there are people here pressuring him to be a dad against his wishes, and that's fucking bullshit too.

MagicTampon · 2017-04-12T03:54:31+00:00

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Singulaire · 2017-04-12T05:30:01+00:00

ITT people shitting on OP for not wanting to be a father. wtf guys, what's with this attempt to pressure a man into taking care of an unwanted child?

rg57 · 2017-04-12T19:15:01+00:00

Men have no reproductive rights.

This must be brought up every time the discussion of "reproduction rights" is mentioned.

SwordofGondor · 2017-04-13T01:35:05+00:00

How are you getting forced into fatherhood? Unless you were raped, this isn't possible.

Tedesche · 2017-04-13T01:53:39+00:00

No, you made one attempt, repeated it a couple times, and decided it was a lost cause. You're a dumb, lazy, puritanical, scientifically ignorant, arrogant person. And you're ugly.

Rasalom72 · 2017-04-12T14:57:27+00:00

Don't pay any mind to all the sheep here who just want you to do your "duty" and pay up simply because you have zero reproductive rights. Tell her up front that you will not help her finance a child. Even if it means going to prison. Also, tell her that you WILL be doing everything in your power to destroy her life if she comes after you for money.

If enough men stand up to women, and the courts, this will change.... instead of you paying for a child you didn't want, society will have to pay to keep you incarcerated.

lead_me · 2017-04-12T06:02:34+00:00

I was trapped in an abusive relationship for years with someone. One day I had finally had enough and she saw it in my eyes and swallowed a bottle of pills. Found out in the hospital she was pregnant. I can honestly say that I hate her for what she does to my life, and I can honestly say I did not ever plan on being a father, didn't want to be a father, and was convinced my child would be fucked growing up with a dad that didn't want it and parents that hated each other. Don't believe me check my comment history.

Then I grew the fuck up.

I realized that life isn't fair, but that doesn't matter. What matters is who you are. Yeah, it sucks that a lot of people would judge me for not wanting to be a father. So I don't talk about it. Yeah, it sucks that my career is second priority to my son, and that in theory affects his quality of life. So I enjoy the fact that I get to cuddle with him and teach him skills early and be the first to introduce him all the marvels of the outdoors. I'm tearing up just thinking about him. He's asleep right now And I miss him.

And you know what? I didn't want him. I got shit on, like you. I threw a fit about it, like you. Then I grew up and did what humans have done for millenia. I became a father.

I love my son and I will do everything I can to give him an amazing life. I'll teach him as much as I can to avoid making the mistakes I did. Maybe you can teach your kid not be the kind of person who fucks people they hates.

If you are going to actively make your innocent child miserable, then you are the shittiest person in this story.

If you don't feel the pull of millions of years of evolution and fall in love with your baby the second you see it... Then you were shit before you ever blew your load.

functionalsociopathy · 2017-04-12T13:53:18+00:00

I wouldn't praise any woman for having an abortion.

YouCantSaveEveryone · 2017-04-12T10:40:06+00:00

I was with you until the comment section. You're going to make the baby miserable too out of spite?

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2017-04-12T14:40:08+00:00

Women should have the choice to abort or not seeming as they have to carry it for 9 months

The man should be able to state straight away he wants an abortion and if she goes through with it he will not be in the childs life and not pay child support - it's only fair

sestre · 2017-04-12T19:21:26+00:00

male "reproductive rights" to terminate a fetus

I wonder if it's like...literally not your body or something. That'd be wild.

ThePigmanAgain · 2017-04-12T23:01:43+00:00

If you are lucky, she will die in childbirth and you can raise the kid by yourself. Or put it up for adoption. Are you a religious man? Time to start praying.

Bjomdlf · 2017-04-13T09:55:26+00:00

Anybody else realize this niggas account is 1 day old and this is probably a hoax for real what's wrong with you ppl some get kicks outta this type of shit don't pay him no mind

elebrin · 2017-04-13T23:23:05+00:00

The law says you will have to pay child support for 18 years. Follow the law. If you don't want to be a father you shouldn't be, and you should have a way out, but you don't. Sadly you will just have to deal with it.

Don't let others pressure you into being a father. If you let yourself be pressured into something you don't want, you'll probably be a shitty father anyways. If you change your mind along the line and decide to participate, then so be it. That will in all likelihood be up to the mother. Like it or not your reality is that you are going have a child and you are going to have to support it financially even if you never actually see them.

Let this be a lesson to you to keep it in your pants. If you don't want kids, don't fuck. It's that simple. If your response to that is "But I HAVE to have sex, a man has NEEDS" then grow some self control and discipline. Until we have another option, celibacy is the right answer.

ranaxoxox · 2017-04-12T07:59:08+00:00

Did she tell you what her reasons are behind her decision? Maybe you should let go of your resentment and have an adult-like discussion with her. During high school and undergrad, many of my friends that ended up in these situations would discuss the pros/cons before making a decision.

If you used 2 methods of birth control then you don't need to worry. You should always be cautious with who you have sex with. Sometimes women forget to take their bc pills on time. Also certain drugs may decrease the effectiveness of birth control.

There is this awesome concept called "Personal Responsibility." Look it up. Don't just run away from a problem, meet it head-on.

clear831 · 2017-04-12T03:53:47+00:00

Why did you not wear a condom, this is your own stupid mistake.

McFeely_Smackup · 2017-04-12T17:47:39+00:00

So... you hate this woman. But you fucked her and got her pregnant. And you're saying that you don't care about a baby that hasn't even been born yet, because you don't wanna.

Yeah, you kinda sound like a hearty mix of idiot and asshole. When you fuck someone and get them pregnant, you force yourself into being a parent. Abortion is a lucky quirk of our science that allows us to destroy a fetus before it develops, without killing the mother.

There should be a male alternative to abortion.

Since you can't get pregnant, that's pretty impossible. It kinda reflects the biological imbalance of bearing children - which it fairly fitting.

aokusman · 2017-04-12T13:22:23+00:00

Why did you get her pregnant?

chambertlo · 2017-04-12T11:16:59+00:00

If you are stupid enough to have unprotected sex with a woman, you have to suffer the consequences. She is not entitled to have a child without your consent, but until the law changes, you need to the bare the brunt of your failure as a man. Take a paternity test, get a good lawyer, and work out a good child support payment. Make sure you let the court know that you have no desire to be a parent. Not much you can do aside from that.

Moral of the story; If you let a woman take an inch, she will suck you dry. Don;t be one of those men.

QuasiQwazi · 2017-04-12T13:14:18+00:00

Never stick your dick in crazy.

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