At a loss

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-05-05T16:38:38+00:00

Definitely appeal. Too many women get away with false reporting. If you don’t fight it, she knows she’s got you. This will be the precedent for any future interactions. She’ll have a history for people to reference if she reports again.

My ex did this to me. Thankfully, she’s dumb and her timing was off. I was out of state when she accused me of assaulting her and trashing her/our house. Ended up talking to the cops through video chat to show I was not home nor in the same state. I had a local police station verify that I was indeed where I said and that I had been there for days.

When I got back we pursued her for false reporting and defamation because she had posted on social media I had hit her and trashed her place. Not only did I win, she had to admit that she lied on record about cheating and some other issues involving our kids. 100% custody granted right then and there.

It’s worth it to defend yourself and your innocence. Don’t be bullied by a flawed system.

theChad-2303 · 2025-05-05T16:13:19+00:00

Thank you all for your amazing support through this nightmare I’m going through. I thought I’d post again and clarify somethings. I suppose I miss typed my original post. I was not in criminal court. I was in family court. I’m not too familiar with all the legal language yet lol. The judge DID side with my STBXW. She lied the whole way through her testimony. I’ve read some other people’s responses and it does seem like the judge was covering her ass.

So at the end of my court session on last Friday, I was given a 2 year restraining order, not be within 100 yards of her and the kids (until my next court date in July)(obviously I can be with the children during my custody time), I had to complete an online parenting class (finished that on Sunday), 10 anger management classes completed before the judge will grant me more custody time and lift monitor visits, and finally attend 26 weeks of batterers classes.

I’m not exactly sure what to expect with the batterers class. I’ve never hit or abused my wife or kids. But maybe while in the class I can look back and reflect and maybe I did something I would never consider abuse. Anger management I don’t feel I necessarily need but I’m all about self help and growth. I’ll take that class on the chin and at least take something from it.

Reading everyone’s stories and those who reached out has given me so much comfort. Knowing I’m not alone is making this nightmare somewhat manageable. I hope to continue posting about my story. Not only for my own peace of mind, but to learn from you all. I hope with your help I can get through this and maybe someone else can read this and give them hope when everything seems lost. That’s how I feel right now. My hand is out of the rubble and I WILL get myself out for not only myself but also for my children.

sludgepress · 2025-05-05T09:13:12+00:00

You say you were “convicted”. But there was no police report? So did you actually get convicted of a DV crime or did the family court judge just side with the mother? If so, APPEAL THAT IMMEDIATELY MAN. If you let that stand, that’s just like admitting you did it.

But again, it’s hard to offer advice without knowing if you were actually convicted of a crime or not.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-05-04T21:21:09+00:00

She is applying the silver bullet divorce. Please Google it.it means your wife has also mental issues and kids are at high risk of parental alienation.

Understand that domestic violence could not be the end. My brother was accused of everything by her wife expect terrorism : mortal rape, dv, dv against his own children, peso###, police seize all his electronic material for a scan but found nothing. A guy was accused no kidding of being part of 9 11 by her wife.

Your children are at very high risk if < 10yo of parental alienation. The next logical step would be to tell them you are a monster and based on evolution parental attachement as. Worst case u won't see them for a decade. Warning about danger are right , on average parent are right so they will believe her. Ir is not their fault. Then she will make them wrote bs paper explaining they can't even see you in supervised visitation or cry so much during visitation u will stop it yourself. Sur she is pulling the string behind them

From.now on you are walking in eggshells: any message or call can be recorded and considered as written out loud by her attorney to the judge and our of context so be very careful. So avoid cal and if needed only message no phone call or audio reply

From.now on don't ever meet her without a witness and at least a hidden audio recording or police style neck caméra. That could be your only defence in case of another bs accusation so she can extend the restraining order. Liars won't stop.

Mas sur to maintain a journal of everything and give it to you children when they ask about it. Wife won't be able to rember everything 10 years from now one and will say bs to cover her ass but détaillés journal will make her look pathetic and obvious liar if confronted. Also make sure to express how you felt about them and love them . They will read it one day.

richreason1983 · 2025-05-04T20:39:16+00:00

Are your kids old enough to vouch for you? My ex called the police on me once but my kids were there and the police had to restrain my daughter from slapping her mom she was so angry. Needless to say the police and eventually court ruled that I did nothing in no small part thanks to my kids standing up for me. So if you can get their support fight it. Why should you have to go through life looking like the bad guy when you havent done anything.

judasholio · 2025-05-04T19:54:14+00:00

Appeal immediately. You only have a short time window to do so. You do not deserve to carry the stigma of a wrongful conviction.

Also, no innocent man deserves to be treated like a criminal in front of his children.

MrBlue351990 · 2025-05-04T19:35:56+00:00

Dude appeal that. I would also sue her for defamation of character.

justsomedude1111 · 2025-05-04T18:19:23+00:00

I rightfully asked to press DV charges on my ex from an altercation, but "since she left no visible marks and you're leaving with the kids, the DA is giving you both a warning."

Try living with a raging woman twice your size and knowing that you can't defend yourself even if you want to because she's going to call the cops right after she gets a few shots in. I'd choke a man out cold for less.

Fight. If you don't fight this and clear your name you'll always wonder what it would have been like. To at least say you fought it. Don't lay down man. It's go time.

Ill_Personality_5704 · 2025-05-04T18:12:20+00:00

Did you take it to criminal trial and the jury found you guilty? You didn't get jail time?

funnyman6979 · 2025-05-04T17:24:27+00:00

This is normally coached by the others’ attorney, same deal here- and trust me when the kids are in their 30’s they may still not get it.

First-Sail8421 · 2025-05-04T17:24:06+00:00

definitely appeal. Appellate courts will look harder at the situation. They give the trial court a lot of discretion, but it’s not unlimited. Are you in the USA?

Lugubrious_Lothario · 2025-05-04T16:40:37+00:00

This is going to be unpopular, but I would encourage you to strongly consider walking away.

In my case my ex accused me of being a sexual predator, and insisted that I only be allowed supervised visitation for that reason. This was after I had already completed all the court ordered classes and therapy. When it became clear the family court was going to continue to pander to her lies and delusions and that by continuing to try to be a part of my child's life in the near term I put myself at risk of being branded a pedophile for life (it's all but impossible to prove a negative and family court does not presume innocence for men) I made the difficult decision to walk away.

I do a lot of volunteer work with orgs that serve underprivileged children in my community to mend the hole my heart, and I carry on with life as though I am a single man without a family. I date (I am honest that there is an ex and a child, but I make it clear I'm not in the picture for the time being).

I know it hurts, but if your situation is similar to mine, I think you should consider it. Living your life being treated like a dangerous monster is too much of a burden to ask a man to endure. Some day your children will want to know their dad. And they will have the right to make that decision for themselves. Be ready for it. There will be hurt feelings, and blame, and many other difficult things, but I truly believe that is better than the alternative of having a dad who was thrown in jail for sexually abusing them, memory has a funny way of filling in those kinds of blanks unfortunately.

Good luck, make a decision you can live with.

whoisgodiam · 2025-05-04T16:32:37+00:00

Dude, just move abroad and never marry again.

batmanarchy · 2025-05-04T14:43:38+00:00

Let me tell you something that might not be of any comfort, the judge doesn’t necessarily believe her. There is a low standard of evidence for restraining orders and it’s become very political for judges. It’s frankly pathetic. It boils down to the judges are cowards and they would rather cover their own asses and grant the order, not caring how it affects you. From their perspective if they denied the orders and then you went and killed your ex, they would be in the hot seat. This is a sexist awful system that is currently in place.

Comfortable-Might240 · 2025-05-04T14:05:48+00:00

You're not alone, partner. Many of us have been exactly there. It's fucking bullshit. Just keep your head down and keep pushing on. I'm sure you'll end up with 50% custody eventually if you do so, which is arguably an ideal outcome. You could also abandon your kids as an act of self preservation; I don't think anyone would judge you and that's on the table too. You should fight it out until the end imo though, as tiring as it may be, you gotta rise to the rumble and your kids will someday thank you

regertsrus · 2025-05-04T13:37:01+00:00

How old are the kids? I ask because my pathological Liar X did the same. Multiple false cps, multiple false police and countless false orders of protections and violations. All proven and both judges aware. We are pending trial for the order of protection and i just dont give a dime. The kids know they were all lies now. The extended family does too. Her own family go through me to see the kids. She has been pinned into the corner and i am about to go infront of a domestic violence judge and ask the question "why has the court allowed a known pathological liar to upend the lives of countless people she has made false complaints about"? I have no fear and lose no sleep because the kids were the ones who clued me in on everything before she did the worst of it. The truth set me free. I hope you find it also

australopifergus · 2025-05-04T13:31:11+00:00

Geez man, you have my sympathy. Sounds really fucking rough.

My two cents: pain is an opportunity for growth. The bigger the pain, the bigger the opportunity. The only way to move forward is to grow in a way that makes you bigger than the pain. That doesn't necessarily make it go away completely, but it does create a new part of you that exists outside of it.

Our society is collapsing at its foundation and you're standing at ground zero. Divorce, its destruction of children (I was one of them), reckless abuse of the legal system without consequence, the memetic stigmatization of men as bad and women as their victims without question, etc. Maybe documenting your experience would provide you not only a therapeutic outlet, but also empower you to become a part of the force that reforms the system that's presently hurting you. It's so fucked that change is bound to occur eventually, but only if people like you don't collapse into hopelessness, and instead take leadership.

TheLoneHander · 2025-05-04T13:26:47+00:00

Keep fighting. Appeal. Men give up too easily. That conviction will follow you forever and impact your career. Appeal.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-05-04T12:45:51+00:00

If you were wrongfully accused you need to appeal. Need to do that for you AND your children.

There's tons of support groups you can get involved with locally. Check out your local church and find something online.

Title	At a loss
Author	theChad-2303
Upvotes	30
Comments	45
Date	May 4, 2025 6:18 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ked5dy/at_a_loss/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/at-a-loss.1551390 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551390

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