Fighting Back

hotantipasta · 2025-07-19T17:42:37+00:00

The longer you wait the more difficult the divorce will be. If she's threateniing then you should grant her wish and file first. Right now it's a relativly short term marriage she will have limited alimony, especially since she's had a job within the last three years.

Go ahead and get a consult with an attorney, they should be able to give you a better idea where you stand.

First-Sail8421 · 2025-07-19T08:37:14+00:00

Hire a lawyer and buckle up. It will be a miserable experience; she will lie about you; she will rake you over the coals. You need a hard ass lawyer who puts your interests first and not his own. These can be hard to find. Ideally find a woman lawyer.

DShaggmister · 2025-07-19T02:33:58+00:00

Look, I paid over $4k her to become a real estate broker. She passed and got her real estate license three years ago, and she sold zero 0 homes.

She said she wanted to get a GC license, so I got her a NASCLA GC course from Contractor Training Center for another $4k. She failed all three tries and notably gave up. The books are now on eBay for $2600.

I only paid off her $4k CC debt for it to return.

Then I got her an interview for a Project Coordinator 100% at my job, and she blew it. Even with my recommendation and me prepping her, she still blew it.

I mean, with her wrecking our car too, she not looking too good I'd say.

What do you all think? We got some ammo?

DShaggmister · 2025-07-19T02:18:45+00:00

We have no joint account. Im renting a home. I have no debt, other then attorney fees from a Probate case. My sister stole my inheritance of around $210k so im already in a superior court for that. Hence that is why I needed two jobs, to fight another bitch. So the 2 job is temp until I win my case. As far as I know the spouse is NOT entitled to any Inheritance earned. 2 months ago she, my wife, totaled my Hyundai Suv limited turbo. It was paid off I owed nothing. She ran it into a Chic fila clown in the drive thru of all places. Car was a total loss... our 2 year old was in the back seat. Yeah the clown magically appeared, she says it wasn't her fault, then who's fault was it?

She blames that in me..even though I was at home.

Apparently everything is our fault.

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-07-19T01:13:29+00:00

Alimony :You need to stop to make that much if not needed . You gonnat get alimony to oblivion with such income !!! Same thing with kid pension

Why 2 jobs? I guess as it is remote you are not doing 16h per day but overlap them somehow.

Slavery You are cooking and doing everything? What is she is doing all day? You are not a piece of shit as u said but you allowed her this behaviour sorry man! You shoud not had a 2nd baby bc u gonna have no even more work noW.
Therapy:She clearly has mental issues it she si doing nothing but I guess doom scrolling /phone I guess right? Tell her to go to therapy bc such apathy means she is probably at minimum depressed

I was in the same situation like you and complained when I had one kid that I had to cook or clean while she was nor working. Bur I rarely cooked but Jen I did always complained and never did it like you quietly like it is my job lol!. Bir you doing everything like a slave? What is next? Sending all your money to her every month and get like 20$ per month for personal spending lol?

Stay at home: As usual don't leave the 🏠!!? Unless I wanna pay even more and don't see the kids
Financial lockdown: u need stop freeze joint account especially if to is full of $ bc risk of her emptying it once u fill. Same thing with any credit card . As long as u have not filled she can pretty much do anything and empty it as usual. Speak about it to the lawyer to dot to the right way. Tomorow I will send you the usual links for that on details

narkj · 2025-07-19T01:04:07+00:00

You are screwed.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2025-07-19T00:17:42+00:00

If she leaves the house, you can claim abandonment and maybe get more custody, thus reducing your child support payments. Time is of the essence. Since when did a baby make life easier? It won’t get easier, you will be fucked. But somehow, we are out here making it. You will too.

DShaggmister · 2025-07-18T23:03:39+00:00

Great advice, everyone... thank you all.

I'm going to keep things cool until mid-August, when my son will be born. Hopefully, he will bring a miracle for the family. She is a fucking bitch, and if she continues to be that, then yes, I will execute with precision, quietly, and drop that ass first.

Literally just a few minutes ago, she told me I've done nothing for her in the last 10 years but bring her pain..lol yet she's had everything she could ask for.

She tells me that it's my fault my Dad died and that I'm gonna die alone like your mom. I Vape CBD, no buds, she calls me a drug addict who can't think clearly. Yet I have 2 jobs and am managing our entire life at a high level for the last 7 years

She has no appreciation for anything I bring to the table.

She is selfish, and I'm torn on what to do.

As PM for Toyota and Google, I can think very clearly, so that talk won't hold any weight. I do know that for the short term, I need to deal with her bullshit until the baby is born.

Then if she's still acting up, fuckin see ya... gonna find me hot Asian girl to make me green tea all day.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-07-18T20:21:29+00:00

Because you have young kids post divorce you will still n ed to deal with her crap. In your agreement you need to be careful for not leaving any loop holes for her to use to extract more from you. They don’t stop after divorce.

Hot_Isopod8368 · 2025-07-18T20:10:24+00:00

Mine was the same literally the same. Your f#$d but you'll be fine in the end. And free

probebeta · 2025-07-18T19:12:10+00:00

Financially you are f**ed so you'll have to be creative and fight hard to protect your assets and try to keep those payments low. Get a lawyer and consider all the options. On the side try to diffuse the situation and see if you can calm her down. Just say that you'll be co-parenting and want to have a good co-parenting relationship and it's all about the kids. You'll need to work out an agreement, parenting plan etc, hopefully without courts because that will be expensive. Doesn't look like repairing this is worth it, I'd just get rid of her ASAP. And do a paternity test...

warrior_up · 2025-07-18T18:51:59+00:00

Only one way to set her straight, walk away. You have to walk away

It’s mental and emotional abuse and she doesn’t respect what you bring to the table. Trust me, there’s plenty younger hotter women that will appreciate you.

Pregnancy hormones will escalate cluster B, NPD personality types. If she’s using divorce threats, there’s no going back unfortunately. It will never stop and next it’s taking the kids away from you until you beg and surrender.

These types will do anything and everything they can to make YOU pay for THEIR misery.

“Next time you threaten or even mention the D word, I’m walking out on your ass” “now if you want to go back to acting like a kind, loving, adult who can communicate without threats, then I’m all ears” “you keep threatening me, I will replace you”

Bet.

khaddir_1 · 2025-07-18T17:31:14+00:00

Man I’m in the same situation. Hesitant to divorce as I make almost 16k a month on w2. It’s just hard to think how the courts can really fuck you on your own finances. My wife works is only difference I have to your situation. Do all you can to quietly make the situation work in your favor. Alimony should be your only concern. Most states have a cap on child support. For my state it’s like 1400 up to 10k gross plus 5% of any income after that. Check the state laws in your state.

PragmaticTactics · 2025-07-18T17:29:32+00:00

Throw her in the garbage and go talk to girls on racetracks, they tend to go around all night

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-07-18T17:25:34+00:00

Do as woman do and shut up about divorce suggest therapy. Drag that out 1-3 years while you cut back your hours and income. Just make the bare minimum. Unless the marriage is short term or if delaying puts you at 8+ years and definitely bad if over 10 years.

PriorityMiserable686 · 2025-07-18T10:08:05+00:00

Same situation here, man. You’re likely dealing with a narcissist or someone with BDP. I also work from home, half the day is work, the other half is raising the kids. I don’t get days off for years. I work 6 days a week, and on Sundays I’m full-time with the kids while she has “me time.” She’s never worked, yet somehow I’m still the villain in her eyes.

The yelling, complaints, and criticism never stopped actually got worse. It didn’t matter how much I did around the house. I was even criticized in front of the kids while she was out enjoying herself. We did couples therapy for over a year, and even the therapist told me to get a divorce.

Here’s my strongest advice: don’t make her life harder during the process. It’ll only backfire and drain you more. Strategically prepare. Be calm. Be kind. Minimize emotional volatility like it’s radioactive. Protect your mental health. Talk to a lawyer early. Quietly build your exit.

You’re not alone. Stay strong.

Boglehead101 · 2025-07-18T07:48:12+00:00

Yes this is likely a narc you are dealing with, I’m in your shoes.

Wife complained about everything all the time while contributing nothing financially. They get worse as they get older. Like you I pushed back on her eventually and she pressed the eject button. I’m in a horrible place and with a hostile aggressive STBXW who’s depleting her limited finances on expensive lawyers.

Don’t expect sympathy from her family, she has been complaining to them about you for years. They likely have been brainwashed. To them you a sperm and financial donor easily cast aside.

What’s most important is you get this on an even keel before your child’s birth. You both need to enjoy this moment and the following months. There’s no better time in life than the birth of a child.

Then get into couples therapy, if this doesn’t work you can both manage the breakdown of the marriage, hopefully with compassion and understanding from her.

Kingcyprus1 · 2025-07-18T05:04:45+00:00

I would apologize and try to make her feel better, you want to be with her when your child is born. Even though you are right sometimes winning is still losing.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2025-07-18T04:44:29+00:00

Time to get and read No More Mr Nice Guy.

DShaggmister · 2025-07-18T04:06:18+00:00

Should I cut off her weekly allowance?

Illustrious_Cash1325 · 2025-07-18T03:48:14+00:00

You need to step up and file first. Also, encourage her to leave the house. There is no saving the situation, only saving yourself.

Possible-Draft-4403 · 2025-07-18T03:09:31+00:00

The person who initiates the divorce first usually has more control. I would get a lawyer and get this done.

Prechilill · 2025-07-18T03:02:35+00:00

You’re more f*cked if you don’t divorce her.
2 absolute certainties: - she will only gee worse - the longer you stay, the more you lose

bluephotoshop · 2025-07-18T02:57:26+00:00

Yes, you’re fucked. You’re working too hard. Cut back, though by now it may be too late. A great deal of your paychecks will go to her after your divorce. Get a good lawyer ASAP.

tyyyy110 · 2025-07-18T02:54:49+00:00

Lawyer up asap. Get in front of this. You were getting abused. I get she's pregnant but c'mon, nobody deserves to be treated that way.

Title	Fighting Back
Author	DShaggmister
Upvotes	20
Comments	31
Date	July 18, 2025 2:47 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1m2qyqi/fighting_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/fighting-back.1557447 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557447

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