Full of resentment

Spiritual-Street2793 · 2025-10-07T02:49:41+00:00

The problem is that marriage doesn't meet 21st century needs. I got lucky in my divorce - it was quick and fair; however, I'll never get married again. My 2-year divorce mark is in a few weeks, and I haven't dated at all. I know one day I'll have a girlfriend, but that's where the relationship will remain. Like James Sexton says, "what problem do I have that divorce fixes"?

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-09-24T17:50:37+00:00

Man my ex was collecting temp maintenance for over 2 years. She got pregnant just to extend the time. She was making $885/month working and the court found she could be making $45k. I make almost double that per week so it’s insane someone could make so little money.

Sea_Employment4100 · 2025-09-24T12:30:04+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re not alone.

I’m 1.5 years into a contentious divorce with no end in sight. In that time we’ve spent $400k in legal fees (her $300k, me $100k), lost an amazing job, lost millions in stock compensation, and still she won’t stop. I don’t know if I’m fighting someone who always intended to have a child and then divorce me immediately after, or if I’m up against someone with such an extreme mental illness that she can never be the villain and will spend millions to protect her image as the strong, single, “boss babe” in finance. Either way, the reality is she and her mother destroyed everything. To this day I don’t know the full truth. I don’t even care if there was an affair—I just want her out of my life. But instead she insists on turning our situation into some kind of twisted storyline for TLC or Bravo.

She kidnapped our daughter, had her lawyers serve me divorce papers by email, and then used three months of fabricated evidence to try and portray me as mentally unstable. When none of her attempts succeeded in court, she only lashed out harder. The only thing that has kept me going is staying focused on my daughter and doing everything by the book. Don’t get pulled into the mud.

The resentment comes from knowing my ex is incapable of separating reality from fantasy. She has to be the victim, never the villain. I don’t believe all women are like this, but I do believe that something in the culture has gone wrong. Divorce has become a social contagion, amplified by social media. Anyone can find a therapist or an online echo chamber to validate their choices and convince them to separate. My ex claimed she feared for her safety and that I shouldn’t have access to our daughter because I started wearing a larger size running shoe and walked too much. That’s the level of absurdity I’ve been up against.

I actually pity her. She destroyed her marriage, her daughter’s family, and robbed our child of stability and countless experiences. But truth has a way of surfacing eventually—it always does. If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to step back from dating for now. Go into monk mode. When you’re ready, meet someone in person, not through an app. And at some point in the relationship, tell them “no” and see how they respond. That simple test would have saved me from all of this.

s77tas1 · 2025-09-24T11:25:33+00:00

Yep I can resonate with this one. I'm in the UK but have also been fighting out a financial split for the last 2.5 years. Had 3 court appearances and have spend about £90k in legal fees so far. Done 5 rounds of financial disclosure. Also a high earner ( > £300k) and have been taken for everything. All of my pension, all the equity in the house and a fuck ton of spousal and child maintenance every month. She's also done a fine job of attempting to alienate me from our two young sons. I fucking hate her

Moms_Sketti88 · 2025-09-24T01:33:01+00:00

Damn bro. Hope things get better. I’m here two years separated. She’s threatening to quit working to strengthen her alimony and CS. Flipped her shit after she saw the new child support calculations by agreeing more time with the kid. Now she’s retracting her statement, and claiming in the “best interest of the child” my job is too demanding. Yet she is ready to enjoy the financially benefits from my job, while she looks at dropping hers. I hate it. I also get your resentment completely.

probebeta · 2025-09-24T01:01:24+00:00

I totally get the part where you need to heal and yes resentment will wear off eventually. However, you also have to recognize the clues that you're being used as an ATM and when connection isn't genuine. If you distance yourself because of that, and honestly I have several times, then that's not just on you. The reality is that most women date up, want some sort of security and that's usually financial. Well... Knowing this you can navigate accordingly. I like to pay for dates, that's just me. But I expect some reciprocation, maybe she cooks for me, handles some lower cost fun dates, or brings me soup when I'm sick. Sex alone isn't going to do it sorry, and that's where those relationships usually remain.

First-Bid8895 · 2025-09-23T23:54:09+00:00

Do not drink at all.. you will process it all quicker completely sober... exercise.. use the resentment to fuel you physically... Stop dating.. it will get better.. I promise you fella..

Decon_SaintJohn · 2025-09-23T23:25:03+00:00

Right there with you OP. My contested divorce costs were a fraction of what yours is, but the freedom gained was really worth it.

I'm now on the road to being single the rest of my life. I dont need companionship, but I do need sex here and there and that's not hard to find in a noncommittal way these days.

It's going to be a tough road for you OP, but one day you'll wake up from the nightmare and feel contentment that it's over and done with and in the past. Just think about the future without here in your life and that'll help ease the current negative feelings.

Fabulous-Raisin3283 · 2025-09-23T22:53:09+00:00

Does the women hating thing ever go away? I split up about 8 months ago and everytime I get a match on Hinge and it moves forward, I talk myself out of a date like "whats the point, shes just going to take half my stuff after she gets bored and cheats". all my instagram algorithms are now about how dumb women are and just want to use men essentially (i watched a couple emily king videos and now similar is all in my feed). I'm spiraling into deep women hatred and I know its probably not the norm and im overreacting, but am getting worried. My life is pretty figured out otherwise. I own a house, just bought a porsche, and do fun stuff like mountain drives with a club, good group of guy friends, go to sporting events and trivia nights all the time, but once i get back to a big empty house, it feels like i'm meant for more or I need another woman. I don't know, it sucks, just not super interested in their deceptiveness and the love part of it seems fake now. I've also been out of the dating market for 10 years and these dating apps are draining. Does it get better lol

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-09-23T21:53:00+00:00

Not really advisable to date anyway during a contentious divorce. Men need a couple years figuring out who they are again after a divorce before dating, imho.

$150k on a divorce is absurd. Your lawyers are failing you by finding ways to keep you pissed off and playing your STBX like an emotional fiddle to authorize fighting over every single issue, including who gets the silverware and office chair.

But to your original point, the answer is that, yes, women are calculating and manipulative. It just isn't as noticeable during the honeymoon stage because of how willingly men bark like a circus clown for kitty.

j_sulay · 2025-09-23T21:29:16+00:00

Sorry. This shit is tough and nasty. Stay strong and protect your peace.

Main_Web504 · 2025-09-23T20:26:00+00:00

You’re not alone and the good news is you recognize your state for what it is.

I just posted something similar as my first long term relationship went up in smoke this week because she told me she loved me and I freaked out.

I too thought I was done with my divorce and better.

The advice I got from other guys is the same for me and you. It’s gonna take time.

Focus on you, and avoid dating for now.

fishingforthought · 2025-09-23T20:00:59+00:00

Sorry to read about your situation. I to have distance myself. Saving every penny for retirement.

db1342 · 2025-09-23T19:29:50+00:00

Plenty of women on their "second time around" are just as cautious and have barriers just as high. You don't have to be offering everything to still have something to offer. You don't have to marry them. You don't have to live with them. So long as you're honest you can make these decisions honorably. You can't really protect yourself from heartbreak, but you can protect yourself from being looted again.

DivorceCoachGio · 2025-09-23T19:29:47+00:00

You are doing the right thing by stopping dating.
You need to heal.

What are you doing to help your mental health?

urbanpandanyc · 2025-09-23T19:16:15+00:00

Isnt she entitled to alimony too? If there was a temp. Support order in place?

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2025-09-23T19:10:06+00:00

I have been cheated on in two relationships now; one was a woman I was going to marrying and my STBXW.

I was at a bar with some friends recently. I saw a man with his girlfriend/wife sitting at the bar across from me. When he went to the bathroom I witnessed his girlfriend/wife give the male bartender her phone number. Unfortunately he never was by himself again or I would I have told him what I saw.

I will never trust a woman fully ever again.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2025-09-23T18:57:04+00:00

Experts? What war are you in!??

Title	Full of resentment
Author	alifeofpeace
Upvotes	49
Comments	45
Date	September 23, 2025 6:53 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nopyj6/full_of_resentment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/full-of-resentment.1562641 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562641

Comments