My ex hates my guts

notyourmama827 · 2024-10-02T18:06:37+00:00

Just remember that ypu are too pretty for prison.

TadpoleNo9258 · 2024-10-01T01:49:32+00:00

All our exs hate our guts.

-sweetchuck · 2024-09-30T00:14:43+00:00

And when you walk away from your kids because she's a fucking monster, you'll be the bad guy.

daniel22mckee · 2024-09-29T00:02:20+00:00

I have an idea of how you feel. There’s some days I don’t even know how I deal with it as I’m still going through it. It’s been almost a year and I haven’t even gotten all my clothes back much less other priceless things still being stored over at the house. Sometimes just surviving it is winning.

elGranPandebono · 2024-09-28T17:03:42+00:00

I know it sounds counter intuitive, but you can't take her hate personally. She HAS to hate you to justify all of her actions to this point (which probably not only ruined your life, but your children's and hers as well). The fact that you don't act like the villain and feed into the drama she wants & craves just makes her angrier.

Ignore it. Be happy. It's easier said than done (trust me, I know) but you will be better for it. Need to conserve your energy for what matters and move on.

ThisReckless · 2024-09-28T16:07:04+00:00

Good hate her back, don't let the kids know and follow the order.

No one has time for her high-school drama.

Dpoland55 · 2024-09-28T13:55:40+00:00

It’s been years for me, I wish I could say it gets better lmao

tomsnow164 · 2024-09-28T13:43:57+00:00

So I am in a similar situation she hates my guts. She refused to bring my youngest to the bus stop on his first day of school ever, even though he’s been talking about riding the bus to school with his brothers for a year, just because I wanted to be there and watch him get on the bus for the first time. So she drove them to school that day because “daddy doesn’t respect mommy’s boundaries” (I teach my kids about boundaries a lot so they are better protected from her abuse.

Hopefully that gives you an idea that I’m in a similar boat, but I have never heard of someone in a crazier situation than me without their being a reason for it like abuse or cheating. Sorry a guy I work with got him investigated for a fictitious murder.

We have the least detailed parenting plan ever, in fact we don’t have one at all we just have 5-2-2-5 in the divorce decree. And we have fought on every aspect of life. Drop off times, costs, vacations, calls, clothes, everything. So me being a good person thought that I had to be cooperative and understanding for the courts and spent a year and a half building a prison for myself and it was killing me.

I finally hired a lawyer and was like “this all needs to change she’s messing with my life” and he was great and laid it out to me straight that I was. The best example I have is that because of a fight we some how ended up with 1pm switch times on holidays… when summer came she demanded that remain through summer. Idk what you’re doing on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 1pm but I need to work. I was making it work and super frustrated about it. The lawyer said “what’s she gonna do if you don’t show up?”

“Well won’t I get in trouble?”

“With who?”

“The court?”

“The court won’t be upset that you couldn’t leave work in the middle of the day.”

I need things to be fair so I applied she can’t demand when I drop off the kids.. so I can’t demand when she drops them off. So I told her hey “I won’t be to drop off until 4:30.” “You are still in control of your drop off time.”

I’ve applied that boundary of her not being able to dictate my behavior and things are way better for me. She is furious and has sadly just punished the kids over and over to try and hurt me. The bus thing happened after this. And now that we are actually back in active litigation we have a ton of examples of her doing the wrong thing.

Hopefully this was helpful. You got this man, she’s not in charge, you gain nothing from making her happy if she hates you. Don’t be petty, be righteous. Do the right thing and let her anger kill her. Mine is currently upset about how much I update her about necessary kid things like doctor’s appointments. Feel free to reach out if you want to know more about my high conflict situation.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2024-09-28T13:16:40+00:00

I am “triggered “ everytime I read posts like this. It makes me angry how a person can-“in a flick of a switch”- become this angry,violent ,enemy. Actually, worse than an enemy. Enemy can destroy you but this person seeks not only to destroy but the degrade you. I am sorry,bro. Am so sorry for ALL THE MEN that are going through this.

Financial-Builder-92 · 2024-09-28T12:50:15+00:00

Follow the custody order and hold her to it. Keep your attorney updated and have him push things through. It would be probably best to file a petition and get in front of a judge. Let the Judge deal with it and keep fighting for those kids. She has to follow custody orders.

Eric_C_Productions · 2024-09-28T04:20:04+00:00

I feel for you my friend. My divorce took two years and over $25k in legal fees. Why? She wanted to drag it out and make me suffer. She fought me at every turn. Her lawyers never responded back to mine. She ended up going through three of them! She lived at my house with my kids and she never paid a damn bill! She even had the audacity to try to file for child support...even though my youngest son had turned 18 a month afterwards. I was forced to live with my parents who lived 85 miles away.

Let me tell you about hate....my wife would be-rate me for the 20 years that we were married. Every single day she would find some thing to say to bring me down. She was convinced that I was cheating on her and invented all of these stories that were not true. She made accusations and insinuations. None of which was true. Let's just say that I was arrested twice on made up charges, went to the ER twice for head injuries sustained from a vase, beaten, stabbed, choked, scratched across the face, sucker punched, and was dropped off in the middle of no where with no wallet, money, or phone about 30 times before I said enough was enough. I used to say, "Whatever ever doesn't kill only makes her madder" I leave you with this little tidbit, my neighbor down the street was a single guy who died in a motorcycle accident a couple of years ago. Upon hearing of his death, my wife said to me, "Why do all of the good guys die? It should have been YOU."

kansurr · 2024-09-28T17:57:32+00:00

I am sure I'll get plenty of down votes but she doesn't have to give you the kids past your time. My ex always asks to keep the kids 30 mins, 2 hours, etc. I always say no, it's not because I hate her, kids because we all agreed to these times and percentages.

CompSci1 · 2024-09-28T03:44:49+00:00

I want to hear her side of the story.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-09-28T03:40:32+00:00

She won’t even agree to 30 minutes later on a drop off. The kids ask to do things with me so I’ll ask for a little more time and she always demands them at the time of the order.

This is a you problem, not a her problem. You know she hates you but you’re asking her for favors. Creating additional conflict where none should exist. Just follow the orders.

OleGriffyBoi · 2024-09-28T02:39:58+00:00

Dude, I'm right there with you. I filed back in March of this year (I'm in NC, so I filed for divorce almost immediately after the 1 year and a day separation), and she is still contending the divorce. I did get lucky though- her and I were married just under 11 months, so she isn't getting anything from me, other than child support. She's furious too, and keeps trying to stall the divorce I guess to piss me off, along with thinking there's some way she's going to take all my shit. The worst part for me is the custody issue. I'm in a situation man where I am STILL waiting for a TEMPORARY hearing, and it's been 553 days since I signed the custody complaint. Everyone tells me to get an emergency order, but we have to prove she's putting my son in danger apparently for that. She's also terrified of court because she's deranged, cannot coparent, cannot make rational decisions for our child, and I had her arrested for stalking me with a tracker (she put the tracker on my car while she had an order against me when she had me arrested for "assault"). She's your typical BPD victim type. Oh yeah, she also interrupted court proceedings with my not even 2 year old son in her arms, in front of the VERY SAME judge we'll be in front of, so he now knows she's nuts. Lmao, it's wild.

Pretty-Okra4530 · 2024-09-28T02:38:24+00:00

What did you do?? Bc u didn't marry an angry woman you divorced one.

ThrowForChristSakes · 2024-09-28T01:41:04+00:00

After reading the posts here I want to grab every 20 year old male I see and force him to read this and swear that he won’t get married.

Just play the field and keep an arms length away from any kind of commitment.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2024-09-28T01:38:10+00:00

Yep. Start managing your costs. Let her go bankrupt!!! Be smart.

No-Direction6658 · 2024-09-28T01:08:51+00:00

Praying for you bud

Content-Class1259 · 2024-09-28T00:25:42+00:00

This is why my divorce decree hangs on my office wall in a frame, it’s the toughest qualification you will ever achieve and the misery you are put through in the process is soul destroying.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-09-28T00:01:43+00:00

Better than being married to them

Moms_Sketti88 · 2024-09-27T22:49:58+00:00

I’m going through it now currently dude. Her demands? 100% custody (making up awful lies about me), she wants a crazy child support and alimony stipend. Wants some massive 401k pay out like my decision to divorce her should be punished by weaponizing money and our child. The high conflict personality is exactly why I want to leave her. It’s like stay and deal with the emotional immaturity, or leave and go to war.

I’m assuming one of you moved out of the marital home?

No_Pace2396 · 2024-09-27T22:40:41+00:00

Every filing I’m made out to be scum. Relevant or not she gets it in there. Of course there’s no way I can defend or reply to the unending river of bile. Not sure if it’s to make me crazy or get the first/last word in with the judge, but it’s worked on both fronts.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2024-09-27T22:15:23+00:00

Or? This is the cost of MARRYING a bad person.

Hell hath no fury, as a certain book reads…

Wingnut8888 · 2024-09-27T21:36:35+00:00

I’ve never heard such hateful things said about me and at me. It actually shocks and saddens me. When I fight back, she turns around and says I am gaslighting her — but I feel like I’m the one being gaslit. I don’t think I’m this evil, manipulative asshole who’s always scheming with ulterior motives — I know I’ve never been that way and am actually generally regarded as a nice person. But she has me questioning everything I’ve done in the past, every thing I may have said to her in anger or jest, every significant action or inaction and I keep asking myself, is she right? Am I really a massive jerk? I don’t think so??? Am I going crazy? Like, isn’t THAT gaslighting?

47omek · 2024-09-27T21:33:01+00:00

If you've got something important going on and the kids want to stay an extra 30 minutes, don't ask her and just keep them and give them back to her 30 minutes late. She'll never get anywhere with a judge complaining about a 30 minute late return (especially with a reasonable justification), they'll laugh her out of the courtroom. She'll probably return them to you 30 minutes late the next time but generally that isn't a big deal relatively. She is not your wife anymore, you DO NOT need her permission to do something reasonable with your children. She doesn't decide everything for the family anymore, the courts will if you can't agree. You have to get past this fear of her, she's just a woman with all the typical associated flaws.

Wire_Bender · 2024-09-27T21:23:33+00:00

Welcome to the club.

I have been grey rocking my stxw for 9 months now and the only interaction is when I bring up household bills and she goes off on me for running her life. She filed. She deposits her paycheck into her own account. I pay all bills. We are trying to sell the house, but I can't afford to fix problems and she won't contribute.

Luckily my kids are adults and we didn't have to deal with custody.

I am counting the days till the judge finally gives us the final orders.

mikehirsch · 2024-09-27T21:16:48+00:00

Just beginning my separation and I can completely relate. Her only goal is to make this as hard as possible on me. I am dreading this

mysteriouslypuzzled · 2024-09-27T21:14:22+00:00

Women are like that man. They're mean and hateful. And holy fuck do they hold a grudge. You need to use the grey rock method on her. And keep a record of these interactions. Might be able to use them to get full custody. Should you want to. Or at the very least, use them against her to stop her from getting full custody

Darkfire66 · 2024-09-27T21:11:41+00:00

Have you read Mom's house dads house by isolina ricci? Worth a copy. Maybe get one for the ex too.

Title	My ex hates my guts
Author	alifeofpeace
Upvotes	58
Comments	97
Date	September 27, 2024 9:02 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fqy2am/my_ex_hates_my_guts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-ex-hates-my-guts.1531559 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531559

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