Harassment advice ex will not stop.

Global_warning_ · 2022-11-08T20:12:44+00:00

I just can’t believe in this day and age people have no protection against this. I have been in and out of depression and hopelessness.

ABBucsfan · 2022-11-08T20:05:53+00:00

My ex also harasses me with nasty messages. Not friends and family though. I would think easiest would be to tell them to block her, but might be a way to get a non contact order. Really not sure what penalties would be. Mine just harasses me personally and I can't go no contact because of kids. She's supposed to use a parenting app that can be monitored and logs printed. Insisted on a different app I finally agreed to but has excuses not to use it as well. I've given up and just screenshot the nasty stuff she sends. I don't believe there is realistically any way to force her to use it and I don't believe there are any practical legal punishments for non compliance. My lawyer didn't really seem to have any forthcoming solutions. Most reasonable people would just follow the court orders

Anytime she starts a bit rant I usually just respond with "K". I'd be lying if I said it didn't still get to me sometimes, but I'm sure it drives her crazy lol.

No-Exit6560 · 2022-11-09T00:07:03+00:00

Out of funds for a lawyer? Maybe try filing a police report for harassment and turning over all the evidence she’s gleefully given you.

Outside of that, if your lawyer is wanting more money and you’re not happy with the services they’re providing ask for a copy of all the records they have and go take that to a consult with a ‘men’s rights’ attorney and explain the situation to them.

No one, man or woman should have to put up with this. You have options, exercise them.

Document everything though!

phalo · 2022-11-08T20:13:08+00:00

Mine doesn't get super nasty but she does use every opportunity to throw in little cuts at me constantly and this is the 2nd week of my time 50/50 and in those 8 days the kids have been on my time, she has managed to intermingle herself every day. I don't know how to stop it, she doesn't respect boundaries and calls me weird if I try to hold them.

ThrowAwayAccount__0 · 2022-11-08T20:25:15+00:00

Why don't you block her when she's not needed to be talked to?

Or silence her number/texts from your phone.

You have the technology. If the default apps don't allow it, spend 10 bucks and buy them from the app store.

That way you just don't have to hear it ring or see a text unless you want to.

gnackered · 2022-11-08T21:35:38+00:00

Get the app to be your only point of contact. What is it called our family wizard or something?

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-11-08T23:48:46+00:00

> I can’t just cut her off and block her

You can, from phone calls and texts. Redirect everything to emails. You have to understand that part of what feeds a narcissist is the dopemine hit when you respond. So you need to let phone calls go to voicemail. When she texts you, respond with "Sounds important, send an email".

Realize that whatever is sent via text or email is not urgent. If it was urgent, you'd get a phone call. Since it's not urgent, wait 24 hours to reply. This helps you remove any knee jerk emotions you may have with the tone of her message. Also, it establishes boundaries. If she knows you'll respond immediately when she texts you, she knows she can use it push your buttons.

Fun-Possible7676 · 2022-11-09T02:28:39+00:00

Have you tried filing a TRO? It could stop her from contacting your family members

But a good rule of thumb don't read her messages and respond immediately. Check your messages twice a day and respond even less and only when absolutely necessary. Starve the narcissist.

RideATX · 2022-11-08T21:44:54+00:00

Ignore her. She'll eventually get bored.

derelictherds · 2022-11-08T22:36:26+00:00

What course of action has your lawyer recommended for the harassment specifically?

Have you tried asking her to stop with the harassment? Did you document the request and her response? Might not be a bad idea to start keeping a solid record of her nonsense... especially if she's making threats or stalking.

"Grey rocking" has actually been pretty effective in my experience when dealing with toxic people (not just my ex). At the very least you should ignore your ex unless the communication is urgent and child-related. Keep the engagement to a minimum. She will eventually get bored and move on to something more interesting(if she's truly a narcissist).

samk002001 · 2022-11-09T03:37:19+00:00

Just ignore her! When actions have no reactions, it will stop!

ShutUpHeExplained · 2022-11-09T06:01:38+00:00

Speaking from personal experience, you can file a protective order. In my state it's called Protection From Abuse orders. I filed it myself, no court fees and you specify what terms are permitted. They are usually granted ex parte and a hearing to follow if you two can't Agee. Also you may want to try and see if your phone has a feature foe managing notifications for particular apps or turn on Do Not Dusturb and you can allow/deny whatever you want

Good luck

Forsaken-Database540 · 2022-11-09T12:25:14+00:00

I suffer the same circumstance, the more i resist or try and go no contact the more she uses the child to get at me knowing that's the only 'tool' she has. He's 6, its nothing less then abuse, what she does to me is abuse, and we are powerless. She's diagnosed BPD and is in complete denial of it. It's a non stop horror show. Separated for nearly 4 years and I haven't even started divorce proceedings yet as I'm so fearful of how antagonistic she's going to get and how she'll use my boy to get me back. She won't respect anything a court tells her anyway. It's hopeless.

cdjohnny · 2022-11-09T14:04:23+00:00

File your own motion in court and bring in documented harassment. I dumped my lawyer after the final judgment and did everything else myself. It really isn't that hard to do. Not sure what your state is like but in ours my motion was typically heard by a referee which is less stressful than a judge. Also, some courts have apps that can be used for texting so you can block your ex's number, and that app is monitored. I'd see if they have something like that. At the end of the day - document and ignore non-relevant texts.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-11-09T15:35:03+00:00

I'm going through pretty much exactly that. My ex was harassing me through text all the frickin time, showing up in the middle of the night when I had the kids, etc. She found out I was dating again and jumped through hoops to find out who, and reached out and harassed my girlfriend (my GF is a super mature and resilient woman; she could take it just fine). My contract with my lawyer was up as soon as the divorce was final and I don't think I can afford to spend more.

I filed for and was granted an order of protection based on her unannounced out-of-hours visits and excessive texts. Oh, she's mad as hell about it, but I have used the police before (she went to jail when she hit me) and will again if she violates that order. The order limits her to 3 texts per day, subject limited to pick-up/drop-off of children.

Girl_Dad42 · 2022-11-09T17:34:45+00:00

I made sure in my Mediated Settlement Agreement that all communication must go through Our Family Wizard app unless it’s an emergency. My narcissistic ex had tried to go around it but I don’t engage.

MightBusiness7231 · 2022-11-09T17:51:30+00:00

Don't let her interrupt your time with your children. Take them places. Lawyers are assholes. Get a mediator. Since she is a narcissist she might say no, but it's cheaper.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-11-11T15:08:36+00:00

Maybe just Maybe give a few doses of her own medicine. Start calling and harrasing her and her family. Make her feel guilty and call her names you don't live with her so fuck it why not start treating her like crap too what do you really have to lose be a phone tough guy

Title	Harassment advice ex will not stop.
Author	Global_warning_
Upvotes	9
Comments	28
Date	November 8, 2022 8:01 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ypwtwl/harassment_advice_ex_will_not_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/harassment-advice-ex-will-not-stop.1139335 https://theredarchive.com/post/1139335

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