In a weird spot regarding relationships, does anyone relate?

Reasonable_Wheel_864 · 2023-05-16T03:58:13+00:00

Same page as you. I’ve been looking for the answer too.

Maybe beginning to realize that you either play the game or get off the court.

If you play the game then don’t expect a destination of happily ever after. New relationships will come in and leave like the seasons…

I hope I’m wrong 😑

Reflog1791 · 2023-05-16T04:59:12+00:00

“I enjoy your company. I’m not looking for anything exclusive at this time.” When they hem and haw just be quiet. Let them leave and go play golf.

Volunteer at boys and girls club to scratch your fatherhood itch. Become a foster parent. Adopt a kid.

MGTOW doesn’t mean don’t date. It just means don’t put your paycheck, retirement, house, and lifestyle on the line for some regular poon.

Blackbarnabyjones · 2023-05-16T06:16:21+00:00

There is a WHOLE world of YOUNG men NOW, that see relationships as not worth it.

It would seem that young women with missing fathers and selfish mothers grow up to be women that smart men run from, and other men deem "for recreational use only."

Over age 30, Women who are unmarried tend to be from two undateable and unhealthy categories,

Obsessed with marriage and commitment, but NOT with being marryable OR a good partner by ANY metric of a man - only to end in them being alone, but also with many scars and much baggage they can't wait to unload on a new partner. Whether her cause be too much feminism kool aid drinking, too much boss babe mentality, too long alone and dang near crazy about it, or too many hungry kids.
Street minded, "free vagina sample to the first 1000 men" woman who now realize that life isn't a game (now that they're losing it), the streets are cold (especially at night), and that they need a sucker. A good one (cause stuff ain't free, and don't nobody pay for that girl with the saggy boobs drinks in da club). Many of these women focus on saying or doing ANYTHING to try and get to a man and get his bag ($$). They can and do, act for YEARS, while in constant operation to snag your stuff and your soul. And they NEVER break character.

Or some combination of the two.

The only combination that I have even been able to entertain after age 40 is the semi-self aware one - that is still HIDING a mixture of the above two.

In those relationships I found brief stints of time together, followed by the normal cheating or demanding things escalate towards marriage while being increasingly terrible human beings demanding everything and providing nothing.

TO this end, I'm not even convinced that dating a 70 year old would work, as I have dated ALL types of women, from the super fine to the fat, old, 5 kids, and insane.

NONE of them possessed ANY measure of humility about their station or lives, and as soon as a dumb man (me) answered their wailing and "woe is me" calls,

They quickly went back to their crap that landed them single in the first place.

So I left.

For a while, my closest bit of peace was making peace that It would always end.

I would be as good a person as ever, and they would get sad, bored, or lonely, and break it.

I personally don't think relationships in the old sense are worth it anymore - everybody is crazy in their own right, - and everybody thinks they're right and doesn't want to talk about it.

No, I'm content to be alone, or to go and hang out and meet people, but put my dick away and just enjoy people, and when the women do things to get noticed, and they do their little "its okay to flirt with me" thing, I simply don't go further.

I fulfill my relationships through my friends and myself and my daughter.

----

Although I must say, after talking to and running into more than a few co-workers who sing the praises, like my 63 year old co-worker who now has a newborn,

Of Thailand, Philippines, and abroad. $1000 a month is baller status over there.

Most men spend twice that every month in child support.

Now I am getting curious.

And it's not one co-worker, mind you, Its like, 7.

CaliDude75 · 2023-05-16T04:40:48+00:00

It’s tough. I’m in a bit of a conundrum myself. I’ve been on a LOT of dates (usually 1 or 2x), and have had several hookups. I am still on the fence about having kids (IVF x3 with ex, no success. 😕)

Met an amazing woman about a year older than me (I’m 47). She’s intelligent, gracious, sweet, and has an amazing body for her age. For obvious reasons, I don’t think kids would be in our future (certainly not biological). I think she really likes me, and I like her.

I’m really torn. I think I just need to come to terms with my obsession about being a dad. I would hate to miss out on what could be an amazing relationship with her.

I would just say if you sense any sort of manipulation or hidden agenda, bail…I just had a gold-digging narcissist walk away from me. We had some good sex, but other than that, she honestly didn’t have many other redeeming qualities, IMHO. I was kind of, “Bye, Felicia.” ✋🏼🙄

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2023-05-16T13:56:47+00:00

Well bud, join the club. There is a reason statistics exist, hopefully you will pay attention this time?

50% of all marriages end in divorce. 2nd marriages have 60% divorce rate and 3rd marriages 70% divorce rate.
90% of all divorces initiated by the women.
90% of custody awarded to mothers.
False allegations of abuse are prevalent in family courts.

What to do now?

Find a hobby.
Hit the gym.
MGTOW
Stay away from SINGLE moms at ALL costs and any one who claims her ex was abusive.
Travel once a year.
RedPill knowlege (Read books like No more mr. nice guy)
Make more money

CampaignOk3234 · 2023-05-16T06:20:56+00:00

I’m assuming you have the permanent bachelor vibe. So realistically I wouldn’t expect anything longer than a year or two tops. Ladies want to try a biker guy and some biker cock and they are done; onto a safe guy.

Doesn’t matter how old young handsome or ugly, bike and no kids, without any other context, is someone living for the moment, theres just no future with a guy like that. So that’s my take on why you can’t keep a gf. There’s no point in being your girlfriend because there’s no point in establishing roots with a guy like this.

vector5633 · 2023-05-16T11:57:58+00:00

Happily divorced guy here of 2 years. No more relationships for me. Just pump and dumps and/or FWB. I don't have time nor do I want to deal the bullshit that comes with a relationship. The juice is not worth the squeeze.

Melynthos1492 · 2023-05-16T05:03:11+00:00

If you have the ability to move, try going somewhere else. You may find better luck with women there

ranger69danger · 2023-05-16T05:58:12+00:00

My baby, conceived just after I filed, sleeps beside me.

My partner by my side, I’ll see myself out.

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-05-16T13:22:01+00:00

Sir, I must enlighten you about dating and appearance. What elevates how a person looks is the confidence they exude. Often, because of divorce, a lot of men lose their feelings of self worth. Yes, hobbies are great to have, but if you’re serious about jumping back into the dating game you have to step up your “swerve”.

Ruggiard · 2023-05-16T10:53:46+00:00

you're at a great place. Probably the place where you should have been at the outset of your marriage. You are at a point where you make an informed decision about getting into a relationship or not (and you know the consequences). You're even prepared to walk it alone.

If and when you meet somebody, this will be a great basis for a good decision on your future.

The only trap: extrapolating from your past to your future. Things will quite probably not fail at the same point again. You have made your learnings and your potential partner might be older (and better chosen) than your ex. If you see the ghosts of the past in the person before you, you will not give yourself and her the chance you both deserve

alexanderthegroovy · 2023-05-16T21:24:00+00:00

Here's the thing. Life sucks. Period. As we age, life takes its toll. People in relationships (especially women) start victimizing themselves and blaming their partner for their problems. On top of that, instincts are constantly telling them to reproduce with the highest quality male they can find, so you're fighting a losing battle. Biology will always prevail.

Your options are: Enjoy people in the moment, accepting this will be temporary, or get out of the game completely. Choose wisely.

Weary_Landscape_7098 · 2023-05-16T22:07:14+00:00

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.

MartyMcFly7 · 2023-05-16T22:36:53+00:00

The best solution (if you want to date) is simply not to marry.

You can't stop a woman from changing, but you can prepare for it and make it easier on yourself if/when it happens.

Just enjoy each relationship for however long it lasts. If that's forever, great! If not, great!

heartless_monk · 2023-05-16T07:31:44+00:00

Don’t fall for the stigma, there are definitely women out there that are solid relationship material.

Your best bet is meeting a partner in some sort of social setting, such as group fitness classes, etc.

Retying3043 · 2023-05-16T23:04:43+00:00

When you see other couples, always remember: there is more to the story.

Long-Review-1861 · 2023-05-17T17:09:32+00:00

Which sub?

No_Analyst_9131 · 2023-05-19T02:46:48+00:00

I am in the same boat as far as desiring a relationship, and get bummed out seeing other "happy" (50/50 on if this is true) couples out and about, but also incredibly guarded when it comes to actually wanting to open up and be in a place to build one. I have been screwed over and had my child used against me (and as an ATM for her) and my personal tolerance for the risk of any relationship going south is next to non-existent.

I don't have any issues finding women to get in bed with (actually somewhat surprising to me, but its a good problem to have) and am currently seeing 3 different women, and I made it clear to them I am not looking to have anything serious with them. All three are good looking, educated, and absolute sex fiends (my three criteria I look for) and none of the 3 have brought up wanting anything more than the current "see each other a few days each week" situation that is going on now. This set up works for me now, and I am able to enjoy my independence and own space; however, there are times that the desire to have a relationship (and even another kid!) becomes borderline overwhelming. I suppose I still have the notion there *might* be a woman out there that has the criteria I am looking for and wouldn't give vibes that she would screw me over if given the chance, but I also have come to terms with the bigger likelihood that I will probably have to continue like I am now.

All that being said, I have also been giving thought to just up and moving to Thailand, Philippines, etc. Women there don't have "boss bitch/ yes queen" shit drilled into them from a young age, and still see men as what a lot of us want to be: a provider and partner in life. I am still working out how to start a life in another country, but I am strongly leaning in that direction now.

Title	In a weird spot regarding relationships, does anyone relate?
Author	jgjg9999
Upvotes	29
Comments	52
Date	May 16, 2023 3:35 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/13itv4h/in_a_weird_spot_regarding_relationships_does/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/in-a-weird-spot-regarding-relationships-does.1219399 https://theredarchive.com/post/1219399

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