Short version. 39m, cheating 41f Stbxw. Two kids, 9 and 7. She's with her boyfriend (4 months before she filed at least). I didn't want the divorce, and wanted to keep the family together.

I've started seeing someone and I feel terrible. I couldn't finish the first two nights we were together because it felt like I was cheating.

Now, I'm starting to get used to companionship and sexual access again, but there's zero chance I marry this girl. I have been open and honest with her. My personal code tells me not to do this, but I am so weak when it comes to women.

I feel terrible, like I'm misleading her even though I'm not. I feel like I'm cheating on my wife. Like I'm breaking this girl's heart in the future. Screwing just for pleasure and comfort is not something I've done since my 20s.

Maybe this should have gone under "rant," but any thoughts would be welcome. I don't want to break my code and I don't want to hurt this girl, but I have been so lonely, it happened, and I can't resist, even though there's no future.