Refusing custody of the children

Salty-Rutabaga-3329 · 2023-10-09T22:24:51+00:00

I did a sleep study last month. The tech glued 100 probes to my head while telling me about his divorce, job prospects, kid, and ex wife. Turns out sleep techs make minimum wage. I told him he could probably do better. I'll call him Bob.

Bob's ex-wife remarried right after the divorce. Her new husband adopted Bob's toddler son. Bob gave up all parental rights. And he considered it a win.

So maybe get your ex a paid subscription to a few dating sites.

And for some reason, people tell me about their divorces. I don't know why. My dentist. My barber. And now Bob. Turns out I have moderate sleep apnea, not enough to get the Inspire implant.

jimsmythee · 2023-10-09T23:01:56+00:00

No. Child custody and child support are 100% different. You can 0 custody and no visitation, and still pay child support.

Impossible_Sport291 · 2023-10-09T22:12:05+00:00

The post was about Iowa. You're really willing to hurt your kids and never see them to get back at mom?

Just leave the country.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-10-10T00:04:27+00:00

You can avoid all your responsibility if you just go commit a felony and end up in jail. Might need to blow your cell mate though.

techrmd3 · 2023-10-09T22:07:18+00:00

this is generally not true

the court will try to provide for the welfare of the child(ren) at all times that usually means going to the most asset or income rich party and making them subsidize the kid(s) via he mother.

I don't know where this rumor of "give up custody no child support" started but it is just a rumor. Prior to this rumor, it was supposedly possible for a father (unwed) to claim not to be able to support kids and have kids go on welfare via mother.

Then welfare agencies started to garnish wages of deadbeat dads to repay the states for the support of kids

In the end if you are on the birth certificate you are the father. You will pay. end of story

JD-Anderson · 2023-10-10T20:31:06+00:00

Listen, I have had to coparent with an extremely abusive and delusional woman for well over a decade. I can’t even tell you how much I’ve paid in CS and legal fees because I refuse to add it all up for my own personal peace. But I have done all this for my kid. I don’t want her to end up like her mother, and so far it looks like my plan is working. Money can be lost and earned, your child cannot.

Knave7575 · 2023-10-10T01:55:59+00:00

True in that nobody can force you to be a father or spend time with your children.

False in that you will have to pay child support.

True in that your ex will have less time to party.

False in that she can use your child support to hire babysitters and go party.

Summary: instead of looking for ways to avoid child support, be a fucking father.

AdrianInLimbo · 2023-10-10T00:17:36+00:00

If you love your kids at all, just stop.

BlendedChaos2012 · 2023-10-09T22:14:07+00:00

You can refuse to see your kids but your ex would get more in child support since she’ll have the kids 100% of the time.

Alimony is separate from child support.

Don’t believe everything you read online.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2023-10-10T02:04:17+00:00

😮 if you don’t want to be in the child’s life please don’t be.

You will pay the reproduction tax aka child support.

I suggest you get the snip if you don’t want to pay anymore child support for other children you might create.

RunTheBull13 · 2023-10-09T22:10:58+00:00

Do you care more about child support and your ex not having fun than your children?? Well, you can avoid custody, but you will pay more child support then.

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-10-09T22:47:51+00:00

So If you have kids man up and pay your CS

Electrical-Form7735 · 2023-10-10T01:44:10+00:00

Yeah but think what you're doing to your kid. Kids without their dad in their lives usually don't do good.

normalville · 2023-10-10T01:27:29+00:00

The biggest problem you have is thinking you're going to control the ex or stbx. If you care about the kids, then you go for 100% custody and hire a nanny with the money you would be paying child support with.

One of my first employers said hookers and maids are cheaper than wife's. Should have followed his advice.

SJ530 · 2023-10-10T02:13:33+00:00

I.know of a guy who had 5 girlfriends and 4 kids. (he had 5 - one passed away, basically he had a child with each woman) .

He simply stopped working, so that he did not have to pay child support. On, he finds the next victim, he lives off the new girlfriend each time. It worked out for him thus far, , he was doing this for 13-15 years straight and will never get married. He walked away each time.

pk2at · 2023-10-10T01:37:35+00:00

I had posted this on the other forum. This relates to a law in Iowa where you can sign off your paternity rights and never have to pay child support. There are a few caveats though 1) You lose all rights to custody and visitation 2) The mother should not be on public assistance and should agree to take on responsibility 3) The Judge should agree this is being done in good faith (not for child trafficking)

As of 2023, Iowa is the only state I am aware of where you are allowed to do this

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2023-10-09T22:47:07+00:00

Paying child support isn't some you have to do just because they tell you to but child support is what you should pay because it's your responsibility for being a parent married,single ,or just that ons look at it this way if you paid $500 a month for your child .then let's say that child lived with you could you raise the kid on $500 a month hell no you can't that much is spent just feeding them then you have school ,school supplies ,clothes , shoes which kids go through real fast , then if you have girls you have make up , tampons cell phone later on life of course that's probably $1000 a month oh yeah then the Democrats way back when old Obama first took office he made a new law it's called no child left behind now lest say you wife / gf gets married and she has a job they pay for her medical insurance and your kid is on it . Well the way Obama made it you have to put medical on them also through your job which mine cost me $500 a month for my entire family .1. - 10 people added to my policy it was all the same price but I already paid it so in my divorce decree it stated if I had to insure my daughter half the cost came out of my CS oh but now my ex wife was furious called them up they told her she will be double covered . Well she didn't want that but they don't care she staying on it . So now I figured I will just pay an extra $250 a month making it the amount it used to be.

So now here's the catch yes you pay until they are 18 unless the go to college and are still living with the parent then you get to pay for 4 more years .lol Hell I paid so much I ended up getting a check back for $3500 . So I went fishing .

Fresh-Brilliant4550 · 2023-10-10T01:07:15+00:00

Don’t worry I have 50 percent custody and still have to pay child support. Basically if you are a man you can bank on giving her a free ride until 18.

CRobinsFly · 2023-10-10T01:19:33+00:00

"Sign away your rights".

This is a myth. It is perpetuated by morons(like my ex's father) who aren't aware of the laws regarding custody and CS. Sure, you may be presented with a divorce settlement saying if you agree with no custody you don't have to pay CS and it is just because the sole custodian doesn't pursue it. This may be offered because the other party is aware that if they don't have full custody, they will owe the other person child support. This also does nothing to prevent the sole custodian to come after you for CS later, the whole thing could be a bait and switch.

The only way I am aware of to "sign away your rights" for custody and permanent exemption from CS, would be if another person wishes to assume the role as father on a blank birth certificate. So you aren't the one signing your rights away, someone else usurped them.

I constantly encourage my ex GF to have her boyfriend adopt our daughter. Of course she adamantly refuses (guy makes 50k while I make 250k - my CS due her is thousands, meanwhile if they split up he'd have 5050 and she'd owe him). Meanwhile this other guy has literally been our child's father for longer(18mo) than I was (8mo) - I see it as the loving thing to do, essentially having my daughter be adopted, as she deserves to have a complete home.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-10-10T00:14:13+00:00

OP, please allow me to piggyback your post with a related, but different question:

Seems many women file first, immediately seeking/demanding complete custody (on their way to demanding the house, the positive equity, all other marital assets, and only her personal debts). (<~~~a topic worthy of a spin-off discussion!)

Has anyone experienced this and then employed a FAFO (FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT) legal strategy in response? In other words, giving her Full Custody to the point of insisting she get exactly what she had the temerity to put in black and white and then sign her name to?

This might be considered a Zero Sum approach to the proceedings.

Truly interested in any meaningful feedback on this hypothetical.

heartless_monk · 2023-10-10T06:51:25+00:00

you’d owe child support until someone else legally adopts the child, in my state at least.

Title	Refusing custody of the children
Author	voyager14
Upvotes	5
Comments	44
Date	October 9, 2023 9:48 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/174416g/refusing_custody_of_the_children/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/refusing-custody-of-the-children.1234580 https://theredarchive.com/post/1234580

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