I (55M) am not exactly sure why I am sharing, maybe it’s to say the words out loud somewhere. I’ve been married 32yrs and with my wife for 34yrs. We have two children, one graduated college but still living at home, the other still in high school.

I discovered over a decade ago that she had multiple affairs, at the time I was faced with the impossible decision, myself and my self respect or leaving and getting to co-parent my children part time. I chose to stay because I wanted to be able to see my kids grow up and give them the most stable environment. For those who leave and co-parent/split time I have great respect for you, it was just not something I could do for me.

My wife and I found some peaceful ground, we didn’t argue, we were friends, but all intimacy died. We were roommates who would often do things together but marriage love was gone at least for me.

Over that time I lost more and more respect for myself, couldn’t look myself in the mirror, and even though I was able to see my kids grow up, I never felt more lonely surrounded by people than I have the last decade plus. So, I have made the decision to leave in February, 2026. I want to get through the holidays, a couple of birthdays in January, and then break the news.

The house is paid off, I have a significant retirement built up, savings, stocks. My wife has dabbled at personal passion projects but had never made any significant income to bring into the marriage. She’d never be able to buy me out of the house, I don’t look forward splitting the retirement funds and everything else but from what I can tell there is nothing I can do about that. I guess it’s the actual price I have to pay for self respect and a chance maybe, just maybe, of finding love, intimacy, and happiness.

I am marking time until February, filled with stress, self doubt, questioning every decision, but somehow still resolute in my decision that the only way I can live is to leave…