Wwyd

Par_then_Bar · 2025-08-23T12:53:15+00:00

I have in my decree we cannot introduce significant others to our children unless it's been 6 months of dating and the other parent has met this person. I recommend that for everyone with small children

UnknownUsername113 · 2025-08-23T11:58:10+00:00

Unfortunately you have no right to tell her who she can have around the kids. Unless you can prove that they’re a danger.

See your wife for who she is and move on. Sorry brother.

Fancy-Load-2928 · 2025-08-23T02:15:01+00:00

Talk to a lawyer, but I know in my state the things you described would piss a judge off. It's standard practice here to protect kids from meeting mom or dad's new lover(s).

However you choose to handle it, keep the focus on the kids. That's what matters. A judge doesn't care if you're jealous (I'm not saying you are, I'm just saying that if they think that's what's driving your complaint then you probably won't get far). But a judge will care very much about children being exposed to your wife's new lovers that quickly. At least that's how it is in my state

OchoZeroCinco · 2025-08-22T19:57:56+00:00

Become best friends with the dude.. she will surely leave him then

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-08-22T19:45:53+00:00

What you're thinking right now is this is not fair, its not right, its BS. And guess what? IT IS BS, fair, or right. But there is nothing that can really be done about it. Its hard to accept but you must accent it.

Bluntly: morality agreements are essentially non-enforceable if one party deicides they don't care.

AT BEST someone could be held in contempt but it would take a lot of time money and effort to even get it in front of a judge who is likely to just hand waive it away saying 'dont do that again'.

YOU KNOW her playing house wont take and its gonna blow up. Be the stable parent for your kid. Be the best dad you can. You are now playing the long game. We're talking YEARS. Kids are smarter than people give them credit for and they will know BS when they see it. YEARS from now you'll be the one getting the calls and visits because you put your kid first and not a string of randos.

Worldly_Diver9265 · 2025-08-22T17:39:10+00:00

Tell to wait 6 months first or you'll take her to court to get a court order!

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-08-22T16:08:35+00:00

The only thing you can do is use leverage. You keep track of what she is doing. Any mess ups, any neglect, anything against best interest of children. If she messes up enough, you go for more custody. Long, long battle.

Beautiful-Ice-9172 · 2025-08-22T14:54:33+00:00

It's tough. I get it. Listen to me. This is likely to blow up. You shouldn't rush out and date in the middle of a divorce. Almost guaranteed to fail. You can not control her. My ex flew through boyfriends. Each one was "different this time". None were. My daughters actually asked her to stop bringing men around because they weren't going to be around long. Each one at the end was an abusive alcoholic ass hole per her.

Lawyers told me there was nothing I could do. I had to focus on my life. My relationship with the kids. I got to meet other single dads to set up play dates. They had similar stories and some advice. And some were dumb asses. Here are some dumb ass things not to do.

1.). Do not be moved by what you see or hear when you show up to get your kids. Very likely a show has been prepared for you. Like water on a ducks ass, let it roll off.

2.). Do not ask your kids about mom or her boyfriend. If they talk, whatever, but they aren't your spy's. They will sense what's up and shut down. Instead focus on them. How have they been? What have THEY been up too. Oh that's cool. Did you have fun.

3.). Do not think you have a say in that woman's life. That's not your wife anymore. She is out to do things she feels she couldn't with you. New hair new her. That is just a woman you share kids with. A stranger now. Internalize that.

4.) I say again, do not use your kids as spy's. Focus on them. Their lives. Veer away from mom. Do not bitch to the kids about mom. They will hate you for it. Maybe not today. But when they are teenagers, adults ... How do you want to be remembered? Put in work to have a great relationship with your kids. In ten years what she does now will mean nothing to you. They will mean everything.

5.). Do not spy on her social media, her place, quiz her friends. She is a stranger and keep it that way. It will just hurt anyway. Lift weights, get a better job. Learn a new skill. Plan fun events with the kids. Get in shape. Focus on you brother. Take up running. You will need some outlet for stress. Physical exercise helps a lot.

6.) don't fall into a depressed slump. Don't eat crappy fast food. Make some meals you can eat some now some later. Get Tupperware and meal prep. Learn to make some healthy meals the kids love. Learn to make some meals for when you date again.

7.) don't sit around and j/o to porn, watch TV. Learn things, do things. Go fishing, take classes. Build yourself up. Be there for your kids. Be a better man tomorrow than today.

In the end, your kids will look up to you. Women will come. Better than her. Your life will improve. Let her ruin her life. You make damn sure you don't ruin yours. Your focus is still on her. That is wasted time and energy. What do you want to be in 5 to 10 years? Do you want to still be worried about her? That's the track you are on. And bro, there are guys ten years deep still wrapped up in their ex. That's a sad life.

Change comes slow. Start today, then every day working to be a man you would respect. Oh, if you are successful enough, she is likely to try to come back. Never go back. Never go down that road. Remember what you see now. That is where this is useful.

Also, 1st marriages have a 50% divorce rate. 2nd marriages have a 60% divorce rate. 3rd is like 75% divorce rate. Be damn sure before you get married again. Do not ignore red flags. Figure out your own red flags and kill them. Your marriage failed. You have some blame, she has some blame. Fix yours.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2025-08-22T13:43:35+00:00

There is no order to slow her down. What she does in her personal life is no longer any of your business and you need to accept that.

I would run a background check on the guy. If he is clean be happy, forget about him, and get on with rebuilding your life. If he has been convicted of violent/sex crimes then you can get an emergency protection order and then file for full custody.

As long as your are involved in your daughter's life there is no playing step dad. Kid's only latch onto other men if their bio dad has left the picture. Let the guy cuck himself.

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-08-22T13:42:56+00:00

There’s not much that can be done. Orders can be written but they’re hard to enforce. The more you push the more she’ll double down and make you miserable with this guy and whoever else comes along.

This is the nightmare of being divorced with kids.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-08-22T11:07:59+00:00

Been there and it sucks. No way around. My ex did the same shit.

All you can do is take mental notes, and just focus on you and your kids. Take the high road. Your kids will figure it out later.

My ex ran through several men literally within days of separation. Now she's alone in an apartment and our kids don't even visit her. She lives 30 mins away and maybe sees them once a week for an hour or so.

My point, be the best Dad you can be. Be there for your kids.

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-08-22T07:22:53+00:00

What she does with her life here has nothing to do with you, I know it's harsh but that's the reality that you need to accept. As long as your daughter is not in danger, stay in your lane, be a good dad and let nature do it's work and it always does when you stay in your lane and live your life.

Title	Wwyd
Author	Business_Royal_8870
Upvotes	23
Comments	24
Date	August 22, 2025 4:20 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mwwt2s/wwyd/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wwyd.1560168 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560168

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